Should I Buy a Present for the Other Grandchild on Special Occasions?

welcome to mamapedia, M..

Personally? I would be stuck.

You did something for both. Leave it at that. Maybe next time just give her a card with balloons that say get well soon?

My MIL got into giving gifts for every little 'occasion' (turning them into special occasions). I get it - but remember, it's more about you enjoying buying gifts than what a child expects. My kids have never received gifts for stitches for example. So a sibling getting a doll because the other got stitches ... I'm not sure.

Personally, I do find that a little odd, but that's just me. My children have had surgeries and we didn't give them gifts. I certainly didn't go buy their siblings all presents.

However, if we take the stitches out of it - do you buy the other child a gift every time you get a present for the other .. my MIL did. It turned into a WHOLE lot of presents our kids came home with.

Here's what I will tell you from experience. When we ask our kids what they like/value most about their grandma? it's 'presents!'. You have to just watch this is all. How about having a nice book instead to read about a hospital visit to read to both of them, or do a craft while she's recovering with both of them. Experience gifts (time with Gradma) is what my mom does. Then it's fair and includes all or do one on one .. whatever. But you can make it even that way and it's not about buying them things all the time.

I think a get well card is fine.
I wouldn't have given a gift for emergency situations.
Stitches, an occasional broken bone happens at random times and one kid might be more accident prone than the other - you can see how a gift imbalance could arise and that could bruise some feelings.
As long as you are giving to both (and each on their respective birthdays, graduations, etc) you should be fine..

What do the parents say? My son-in-law always bought toys for both. If I bought only for one child the other was upset. I often have one child at a time and.sometimes.buy for one, whichever child I have. And Daddy soothed them by saying he'd get the "left out" one something when goes to store. So I bought for both. Now, they have demanding upset children when they both don't get a toy similar to the one the other child gets. Gift giving has become fraught with emotion. Their Mom finally told her husband and me no more toys. I'm glad.

My daughter encourages me to provide experiences instead. Hooray! Insisting both get the same, increases sibling rivalry. The anger and hurt feelings are difficult to manage.

I say all this to illustrate that following the parent's rules is important.

If your granddaughter was admitted to the hospital a doll would be appropriate. Kids are insecure. Having something Grandma to hold helps getting adjusted. I also would not give a gift if child went home.

One of my granddaughters has asthma and been in the hospital. My "gift" for her was to stay overnight. She was around 4 at the time.

Feeling bad and learning what to do is a lesson all of us need. I sympathize, saying I know you're disappointed. Doesn't work when they're together. And only helps after both have a temper tantrum.

I would only get a hospital gift for a child who was hospitalized for a brief time. If you start giving gifts to people having an outpatient procedure, like stitches or removal of a wart, where do you draw the line? I would not get a gift for stitches, but just mention how brave the kid was during the procedure, and that is it. If the other sibling complains, you explain that when THEY undergo a surgery that requires a hospital stay, they will also get a balloon or other "get well" gift. Life isn't always fair, just because one kid got hurt and received a gift doesn't mean the other kid will just automatically get a gift to make things "balanced and fair."

I guess as grandma, there really aren't any "rules" other than what the parents have set out. What did mom and dad say about buying gifts for both kids? If they don't mind, and you feel like you want to indulge both kids, what difference does it make?

I will say that I detest that phrase "but I don't want so and so to feel bad!" This idea of making everything "equal" has led to a disaster of a mess. Celebrate mediocrity? Not in my house. I buy my grandkids things because I like to, I feel good about it, because I want them to have certain things from Mimi. I don't do it because somebody might "feel bad." That's not how life works. Not at all.

I would talk to the kids' parents about this to make sure you're in line with their parenting philosophy. To me, there's nothing wrong with a child learning that it's not her birthday and that the birthday child gets the fuss. Obviously, it's reversed on the next birthday. I'm not into over-spoiling kids, so I never had birthday parties with 25 kids attending. I wanted each friend and each gift to be special, and I wanted my kid to open the gift in front of the child who gave it, say thank you and something else nice about it so that the "giver" got to see his pleasure. After all, isn't that why we give gifts? "Gifts all the time" makes a gift the price of admission to a party or the requirement for Grandma's visit.

I think buying something to help them through a hospital stay is okay if it's given at the time. Giving a doll after the child gets home is probably unnecessary unless there's a long recuperation time with curtailed activities. If the sick/injured child will be hospitalized for a while, it's okay to give a gift for the other child who might be worried or with sitters while parents attend to the ill one. A movie or board game to enjoy with Grandma might be okay. But you want to stop short of rewarding illnesses and complaints, or implying that this is such a huge deal that the kid is incapable of being resilient without a prize. We need to expect things of our children without always bribing them, you know?

Better that you teach the kids how to respond when there's an emergency or illness. Help them see what's really helpful. For example, a hospitalized kid might mean a family with a lot of time away from home. So providing some ready-to-heat meals or getting the healthy kid to help at home might be better in the long run - tidy up the kitchen, make a "welcome home" or "get well soon" sign or card for the injured child, etc. This teaches them early on to reach out to the kid who is hurting rather than expect a gift. Long term, that builds more compassionate kids.

I don't believe in giving both children a gift when it's a birthday or special thing for one of them. Kids need to learn that they don't always get something just because someone else does.

I generally wouldn't give a gift for a single hospital visit like stitches either, as others have already said. But since you already did, maybe it could be for both girls to play with together. One could be the mommy and the other could be the doctor.