Sharing a Room - Grand Rapids,MI

Hi....This is nearly the same scenario we had a few months ago. My son (2 1/2) did keep his room, but he went from crib to bunk and there was adjustment. He would get out of bed at naptime and bedtime to just play or come downstairs to find me, etc. I just had to find something that was worth staying in bed for. For my son, it was the healthy vitamin they have in the morning...mannabears. I told him he couldn't have one if he got out of bed, even once. He lost his mannabear two mornings, but that solved my problem because he loves them so much. He never gets out of bed now. Or maybe you could do the reverse. Promise him a special treat/reward if he stays in bed all night. Good luck...I hope you find the solution.

Hi Chris, I'd love to see the advice you get. I've been struggling with the same issue for a LONG time. My son (10) and daughter (4) share a room until we remodel this fall. I would say 5 nights out of 7 my daughter continuously gets out of bed, sings or talks for long periods of time keeping my son awake. He's at his wit's end too. I feel SOOOOO bad for him. And no form of punishment is working. And no reward for staying in bed or not talking is working. We often have my son go to sleep in our bed and then my husband has to put him up in his bed later. It's a pain.
Pulling my hair out!
C.

Have you tried rewards for staying in bed vs punishment for getting out? Trust me I know this is a difficult adjustment as my boys are 4 years apart and we did the same bunk bed thing. Get a calendar and place stickers for each nite he stays in the bed and reward with McDonalds or ice cream or favorite toy. and I know its easier said than done with a 2 1/2 year old!!

another thing I started (which some may not agree) but my boys started sleeping to soft music early on. Soft lullaby type music...or mozart or classical. Now my older son is 11 and would rather sleep to other pop music that he likes but he knows at bedtime...he can only listen to more soothing music and he actually has come to like it!!! I do have some jazz type that I allow as well...or music soundtracks like lion king.. i just dont want him up singing rather than sleeping. but i think over the years my boys know thats the routine and it seems to work.

Two of my girls (5 & 3) also share a room and bunk beds. When we first transitioned, they had a hard time, too. We had the space in their room, so we separated their beds. They both liked that better and stayed in bed much easier. My younger one didn't like having it "dark" above her. Now we have them bunked and they do just fine.
Just a thought.

Hi C.,

My son (almost 4) had an awful time staying in bed. He has never been a "good sleeper" and was constantly getting up to try to avoid sleeping alone in his bed. The trick that solved it was, every night when it was bed time we would go through the routine of brushing teeth, book, and tucking in. Then I would take out my book and sit in his room and read. If he got up or started to try to talk to me, I would tell him , very simpy and quietly, that it was bedtime and he had to stay in bed and be quiet. If he wanted to toss and turn or look at a book, it was fine as long as he was quiet and stayed in bed. If he still got out of bed, I would pick him up and put him in bed and tell him again that it was bed time and he needed to stay in bed. Every night I would move a little closer to the door. Eventually I was in the hallway (where he could see me) and then I would slowly close the door a little more each night. I think it took a few weeks, and we had bad nights and good nights , we had screaming fits untill 11 oclock one night after he had a day with grandma and got to eat whatever he wanted (chocolate milk at naptimte etc.). But in the end it was really effective. It is hard to sit there, but I figured that in the long run it would save everyone alot of grief, and it did. Bedtime is tough, because everyone is tired and needs it to go smooth. Good Luck!

When I had family visiting for a few weeks my two boys had to share a room and my little one (2 1/2) found it hard to adjust, which disturbed the older one (5 1/2). I ended up basically really tiring him out during the day and then putting him to bed before the older one so he could get to sleep without any interaction from my older son. Then my older son would go to bed no problems because the younger one was already asleep. This worked well because it was during the summer but not as easy when they have school and need to get their sleep. Your doing the right thing with returning him to bed without interaction, you just have to keep doing it. It's a battle of wills and your will needs to be stronger than his. Good luck

This is just further proof that you can't ever hit on a formula that will work for every kid!

I wouldn't take away anything that is a comfort to him. In fact, I'd switch gears to a very warm, comforting tone of voice and also stress what a big boy he is now, but even big boys have trouble with change. My son-in-law had to sleep in their 3-year old's room for weeks to get him to stay there. A new baby was due and it all worked out, but took a lot of time. Some kids are like this. Have you tried a reward system, putting the focus on the positive, just something very simple that he can grasp. Clearly he wants to be in control. I can see that with the blanket throwing. He does care but he's making it easier on himself to lose it by dumping it himself. It's stressful for him to have all these "baby" feelings when he knows you think he should be mature enough to handle this. I'm sure it will work out. The process is just longer than you expected. Maybe there are some books about transitions that you can find or stories you can make up that can be worked into the bedtime routine. The routine sounds great. He just needs to resolve his feelings/fears about all this. He's still a baby in this way.

Dear C., You are in a touff spot. Please don't threaten to take his blankie away though, it is security that he is needing, so security is what you should help him find. Can you allow the boys to sleep together? Maybe if the 5 year old becomes involved as the big brother it will help. The youngest then can turn to his "idol" and learn to rely on his presence in the room. Just a thought. Good luck.

When my youngest transitioned, he wasn't ready. He'd get into big brother's bed and wake him up, get up and run around the house... We put the crib back up and tried it again 6 months later - he still wasn't ready. My mom told me they used to call them "7-year cribs" because I think older generations understood that children did better in their cribs. Our youngest just transitioned last spring and he was 4! (I know it sounds terribly old but I think he really liked his own space too) Now it's going really well and he understands that he cannot get out and he cannot wake others up. It's a privilege to be in a big bed. We also told him this time that he couldn't play his new leapster if he got out. That was added incentive. I don't know if a 2 1/2 year old can understand those kinds of things. I'd wait if you can.

Good luck!

G.
SAHM of 2 boys 4 & 6.