Should I Butt in or Stay Out?

Tell her. I didn't have this exact situation but I was a naive first mom and didn't realize I didn't have enough milk to feed my little one. I was a petite woman so when I saw how little she was I just thought it was in the genes! After the doctor told me I was starving her, all my friends and even some of my family, said..".yes, I noticed!" Not only was it hurtful that my friends were uncomfortable being honest with me but my little one was suffering because of it. If you are truly friends she will take the information and investigate! Just be gentile....

M.

Maybe you could just hint next time her child has a check up you could say something like " what did he say about her making eye contact because they checked my sons at his appointment" or something small because that should get her to start to notice alittle without you seeming like you are comparing the two children. A small hint for someone to look at can go a long way.

While early intervention is a great thing to start as soon as possible, I can't imagine your friend is going to take the news well hearing it from you. Unless, of course, you have a background in this (i.e. you are a child therapist of some sort). I have several friends who were told in preschool (2s) that their child had a sensory disorder. In fact, they told me my daughter was sensory seeking and the school got her a SEIT to work with her 2 hours a day. At first, I was like "are you kidding? What a waste of money." But now I am thrilled my daughter got to be the recepient of those services. Since it was such a good experience, I pushed for my twin boys to get speech and PT as well. It's hard to hear at first, though, and she might be embarrassed. Maybe she'll come to you and ask what you think. If so, the door is certainly open....

I agree that if the two of you are very good friends, you can bring it up with her. When my son was 3, it was mentioned to me by a woman I had just met that my son might have autism. I was very taken aback b/c it had never occurred to me. She and I became friends, and slowly over time, I did start to see some sensory issues with him. However, it wasn't until last year, when a very good friend of mine (whose son is the same age as mine and has autism) would tell me that her son does the same things as mine. Then it finally hit home with me, and we had him evaluated. This friend actually went with me to the evaluation as moral support, and I've been eternally grateful. I was thankful for both women sharing their experiences with me and opening my eyes to something I definitely wasn't seeing. Now that my son is diagnosed and getting the services he needs, we're doing much better. The earlier developmental delays are recognized, the earlier you can get services. I think as long as you're delicate and don't just blurt it out, you may plant the seed in her to start looking for the signs herself.

I think I would take the "round about " method!!! If you know someone who's child has benefited from early childhood intervention of some sort...work it into a conversation with your friend. Then maybe SHE will say something about the fact the her daughter seems to be behind the normal curve on something and that will open the door for you to discuss it with her!!!
On the other hand...I have a personal experience that shows that sometimes our instincts are right and I have been FOREVER grateful that the fact that I did NOT speak up didn't delay things too long!!! Many years ago ( she is a beautiful 14 year old cheerleader now!!) my dear friends first grand daughter concerned me because everytime I saw her ( at least twice a week at church services) it seemed like her physical appearance, as far as her face and head, had changed. I mean, I wouldnt have recognized her as the same baby if her Grandma hadn't been holding her!!! I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. When she was about 3 weeks old she was rushed to the hospital with vomiting and seizures!!! Turns out she had hydrocephelis ( I am not spelling that right...water on the brain is the other term) and was rushed to emergency surgery and a shunt was put in to drain the fluids from around her brain!!
I am not suggesting that something as serious as this is wrong with your friends child, just saying that sometimes we have to trust our instincts.

How well do you know your friend? If she is a true sister/friend, she will welcome your observation even if she may be offended inside. Lovingly tell her, offer what ever support you can.

Colleen's advice was excellent.

Understand if she doesn't feel that close to you the dynamics of the relationship may change. I hope she isn't your only or best friend but I still say for the child's sake it is worth the mention. It does take a village to raise a child.

My advice is to butt out. You're not a doctor nor someone who has any prior experience with sensory deficiencies or anything else of that kind. Also, your child is a month older, and while you may mean well, your friend will likely see your comment as a comparison between your kids. Now if she voices concerns to you about her child, then that is the time to make your comments. Your friend is the parent and she gets to decide what help if any she thinks her child needs. I think we all know kids that developed later than others and turned out just fine. I'd let it be for now.

Stay out. The most I would do is ask when the kid has had her last check up and nicely ask how it went and if the doctor says she's 'doing well'. Our pediatrician always tells us "oh she's so observant" and stuff like that.

If the child is really not right, the doctor will figure it out. Some kids are late bloomers....

i have a similar situation with my son and my neice. my neice is three months younger, but the differences in their development were REALLY noticeable. we get them together quite a bit, and it made it very obvious. i'm lucky that i didn't have to say something - i believe our sitter (we had the same one for awhile) mentioned looking into speech therapy for her. it made a world of difference in her case. i don't know what i'd have done if they had never admitted there was a problem. if you guys are good friends, try approaching it honestly. "this is kind of hard to say, but as your friend i feel like i should be honest. do you ever worry about....?" let her know you are only concerned for her and her daughter. see if she's asked her doctor about it. if you have a tight friendship she should be able to deal with it. make sure she knows you're saying it out of love. it all depends on the strength of the friendship. some friendships couldn't handle it. only you can judge that. but i feel like if it's in the child's interest, then i'd try to say something. most moms are super aware of how their kids measure up. she may just be embarrassed and not want to point it out.

Hi
I say butt out. Assuming:
You don't know normal range.
You aren't a professional, and that your friend is taking her daughter to the MD regularly.
She will eventually ask advice and that is when to tread lightly but tell, and when she comes to you to tell what the MD has said, don't say. I knew that months ago. None of that is important.
People don't need to hear what everyone thinks.
My daughter didn't pick up her head off the floor or bed when put on her stomach til she was 10 months old. MD said perfectly normal, and I would not be surprised to see her catch her twin sister by a year old. MD was correct and she was walking at 13 mos, but crawled at 10 mos with her head on the floor, pushing it so I was afraid of rug burns. I knew it was not right and I sure didn't need anyone to tell me. Today she is a dean's list college student.
Again I vote butt out.

IMO stay out of it. I'm sure your friend can figure out any problems with the help of her pediatrician and her husband and if you notice something chances are they do to already. To suggest that someones daughter is "off" is overstepping to me.

Dear Junecleaver, Yes this is a very difficult situation. I wonder if you know who her pediatrician is and can you talk to him/her about your concerns? Maybe if the doctor sees the same, it can can be addressed. Hope it turns out OK. If it be true, the sooner the child is diagnosed the sooner the treatment can begin. Grandma Mary

Leave it to the doctors. It's not your place. As long as she's been taking her to the dr's for her routine appt's throughout her life so far, I would stay out of it.

I would honestly keep quiet. While you may feel that the child has delays, it's up to the pediatrician to advise the mom. IIt's quite possible that she knows and is in denial, or is in the process of doing something, or is hearing this from other people - you may not be the only one to have noticed that something isn't quite right. I think that if you're not an expert, it's not your place to suggest that you suspect something is wrong with her child, even though I know you are coming from a good place and are a caring friend