Seriously..is It Too Much to Ask?

"Playing games."
"Lucky you, hey when you get a pause point, could you do a full load, washer/ dryer and put away? Thanks babe. Also see if you can't get "older son" to pick up the playroom/living room/ his bed room while you're at it. It'll be a big help."

Some times you just have to tell them what you need done.

Yes, the mom and housekeeper in you says, "CLEAN UP". But, think of it this way...if the world were to end tomorrow, wouldn't you be glad they had some father/son time?

:)

FRIDAY NIGHT OFF!!!

Challenge accepted! Order a pizza and pick up on way home. Eat and then take somebody's controller. MOM gets next 3 games!

And everybody spends an hour tomorrow morning helping straighten the house. :)

I'd sit down and do nothing if I were you. If they get a day of rest, you get a day of rest.

I learned that lesson many years ago, Viola, before I had children. My hubby would go play golf on Saturday mornings, and wouldn't get home until after 1 or 2:00 in the afternoon. I would have worked so hard cleaning up the house. One Saturday I slept late and watched a movie - really tired from a hard week at work. He asked why I didn't clean up when he got home. It hit me the wrong way and his attitude didn't go over well. From then on I did whatever I felt like when he was playing golf, and I DIDN'T feel like cleaning house.

That is what you should do, too.

Dawn

THANK YOU ladies. Both for the question and the responses.

Now, I'm going to get up off my somewhat lazy bum and go pick up and wash and plant (plants and seeds in the garden) and then cut some roses for my wife and write her a note to tell her how much I love and appreciate her. Then I will make dinner and have a nice relaxing evenng ready for her after she had an awful week at work.

Thanks for being the catalyst for getting me going.

Gotta love this site. Good luck to you and yours.

Ya know, it took a good part of my life to think of myself and when I have a surprise day off I am a lazy bum!

Next time you have a day for yourself don't pick up anything to clean. Just have fun, play video games if you want. Trust me it feels good!

The dirt will still be there.

I used to be like you but even being angry takes energy, ya know?

I feel that if you want to live in a house you need to clean it. That includes men women and children. Everyone is responsible to keep the home clean.
But.......
Some men just don't get that. With some men you need to make a list. Remember it takes 21 days to change a habit. So make a list from now on
load dishwasher, toss a load into the washer and dryer, pick-up debris field, wipe down bathroom ( or run vacuum-mop floors), and have dinner started. This is nothing but normal everyday stuff. If he and kids complain, explain to them that they are a value to you and you want to be able to spend time them with doing fun things. You want your children's early memories to be of a happy Mom who played with her kids ----- not a mom who was grumpy and cleaning all the time.

Viola...LOVE that name, BTW, Very pretty!

I get it. Really, I do!

But here is the thing...

.....I would be the easy-going Mom and understand (and even be happy for them) that they get an extra day off and get to spend it together playing! That is so cool and usually doesn't get to happen all that often, in my house at least!

....But I would call The Man and ask him to please, please, please take 10 minutes before I got home and tidy up just a bit so that I am not a grouchy raving lunatic when I get home and have to walk into a war zone! I HATE that and nothing makes me grouchier than when The Man and The Kids are home all day 'playing' and I walk into a MESS!

They can take 10 minutes out of their 'playing time' and straighten up for you before you get home...even if it is the last 10 minutes before you walk in the door, Ha! Whatever it is that would make you feel the best...pick up living room and lay down a vacuum? Just load the dishwasher and wipe down the counters? Whatever it is that you need, call and tell your husband to please just do X and then on Saturday morning you can ALL get up and 'Go Voom' on the house together, as a team!

Ugh.
Men and kids (for the most part) JUST DON'T CARE about the mess. It's like they don't even see it! My son has been home from college for less than two weeks and already you can't see the floor in his room, it is COVERED with clothes (clean and dirty) papers and video game cases.
Thank God my husband and I have separate closets because his literally looks there was a tornado in it.
I GET where you're coming from, I really do. I can't stand mess and clutter. But maybe this weekend you take a little break yourself, get a pedicure, grab a drink or a movie with a friend, relax.
Then next week, start looking for a cleaning person to come in once or twice a month. Find some room in your budget, it's not as much as you might think it is and you deserve it!!!

I sincerely hope that your 14 year old son and your preschoolers did not say "don't B---- at us".

Sorry. I understand the feeling very well, but I don't think you should jump them for decompressing and spending time TOGETHER. That is going to get rarer and rarer as your 14 year old son gets older. Things like video games, shooting hoops, playing pool are ways that teens (especially boys) can bond and open up a little and take down the dreaded teenage wall. I think you should take a deep breath, let it out slowly, bring home some take out. Tell them you're sorry for getting ugly and complaining, but that you're just tired from work and let out a little steam. Eat dinner together, and join them in a game, or take a family walk or swim, then go take a bubble bath and decompress. Ask your husband to rub your shoulders if that's something he'd do, and spend some time getting some loving and relax.

Tomorrow, you can all do chores TOGETHER and knock it all out at once. Get a couple diaper boxes, laundry baskets, whatever you have and everyone be responsible for their own "stuff" in each room. Have everybody (you included, so you're not the evil ogre) start in 1 room and go room to room picking up whatever is "yours" and put it in your own basket/box/whatever. Even little preschoolers can push a box or basket to their room and put it in their toybox. Before you know it, the house will be picked up. Have one person sweep, one person vaccuum, one person man the dishes, and another do the toilets. It'll get done! The next day, chores freshly done, you can be as "lazy" as you want to be.

My best suggestion - is stop doing it, especially stuff like laundering/putting away their clothes, cleaning their spaces, etc. I wouldn't make them food either, unless it's for a family meal.

Then...give it a few months. It will be hard but so worth it!

You definitely want your son to leave home as a man who takes care of himself. But since Dad isn't setting an example, you may have to set one, but by letting them find out what happens if they don't. After all, you are not their maid.

Best to you!

When I went back to work 6 years ago, I told my husband I was not working weekends cleaning. I have someone come in and clean every Thursday. I LOVE Francis. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have her. She is wonderful!!!!

Dawn - OMG my husband pulled that right after we got married. Only it was he and his friend who made the comment about not cleaning while they were golfing. I tossed them both out!!! He came home with flowers and never made a comment about the house again!!!! :)

Since I have had two back surgeries in the last three years, I can't do alot of the heavy cleaning, OH DARN!!!

I understand where you are coming from. I hate when people just sit around when things really need to be done. Like when you are out of towels and they are doing whatever. Couldn't they do them?

I was told that if I need help, or want something done then I need to tell him to do it. Sometimes specifics like do laundry! They are men of course, and not mind readers. Many dont even notice those types of things, as impossible as that seems to a woman haha.

Call home and ask them to do laundry and clean up a bit before you get home. IF they dont do anything by the time you get home, then yell away I say.

With my guys it usually has to be spelled out for them before they will do it including my husband. I would call and flat out say hey can you get this and this done before I get home I would greatly appropriate it love ya!!!

Have no advice...but glad I'm not alone. :)

Typically I'd agree with you but even I sometimes will just want to let things go and I'm pretty anal. My husband is like this all the time... But a day like that with his son if he had one, I can't imagine he'd clean up. He say "who cares? Who's coming?" And in a way he'd be right. It does sound like people need a break and while I"m a complusive cleaner so I get it, I can see how people would also want to enjoy an unusual day off. If I were you, I'd pick a couple of tasks and ask them to have them done when you get home or let it all go yourself today and like people have said, do a family clean up tomorrow. The one day of the week I don't make the kitchen and FR spotless before bed is Friday night. So in a way, this is their "day off". If they do nothing today, they should be ready to go tomorrow. I used to yell at my husband on Saturday mornings so much before I finally accepted he decompresses that day no matter what. Then he's ready to go on Sundays while I feel caught up and am ready to relax...

Yes, you're expecting too much; not asking too much. Picking up around the house, doing chores takes time and effort while you build the expectation. As you said, everyone is tired. It's reasonable that they aren't able to then, out of the blue, adopt a new way of behaving. They planned to relax and recover.

It's not fair that you have to do the picking up, etc. You also need to relax and recover. I suggest that you let the housework go and do the same when you get home. Then everyone will be in a better space and you'll have a chance of getting along. Which would you rather have? A family that gets along during this rough period of time or an angry family, including you and still not get the work done?

My mother in law once told me the smartest thing she ever did was hire a housekeeper to come in once a week and help her around the house. She got tired of her husband always going fishing and doing other things that she decide to hire someone so she could get some time off. She realized that he wasn't going to change and start cleaning more. As I get closer to going back to work I think I am going to budget a housekeeper once a week so I too can have some me time. I felt bad at first for thinking of hiring someone to do something I or others could do but then realized that after working a long week cleaning will not really be something I want to do. It will help keep peace in my house.

Dad on Purpose: YOU ROCK! Excellent response!

I assign chores to everyone and if they don't do it it doesn't get done. I am not a servant in my own home. I deserve respect and to be treated like I am someone special.

I think your son is old enough to be doing dishes, laundry, washing and drying, all sorts of other things. Hubby knows he should be doing more.

Tell them you would like to have a family meeting to discuss chores.

You might take each job you can think of, like mowing, washing the gutters, dishes after each meal, cleaning out the vehicles, washing walls, menu planning, cooking, shopping, laundry, taking the curtains down, washing them, ironing them, rehanging them, each and every job you can think of.

Take the ones that are daily then the ones that are weekly, ones that are monthly, every 6 months, then yearly like the gutters. So many jobs. The purpose of this is to have a visual representation of the work you do. So make sure it looks like a LOT of work. They may feel some guilt that they aren't already helping.

Tell them you have decided you need them to help. Tell them they can pick one slip of paper out of each jar, that each of you will be doing this until all the papers are gone. That if they do not do their job it will not be done.

It's time to put your feet up, Mom! Depending on what you have going on this weekend, give them a deadline (Sunday by 1 p.m.) to have it ALL done. Tell them you will make the deal that you won't b*tch, as long as you don't have to do, and it's done by the deadline. Leave it on your hubby's shoulders to execute. If you have to do anything and/or the deadline is not met, you get to be the biggest b*tch you want, and you the video games are going to be put up for a week.

Use your leverage, not your energy. I think you need a day to yourself tomorrow. I give you permission to do whatever it is you please!

The dish fairy periodically quits at our house.
You need a day off too every so often.
If you get a lot of flack on a regular basis, take off a day when the typical slackers need something done and go do a spa day or see a movie by your self.

@both dads - wanna let us know if that really happened? *L*
(sorry - son here just doesn't do stuff - argh - works 4 10s, but this is 2nd day off ...*sigh!*)

ps Viola - hope those storms didn't give you much trouble - used to live in the Springs!