This request is actually about my niece. She is 5 years old and suddenly does not want to be anywhere her mother is not. She has to be picked up from preschool because she won't stop crying. She doesn't even want to go to her friends house to play or her ballet class which she use to love to go to. Since this has happened, her mother will not play with her at home because she is afraid it will increase her daughters desire to only be with her. My niece however is perfectly content with just being at home playing by herself. Since I am a new mother, I do not have any advice to give her. This website has been helpful for me. I am hoping it will be helpful for my Sister-in-law. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
I agree with Amy T. The mother should not avoid playing with her child because doing so will just increase the child's anxiety! I also think something must have happened to her or was said to her to cause such anxiety.
Hello...
I am thinking that your niece NEEDS this extra attn. from MOM NOW! Avoiding play with her will only make the Seperation Anxiety worse!
Something has triggered this & the child NEEDS much love & attention because of it, not less.
Take care,
K. K.
Hi A.,
Has anything happened to your niece that you know of?? Ask your sister if she knows of anything or have her talk to the teacher. Perhaps she had a bad dream or maybe someone told her something that terrified her and she is afraid of something happening to her mom. It could just be a phase and hopefully that's all it is but I would definitely recommend someone casually talking to your niece about it. She may not be as comfortable talking to her mom so if you are close enough to her perhaps she will talk to you. You'll be amazed at what kids will tell you in a fun relaxed environment, sometimes they open their little mouths and just go and go and go. I do hope it's just a phase.
Good luck and God bless all of you.
My daughter that is 5 went through something similiar and i took her to a social worker and she recommended to spend one on one time with her, at least 30 min a day. seperation anxiety is due to the child scared they are not wanted. So ignoring the child will make it worse, the child will feel unwanted and act out to get attention. I had lots of issues in daycare with her last year. The best advice i can give is to absolutely give one on one time with her. Also limit the tim the child watches TV/video games, if any and don't let them fall asleep to the tv. Make sure the child has clear guideline and understands them. Once they understand them and your firm, it will get better. My daughter improved dramatically in about 2 months time, the daycare loved her and she was bringing home "student of the week" awards. And she loves to be at school....Hope this helps!
Maybe something had happened in her little girl's life that she doesn't realize, a trauma of some kind...when kids need to be with you they need security...I hope she can give it to her and praise her when she's able to do things by herself, rather than force her away. Maybe something has happened at preschool, we need to really LISTEN to our kids...they are smarter than we think. If she gets out dolls to play with, with her daughter, maybe her daughter will communicate what the doll is afraid of, and therefore her...ie. pretend it's "school" or a "class" and see what the dolls says about these places.
Good luck
sadly the first thing that came to mind was what happened. was she hurt by someone while she was not with her mom? chances are no one knows or even thinks it did. i'd try to talk to her and see what she says about wanting mommy so badly. maybe try a counselor although mommy might have to stay in the room.
Hi A.
I don't want to alarm you but I would tell your niece's mom to check into why your niece is acting this way. It seems to me that if she doesn't even want to stay @ preschool, something tramatic might have happened. Being that it is all of a sudden, the mom should check to make sure that nothing like bullying or inappropriate touching or something else that your niece might not beable to express. If it continues I would suggest seeing a counselor. I hope that I am wrong and it is a normal 5 year old seperation aniexty. L.
Hi A.. I am a therapist who does parent coaching. I recommend that your sister look at what has changed in your niece's life. Is there something different going on at home? A new conflict in the home or at pre-school that would create a fear response in your niece? 5 year old's can't discuss these things in the way that we can, but try to find out about any negative experiences she has had while away from her mother. See if she can use dolls or stuffed animals to play out her feelings and tell stories about her experiences. What is she feeling fearful or insecure about. What is she afraid of?
S. Starseed, MHS, LOT
www.insynctherapy.org
It could be that she is afraid that something is going to happen to her Mom. So she figures that if she is with her that nothing will happen. It could be that one of the other kids at school said something, or she saw something on tv. This happened to my son. The second days of kindergarten, my son got off the bus crying. When we asked him what was wrong he said that one of the kids told him that they didn't have to be nice to him cuz they knew that he wouldn't be coming back to class. What could they mean? Am I going to be in an accident? I had to work from home for a week putting him on the bus and meeting him when he got home.
