Shoe Tying Issue

I taught my older son when he was 5 by teaching him one step per week when he put his shoes on in the morning - the first week he did the first step & watched me do everything else. The second week he did the first & second step & so on & so forth - I had a couple weeks were we didn't add any steps, just because he didn't seem quite ready - it took about 2 months to get all the way through, but it worked great & was fairly stress free for both of us. i'm working with my 4 year old now & he is getting close to doing it on his own.

good luck :)
-T.
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The one thing that came to mind I haven't seen in the respondses yet is handedness. Is he a lefty & you a righty? My husband had a hard time learning from his left handed mom (he's a righty). Also the crossing the midline is a big thing for some people. One of my son's had a hard time remembering the steps. He wore velcro, until he was ready to try again.And sometimes I still had to help. He'a a teen now and can tie his shoes! I feel they don't look 'tight enough'but they are not on my feet and if he feels comfortable with it, then it's great.
When it's really important to him, he'll do it. Or maybe it never will be!!

This doesn't always occur to people, but when I taught first grade I would show the kids from behind. . . I'd reach over their shoulders or around waists to tie shoes. For some kids it probably doesn't make a difference, but if you're looking at his shoe/doing it from in front of him, then everything will be backwards. If you haven't done so already, try showing him when you are both facing the the same side of the shoe - you can also demonstrate with the shoe off, if the reach around thing isn't comfortable. Good luck!

Check out your local library. Ask the children's librarian for this great shoe tieing book. It has a "shoe" facing as though it was on your child's foot. Cute story type instructions go with it if I remember correctly. The "shoe" is the full size of the page so it is pretty big and easy to handle. It worked wonders with both of my children. Good Luck.

Hi A.,

My son went through the same thing with his shoes. We tried everything! The only thing that worked for us, and can maybe work for you, was my niece! She's 4 years older than my son.

She sat down with him and showed him how. Within 30 minutes he got it with her. Sometimes kids can relate, reach, and teach other kids in a way grown ups can't. Maybe try getting a little older kid, that's patient and who your son likes, to try to teach your son. Hey, if it doesn't work out, you are no worse off than where you are right now! :0)

Practice practice practice, my sister was this way. Mom bought her a doll that had a shoe tying lace on it's foot as well as zippers, bottons, snaps etc. You could just give him a old shoe to practice on. You could always show him how to make two bunny ears and how to wrap them and boom you have a bow.That is how my sister finally learned.I tutor reading at a grade school and every week one of the two boys ask me to tie thier shoes they are both in first grade.One is 6 the other is 7 , guess that's what parents get when they buy shoes with velcro. Good luck.

My son has the same issue. He has dyspraxia. His coordination and fine motor skills are a little weak. Talk to your school's occupational therapist. Mine gave me a "Shoe Tying Protocol" kit to help me work with him. I haven't done it yet because of our schedules. But as I write this I am pulling it out and will begin doing it with him.

Buy loafers. My son is 12 and i don't even know any more if he knows how to tie his shoes or not. In the long run, what will it matter if he can't? Unless he wants to grow up to be a professional shoe tier, it won't effect his career, his schooling, his ability to find a mate, etc...

My son who is now 9, kinda taught himself. I showed him the "bunny ears" with the peeking throught the loop, technique. He does it a different way. He takes the two loops and ties those together. It's not your typical method, but it worked better for him and he ended up teaching his younger brother and sister that way.
* I saw a friend's kid tie his shoes the other day and remarked that he ties his shoes just like my son! The mom said, "Yeah, your son taught him!" Who knew?!
He may just need a different technique?

A.,

What does his handwriting look like? If he is having any issues (even if he seems really smart) like avoiding writing, or if he is "messy" and they say he will out grow it, you might want to have an OT take a look. Bilateral integration skills (crossing over the midline of the body with hands) can effect kids without any other issues.

M.

This may sound silly, but have you tried the "bunny ears" technique? You make two "ears" or loops with the laces and then tie them together. It's much easier then the loop, swoop and pull. I am 28 years old and I still tie my shoes this way! Whatever keeps them on!

Here's a good article with some tips for getting children to tie their shoes:

http://kidsfashion.about.com/od/doityourselfstyles/tp/kid...

I also like the idea of buying a wooden shoe so he can practice tying.

Dear A.,

A friend's son had the same problem. His scoutmaster finally went behind him and guided his hands through tying the knots. Turns out his brain simply couldn't mirror image the process. Try going behind him and guiding his hands in tying the shoe. Might help.

God Bless,

S.

Try letting another child teach him. My daughter teaches kids that haven't been taught by their parents- same issue. It's worth a try. Ask around- his friends, especially a girl...:).

Good luck!!

A.

Teach him when you are not in a hurry to go somewhere. Sit on the couch each evening with the shoe on his lap, go over it no more than 2 times. If you go over it too many times, he will get frustrated and so will you. After a week he will get the hang of it. Make sure it is a relaxed atmosphere.

I was one of those that had trouble learning to tie, I just couldn't see what I was supposed to. I remember looking at my mom's hands rather than the strings. Make sure you say things like "see this loop", so he will focus on the shoe strings.

When I taught pre-school, I had the kids trace and cut out their shoe. Then, I hole punched the cardboard shoe where the holes would be for laces. Then, we laced the shoe and practiced tying them. They can practice both lacing and tying AND you don't have to get frustrated when you're in a hurry for them to tie the shoes.

There ARE a couple of methods for learning to tie the loops. Don't know which one you're using, but you can either make 2 loops like rabbit ears & pull it thru (some people find this easier) or the traditional way.

My son learned when he was almost 6 but it was after a couple years of us trying. We had pretty much given up. I figured he'd learn eventually. What finally worked was he saw a book in the bookstore sat down to read it, then reached down to tie his own shoes -- for the first time -- right there in the store! The book is titled "What Will I Do If I Can't Tie My Shoes". We didn't buy it, though, because once he did it once he knew it. It has a funny story and then pictures and a little rhyme.

Have you tried different methods? I always just figured there was one way to tie a shoe - until my husband started teaching my son a completely different way/rhyme that I had never heard of before. He does 2 loops and loops one under to tie that way. I think it's wierd and it's hard for me to do. However, that is what my son ended up doing. I've always done the 'loop then swoop around' way.

You know what..I have twins, 8yo, and one can do it the other can't. And you know what...I've given up worrying about it. They'll do it eventually, so for now she's perfectly fine getting velcro tennis shoes cause she is tired of trying to do this and not being able to. To me it's another one of those things, she's not going to go forever not being able to do this, so it's not hurting anything so, oh well.

I'm glad you asked this question. My son is 9, soon to be 10. He has never felt it "important" to learn to tie his shoes. I've tried a couple of times & then just let it go. Most of his shoes were velcro. But just a week or two ago, his velco "Pokeman" character shoes had to be replaced. He said he didn't want character shoes any more, thus leaving only tie gym shoes. (I wonder if he got teased for having character shoes?!?) So now he mostlyl ask me to tie his shoes, "because I do it faster". But he is starting to try to do it himself. I guess it just wasn't important enough to him yet. I think my son had some peer pressure. But not from his cousins! They learned to tie their shoes before him - and they are girls - and he didn't care. So I figured "no biggie". He will do it when he is ready. No one likes to tie shoes.

Hi, A.,
My son was 8 before he finally learned. Various reasons - didn't care, had fine motor issues, stubborn....

But on a road trip last year, I gave him a book on how to make cat's cradle and other string games. He loved it! He read the book, taught himself how to make the different things with the string, and not long after (about two weeks) I sat him down and showed him again how to tie his shoes, and he got it right away. (I also taught him the "bunny ear" way to tie, which to me seems a bit easier.)

Good luck, and until then, make it easy on yourself and buy him slip-ons!
J.