Setting the Pattern: Bottlefeeding at Night, Breastfeeding During the Day

My daughter always fell asleep breastfeeding when she was younger (younger than 3mths) and we always had to try to keep her awake to eat. She doesn't fall asleep too much anymore, but it never caused a problem for me and she always got enough to eat. One thing I would suggest though is to always give her a bottle, so she is used to it. We followed the lactation consultant and Dr. instructions and didn't give her a bottle anymore and now at 5 1/2 months we are trying to reintroduce the bottle and she will not take it! So, no break for this mom!

FIrst of all, CONGRATULATIONS!

It sounds like your instincts are right. My children always fell asleep nursing and stopped when they were ready. I believe in nursing on demand and at your baby's age you do not need to worry about him falling asleep at the breast. You are right in that he's missing another opportunity at your breast and your milk supply will suffer if you're not also pumping at night while he's taking a bottle. Not eating from you over night will also make ovulation return faster so make sure you have a back up birth control when the time comes to take up "marital relations" again. This would be my concern in your situation: feeding on demand (even overnight) is baby's way of making sure your milk is adequate for him. This will help you make more milk during growth spurts when he needs it (and he'll tell your body by nursing a lot more!). When you don't feed him at all at night (yet he's still waking to eat) you are telling your body not to make milk at night and that WILL affect supply.

I personally am not a fan of the Baby Whisperer, but I don't think it's harmful for babies to fall asleep while nursing. After he's several months old, you can revisit (if you'd like) and work on that. I never worried about putting my babies in the bed slightly awake. They always nursed to sleep at night. THere were plenty of times that they fell asleep on their own as well. My older two children have no problems falling asleep, so all those times they fell asleep at the breast did not negatively affect them.

The breast is also soothing, and there's nothing wrong with that! God made it soothing for a reason. That's also why manufacturers have made bottle nipples and pacifiers to resemble the shape and feel (though they haven't quite got it, have they?) of a mother's nipple - because nature has given us the very best "bottle" and the very best "pacifier" there is. I don't think God would have made it so comforting if it wasn't ok to do so, KWIM? My babies found a lot of comfort at the breast as well as nutrition, and I think that was the best way for us.

The decision is yours, but from someone who let her babies fall asleep that way I can tell you that they eventually stop when they're ready. I don't think Baby has gained all his weight back because of the bottle. It's the breastmilk he's drinking! ANd it's completely normal for baby's active time to be at night. In the womb, when you were asleep, that's when he played. During the day your movements lulled and rocked him to sleep. He will grow out of this - especially with swaddling!!!

Good luck! As I said, I am not a fan of that book (I especially detested her Toddler Whisperer which stated that nursing a toddler was for the mom alone, who couldn't give it up...whatever!). I always recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. I believe he has a much better understanding of the way babies work. Having that understanding allows you to do what you feel is right without worrying if you are "spoiling" an infant (which I think is crazy! how can you spoil a baby?!?) MILs do give a lot of unsolicited advice and you don't have to listen to all of it! It sounds like your doubts are telling you what is right.

My two cents...MIL is not going to be staying forever. YOU will be doing the night feeding and breast is faster and easier at night. The baby can be put on the breast, drain it or them and be back to sleep ASAP. Bottles take preparing, warming, testing the temperature...by then baby is screaming his little head off totally awake and hungry, YOU are totally awake (well as awake as you can be in the middle of the night).

At 10 days he will fall asleep at the breast, it is normal and a safe feeling for him all full and sleepy. And at night you want him to fall asleep quickly after feeding even at the breast. Keep him awake after feedings during the day, but let him go to sleep at night...keep it dark and quiet, only change a diaper if it is poopy.

He is so little let him have a few weeks before starting a strict schedule...use a bottle so he will get used to one, but unless your husband is going to do all the night feeding...I found breast so much easier in the night. Also, even on the rare occasion my DH did get up to feed the baby...my milk let down due to the crying so I was awake anyways...so, his job was to bring me the baby, I fed and returned the child to their crib.

HUGS!!...and congratulations on your little one, what a blessing!

I agree! Breastfeeding @ night will be the fastest way for everyone to get some sleep. Plus - I would have been so full and in so much pain I would have been awake anyway. You should enjoy the quiet night feedings while you can. They are precious.

You can try to keep him up a few hours before bedtime if you can. Though I've never seen anyone keep a 10d old baby away when they want to sleep! As far as weight gain goes. I exclusively breast fed my baby (I waited TOO long to give him the bottle and then he wouldn't take it at all) and he regained all his weight before we left the hospital. And - he was at the top of the growth charts until he was almost 1 year old.

He's just finding his groove in this world. Give him a bit of a chance before everyone around him is cranky and stressed out. MIL's are tough - but she'll be gone soon!!

Congratulations!!! Enjoy your baby and remember that your instincts are usually right!

I would think (from a purely lazy standpoint) that it would be easier to breastfeed at night and bottle feed during the day. Nursing releases chemicals that help both you and baby fall back asleep. I actually co-sleep for this very purpose: so that she can nurse and we can both fall back asleep right away.

It sounds like he's gaining weight well, so you're certainly not harming your child, but why add a bottle in if you don't need to?

I have added it into our routine (I have a six week old), but that is so my husband can help with nursings and I can go back to work. I actually like not having to prepare a bottle at night..too big of a hassle!

At this point in the game it's going to be hard to prevent baby from falling asleep at the breast. With my first daughter we started working on that at about eight or nine weeks if i remember correctly. By 12 weeks she was sleeping from 9pm to 5am without nursing so it was very quickly a "non-issue."

I'm of the mindset that if it works for you and your child, and your child is well-taken care of, then do whatever works!
Good luck! (and congrats!)

At 10 days old, you're probably asking for trouble by bottlefeeding if you want to continue to breastfeed successfully. He's not even 2 weeks old yet. He has his days and nights mixed up and that will take time to work itself out, but bottlefeeding and pumping isn't the answer. It may work out okay, but you're also taking a chance that he will form a preference for the bottle (he doesn't have to work as hard to get the milk out) and/or that your supply will suffer since your milk supply really isn't established yet. I would just let him be for a few weeks and try to keep everything subdued at nighttime. No lights, quick diaper change and just breastfeed him. During the day, just the opposite, try to keep him up for longer stretches if possible and keep the lights up and/or take him outside. This will help him get his days and nights straightened out.

Also, to keep him awake at the breast, you can remove his clothes, tickle his feet, use a wet wash cloth, etc. It's hard in the beginning and they do fall asleep a lot, but you just have to work through it and I fear that the bottle at this point could be the kiss of death for your breastfeeding relationship.

Good luck and congratulations on your new little one. I hope everything works out for you.

Since he is only 10 days old, you don't yet have to worry about him getting too used to anything. Also, it is totally normal for his days and nights to be turned around for a while. I personally would not do the pump routine suggeted by your MIL. I would probably just try to keep him awake a little more in the day. My biggest advice to you is to not let your mother in law affect your parenting too much. One of your biggest assests as a mother is your intuition, and I have found that when I started listening to everyone else's advice over my own intuition, I became confused and frusterated. Also, the book Baby 411 is super helpful in the beginning. Good luck and congrats!

Do what YOU think is right. YOU grew your baby and only YOU know their tendencies. Just becasues your MIL wants/thinks you should do something one way does NOT mean that you hvae to take her advice. Just be open and honest and if you don't want tot do something she suggests, then just say something to the tune of "thanks for the suggestion, but I was thinking ..." She may have good advice, but you hvae to do what you feel is right or you will just end up getting frustrated. good luck!

Your concern about establishing your milk supply was the first thing I thought of when I read your post. Night time nursing is very important to supply. Babies take a while to figure out night versus day. In the womb they are most active between midnight and 6pm (or so I've read and I'm 8 months pregnant right now, so I believe it!). It makes sense that it would take a while to lose those patterns and settle into our way of sleeping and waking. If you want to breastfeed successfully, I think your odds are better if you nurse at night. Once your baby gets good at nursing (say by 3 months), he will be just as fast nursing as he would be with a bottle (my older son would finish nursing in 5 minutes flat and be full).

Stick with breast only if you can. He doesn't need to gain "faster" than normal. Babies have been safely and perfectly fed at the breast forever. Tell her you appreciate her advice, but you're sticking with nature's way.

Breastfeeding is a very personal thing and you should do what you feel is right. There are going to be positives and negatives to every approach. If you are okay pumping during the day and bottle feeding at night, go ahead. If you are not, then I suggest you speak up to your MIL. You will get plenty of unsolicited advice from everyone for the rest of your child's life, and this will be the first of many battles you will struggle with!
I really wanted to mention your hormones, though. There is some research that suggests that your menstrual cycle is able to return to normal not too long after you go through the night without breastfeeding. It was two or three months after I stopped nursing at night that I got mine again.

The best thing for me about BF was being able to lay down and nurse my babies. It is so easy to pull them close and be able to doze while they are fed. My babies have always fallen asleep at the breast. My six month old still does and I love it, I love her little face and its so easy. At the age your son is in he just loves being close and warm and getting his little belly filled. As he gets older you can start changing habits as you want. You'll miss this stage. Unless your MIL is going to be taking care of your child every night you need to do what is right for you. My daughter has yet to take a bottle, I have tried, so the breast is adequate enough. Nurse on demand, you can't overfeed a BF baby, and you need to get a good supply going. Good luck M., I know the nights are rough.

Do it your way unless your MIL is going to move in with you and always handle night feedings. Breastfeeding at night was so much easier than a bottle. There's no warming or preparing. I preferred the bottle in the day so I could get something done. There's no perfect way, just what works for you. If your MIL isn't going to hand around and handle it at night, then you need to establish your routine yourself. Consider her advice, accept her help while you have it. Let her do this and you will get more rest before she has to leave! But, you don't have to do this either.

first of all, my daughter always fell asleep at the breast while she was under 6 months and there was never a problem. there is nothing wrong with on demand feedings as they will regulate the amount of milk they need. some babies digest food much quicker then other babies and require "more" milk than you would think they need. my daughter constantly ate and barely gained weight b/c she has a high metabolism and never stops moving. no matter how much she ate/nursed she always burned more calories than she could consume. second, all babies at this age have their days/nights mixed up. this is normal and will change soon. i don't remember exactly when, but i think it was around 3-4 weeks. third, i would suggest reading healthy baby, healthy sleep habits. this book is the most recommended from lactation consultants and drs b/c it gives the most consistant advice as to what they recommend.

as for breast/bottle feeding i wouldn't recommend this unless it is your only option. i did this for 3 months as my daughter wouldn't nurse at night. (we had latch on problems and nursing at night was way to frustrating for her b/c she was hungry and couldn't latch on right the first try). 2 main concerns that i ran into. 1) if you aren't pumping at night during your regular feeding there are 2 scenarios that will happen a) no milk suppply b) mastitsis. i am not kidding about a breast infection as this happened to me b/c i was sleeping through 1-2 feedings at night while my mom was helping me out. 2) you don't save any sleeping time, it actually takes longer to both bottle feed and still pump. despite the amt of milk he is drinking, you still will be up just as often and doing 2 jobs instead of 1.

let me know if you want more details and i can tell you more of what we went through. good luck!

They are only this little once. Enjoy all the time you can with him and most of all do what makes you and your son happy. Your supply will run low if you don't nurse or at least pump at night and the baby most likely will start to prefer the bottle. Its easier to get the milk from and he won't have to work. If you can be home, I think you should do what you want. I nursed mine at night and they did fine. They took a bottle when I couldn't nurse, wasn't home, but mostly nursed. Our boys are adopted, so it wasn't easy either. But we did it and it was well worth all the effort. Good luck!!

Hi C. i think that you should just continue breastfeeding your baby at night too. He's only 10 days old and whether or not he falls asleep at the breast I think is not a big deal right now. You can work on that later but right now I think your instincts are on the right track. I know we want to do everything right but if it's one thing I learned, it's that a newborn baby just needs your love and attention. These "rules" don't apply to a newborn baby. He'll learn to fall asleep on his own later. It's best that you breastfeed on demand at all times b/c this will help with your supply. I did that and my baby is 7 1/2 months now and I will breastfeed him at night and then a few minutes later put him to sleep. He rarely falls asleep at the breast anymore. Sometimes it's hard to go against your mil for fear of tension but if it helps just tell her that you asked the pedi and he/she told you to breastfeed at night and that you'd like to do what the pedi says. Just follow your gut, it's always right, and you don't have to tell your mil this but just remember it's your baby not hers.

You have received some wonderful advice here. Congratulations to you. As the mother of four children, there is no more sacred time than now :)

Bottom line: your MIL is well intentioned but misinformed and you are potentially compromising your baby's milk supply by bottlefeeding him at night (are you still pumping at night while he gets the bottle?).

Please give him all the snuggles and breastfeed him as much as possible right now. It is best for both of you.

I went through these same struggles myself. My inlaws pushed formula...it took a lot of work (and tears) for me to reestablish my milk supply and I never really was able to. Things are still early for you to get back on track.

Best of luck to you. Everybody says that this time goes by so fast and it does. I would give anything to go back in time and enjoy these moments again.

you might try a laying position for breastfeeding if you haven't already. Lie down on your sides face to face with his body close to yours. My daughter is 7 months now and this has always been my favorite position when at home because she seems to fall asleep faster and if your afraid that you will fall into a deep sleep just wait till the baby is asleep and it is easy to pick him up and put him into his own bed. It's also much easier than getting up finding a clean bottle filling it and so on. Studies and my own personal experience also show that mothers who breastfeed through the night have a longer delay in their period coming back, which is always nice.

You need to let him get used to breastfeeding and then introduce the bottle. And your baby is going to be on whatever schedule he wants to be on for the first little while. I have a 9 month old and we introduced the bottle at the first month marker and that was one bottle a day and that was at our dinner time and daddy gave him the bottle, that was how he was able to be a part of the feedings. I let my little boy asleep at the breast everynight, mainly because I fell asleep to, but my point is at this young of age it isn't going to matter, what he needs right now is to eat, sleep and go potty and the comfort of his mommy!!

your milk supply will be in jeopardy if you continue to pump instead of nursing your baby at night. You can always train your baby to fall asleep on his own when he is older, but right now he needs to nurse whenever and however long he needs to establish your milk supply. The pump cannot stimulate as much milk production as your baby can right now. he will eventually learn day from night and as long as your MIL is there, she can take care of everyone else during the day so that you can take care of the baby at night and get that all important milk supply established now. Both of my babies regained their birth weight quickly and they never had a bottle, ever. And they slept through the night early on. Just make sure that you are eating a complex diet with lots of nutrient rich foods and tons of water.

Hope this helps and I pray that God's Blessing will be with you and yours,
K.

I disagree that a baby is fully developed upon entry atfter 9 mo. gestation. Read Happiest Baby on the Block. Therefore, I think it would be wiser to breastfeed at night rather than to bottle-feed. I had the newborns sleeping with us or next to the bed (depended on the size of our bed at the time for each of our kids) and it was sooooo easy to feed at night because I got so much more sleep than all my friends who insisted on immediately placing their newborns into their perfectly decorated nursery bedrooms. I think YOU need to decide what would be good for you NOW and realize that IT'S OKAY to adjust if you need to next week or whenever. I'm sure your MIL is only trying to help you and has the best intentions; but your baby is soooo young and personally, I don't think you know him well enough at this age to do something that doesn't feel "right" to you. I'm sure that doesn't make sense. I'm trying to say that it doesn't hurt to try different things, but honestly I think it's an important time in your life to decrease the stress (which means why pump and make more work for yourself, plus--breast milk has different composition dep. on when pumped, get into bf website from San Diego for details), and let your body and mind heal. Let yourself get to know your newborn and let yourself gently adjust to what you need to do. Your baby, like every newborn, will thrive emotionally with physical touch and bonding, and as much as you can do this will help you both get to know each other better.

I know you're getting overwhelmed with advice, but here's my 2 cents. I read that while nursing at night, it should be in complete darkness without talking to baby. I know that your little one is still too young for that to affect him, but it may. The goal is for them to nurse and go right back to sleep. My 1st little boy slept in the bed with us. It was wonderful never having to "wake up" to feed him, we just both fell asleep while he was nursing. Unfortunatlely, he didn't want to leave the bed. So, with number 2 little boy, we got a co-sleeper. (Like a Playpen that the 4th side that folds down.) The "shelf" they sleep on is at the same level as the bed and you attach it to the bed. It was THE BEST THING WE COULD HAVE DONE!! I would wake to nurse him, trying to stay awake, then put him back in HIS "bed". This way, he never really knew he was right next to me. When he was older and sleeping more (maybe one wake a night), I put him in his baby bed. Unfortunately, boys do not sleep through the night as early as girls do, so it was years before I had a decent nights' sleep... I know you're tired, but your little one is still so young. Nap when he naps and know that you are his mother and you know what's best for him.

I fed all 3 of mine on demand, even at night. They all fell asleep at the breast. They all were in my bed. You need to ignore everyone and do what is right for YOU, not your MIL. If baby will consistently take a bottle and you are having plenty of milk, and it works for you (meaning you are happy with the whole situation and baby is growing) then go for it!

i would say that if he is taking well to the breast and you are okay with it then let him breastfeed...hes only ten days old and he wont be like this forever...with pumping and breastfeeding you are go to wear yourself out! Goodluck and do what is best for you and your baby!!!

I agree with most of the moms here, do what YOU feel is right and makes sense to you. I did however want to suggest a good breastfeeding resource. www.kellymom.com This was BY FAR my best source of ALL issues related to breastfeeding. I've even seen LLL recommend it.

at 10 days old, all babies fall asleep on the breast, b/c that's all they do...SLEEP! On demand nursing is very important for the first month to regulate your milk supply. It sounds to me that your MIL just wants to take the riens for the night time feedings. Bottle feeding using breast milk vs. breast feeding really won't make any difference as far as sleeping, weight gain, etc. Your baby is still getting the same stuff and the same amount it's just coming out faster, which can lead to gas. Just my 2 cents

Just want to say that I agree with most of these ladies...especially Heather H's advice.
Your little baby has only 10dys life experience. Before birth he was accustomed to having constant nutrition, constant comfort, etc. Now he has these weird uncomfortable feelings of hunger and wet, as well as temperature changes.

Your mil may have the best of intentions in suggesting you bottle feed at night. However, this WILL negatively affect your milk supply - especially this early on. Nursing on demand for the first few months is essential to your baby's growth and well-being. If you think about all the growing and moving (arms/legs) that your baby is doing, it's his version of exercise. After exercising, he needs something to drink and some extra calories -- because he's not just maintaining weight, he's trying to grow!
He needs to nurse and get that high protein fore-milk...and nurse long enough to get that good high fat hind-milk.

Your mil and everyone else who gives you advice has great intentions, but something I've learned and have heard mom friends say repeatedly is

Listen to your Mama Instincts!

You are the Mama and that trumps all!

HTH and if you have any questions about something I wrote, please don't hesitate to contact me -- I love to talk about anything breastfeeding related!

K., mama to
Catherine, 5.5y
Samuel, 2.5y
Baby, 9/09

That is rediculous! You're baby is 10 DAYS old!! You dont need to worry about him getting used to anything at this point. Even if you want him sleeping through the night, any baby book that is written by a legitimate doctor says that you have to wait for signs that your baby is ready around weeks 5 and 6. That is usually the first time your baby will "sleep through the night" aka sleep straight for about 5-7 hours.

Your breast is more than adequate right now and if you dont let him feed, there is a pretty good chance that your breasts wont produce as much milk as it could and you might be forced to go to formula prematurely.

Mom's and MILs only want to help, but it is your responsibility to tell them when their advice is appreciated but not needed. You said this is your second child, clearly you know what you're doing. If you dont speak up and your milk dries up, or your baby no longer wants you but just wants the bottle, you could end up resenting your MIL for listening to her instead of following your instinct. Babies grow up too quickly and once an opportunity is gone, you cant get it back.

Hope that helps

Hi C.,

Congrats on your little one! I think giving one bottle a day is ok, if you want to get him used to taking a bottle. However, if I were in your shoes, I would just nurse him at night. Faster, easier, better for your milk supply and he really is too young to develop any bads habits yet. Make sure you wake him up a little bit during the day, before putting him down for a nap and he should learn to put himself to sleep just fine. Also, I would think that not nursing all night would not be good for your supply this early in the process.
Good luck!