OK so my husband is always wanting to have sex. He can't keep his hands off me. But for some reason I am just never in the mood. And I feel terrible about it but sometimes when we do have sex I have really bad cramp like pains and a feeling of sore muscles like if I had stretched out my uterus too much. It kinda makes me a little hesitant about having sex. And with our two other boys (a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old) I am just drained at the end of the day. I guess what I'm asking is advice about the situation. I adore my husband and don't want him to think its him but we are 23 adn 24 yrs old. And so its hard for him to understand what I am going through as a pregnant woman. This is his first child and my third so he has never had to deal with this. I don't want him to feel unloved but sometimes I don't feel like making love. Any advice would be appreciated. :)
P.s I am 23 weeks along... And since this is my third I am already huge and my stomache gets in the way. And missionary makes it hard to breathe with him on top of me and the baby... My husn=band likes it ruff.. and to be honest I do too but not lately cuz it hurts too much lol and sometimes if he goes to hard or too deep i get nauseated... Heartburn is a real mood killer. I have tried to talk to him. And he seems to understand that he just isn't goiong to be able to get it as often as he'd like but i just feel terrible.
When I was pregnat my husband would come home and complain about his job. When he would ask me howmy day was, I would say "fine, I made a spinal cord today". It gave him a little bit of an idea of just how hard my body had been working that day.
Hi H.,
You are a very young couple, and what is happening to you is very normal. I will tell you what I said to my husband when I was pregnant: "Honey, I have to be honest with you, but first I need you to be sure that you know I adore you and I love you. Being pregnant is wonderful but moms to-be go through a lots of changes, some good and others no so good; I am not feeling like having sex mostly because it hurts, it is painful..please I really would feel better if you understand that is about my pregnancy not you.....please, please... be patient"...
H., if you feel OK with it, you may want to cuddle, and hug each other or do what other moms said H.. Honestly, I never felt like having sex when I was pregnant, happily my husband understood very well.. After you have your baby, you know that things may become difficult to, so start now so he can understand you and cooperate with you. HONESTY is the key.
Take GOOD care of yourself and congratulations....
Ale
This all varies with the woman, but towards the end of your pregnancy sex will get more and more uncomfortable. Also, after the baby's born, you'll need to abstain for 6 weeks or so. So, he is going to have to get used to the idea of being cut off for awhile sometime soon here. It's one of the prices he has to pay for giving you that baby.
That said, sex is husband-maintenance. They need it, usually more than you do. That doesn't mean you can't say no, but compromise is in order. He doesn't have to get it whenever he wants, but you should probably try to give it a little more than you're really in the mood for. Not if it's hurting you, though.
Communication can help the situation. He probably doesn't understand what's going on with you sex-wise right now. Tell him how you're feeling. How you're not in the mood and it's getting uncomfortable. Assure him that you still think he's sexy, but that you're not feeling yourself right now. Perhaps you can experiment with positions and he can try to be more gentle. Even experiment with other things that don't require penetration? Okay, that's as far as I'll go with that description. TMI :)
Good luck.
Have you considered using a different part of your body sometimes, and just saying "Honey, I love you, but it makes me sore inside right now. Let's try something else?" and then using a hand or such to help him get off? It might both send the message that it's uncomfortable, while also letting him know you're not just avoiding him.
Also sometimes different positions are more comfortable during pregnancy than normally. It might be worth exploring if you can express that you need to try some things differently because what you're normally doing hurts right now. Sometimes, some of the "from behind" positions can reduce the penetration depth for you, for example, and make it less uncomfortable.
And you might suggest to him that you're really exhausted at the end of the day, and at least for a while morning sex might be less likely to cause you to just feel too exhausted to want to.
How far along are you? I understand that it is so hard to get into the mood after a long day with the kids, so on weekends, my husband works really hard to pitch in. He takes care of a lot of the feedings and carrying the baby when we go out, and if I need a nap, he'll take care of things then too. Then, we go to bed early so that we have time and energy to have some loving and still get to bed at a reasonable hour. My husband understands that I will have a much easier time getting into the mood if I have had some time off (it's just not possible during the week!), and I understand that he is making a real effort, so we compromise. You should talk to your husband and try it out a couple of times. Once a week is not really enough for my husband, but he understands that it is harder when you're pregnant (he's been through this once before, and it was harder for him to understand the first time) and more than that really isn't possible for me.
Also, try some different positions. Depending on how far along you are, you probably aren't stretching your uterus, so perhaps the position you are in is forcing you to use your ab muscles, which are uncomfortably stretched when pregnant. It is really wonderful that, even while you're pregnant, your husband is very attracted to you! Keep that in mind as you try to get into the mood. Good luck!
I am also pregant with our 3rd child and not as interested in sex as my husband. We've talked about it and it is important to both of us. Sometimes it takes a little extra effort (candles, lingerie, etc.), but it's worth it. I really like the closeness we feel afterwards.
you can do other things, instead of penetration.
When I was pregnant, especially in my last trimester, it made me have contractions & I would bleed... so I stopped sex... but did other things to satisfy husband.
My daughter was born 1+ weeks early... I think personally, it was because of the contractions during sex.
Ultimately, ask your OB/GYN... since he/she will know your condition, medical care. Then tell your Husband.
You need to talk to your Husband about it... too. Explain to him... and that its not him personally... but you are pregnant and it hurts.... and you don't want to go into premature labor....
you can even tell him what I said if that helps.
all the best,
Susan
find a book for him so he can read up on pregnancy! Second simply explain how your body feels. sometimes simply saying it hurts doesn't exactly explain it enough.
another suggestion is maybe send the kids away while both of you are home and slow it down. Try different positions and maybe just give him a little extra oral instead of full intercoarse.
we are on baby number two and last! This time around I am not as interested in sex as i was the first time. so I understand especially when your sore afterwards.
