Sex Drive All but Gone...

I'm with ya! Here is something that may help. It works really well.

http://www.marketamerica.com/nicoleryan/product-2108/prim...

OMG!!I have the same problem,maybe my is biger because my husband is mad at me!!I need help about that too :(( I really don't know what to do!!!

I know how you feel; but I have found that for me, the more I do it, the more I want to do it...to some degree. For me, the lack of drive is because of my exhaustion. With babies and toddlers in the house (I have a 30 month old and an 8 month old), I never get enough sleep and I never have time to do everything that needs to be done.

To meet my needs and his, we set some ground rules. For instance, if sex is something we want on any given night, we turn the TV off early and have our time together. He can watch TV after sex and I can go to sleep. Also, I have told him that his help with the household chores really puts me in the mood more than anything else. Finally, I told him that sometimes it takes me a while to warm up so if I give the signals that I am still tense and not feeling very sexy, that he needs to be patient with me. Just communicating my feelings and hesitations with him has really helped our intimate relationship.

good luck and I hope it gets better for you.

This is common when you're a tired mom of babies. Your little ones are so demanding, and so much of your time with them is physically caring for them, always with a baby in arms or at the breast, and/or toddler on the hip. It's referred to as being "touched out." You're giving so much of yourself that there's no more to give, and you just want your body to yourself for some period of time. This can be something separate from depression or from hormones.
My suggestion is to take some time for yourself. Get a sitter, have a relative watch the little ones, leave them with your husband on his days off and have a couple of hours to yourself outside of the house. Join a book club, have coffee with a friend, get a pedicure, go runnning, whatever.. It can do wonders for you.

You are not alone on this. I had my second baby 10 months ago, and am still nursing. I have NO INTEREST 99% of the time, and maybe like 2% interest the rest of the time--my poor husband. I am still working through it, but one thing that helped me was to find something about sex that I enjoyed--for me, it is being massaged/caressed. So, I always make sure that, if we're going to get busy, that my husband gives me a massage first (nothing too time-consuming, just 5 or so minutes that are concentrated on me!) Maybe it's a bath, shower, etc., that would help you "get in the mood?" To add to things, I bought a candle that is a massage candle--smells wonderful, and helps me to feel more relaxed. It's called a Skinny Dip candle (you can Google it). I don't sell them, or know the owner or anything, just a satisfied customer. Good luck.

You should talk to your dr. You may have low estrogen. It happened to me, too. I was a nursing mother and it kept my estrogen levels way down. If that is the case there a lot of things you can do about it.
Also, depression can decrease sex drive. It might be helpful to talk to someone if you are feeling down and not yourself in other ways, too.
I am a stay at home mom and it has taken me a long time to realize that I have to do things that I like to do in order to feel like myself. Make sure to take good care of yourself and keep up with all your personal interests. I know when all I do for months on end is play with and care for my daughter and the home I feel very little interest in sex. I just feel like being left alone.
I hope this is helpful. Good luck. I think I know what you are going through.

If you're on birth control that could be the cause, but I would check w/your Doctor as the other ladies have said. I went on the Nuva (sp) ring after I stopped breast feeding my son and it COMPLETELY killed my libido.

Good luck, hope it comes back soon :)

I agree with the moms that say sometimes you have to just do it to get back into it. BUT, that doesn't mean you can't make some rules that might help make it better for you. Let your husband know that your hormones are all out of whack from the pregnancy, but that you want to get your sex life back, and that it might take you awhile.

I still don't want to have sex if I go to bed at my normal time of 11, so I told my husband that we have to go to bed earlier if he wants to get lucky. (I should really be going to bed earlier ALL the time, but we do what we can)

Also, if you are or were breastfeeding, you may not want anything touching your breasts or nipples, so ask him to get a little creative with other parts of your body, your neck, the inside of your elbow, use your imagination whatever may turn you on.

And finally, try not to just get through it, try to approach love-making like you'll enjoy it even if you are not in the mood. Put on a nighty, or something that makes you feel sexy (the right nighty can be good to hide that little belly bulge if you haven't lost all your baby weight, just leave it on). Light a candle, turn the baby monitor off. Try to forget all your other distractions and enjoy the moment.

I can't give you advice on how to get past it, but I'm right there with you - have been for several years.

My testosterone levels are low, and my doctor had prescribed injections, but the risk of serious side effects if you get pregnant again kept me from using them.

I'd talk to your OB/GYN. Mine is male, and both my husband and I will go there to talk about it. There really isn't much you can do from a medical point of view.

There are companies working on "libido" pills for women, but they're a few years away from being on the market.

Good luck.

I have had three children and felt this way each time. First if you're nursing, it can decrease your sex drive and make you dry, also, it's normal because your hormones are out of control and you are tired. I tell my husband that by 11PM I sooooo exhausted and we should go to bed earlier if he want s to make love because I can't enjoy it if I am exhausted. Communication is the key in our marriage and it's important that you communicate it with your husband and try whatever it is that you believe will get you going. Is it caressing your body, massage, showering, massage with lotion....that is what you can communicate with your husband. Ask him if he would do that to help you get back into that and take his time. Men are like microwave and women are like stoves. We take a while to heat up and they heat up real quick. So, if he takes his time and it'll be worth it for both of you.... :) Try to enjoy him.

Honestly I would see your Doctor. You may be out of balance with some of your hormones. Also take a good look at whether of not you may be depressed, because sometimes a lack of desire of intimacy can be the first thing you noticed.

Have you talked to a doctor about post-partum depression? That can often be a cause of lack of sex drive. I had it terribly, but unfortunately neither my husband or I were informed enough to recognise the symptoms until it was almost too late. Our marriage really suffered.
The only other advise I recieved sounds crazy, but it helped: Just do it. Think of it as a trip to the gym, eating something good for you that you don't really like or whatever. Sometimes just getting started even if it feels like the last thing you want to do can kick-start things.

I truely think most women go through this. I do think part of it is hormones... so talking to a doc isn't a bad idea. Also, I'm not sure if you nursed or bottle fed, but I went through a rough time when I quite nursing... I think it was harder on me then the hormone change after having the baby.

The only thing I really tried doing was show my hubby some attention even if I didn't feel like it. Even if it was putting my arm around him when we went to the store, hold his hand for a walk in a park or a pat on the butt when he's not expecting it. We also cuddle on the couch when we watch our fav TV shows. Sometimes it leads to a bit more - which does make him happier, but most of the time he just wants to feel as if I still love him. We have fought about it off and on over the years... but like I said it was because he didn't feel like I loved him anymore. It's hard for him to understand fully, but he does try, just sometimes he gets upset and feels un-needed & wanted. Guess we all feel that way sometimes.

I do agree w/ Alexis depression can effect your sex drive - so once again it wouldn't hurt to talk to a doc about the situation. And I have heard that the "blue" pill can help w/ women's sex drive as well, so that is something you can talk to you doc about also.

Congratz on the baby - I wish you luck! And I'm glad you have an understanding hubby - that is always a blessing!!!

Been there, done that! My kids are now 19 and 15 years old and I still remember it.
You've already got the best advice from the other posters. I would go see your doc, BUT you don't really need a pill so I would shy away from any prescriptions, especially if they are for depression which may make matters worse! And IF they draw hormone levels, they fluctuate, so something in "normal limits" at the time they draw it, may go back down so that's not always an accurate indicator.
Talk to your husband, be open and honest. If he is secure with himself and your marriage he will understand that it is NOT a product of the relationship. He may also be willing to help you more with whatever it is, if it gets him something too! ;)
I also agree that, you need to make the effort once in awhile. Sometimes all it really takes is to get started and then it's enjoyable for both! Although that too can be a double edged sword. Speaking for myself if sex is really good, it takes me a while to get to sleep.
Bottom line is that it is very normal. I can and usually is a result of fluctuating hormone levels as well as stress and being tired from being a mom of 2 young kids.
But it does get better, a lot better!
Lori K

I have been through the same thing also twice. My second boy is now 7 months old.
It is even harder if hubby doesn't understand which it sounds like he probably does. I have a feeling he would let you know through his behavior if he doesn't.
I feel like I am almost on the other side of it now. What worked for me? Taking care of myself! That means everything. I try to sleep 7-8 hours a night instead of staying up until midnight to finish housework (I work full time on top of having 2 kids under three). I make sure that I worked hard to lose all the weight. I have a stubborn 2 pounds, but it makes me feel really good to have gotten this far. I feel pretty again which is a HUGE motivator. and I try to make sure that I dress cute, get my hair cut and take time for myself. I don't get alot of time for myself, but down the road my hope is that my boys will respect me for taking care of myself and hopefully they will do the same for them selves. And hopefully they will be attracted to girls and friends who respect themselves.
Although it seems counter intuitive, maybe a little "me" time is what you need?
Also, are you nursing? Breastfeeding supresses ovulation, and not being fertile supresses desire. My OBGYN says if you are interested in having sex you are probably close to your fertile time. I am starting to get my cycle back now and even though I am still breastfeeding I feel a hormonal difference.
Good Luck!

Its all normal because your tied and a mom. Hormones at of wack. You
need alone time with husband weekend get away. Keep trying you just might get in the mood. Same happened for me 12 yrs ago.
Good luck