Seven Year-old Still Sucks Her Finger

My parents took my sister shopping and she picked out a gorgeous tea set which was nice and expensive, and then she earned pieces of it by not sucking her finger for certain amounts of time. They also had acrylic nails done on her when she was about 8, and that probably helped the most even though it was weird because she was so young and I don't think she liked them that much. Maybe this will help you.

Good luck finding something that works. I am a thumb sucker. My parents tried EVERYTHING to get me to stop. My sister was able to stop by 6th grade, I however, have not been so lucky. I am now 29, married, and have 2 babies of my own, and still find myself sucking my thumb. I've tried sleeping with it under the pillow so I can't get it into my mouth, but it does find it's way there while sleeping. My parents tried the nailpolish, I had braces for my junior/senior year (not because of the thumb sucking - surprisingly to the dentist I had figured out how to position it just right so as not to push my front teeth outward - thanks to all those stories about kids who had to have braces because of sucking their thumb), wore my retainer diligently for another 2 years, and still cannot break it.

I can only keep myself (hands) busy for so much of the day. There will always be down time, and that is when I will suddenly realize that my thumb is in my mouth - watching a movie after the family has gone to bed, sitting in my office reading documents. I reprimand myself - hello! i'm 29! NOT 2.

Somehow, I believe it is a coping mechanism - tired, stressed, sad or angry - and only when by myself (I learned very young that it was socially not acceptable and so hid it -and now don't evn realize when I'm doing it).

My dad always told me that it takes 21 day to break a habit. I've had to restart that calendar more times than I can count. Whatever you do try to do, don't make her feel like she is the only one with the "problem" - because that just adds to the "socially unacceptable" feeling. And never make it obvious when you remind her to take it out of her mouth - she really may not even realize that she is doing it. She's probably already embarrassed when you point it out to her, let alone if anyone else is around and notices you point it out.

Good luck.

I sucked my thumb until I was 8 or 9. I would chew off the fingernail stuff and then suck it. My grandma put it on a chopping block and said she would cut it off herself if she saw it again, I hid in a closet at her house to suck my thumb and I was scared of her. (So I don't recommend that tactic at all) My mom tried the whole it will ruin your teeth thing as well, ironically, I am one of the only girls in my family with perfectly straight teeth...and no braces or retainers. The decision had to come from me to stop. If she is dealing with a lot emotionally I would be open to some therapy where she can feel safe and talk and they can help her work on her social skills. I wish my parents would take my younger sister in, she could really use the help of a stranger she trusts empowering her by teaching her about communications skills and coping mechanisms with life. I was the 3rd of 13 and I think one reason I sucked my thumb was because even though it was a negative label, it was mine. My mom focused on me with that issue. It was my time. Might be something to think about as well. Perhaps you could try ignoring the thumb sucking for a bit and instead spend the time you would have trying to work on this with her and just take her to a movie or out for lunch. Some time for just the two of you and then comment I've noticed how much you are growing up and thought we should do a grown up activity together, what would you like to do next week. Having positive time together that has nothing to do with the thumb might help get rid of it as well.
Good luck

You've gotten some great advice about getting your daughter to stop sucking her finger. I wanted to address something else in your question which is about your daughter's social awkwardness and possible lack of self esteem. I was exactly the same way when I was in elementary school. It was a very painful time for me. Unfortunately, my parents were not aware of what I was going through - they were pretty hands off when it came to my emotional needs. So first, I will say that it will be very helpful for her to know that her mom thinks she's great. I used to think that if I had only had that, I would have had self-esteem and things would have been all better for me. But as I have gotten older & matured a bit, I have realized that it would have taken more than that. So here are my 2 suggestions. 1) encourage some play dates - not with the girls who she feels are being exclusive - but some other child that seems nice & fun. I had few opportunities for that as a child & as I didn't have much practice, I was socially awkward. Talk to your daughter about things that don't go well with friends and ask her to think through why things didn't go well & possible solutions to the problem - don't just tell her, ask her questions & let her come up with answers. If she doesn't have any or says she doesn't know, give her a couple of options to choose from. If she does the thinking, it'll sink in much faster than if you just tell her. 2) Build her self-esteem by not just telling her she's great & you love her (those things are awesome - but not enough). Give her opportunities to do things by herself & feel a sense of accomplishment. I truly believe that we feel so much better about ourselves when we feel capable of doing tough things. Give her opportunities for age appropriate chores, projects & accomplishments. If she wants you to do something for her & she is capable of doing it herself, encourage her to do it. You will be amazed at how much that will help her self image in the long term.

Lastly, hang in there. We all go through awkward phases in our life - it doesn't have to be a life sentence. Things turned out well for me - so far - but there were a lot of lessons that took me a lot of pain and a lot of mistakes & time to learn to make my life better. I truly believe that if my parents had done some of these things for me, that learning curve would have been much shorter & less painful. Best of luck to you and your daughter!

Poor little girl. My heart goes out to her. It always breaks my heart to see children that want to fit in, but can't seem to. I wish kids were nicer, I pray mine will be. My oldest is 2 1/2 and hasn't reached that time yet, but I know in nursery the other day she was chasing another little girl and trying to tickle her because we play like that sometime, and the other little girl didn't like it too much. I just wish kids would be more understanding. Anyways, I was a thumbsucker for a very long time, and I had a lot of insecurities and probably still do, I eventually stopped on my own, and my teeth are fine. I wouldn't worry about that, more I would be worried about what she might be going through, which it looks like that really is your main concern. If she has a sure foundation at home she'll make it through. It is probably painful for her, but as long as she knows you love her and think she is wonderful in the end she should be stronger for it, but she probably does need to talk, and maybe can learn some social tactics, but at the same time you'd have to be careful with that because that might send the message that the way she is isn't good enough and might make her more insecure. Anyways, you sound like an awesome mother, I pray everything will go well.

Dr. Sandra Coulson - ###-###-#### - several office locations - she's a miracle worker

It must be so sad to see your daughter struggle socially. I have one who struggles too and I hurt for her every day. I definitely thing the finger sucking is a reaction to stress related to her social situation or otherwise. My daughter, who just turned seven yesterday, would chew her nails and the skin around her nails. It was a terrible compulsion and nothing we did seem to help her stop. She wanted to stop and didn't know how. I really think the chewing was a result of stress because things have been difficult for her for a few years now due to stress in the family. Anyway, we have been working on the stress with her, but we really needed to hit the finger chewing compulsion straight on. I finally asked her what she wanted more than anything. She told me what she wanted more than anything was a really big set of Littlest Pet Shop toys. I told her if she could keep from chewing long enough for her fingers to completely heal and her fingernails to get long enough that they needed to be cut she could have it. She was excited, but still wasn't sure if she could do it. I encouraged her and helped her as much as I could. I would frequently get on Ebay and show her big sets of Littlest Pet Shop toys to keep her motivated. We started with one hand and then she couldn't bite her thumb on the other hand. I always encouraged her progress profusely and pointed out how well she was doing, particularly when she was discouraged at how slow the progress was. Eventually she did it. She was so proud of herself but was worried that she would start again. I told her if she started again I would take the toys away until she stopped. I made sure I did this very nicely out of concern for her and not as a punishment. She was glad because it gave her incentive not to start again.

As far as the finger sucking goes see if you daughter can just not suck on her finger after school until dinner. Then try for after dinner. Let her do it a little at a time until she decides to stop all together. She has to be on board with you though or nothing you do will work. That's where the bribe comes in. In the meantime continue to work with her on her social graces. Some kids just take longer to blossom than others. She sounds like a wonderful girl.

They make a nail polish that taste bad and has to be applied everyday, you could try that. It does sound like she uses it as a coping mechanism. I am sure some other momma's might have some better ideas on this.

S., I have the exact problem with my four year old. She's very defensive and defiant about it. At her last visit, the dentist talked to her about it and explained to her that it was bad and why, etc. He also gave me a suggestion that is working slowly, but has not yet succeeded.

He pointed out that finger sucking is a habit, and like any other habit, the best way to break it is replace it with a new one. In this case, he suggested allowing her to chew gum. So when I catch her sucking her finger, I can offer her the alternative to have some bubble gum (at his recommendation, we use trident). It's difficult to suck your finger and chew gum at the same time. She has figured it out, but she also knows that if I catch her sucking her finger while she has gum, I'm going to make her choose. And of course, because the gum is much tastier than the finger, she always chooses the gum.

It isn't a quick fix, and we are definitely still working on it. But that might help your daughter.

S.,
I can read your passion for your daughter. She is so lucky to have such a loving mom. I sucked my thumb until I was 10. Starting at age 5 the othrodontist tried a different "permanent" retainer in the roof of my mouth. It was to irritate my thumb and break the comforting factor. I truly wanted to stop but didn't know how. It took 5 years and 5 retainers to stop. By then my teeth were really messed up. I had braces for 6 years to fix the problem and allow the adult teeth to come in. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to reinforce what you already have told your daughter. This will create problems for her. My classmates never teased me about my problem but would comment if they saw me, THAT is what made it worse.

Help your daughter to find a creative way to get her emotions out and find healthy cooping skills. If she doesn't have friends at school, what about a club or activity?

I have watched my daughter go through the "girl" fights and friends too. It is hard to not jump in and tell them to be nice.

Good luck with this.

IF you take her to an orthodontist they can make her a habit appliance which would make it impossible to get suction for the finger suck. Usually they have a free consultaion to find out if its right for her

You mention that she doesn't really have social graces. Some kids don't pick up on these as quickly as others. She may need you to teach her those skills. Set times that are just the 2 of you (don't put her in a situation of potential embarassment in from of siblings - I'm sure you know that). Teach her how to introduce herself and how to ask to join a group. Use both instruction and role-playing. Also model the skills for her when you are in social situations, even if it means stepping out of your own comfort zone.

If she still doesn't seem to be picking up on social graces, you may want to bring this up with her pediatrician. Being unable to understand the social/non-verbal cues, etc that others give may be a sign of one form of aspergers. I agree that it's probably being overdiagnosed these days, but it may not be a bad idea to rule it out, or even to get suggestions on activities to try to help her.

Good luck. She's lucky to have a mom who can see her struggles and also her wonderful, beautiful, caring self as well. I know you'll be able to help her through this.

I honestly believe 7 is a hard age nowdays. I have a seven year old too. I think with the move, starting over again it is her security for your daughter to suck on her fingers. I wouldn't do much other then explain if she does this at school, the germ factor is huge. If she does it without any thought that is hard. Maybe if you see it, gently remove her fingers from her mouth without saying a word. Maybe find some hobby she can start with her hands that she is good at, builds up her self esteem and keeps her hands busy. Like drawing, painting, piano or something like that?

My daughter only played with one little girl in Kindergarten. She was devestated if the girl went and played with anyone else. I told my daughter over and over, to find someone else to play with.
Now after a lot of talks about how she can learn different things from different kids that she should broaden her circle. Explaining how everyone is special in their own way.
Now she comes home with a different "best friend" she played with at recess. She wears her heart on her sleeve but after she and I talking a lot about what friends are, how we treat our friends and how we handle things if someone hurts her feelings I see her blossoming with just hanging out with different kids (girls and boys) each day and not making anyone exclusive or isolating herself anymore.

It took a lot of time, talking about her day every single day, I start with "who did you play with today" then we talk about what they did at recess. I don't interject too much and really listen to her.
She often tells me so and so hurt her feelings, then I explain maybe that person was having a bad day and everyone is entitled. I advise to just walk off until she cools off (my daughter can spit out the mean words if hurt) and maybe go back and explain to that person about how she feels. Sometimes it works, other times she just comes home sad about it. She has learned so much over the past few months to be careful what you say when you are angry or hurt. That has helped her tons with the kids at school.

I always tell her "you know you have no control over anyone but you, as long as you are being kind and trying, then it doesn't matter" I tell her too "you should be around friends that make you feel happy inside and help you to do the right thing".
She wants to fit in desperately and have everyone like her but she is slowly learning that sometimes it won't happen and as long as she did the right thing, it doesn't matter.

A story the other day, she came home and confessed she wasn't very nice to this little girl in her class that is heavy and kind of dresses different and is shy. I told her I appreciated her honesty, however she obviously knows that hurt someones feelings and that isn't the right thing to do. I told her I was disappointed. I told her to apologize the next day. She went right up to the girl, gave her a hug and told her how sorry she was. Now I get reports she is spending time at recess with this little girl and really enjoys her. Hearing that was so refreshing. She was not being nice because some of the other kids were not being nice to this girl. After talking to her about how to treat others no matter what anyone else does, SHE LISTENED to me! That was huge! :) Now other kids in the class are wanting this girl to play with them and I see this girl who was kind of outcasted now being included. I told my daughter how proud I was of her initiating that and didn't it feel so much better being kind then being like everyone else? She was so proud and said her heart felt so much happier doing that.
I was proud of her indeed.

It takes time, kids have to muddle through the social issues that start so early. It makes me sad. Maybe have a girl party where you can invite all the girls in her class just for fun to paint their nails and get to know them. That way I think if they can see someone from outside the class it helps make friendship easier. Or have her pick one or two friends from school she doesn't know well and go to the park one Saturday together for a picnic. I personally try to get to know all the kids in the class. That helps me a lot to know where my daughter is coming from and if it is dramatics sometimes or that there are mean kids. I haven't met one mean kid yet in her class! :)

Sorry this is so long. You are a great mom to be concerned. We can watch from the sidelines sometimes helpless and feel like it is as hard for us as it is for them. I just try to observe from afar, go visit the school at lunch every once in a while, go work in her class so I can see the interaction first hand with all the kids and get to know them for me better.
They all have very unique personalities, they change friends every other day, they are all at 7 finding their way where they fit. Good luck and God bless.

Stacy,
It sounds like your daughter is very special.
I would invite you to read the following article:

http://www.childrenlights.com/Articles/the_children.htm

If any of this rings true for you, I have a friend in Orem that would love to assist you with your daughter.
With my whole heart,
C.

I don't remember when my daughter stopped sucking her thumb but it was somewhere between 7-8. I knew that she had to stop or would end up with braces. (I did) I had taken her to the dentist for a check-up and he came right out and told her how it was. The only part I didn't care for was that he told her this story about kids who wouldn't stop sucking their thumbs had to get it cut off. (THAT REALLY MADE ME UPSET) and although it scared my daughter, she didn't stop. I had tried the nail stuff, and it was nasty but after a little while, my daughter just got use to it. What I ended up doing was taking some gauze and tape and taping up her finger. There were times when I would go into check on her that she still had it in her mouth and I would wake her up and take it out. I think it was totally an unconcious act. She NEVER did it when awake (like some kids) it was only when she was really tired or when it was time for bed.There were time that she went to sleep without it but somewhere in the middle of the night, it made its way into her mouth. Anyway, after a while, she just stopped. I also let my daughter pick out her own calendar and stickers. Each night she would wake up and could tell me that she didn't suck her thumb, she would get to pick a sticker on. After 10 stickers, she would get a treat. There were a few blank spots on the calendar and she didn't like that. While I would tape up her finger, she also said that she would put her hand under her pillow so that she wasn't tempted.

I think they will just automatically outgrow it themselves as my mom says I did but I do know kids who haven't yet and they are in 2nd and 3rd grade. It will take some time but I would try taping it so that she can't get the tape off. She won't like the idea and when she puts it in her mouth, she probably won't like the feel/texture of the tape of gauze and that may do it.

I just want to reinforce what Jenny P said. My daughter had the same issue and the orthodontist put in a simple appliance, consisting of two wavy pieces of wire that fit behind her front teeth, that worked beautifully.

My daughter (now 16) has also struggled with being "different". In first grade, she had a couple of girls that labeled her a "cry-baby" and it has taken many years to overcome the hurt from that incident. I worked with her to help her express her emotions and not bottle them in. I made sure I created open lines of communication with her throughout the years. She still struggles from time to time however, she really gets that her being "different" is a great thing and she likes the fact that she doesn't fit into the norm of teenagers. She is kind, sensitive, and expressive. She has friends now and understands that the process was for her to accept herself first, then she had others showing up that accepted her too. She is still socially awkward sometimes and I think that is simply because she lets herself fully be who she is and as many of us have experienced, that isn't how society works. I hope that her story will give you a little hope for your daughter.

Just continue to support her and create a safe place for her to express her anger, fear, hurt, and confusion. One thing my daughter really appreciated was allowing her to tear an old phone book to shreds when she was angry. I would just tell her to bring the anger up from her gut and pour it into the shredding. Eventually she would hit the deep hurt and sadness and I would hold her while she had a good cry. This gave her permission to have her feelings and to express them appropriately, which I believe is vital to anyones well-being.

Sending you and your daughter love and support.