My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago. We have a very long line of breast cancer in the family but this is more personal since she is my mother. She has been having a very difficult time since 2 weeks after she found out that she has cancer her mother passed away. Her and my father were the ones who were taking care of my Grandmother and Grandfather who both had Alzheimers. My Grandfather's Alzheimers has gotten a little worse since the passing of my Grandmother so my mother and father are doing all that they can to support him. Other family members try to help when possible. I have 5 brothers and 1 sister. I decided along with my husband that after we found out that my mother had cancer that we would shave our heads together to support her and other members of our families who have had cancer. Some of my siblings are wanting to do the same thing. We want to either take pictures or video all of us shaving our heads and give them to my mother. We do not all live in the same place so we would be doing it individualy. I am looking for any ideas on how to get everything together to present it to my mother and father. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. We are wanting this to help raise her spirits with all that she is going through right now. She tells all of us that she is fine but we can tell that everything is weighing down on her. We all love her so much and we just want to show her our support.
As a family we decided to compile a video for her with everyone not just the people that are shaving their heads. We are going to have everyone share words of encouragment for her as well as pictures to help cheer her up. Everyone that is shaving their head is male except me and I am donating my hair to locks of love to help a good cause. My mother is an amazing woman and she has shown support to all of us our whole lives now it is time for us to support her more. We are not just shaving our heads but some of us are going with her to doctors appointments helping her around our parents home and doing whatever she is in need of. Thank you all for your suggestions and kind words.
Making a scrapbook would be a great idea. My mother loves family and since we live all over the US we dont see each other often. (Before my grandmothers funeral the last time we were all together was about 5 yrs ago.) My mother loves pictures so that would be a good idea. Thanks.
I have to ask. Are you sure your mother will feel honored by this? The reason I ask is that my mother would be sad and even a bit angry because we took such a drastic step. She'd have said, "You shouldn't have."
I'm so sorry that your mom has been going through such a tough time, what a difficult thing for her to lose a parent and get a cancer diagnosis at the same time.
You are trying to do a wonderful thing. I have to be honest, though. Will she really feel that this would show support to her and make her feel better about what she is going through? I know that people have done this, but I can say that when I had breast cancer, at age 35, I would have just found it silly for someone to have done that. Around the same time, I had a friend who shaved her head - not related to me in any way but because she wanted to make a statement against our society's views on beauty. She talked about how many people stared and then looked away and thought they must be re-considering their views on women and beauty. Um, no, they were likely looking away because it's rude to stare at a cancer patient. If you're bald, as a woman, people will typically assume you have cancer and think of/treat you with the courtesy/sympathy that goes along with it when you have not earned that. I am sorry if I am raining on your parade, but this is how some cancer survivors feel about this whole thing. You're not sharing our experience by being bald. Being bald is NOT the worst or most traumatic thing about cancer. It's what others SEE but it is not the main part of what we go through.
Sending healing wishes (physical and emotional) for your mother!
The best thing that you can do for your mother right now is to find a way to relieve her stress with your grandfather. When you have breast cancer stress is one of the worst things for you. It is not to be taken lightly. There are actual clinical reasons why this is so. The elevated cortisol works to promote the cancer. If you go to Breastcancer.org you will find a thread that details many womens discovery of their cancer directly after exttremely stressful life events.
ETA-After reading Mindy Ts response I wanted to jump back in to agree with her.I didn't want to say it before but now that she has I am going to say it too. Shaving your head may not be what you think it will for your mom. I can see where shaving your head helps little kids with cancer but for adults I am not so sure that it does. AS a BC survivor I can tell ou that if anyone did this for me I would not feel good about it. I would feel bad and also guilty that they were doing this for me. Its bad enough I have to lose my hair-I would not want to see the people I love lose theirs because of me. And Mindy said it perfectly-you are not 'sharing' the experiece by being bald. And its a bit insulting that this is the way it is viewed. But you mean so well and I don't want to take away from what a sweet idea and the fact that you all would be willing to do that for her. I guess I am just saying that there are many many ways you can show your support besides shaving your head.
I know people who have done this, but it should definitely be a family decision.
If I got cancer, I wouldn't want my daughter shaving her beautiful hair off to show solidarity with me. I asked God for a child with such gorgeous hair and I wouldn't want her to do it.
That said, if you have your heart set on this, check with people about donating your hair to Locks of Love. If your hair is long enough, they can use it to make wigs for cancer patients.
My ex sister in law got cancer and as her hair began to fall out, she let her youngest child shave her head. It was a way of just being proactive and getting rid of it and letting her kid be part of the process instead of it falling out in clumps. That was 15 years ago and thankfully, the hair all grew back and she's been healthy.
She wanted her daughter to be a part of her losing her hair, but she never would have let her daughter shave her own head.
If you have your heart set on this, go for it, if you know for sure it won't upset your mom.
I really feel for everything you're going through and I wish your family, and your mother, the very, very best.
if any of you have long enough hair, you could also donate it to locks of love.
My mom had cancer when I was in high school, ovarian cancer.
While I think what you guys are trying to do is an amazing gesture, I think you guys should ask if that is what she wants before you do it. The last thing my mom wanted when she was going through cancer was the reminder that she had it.
God bless.
I'm familiar with Sty Baldrick's which does it as a way to support kids with cancer. http://www.stbaldricks.org/
I've never heard of doing this for an adult......I think as a mom yourself, you should ask yourself if it was YOU, would you want to see your kids shave your heads in support of your battle?
Maybe so, maybe no...only you can answer that.
Investigate things for her like spas, wigs.
Did you know about www.cleaningforareason.org that provides 4 monthly FREE housecleaning visits for women getting chemo? There are some AMAZING helpful programs out there for cancer patients/survivors but you have to look for them!
Good luck!
I think it is a beautiful move in her honor. I suggest you do this in good happy spirit, so she can enjoy your laughter.
I suggest you contact a videographer and ask if they would be willing to edit from various different pieces of footage. Explain your situation that you are all in different parts of the country, so it will have to be pieced together.
For those who wont be shaving their heads, perhaps they can still be part of the footage.
Have fun and sorry you and your family are going through this.
what a lovely idea!
i have to tell you, i was utterly charmed at the visual of you all presenting your shaved heads to your mother.
but then, i'm a ghoul.
:) khairete
S.
To keep your idea, you could all set up video of yourself doing it and pick a song that everyone can sing. Then email all the videos to one person and let them edit it together to make a video. That would be fun with an upbeat happy song and everybody singing along.
OR.......
Maybe you could all pitch in for a beautiful wig for her. They are very expensive. It would lift my spirits more to see myself wwith beautiful hair in the mirror than to see all my family bald. It would actually make me feel guilty if my family did that.
Make it a fundraiser - there is a day called St. Baldrick's Day for childhood cancer. My friend did this last year and she raised 300 to shave her head. She did it at her favorite bar with an audience of the donors. I would try to Skype the event for your mom to see eveyone "live" and have video rolling - find someone to edit it together if possible as well. You can make the donation specifially for your mother's plight OR for one of the many breast cancer awareness charities.
I think your idea is a very touching one! I don't know if all your siblings are spread out but is there a way you call could meet somewhere in the middle and shave your heads together? Then have someone film each person individually giving some sort of uplifting testimonial to what a great mom she is? That makes my eyes well up with tears just thinking about it.
Good luck and prayers for your entire family.
I think what you are thinking about doing is beautiful. Sometimes we don't know what to do to truly show those of us we love just how much we support them when they are goign through trials. I'm sorry, but I don't think this is silly. I think this is wonderful.
My father had cancer. We were all going to shave our heads when he lost his. We never got to that point with him, unfortunately, but we would have done it in a heartbeat.
I like the idea of the video. You might also consider making a scrapbook. If she has to stay in the hospital, she could take the scrapbook with her and look at it any time. 2 years ago, I made a scrapbook for a friend who was undergoing treatments. Church friends wrote short letters of encouragement and gave me a couple pictures of themselves and their families. The scrapbook was much appreciated!
