Recently, my ex has been saying that he wants to work things out with me (he cheated on me). He knows what he has to do to make it up to me...blah, blah, blah. I just found out that he is sleeping with his cousin!! He doesn't know that I know and yes I have proof. I am wondering if I should be worried about him spending time with our daughter. If he will do that with his cousin who knows what he might try with our daughter. She is only 2.5, so I am not sure if she would tell me if anything was wrong.
To M.R.-they are both adults.
Add on: They are first cousins, so it's not like they are 3rd or 4th removed.
#2 add on: I guess I have to be more clear, I am in no way going back to him EVER! My question is, should I be worried about my daughter.
I am surprised by some of the responses, but I want to thank everyone for your input. In my heart I don't think he would do anything to her, but I am not going to be naive about it. I will keep a very close eye on her. He is a very good dad but a horrible person. We have been broken up for over a year, he cheated on me with multiple women. He is very insecure and constantly needs re-assurance from any woman that will give it to him.
That is the most worst thing I have hear in a long time! I am so sorry for you. He has some morral issues, and you have every right to be worried. You should talk to him and let him know that kind of behavior is wrong and he is not being a good parent.
Let's see....he cheated on you. Loser.
He cheated WHILE you have a baby together. Loser.
He is sleeping with his cousin. Sick Loser.
While he is sleeping with his cousin, he now wants to cheat on her and get back with you. Did I mention "LOSER"?
No, it doesn't mean he's a pedophile but like Krystal said, his moral compass is off. Go with your gut and watch your daughter like a hawk.
Look for behavioral changes after his visits with her. If your gut says "no" than only allow visits while you are present.
And do yourself a favor, go find a new man. You deserve better and so does your daughter. The relationships you have with men are examples that your daughter will learn from. The type of men she will seek as an adult woman will be a reflection on the choices YOU make today. You owe that to her.
If they are both consenting adults I don't really see how this is different from him sleeping with anyone else.
Him cheating on you and telling you he wants to get back together makes him an a** but that's about it. Him sleeping with an adult woman, though she may be related to him, does not make him a pedophile. It used to be pretty common to marry one's cousin to keep wealth and power concentrated within a family. To this day cousin marriages are legal in many states, including California.
Be happy that you are rid of him and make sure you file for a good parenting plan ASAP, before he has a go first.
please take this short and simple response very seriously: HE'S AN EX . Be glad about that! LETS LEAVE IT THAT WAY. A man with no morals of right from wrong (sleeping with 1st cousin!), should not be raising a child. You should not even be entertaining this question.
BTW: wow! i'm very surprised at how many responses there were that said sleeping with 1st cousins is not a big issue. what?!!
Hi L., if the cousin is an adult, then you probably don't need to worry about your daughter. Although sleeping with ones cousin, is sick, it doesn't make him a child molester, but as a mom. always go with your gut feeling when it comes to protecting your children. J.
I have LOTS of cousins, we have a big family. There have been several aunts/uncles that were remarried. I have at least 3 cousins by marriage.
He is a jerk for lying to you, but that doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong with his cousin.
As for your daughter, my first response would be "just because he is a jerk and lying to you doesn't make him a pedophile", however if the idea that anyone could be capable of molesting a 2.5 year old child crept into my mind, I would not ignore that.
Is this for real? You really do not know the answer is a big Hell to the No about taking him back. You want him back so you can be worried all the time. He will steal time from you and your friends cuz you can't leave your child with him. Grow up and tell him Good- bye!
D.
L., trust your instinct. Life is a simple yes or no, black or white, good or bad. If your relationship is not a "heck yes" then it is a "heck no". Get to your feelings and you will know what to do. No one can tell you how to feel, no one can tell you what to do, no one can decide for you, no one can live your life for you. Looking at your options is great, but making your own decision is crucial.
You are an amazing mom.
B.
Family Success Coach
I'm sorry to say I agree with the ladies that say it doesn't mean he's a pedophile at all, if his first cousin were a child, that would be another story but she's an adult...different. I also have members of my family that are married to their first cousins, it's weird, I agree but it's not the end of the world.
I would say he's a jerk and the fact that he cheated on you and is now with another woman and wants to work things out with you makes it even worst. You need to have a serious talk with him about his values. Good luck!
I'm right there with Samantha! I cannot believe the amount of responses implying that sleeping with a 1st Cousin is no cause of concern for your Daughter! What?????????? His morals are obviously severely flawed, who knows where is "line" is???? I would pray to God that he wouldn't think of touching your Daughter but then again, look at his track record... Who in their right mind would touch their 1st Cousin??? If there is ANY doubt in your mind, do NOT put your Daughter in that situation... Listen to your instinct! And if you do have custody, visitations, etc. worked out with him, it probably wouldn't hurt to bring your proof of him sleeping with his Cousin along with you to your next court date, it's illegal in many States and perhaps the Judge would see a problem with your Daughter being around him too!
You are a mother, you have instincts, your main purpose is to protect your children. If you have any ? about wether or not they could be melested by someone your best not to put your innocent child in a situation even for the short time of going out to the mailbox. His morals are obviously fuped. Keep her safe please.
It's truly sad a women has to ask for help on a matter that seems so clear to others. Cheat on me once....shame on you. Cheat on me twice....shame on me! Until your husband agrees to getting help, and receives help to the extent you are convinced he is no longer sick, you need to get yourself (and child) into a healthy environment. If you are a christian.......God is pretty clear on the matter of adultry & marriage. Maybe you need to see your Pastor for guidance and/or a referral to a good marraige counselor & Psychiatrist. You have one chance in raising your daughter; and showing her what family & love is all about. Keeping her in an unhealthy environment causes concern that maybe you aren't quite healthy either. I am sure you have tons of support if you will seek it. Don't wait a few years when you are sitting down saying "i should have" "I could have", but "I didn't". Good luck & bless you AND your daughter.
In my book it does sound very very inappropriate to sleep with your cousin but is she an adult, how old is she?
I would approach your Ex and tell him that you know about certain things that are going on, things that you don't approve of and certainly don't want around your daughter. I would let him know that it makes you wonder about what kind of person he is and if he can't or doesn't want to take the necessary steps to ease your mind(like not sleeping with his cousin) then you are prepared to take action against him.
I am not sure if just because he is sleeping with his cousin means that he would go "there" with your daughter but it does seem to mean that his moral compass is a little off right now.
Try to come across as concerned about the behavior and not aggressive, to keep the line of communication open for a actual conversation to take place, Eaiser said then done.
Good Luck, I hope everything works out.
i dont know if sleeping with a cousin means that he will harm your daughter???? i do know that my ex husbands brother is married to his second cousin and this thought has crossed my mind several times. As parents, as mothers we have to be cautious and vigilent and always be aware. not just of these people, but its always the people we least expect that cause the most harm. always beware.
the issue of cheating and taking him back, learn from my mistakes. once a cheater, always a cheater. i tried to give my husband every opportunity to prove himself, because i believe he wants to be a better man. but having the tools to be a better man, well that is what these men are lacking the tools to be better men. the two of you are unequally yoked. move on and find a man who is worthy of your love. that is where happiness is.....
