Im 35 with 2 children 10 and 8. I have joint custody with ex husband. He doesnt pay childsupport but he does pay childcare and medical. I lived in a town after we were first separated because it was close to my job. In the divorce decree it says the kids will go to what ever school district he lives in. So they went to moore schools the first year. Then he moved to newcastle where i lived and it was only 10 min away from where he used to live. I watched the kids after school until he got off work during his week. 2 years later i got married and moved 30 miles away from newcastle. His new wife watches the kids after school. The problem is, im doing all the driving during my week, taking them to school and picking them up from their house daily and its an hour round trip for me if you dont count the fact that i have to drive longer to get my other son to childcare. When we got divorced we had to pick whos house the kids were gonna use to go to school. We both agreed he would use his address. But he does zero commuting and during my week i have to drive an hour round trip, daily taking them to school and picking them up from their house. So is it unfair of me to request that he bring them to my house every evening because i take them to school every morning. He says its my problem because i moved but if he were to move then i would still have to drive to where ever he is so how is that fair.
There is no fair way when a couple are dividing responsibilities.
My opinion... be thankful he and stepmom who has them more than you do are covering as much as they are. A lot of stepmom would not step up to the plate for after school care and such. Medical alone is a huge perk for you.
You chose to move so in my opinion the commute is on you.
Having done a ton of driving for many years with my husband's kids, I sympathize with how frustrating it is to be in the car all the time.
Unfortunately, you agreed to a provision that's now in your divorce decree. And then, knowing about that, you moved 30 miles away. I don't see any way that it's not your problem to deal with.
If I understand this, you and your ex both work (and he pays the childcare and the medical coverage), and his wife provides daily care of your children after school (which saves you money). You have another son (not his, right?) who has daycare in an inconvenient location, and you want that to be your ex's problem. I think it would be great if, now and then, he helped you out of a bind by driving them, but I don't see that it's the battle you really want to fight.
If he moves farther away for any reason, you say you would still have to drive. I don't think so. You could file for a modification of the order - which I think you could do at any time - and either work it out with a mediator or let a judge decide. I don't know all the towns you list in your post (nor do any of us across the country), but sure, if he moved to the other end of the state, you'd have a good argument and you'd probably have to revisit the entire custody arrangement. Only you can decide if this is a serious enough situation to be worth the legal fees (lawyer, mediator, court costs) to file now. But you might be a lot better off just sticking to your agreement, which makes it harder on you (the one who decided to move) and hope that being cooperative leads him to compromise on something else down the line.
He has no responsibility to help you get them to and from school. When you moved you knew what the divorce decree said. The only way to get around it is to take him back to court. But honestly don't know if they Would change anything
In my agreement, the kids will continue to attend school in their current district, which both of us still live in. If either one of us moves out of the district that the kids currently go to school in, then the parent who moved is responsible for transportation to and from school (or after school, etc). That's a pretty standard part of agreements. Your ex's interpretation is consistent with how it would work if either my ex or I was to move.
At the end of the day, you're the one who signed the agreement and then chose to move. It might not seem fair to you, but it is what you agreed to.
I agree with your ex. You signed an agreement that the kids would go to whatever school district he lived in. Then you chose to move 30 mins away. The commute is on you. Sorry.
If his wife (SM) didn't provide after school care on your weeks you would still have to drive to pick them up from whatever after care program they were in...
You moved they didn't...so unless you want o change the court order and have them go to school nearer to you....and next school year might be the time to do that for your 10 year old heading into middle school/junior high. Only if your middle school is better than the one where they would be going with their friends from elementary.
I think it is very generous of the step-mom to keep them several hours a day even on the week they don't have custody. That is a huge for everyone.
Either change the court order to schools closer to you or keep driving....so sorry!!
It seems to me he is right. Would it be nice if he would drive, most definitely, but according to the agreement there is not stipulation for transportation. You can try to amend the order to include half of the commute but it might be a bit of a long shot since he moved closer to you and you then choose to move further away. Honestly you wold probably have a better case if he had been the one to move away forcing the commute on you.
Since you you moved I think driving is on you. This problem will resolve though once your kids are in kindergarten or at least by 1st grade. Hang in there.
Talk it over with your lawyer.
Seems to me you could trade off weeks - he brings them to you one week and you go get them next week.
Sometimes there is no 'fair' - you just have to divvy up the 'un-fair' between you and your ex.
Your lawyer will make sure some sort of settlement can be reached.
So - your ex has full custody? Why are the children never sleeping at your house? "Your week" should mean the children do NOT see your ex at all during YOUR WEEK.
Unless I am misunderstanding what you mean about "my week" / "his week"?
"Your week" should be the children ONLY at your house, after school and sleeping. "His week" is the children stay at his house (and if you agreed to be transportation during that week then you drive them to/from his house).
(Maybe you need to put in more details - but your agreement does not sound like the agreements I am familiar with because you are not describing ever having a week that is only yourself and your children.)
I agree, you moved, you agreed to the terms of the decree, your problem. Things sound pretty amicable, so count your blessings. It's not his fault/decision that you moved.
There isn't anything you can do with any answer we give you. You have to go to court and ask for the degree/court order to be amended. There's a lot of construction work on 44 near 37, I had to sit for quite a while last time I went out to my sister's house in Tuttle. I'd hate to have to do that traffic every single day.
I think your driving is something you are ordered to do, you cannot just stop. The only thing you can do is let your ex know that you're going to ask for the decree to be changed. Then go do it.
If you have joint custody and the kids live with you, then they should go to the school district that you live in, that's where they live and should be able to be with their neighborhood kids every day. It is rather silly that he's not paying child support and you're having to drive to a different town every day to provide transportation for the kids.
I'm from south OKC and it would have been hard on me to go to school out of town and not have the option to go to my school friends houses after school to hang out and play.
So much goes on socially as the kids get older too, they need to live where they go to school. Present a solid case to the judge, but, please do consider your kids feelings. If they truly want to go to school out in Newcastle then let them, it's an excellent school district.
At least consider moving closer to them and dividing the driving time. Your husband could drive a little further and then you wouldn't have to drive quite so far.
It is normal to expect that you do all the driving during your weeks. A judge would not likely agree with your idea to split the commute unless it was for a better reason than simply not wanting to do it.
The solution will require going back to court for a new formal custody agreement, such as the kids living with their dad full time during the school year and visiting you on weekends, breaks, and summers. Or living with you full time and attending school where you live, then visiting their dad. Or you could move back to the town he lives in and keep the 50/50 arrangement while eliminating the school commute, although it might mean a work commute for you and/or your husband.
If they went anywhere else after school for care, you'd have to pick them up (you wouldn't expect your ex to pick them up and then drive out to where you live). I think the fact that they are there, being watched by his wife, is irrelevant. It's your week - your responsibility.
I get it must be a pain - but I don't see how that's his concern.
Are you saying you want your ex to drive 30 miles each way every day to bring them to your house? If you decided to move then the onus is on you.
