Serious Trouble!!

It sounds like constipation may be the culprit. A stool softener can help with that.

If you think it is behavioral, however I will tell you what worked for my daughter. She was very excited to be starting preschool like her brother who is a year older. I told her that I received a phone call from her teacher and that she needed to practice some things before the start of school. One of those things was using the potty and wearing big girl underwear. It worked like a charm.

Another tip that one of my son's doctors suggested was having my kids use the potty at certain times of the day they could identify with such as, upon waking, before lunch, before nap, after waking from nap, etc. I felt we had pretty good success with that also.

Good luck!

Does he have the smaller padded seat to put on the regular toilet? That can make it more comfortable if he has to sit there awhile or if he's afraid of falling in. Or a stool under his feet to make it easier to push?

Hi Mama-
First, I want to say that if he is barely going to be 5 in the fall for school, waiting one more year to start kindergarten may be the biggest blessing they give themselves as parents. Boys, many times, need that extra year to get their wiggles out and trained for potty time.
On a second note, what is this baby's diet like? I have noticed that when my nephew eats cereals, anything with refined sugars, or has lots of juice (even though it is watered down), his behavior is off the wall and he goes a little nuts. His mommy doesn't understand that food is a huge factor in behavior, along with the amount of excercise a kid gets.
My last thought is that this is a strength of will issue and a behavioral modification that your sister and brother might need some professional help with. A child psychologist can help them get to the root of his need to NOT use the potty for pooping and then they can work on ways that will be successful in getting him ON the pot.
You have tried everything I would try. One last thing- the good behavior jar that works towards a large goal of his choosing could be winner. Whenever he uses the potty, he gets marbles in his jar. When it is full, he gets what he wants. If he has bad behavior and won't use the potty knowing full well that he should, he loses marbles. And he should take them in and out of the jar when it happens. But keep the jar out of his reach in general.
I hope this helps.
-E. M
It has to be something he wants more than just about anything, though. Otherwise, no bribe on the planet will work.

Have they talked to the pediatrician. If this has been an ongoing problem, maybe there is a medical reason.

If he's having pain pooping, which it SURE sounds like he is, get him MIRALAX. It is a miracle for constiaption. His doctor can recommend a dosage, but our pediatrician said there's no unsafe amount, per se. You could give him a couple doses a day until he's cleaned out, then start with the recommended dosage each day to keep his stool soft and break the constipation/holding/painful pooping cycle. Get this child some help!

Miralax can be bought over the counter, and Walmart and Target even carry it in their store brands.

Check out "Everybody Poops" from the library. Some kids get funny about poop leaving the body and if he holds it, it then backs up and becomes painful to pass. What does he say when asked about why he doesn't want to poop on the potty?

Good luck to them!
T.

have him was out by hand the pants everytime that happens. Sooner or later he will not want to wash them.

When my son was 3, he was completely pee-pee trained, but would not poop on the potty. We had been trying to offer sweet treats if he DID use the potty, but he never cared. But then we realized he got sweet things every now & then anyway, so it didn't matter to him. We didn't want him to feel punished, so we told him one morning that "since he was having a hard time pooping on the potty, it might because of the sweet things he eats. That they must be causing the problem. So we would have to keep all sweet things out of his diet to help his body learn to poop on the potty." He didn't get much junk food, so this included ALL sweets...cereal, juice, fruit, pb&j, anything that tasted sweet. He pooped that day! The next time he went in his pants, "Oops, must be those sweets again...no more until you've stayed clean & dry for 3 days." So he stayed clean & dry for 3 days and got his sweets back. That was it. He was trained. It was very important to him to have his sweet stuff!!!

My daughter, on the other hand, was very laid back & hard to motivate. So that didn't work with her. She held out for 3 weeks with no sweets. I finally gave up, but of course I couldn't tell her that. So we just told her that the sweets must not have been the problem for her, so we would look for another solution. That's when I read an article that suggested the following:

Again, you don't want to punish them. We train them to poop & pee their pants from birth. It's not their fault. So I told her that "because she was so big (also 4), that baby wipes were too small for her. The only thing I had that could clean her big ol' bottom, without making a big mess in the house was the water hose outside." I was very calm. I didn't use it as a punishment. I just told her I was sorry if the water was cold...but this was what we'd have to do since she was so big...unless she wanted to use the potty instead. After 2 hosings, she was cured!

You could have them try these things. Some people may think it sounds cruel. But, like I said...I made sure to be very calm & loving. It was not punishment...just news ways of doing things "because they were so big." it's worth a shot. They've only got a month or so!! Good luck to them!!!

C.

We gave my daughter an enema twice, because she would hold it for days and it was making her sick. After doing that, she decided she would rather go on the potty than have another enema. Glycerin suppositories work fast, too. We gave her prizes every time she would go to the potty on her own. I kept a bag full of dollar store prizes. That motivated her for a awhile. If you try to force a child to go potty, it will be a big battle of the wills. You should never make a child sit for hours as that creates a negative experience. A website that helped me is: http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/toilet.htm. They give alot of info about toilet training and "trouble shooting". Look up "toilet training resistance for more info. I'd say it took her about a month to become regular on the potty. Good luck.

When my son did this I gave him benefiber & grape juice (natural laxative). As soon as he would hide or start to squirm because he couldn't hold it in anymore I would carry him (as he was crying) to the toilet & hold him down till he was done. It really worked for us.

Give him an enema, its uncomfortable and wont be a pretty expereince for everyone involved but tell him it is needed to help his body go poop because you have to poop or you will get sick. I assure you he will never want to repeat the experince again and be more cooperative in the future. Boys can be stubborn but parents have to be stronger for their own good. Other things to try is to add senakot (a natural laxative) to his food (browines, spegtti sauce etc..things he wont taste it in) and he wont be able to hold it in. Then the whole act wont seem so scary. It really depends on what kind of personaility the kid is and why he is doing it on what will solve the problem. Do the parents know the answers to those questions?

I did a sticker chart for my son when he wouldn't poop on the potty. He got a "big" prize (a $20 train) when he got 12 stickers, and then a smaller prize (a $10 train) when he got another 20. That worked for him after several months of trying to get him to go on the potty.

My son still has what I call pooping issues, however (and he's now 8). He doesn't like to poop, and will hold it for days--even a week or longer--if I don't make him sit down on the toilet every other day to try. He often complains about it hurting him when he poops, and I think he doesn't want to do it because he's scared it's going to hurt. We have been giving him Miralax (as recommended by our pediatrician) since he was 4 to help keep him regular.

Sit him on the toilet BACKWARDS. Kids love that plus they feel more secure that way--they can put their hands on the tank. Also have them explain what poop is, that the body needs to get rid of it and where it comes out of....let him examine himself in a mirror. I think poop is mysterious for boys and seeing the opening makes them feel more confident.

And he could be really really constipated--water water water, and Miralax. Lots of fiber.

this is an extremely common issue with potty training, definitely NOT an issue for a psychologist!
Try a padded seat on the toilet, or even a small potty seat on the floor, and also if he's using the big potty, place a small step stool in front of it so he can use his feet to push on while he's pooping. Some kids are also afraid of the splash, you could ask him if that's the problem. Finally, use the school thing as motivation. That's the only way my daughter was fully potty-trained in time for pre-k!

Here are some tips from a child therapist with a link with more details:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/09/22/...
Training your toddler to use the potty may seem like it goes on forever, and that’s because it is a long process. There will be a stage that your little one does great, followed by a time where he won’t sit on the toilet even with your best bribe. Remember that coercing a toddler to do something they don’t want to do (including potty training) results in a power-struggle, and this is one struggle I do not recommend entering

Does he have any issues with constipation. If so it may hurt when he goes and that my be why he wont. Maybe they need to try a laxitive after talking to a doctor of coarse. We have also always just made it a real fun/funny expierence with my son. He will be 3 in aug and has been poop trained for a while now. Still wont tell us when he has to pee though. We just got real excited when he went and did high fives and as a boy everything has to be big, so he always had to look at it and the bigger deal we made of getting excited and talking about it the more he wanted to go. Now he will tell us everytime. He still tells everyone about his big or little poops! LOL!!!

the only thing i can really say (as i know a 4 and 5 year old that trained late).........never use diapers, it will be messy for awhile, but most kids will decide not to go in their pants after like 10 accidents

If he is holding himself and saying that it hurst, then your brother and sister in law need to talk to his pediatrician. He may be having issues with constipation. I would strongly suggest they discuss the issue with their pediatrician before using any over the counter remedies as many are not for children. Although there are some for toddlers, but most are for adults.

Also the pediatrician will know what questions to ask to get to the root of the problem. Obviously if it hurts he is not going to want to go. chronic constipation causes the colon to expand thereby making bowel movements larger and harder to pass. This can cause painful bowel movements and even fissure (small splits in the skin) and can be very scary for a young child. I have a friend whose daughter has some special dietary needs and has chronic constipation which was alleviated by watching certain foods in her diet.

Sounds like he needs some understanding, medical attention and parents who are patient.