Sharing the Same Bed

You are not alone! We have a 16 mo. old girl,and know that we really should get her into her crib. She was doing well pretty early on, until she developed a bad cold, so we brought her into bed w/us...and we never made her go back. We joke that we should just get her a toddler bed at this point......so that we can try for #2! And, hopefully we won't start that pattern again.

Hi V.!

NEVER let them cry it out, all it does is create distrust and fear of being left alone. Try setting up a bedtime routine & the chair method from an earlier response. The 2 of them together usually work, and weans her from needing you to get to sleep. Sometimes the best thing is to hold them or cuddle until they are asleep and then put them in their own bed. When they wake up in the middle of the night you can do this again, if you can stay up :). Babies cry to communicate- she's trying to tell you that she needs you and she is probably frightened. You might even want to try climbing into the crib with her if the chair thing doesn't work, until she is comfortable in the crib by herself , and then try the chair thing. Another thing- if the crib is in a different room, try putting it in your room until she gets used to it, then move it to the other room. Your room and bed are familiar, and it might be easier on her to get used to 1 thing at a time. Anything you try, give it at least a week, 2 is better. If after a week or 2 you are not seeing progress, try something else.

Best of Luck!

I believe in the family bed and while I did buy a crib for my girl she never slept in it. I also nursed her for 4.5 years so you may consider me extreme, but I now have a lovely, confident and well adjusted 11 year old. My advice is to follow your heart. Letting my child "cry it out" to exhaustion was NEVER an option in my mind or heart.

Hi V.,

I think cosleeping is wonderful and I also understand the wish to have your bed back. However, if you have allowed your daughter your bed, that was your choice and I would not subject her to nights of crying it out because you are ready not to have her in your bed anymore. I'd suggest settling on some sort of transition.

Have you tried the crib yet? Does she nap in it at all? If not, I'd start by using it for naps. Often babies transition from their parents' bed to the crib by starting the night in the crib, then being brought to the parents' bed if there is night waking - or the opposite, starting in parents' bed and then after night nursing, going into their own bed. Is she nursing and does she still get up during the night? You could try transitioning her from your bed to the crib in your room, and then transition her to the crib in her own room.

Good luck!

let her cry......she will only cry for one or two nights she will be fine

If her sharing your bed is a problem for you and it's really about the crib, try a futon on the floor. I did this with my first, (now 25) who always found a way out of the crib (scary) so we replaced it with a twin size futon on a thick carpet. We put bolsters around the perimiter. She was about 9 months old (and walking - running) when we did this. She still got into our bed often but did not panic the way she did in the crib. Also, when necessary, one of us could lie down in her bed, thus making it much more attractive to her and less exhausting for us. Ultimately, she had sleeping alone issues until she was 5 and learned to read to herself. Then she didn't call us or come to us unless she was sick or had a nightmare. Our second daughter (now 18) would not sleep in bed with us, loved her crib, had to be taught safe ways of getting in and out of it (again - walking, climbing, runni9mg by 9 months) but was a TERRIBLE sleeper in general until she was about 7 years old. But when she did sleep it was a good night's sleep. Kids are all different. We parents have to be flexible and remember that early childhood is exhausting but fleeting. It will be over so fast your head will spin. Enjoy it to the fullest. It may help to remember that from her point of view it is unnatural to want privacy. Sleeping is a time when we are each alobne anyway. If she wakes up and cannot see you she cannot understand that you have not disappeared altogether. Be patient. This, too, shall pass.

Hi:

I did it with my first because I was pregnant again when he was 5 months old and was just too exhausted to fight. I was also working full time. I never let it happen with my other 3 kids because my hubby and I learned our lesson. We took turns setting the stage, always a bedtime story or two, brush his teeth, put his jammies on and start rubbing his back, laying on the floor and after many weeks of crying, he finally slept in his bed. Be patient, it will happen.

Good luck....let me know how it is going.

K. K

Have you tried letting her fall asleep with you and then put her in the crib until she wakes up again? I would enjoy the cuddle time! It only lasts so long. My oldest used to have the same problem so at night, I would sit with him on the sofa until he fell asleep. Then I'd lay him in his crib. In the middle of the night, he'd end up in with my husband and me.

Once he turned about 18 months, we put him in a big boy bed...an actual twin bed with bed rails, babyproofed his room and put a gate at his door frame. I was amazed but he stayed in his bed longer! It still took a while before he would lay in there all night but he eventually did. He's 7 now and goes to bed on his own and stays in his bed all night.

BTW, I don't suggest doing the bed before 18 months just because I have heard horror stories about parents doing it too early and how you can't go backwards (go back to the crib).

We started by putting our daughter in her bed after she fell asleep. When she began to talk about it we told her this was her bed the Princess Bed (full of stuffed animals and a blanky). Now she is allowed to watch one cartoon before she has to get in her bed. She spends time in our bed until we get tired, watches Jimmy Neutron and off to her bed.

She cried for awhile at first but it begins to dimenish after awhile.

i waited too long to put my daughter in her crib. she slept with me from birth to 6 months (maybe a lil bit more time) and it was agonizing for 3 months to try and get her to sleep there. i had to do a million things...sit with her until she'd fall asleep, put lullabies on that play ALL night long (still at almost 2 yrs old she's got the lullabies going or NO SLEEP), rearrange her room until she slept better. i tried the winnie the pooh that looks like a baby sleeping on a pillow, the pillow lights up and changes colors and plays either a lullaby, or nature sounds THAT worked amazingly (when she wouldn't sleep in my bed and i wasn't there) i would definitely suggest that one! i even tried the cry it out method. to be honest, after doing each thing, she slept a little better, but after crying it out for about a week she slept in her crib. 1st day i would go in after 5 min of crying, 2nd night 10 min, 3rd night 15 min...after that she wouldn't cry any more then 15 min without thrashing. that lasted a couple days and i guess she just gave in because she just went to whining for 5-10 min after the week was up (and that lasted maybe 1-2 weeks) since that month, she was fine, though the very 1st 2 months, of trying everything was pretty hard on me. try lullabies, or any other suggestions just to try and avoid the crying it out since she throws up from that...but if nothing else works, you just have to let her throw up (though idk how she can go to sleep with vomit near/on her...or how you could be comfortable knowing she most likely threw up) i wish you the best of luck, hope i was able to help some. be patient, it will take a couple of weeks, but it WILL happen if your persistent in her sleeping in her crib!

Buy the book - how to solve your child's sleep problems by Richard Ferber. It is excellent and helped with my two children who are 4 and 19 months - they sleep in the crib/bed on their own and it's wonderful.....Good Luck to you

my daughter shared my bed from 9 months old to 2.11 years old. this was due to a choken incident that took place when she was in her crib in her room. i was so terrified, i didn't want her out of my sight. i realize this was easier for me because i was single, but i felt the security it offered her made transitioning to her toddler bed, in her room, was easy! i would hold her hand until she fell asleep and as tough as it was for me, everytime she called me, i went to comfort her. i had alot of bags under my eyes, but it was worth it. i also allowed her to come in my bed in the middle of the night on weekends and she understood that. once she became mobile, she hated the crib and i think because she felt trapped and unable to explore this newfound independence. she is now 4 and absolutely loves sleeping in her own bed. i still have to hold her hand every now and then, since she started preschool sept 2007, but as long as i hold it "for a tiny bit" and promise to come back and give her a kiss, she is fine. i couldn't stand to hear her cry it out and felt horrible fo stressing her and we lost more sleep. my sister had great success putting the crib mattress on the floor with pillows for her daughter (who is now 16).

Hi V.. I see all the advice you have gotten and a lot of it is conflicting. But, I am a firm believer of every child being in their own bed right from the start. I never allowed any of my kids to sleep with me and my husband at all. THe only time they came in was when they were nursing, for that 30 minutes or so that it took and then they went back to their crib. I never had any problems with any of them in that regard, maybe I am just blessed but I think having your children sleep with you doesn't give you enough alone time either by yourself or your husband or significant other that is desperately needed at the end of our busy days. Remember, you are the parent! You set the boundaries and schedules, babies adapt very well and "crying it out" doesn't make them fearful, it teaches them that it isn't worth the energy because it won't get the result they are looking for and they learn these rules of the house earlier and will make life much easier for you later! good luck!

Hello,

I have just encountered the same problem. I have a 8mth old and he would not sleep in his crib, he would make himself throw up every night. So, my husband and I decided to buy a King size bed and co sleep.
Then one day I gave him his bottle in his room and rocked him to sleep and put him down slowly into his crib, and he slept the whole night there.
He's been sleeping in his crib since last Wed night!
This is going to sound silly, but I bought a disco light ball and let it shine the lights in his room the whole night. I'm not sure if this helped him or not.
I couldn't let him cry with the Ferber solution, so when he cries I rub his back and face. It takes awhile, but try to be firm about having her sleep in her own bed.

Good luck!

i have 2 kids my 4 yr old never slept in my bed. my litle son is 2 now but he has been in a twin bed since he is 22 months old because he could wake up and cry and cry and i need my sleep so i did what i swore i would never do and he slept in my be with me and my hubby. so finally we said he nhas to go to a bed and so far now 2 months later he is great in the bed.so now if he wakes up and wants me or my husband we can go in bed with him. your daughter is only a yr old but it might be something to consider.

One way I have heard of...and it works...is to pull up a chair next to the crib and take a seat. This will reassure your baby that you are there for child. If they are restless you are able to reach through the bars and lay a hand or arm around the child. You are close enough they can see, smell and reach out to touch you as well. Over time move the chair further away from the crib. Spend less time in the chair until the baby doesn't need you anymore. This may take a couple of week, but the baby will get used to sleeping alone in their own crib.

I'm in the same predicament :( I exclusively breastfed my daughter (no formula or bottles) so having her sleep in bed with us made my life much easier. But now that she's 17 months old I think she should be ready to sleep in her crib but I havent successfully figured out how to make that happen yet. I've tried naptime - but she refuses. I have transferred her to the crib a few times after she fell asleep - but once she wakes up (usually an hr or so later) she wont go back to sleep. She will play in her crib but only if I'm around (like if I'm putting laundry away). I'm certainly a non-believer in the cry-it-out way of things. I think persistence is going to be key (for us at least). Good luck with your child and let me know if you get any great advice that works !

If she isn't already taking her naps in the crib, you should start with that. And also let her spend some time in the crib with some toys and maybe some music so that the crib becomes a safe, comfortable place to be. Do that for a week or two, then start with bedtime. Do your bedtime routine, then put her down. If she starts to cry let her cry for a minute then go in and reassure her and tell her its time to go to sleep...but don't pick her up, then walk right out and close the door. If she starts crying again let it go for 2 minutes. You can do that again and again up to 5 minutes of crying (if you can take it, I only went up to 3 minutes at a stretch. It may take a few weeks, but she'll eventually get it. And don't feel bad if it doesn't work out the first few nights and you pick her up. Just give it your best attempt, don't just give in immediately, and try again the next night. I'm sure there are faster approaches, but this is one with an amount of crying that I could live with. Since yours is already 1 it may be a little more difficult, but is totally do-able. Good Luck!

Hi V. ... yes put the baby in the crib and let her cry it out .. of course watch her because she does the throwing up thing u clean her and leave her in ther .. soon she will get tried and fall asleep you have to show her ur boss ... u can also talk to her in a deep tone tell her she has to sleep there but dont yell at her ,, also anthor solution is tell her u will buy her a toddler bed of her choice but she has to sleep in it .. it work for my grandaughter ..

I would not let her cry it out. I would first try to transfer her into her crib after she falls asleep in your bed. You may also want to try putting her crib into your bedroom.

I think crying it out doesn't really work for that age. They understand a lot, and they just get more upset and frustrated. I did use a modified ferber, but it was at 4.5 months. It make a big difference when you do it. Maybe you can put the crib next to your bad with the side down, so she feels like she's sleeping nect to you. You may want to start introducing her to the crib during the day. Put some toys in there and have her spend some fun time in there. My sister in law had a similar issue as you, and she ended up having to move the baby onto a mattress on the floor at first and move the mattress out little by little to the babies room. She never slept in the crib, and just moved to a futon instead.

Well if she has never slept in a crib before, she is not going to want to. You can try a toddler bed, that may have some similarities to what she was in but I'm sure it wont feel exactly the same. You chose never to put her in a crib, you can't just take that back now, you shouldn't have had her sleep with you at all if you couldn't see it through.