Should I Have Given Up?

I think you did the right thing. It is our job as parents to respond to our kids needs. Letting them cry like that for hours is NOT in their best interest. Some kids do ok without Mom and Dad, some need the extra security. She sounds to me like she's well adjusted. She's attached and secure in you and trusts you a lot. If you are really that concerned about "socializing" her, see if there is a play group in your area. Or start one of your own with one or two Moms you know of that have kids close to your kids age. I never sent my kids to daycare or preschool. I didnt find it necessary being a SAHM. I did things with them, like structured activities at home, kinda like homeschooling, but for pre-k. Then I enrolled them in some extra activity. Hockey for my son and dance for my daughter. This got them used to being with kids their age and having to listen to another adult other than Mom and Dad. Most importantly, do what works for your daughter. If she seems stressed out, she is, and it's absolutely ok to keep her out of situations where she feels stressed. She knows where she is comfortable. Follow her lead and your instincts! You'll figure out whats best for all of you. Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I agree that right now she is probably not ready to "let go." And we should always attend to our children's needs. So if you want to keep her home for now then do it! But, maybe you could try again in 6 months to a year for one or two days a week.

I don't agree with what someone said about daycare being horrible, and it's not about "socialization". I am a kindergarten teacher and last year most of my students never had preK, preschool, or daycare experiences. It was obvious these kids were not ready for school emotionally and most academically! Daycare is not just socialization! If you find the right one they also teach your child GOOD manners, their names, how to share and take turns, letters, number, colors etc.

I think all kids need some kind of preschool environment. Whether it be in a daycare, or structured preschool. If you were to call the childcare coalition they can refer you to some great family daycares. They providers usually only keep like 6 kids so your daughter might feel more comfortable when she's ready! Cause they will cry when they get to school and you can't take them home everyday for crying! And when you have 25-30 kids in your classroom you can't tend to evey crier. So it's better to get them adjusted before they get that far.

When I had to go back to work I cried everyday. It was awful even though my daughter was in a home daycare. We recently decided to put in her a formal daycare because we did not like the other lady. She has been there for 3 weeks and has a double ear infection. But I am still not anti-daycare. I totally agree that it is about more than socialization, which is just one of the great benefits. I have worked in many daycares and was also a nanny for years. I have never, ever had a child that cried all day. Most children stop crying shortly after that parents leave, some before the parents even pull out of the parking lot. Maybe you should ask for more details to see if she is really crying all day, or maybe try another daycare. Above all trust your instinct. If you don't have to send her then maybe try again in a few months. You know what is best for your baby. Go with your gut.

Hi, I noticed that most of the responses you got were from anti-day care mothers. I own a daycare and one of the first things I tell my parents of children who have seperation issues is that its better to say to them Mommy has to go, I will be back to pick you up later and not to stay more than five minutes or so. This may seem harsh but it really does work. Kids to get used to you not being there and they do eventually stop crying. Maybe two was a little young to start if you really did not need care because of work issues, but I would suggest to try it again maybe at three. My day care offers a preschool program so maybe you need to look into that type of program. If your child has seperation anxiety now and you gave into it, it will really become an issue when she has to go to kindergarten. I have four year old twin boys who I sent to another daycare a few days a week just so they would get used to leaving me to make the tranistion to kindergarten that much more benificial to them.

Hi J. !
I have to say I would have done the same thing. That would also break my heart to know my daughter was crying alll day.. like you said and hour or so is one thing, but not all day! My daughter will be 2 in November and has never gone to daycare either. She is with my MIL 2 days a week and then she is with another lady that has 2 children of her own 2 days a week. I work 4 days a week (part time) so I'm home with her on Fridays. My husband and I both decided before we had children that a daycare was not going to work for us.. it does work for some people and that's ok. So I looked for someone that maybe had a child or 2 of there own that wanted to watch Hailee for a couple days a week and we found the perfect person.. it was great and has worked out perfectly. Hailee gets to play with a few other children and be around someone other than family and she has a great time! Maybe look around to see if you could find something similar. I know it's hard having to leave your child with someone else, but it is nice to have them get use to other people and children! I hope I was able to help and I hope that everything works out !! Best wishes! : )

If it was working for you all to have your daughter at home then you should keep it that way. I have 4 children 8, 6, 20 months (he will be 2 in Dec. also), and 9 months. None of them have ever been to daycare except my oldest when I went into premature labor and my husband was in an Army school he couldn't just quit. I don't agree with daycare, and it's not true that children *need* socialization. They get all they need from you. Taking a child to daycare is just opening them up to learn horrible manners, and have constant colds. If you can keep your daughter at home then that's what you should do. Believe me, I've done the working opposite schedules thing so we didn't have to use daycare. It was the best decision ever. Keep Kylie out of daycare as long as you can manage. There is a very good reason she is crying the entire time. She doesn't need to be forced to get over her separation anxiety. You'll be glad you listened to Kylie.

I just wanted to add my two cents in here. I also run a daycare, but have a different opinion about your situation than the other provider that responded. I think that seperation anxiety should not be treated as if it is some sort of disciplinary problem. I don't believe that listening to your child and her need to be home is going to harm her later transitions. Rather, respecting your childs needs and desires will help, not hinder, later transitions (ie kindergarten or daycare, should you decide to try again). I believe that children should be raised by thier parents if at all possible. If it can't be worked out, then daycare should be the last resort, not the first (or even the second). I'm really sickened by societies tendency to make parents feel like they are not adequate to provide their children with what they need. Let it be said that you and your husband CAN raise a competent, well adjusted child WITHOUT the use of daycare (or even schools, but thats a whole other discussion!). If you feel like your child needs interaction with other children, try the local library at story hour, or try joining a play group. At both these activities, you can stay with your child to let her know that she is safe while she plays. Good luck!