Seperating Twins in School- One Grade Higher than the Other

I am a twin myself and very upset about this question! Keeping them together is a much better choice period! Twins compete with each other weather you like it or not so having one graduate before the other is major problems. Just being honest. My parents thought about with us when we were in 6th grade and I begged my parents to let us stay together. They allowed it and we were much happier. Twins have a bond no one else can understand in some ways it is like the brain is shared. This is why we did better staying and learning in the same grade. We helped each other through all of school. Ps we also graduated when we were 17 I don't think that was a major issue at all. Nut shell leave them in the same grade unless you want major problems.

I would not do it. (my twin brother would have loved it if I would have been a grade lower or higher but I would have not.) just my thoughts on it.
Good luck.

First when is their bdays? Boys are always a year behind at first. I would talk to the schools counsler, they can tell you what options you can do.

I would hesitate to move her faster, not only because what it will say to her brother, but also, remember that she will always be young for her class. Even if she is brilliant and can do the academic work, she will be physically and emotionally behind her classmates. This can really cause problems down the road, especially in adolescence. I was a promoted in grade school and went to an ivy-league college at the age of 17 so you could say I was a success but trust me, high school was brutal, even for a smart girl. I am going to "red shirt" (i.e., hold back or late-start) all my girls (they have spring/summer birthdays) to make sure they are at the older end of the age range as a result of my personal experience. It has nothing to do with their capabilities (they are, of course, super-geniuses :-) LOL)

I do not have experience with this, but are the kids in preschool now? If not, I would definitely do that first, with both of them. Girls do mature faster and are more easily transitioned early into school, but she also needs to have the non-academic skills down like listening and follwing directions, getting in line, sitting still, etc. Since she's so bright, I'm sure she wouldn't or doesn't have a problem with that, but it is something to consider. Also, something we used to tell parents at my school (I used to teach) when they considered putting their daughters into school early was this... Do you want your daughter to be learning and talking about sex one year earlier with older boys? I know that sounds silly...and it sounds so far off, but it truly is something to consider! I am not a mother of twins, so I can't really say how I would feel, but I don't think I would recommend it! Good luck, though, it is a tough decision!

When they are little they won't even think about it that way. But maybe as they get older and tease each other it might be thrown in there. I know in my son's public school they won't let you start kinder unless you are 5 by Aug. regardless of the previous education they have had. Also be careful about putting her in to soon socially. She has to be mature enough or it could cause problems for her. (although girls seem to mature faster than boys)

You could have them both in the same grade... but, if the girl twin is able to... she could be in the gifted & talented classes too. Which is what many schools have.
And if advanced in just reading... then that alone may not warrant her jumping ahead in grade level. (my friend's son is like that... real "smart" & advanced in reading... but he started Kinder at 5).
It really depends on what the Teacher says as well... and then there is emotional maturity & aptitude as well, which can affect/determine if a child is indeed ready for a grade level already or not.
Ultimately... it is a child's emotional maturity... that determines if they adapt and are happy and adjusted in school and with peer problems. Not just their brain aptitude.

All the best,
Susan

My husband is a twin and he is very adamant that you should not seperate twins in school until they are ready (or start to naturally, with class changes in middle school). Last year his cousin's wife bowed to the school's decision to split the kids up for their own good, and it has been horrible. They're both now extremely rebellious with respect to being seperated, and have been told they should be on mood-altering drugs for hyperactivity, add, etc, when there were no problems before they seperated them for 1st grade. I'm not sure how it might affect boy/girl twins, or being in seperate grades instead of just seperate classrooms....

Montessori! the classes are mixed age, 3-6 year olds for Children's House (or preschool & kindergarten as we call it here), and each child has their own work. PLEASE steer away from any "gifted" or "remedial" classifications, as this can be such a stigma &/or pressure forevermore......In a Montessori classroom each child works at their own level, and the older children mentor the younger ones. When done right, there is a great sense of both commraderie among the children, and sense of pride in each child's own abilities. They'll discover likes for subjects you'd never even guess.... one of my boys absolutely LOVES geography, who would've known? I have two boys that have both thrived in this environment, while they are very different in their strengths. Instead of comparing themselves to each other apples to apples, they seek each other's help in the other's strong subjects, and neither thinks they are "dumb" or "smart", just that they have a greater interest in this or that at this time in life.

Good luck! it's obvious you care very much for your children and their successful education.

I'm in a similar predicament with boy/boy twins. I kept my both my twins in a good daycare/preschool an extra year, because one was not ready to start pre-K in the public school at 4 y.o., but the other boy could have without a problem. I made the choice that I did because I knew the teachers at their preschool could (& did) supplement the advanced twin, so he didn't really miss out, while the other boy really needed another year of being a little kid, before getting into the more formal educational system. I don't regret holding the brighter one back at this point, since he got more one on one interaction at the pre-school than he would have at the pre-K with a much greater student/teacher ratio. For example, at the preschool, they were sending my bright twin into the lower age group classrooms as a teacher helper part of the day, and that was really was benefical for his maturity level in particular to help "tutor" the little kids. He was academically ready for K, but he really benefited from an extra year to "grow-up' just as much as his brother who wasn't ready to start at 4. Girls already mature faster than boys do so you might not gain as much maturity advantage as I did. If you have a good quality pre-school or start home schooling her though, I doubt she will be held back or lack being challenged-kids are primed to learn at that age. If anything I found my bright kid was MORE bored and less challenged in K this year then in his preschool, since the curriculum is more structured.

Along with all the other answers, keep in mind that very smart, even reading on a first/second grade level, doesn't equal ready for kindergarten. There is so much more in the social and emotional development. I taught kindergarten and sometimes the most difficult kids were the ones who were very smart but emotionally immature, or were smart but had an attitude. They learned a whole lot less than kids who came in with less knowledge but were ready to learn. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you shouldn't teach ABCs or colors or numbers if your kids are enjoying it. But I have seen far too many moms push to get their kids into school early because of how smart they are, and it ends up causing problems (not just for the teacher, it can create bad habits or attitudes for the child that last beyond kindergarten, or cause undue stress or self-esteem issues).

In general, I say don't try to put any child into kindergarten early (and this is coming from a mom who was on the other side of the fence - Sep birthday kid - before teaching and was very unhappy my dd had to wait. But it's been so much better for her). Instead, put them both in a good preschool program. Check first with the school to see if they have one. Or look around in the community. Visit the school and observe how they teach. It should be mostly through play, not a lot of drill or memorization. It will be good for both kids to have some school experience before kindergarten.

I can tell you that with my sister's twins, they both excel at different things. Four is pretty young to already ask this question: boys tend to be a little further behind early on, but do catch up. I would beg of you not to put them in different years (different classes, though, can be a good idea) and then incorporate different activities that they each like and that feed their interests and strengths. I think two different years could result in a lifetime of "why wasn't I as good as my sister?" feelings for your son. I would weigh your decision--would the benefits to her outweigh the risk to him? Remember she will also be the youngest each year of school, which can be very difficult for a girl. She may be bright, but she also may be less mature than the other girls and that might cause anxiety and unhappiness. You might be able to find programs that challenge her and add to her educational experiences like art classes, Girl Scouts, gymnastics and other activities that promote learning, but still keep them "equal" is your eyes. My two cents! Good luck!

My feeling is that if you're really worried, put them in different schools, where it won't be an issue at all that they are in different grades. Or, better yet, put your children in a Montessori school which has mixed age classrooms where your children could still be together but doing different work. The link below can help you find a good AMI-recognized school in your area.

http://www.montessori-ami.org/

Good luck!

I'm pretty sure that every state does indeed have a cutoff date they need to be 5 by. Here in Kansas it is August 30th. In NY where I'm from it is December 30th. Also- I would consider your daughter's emotional and social development- it's just as important as cognitive/learning skills for school readiness and success. My son is now 6- he started reading by 2 years old- in addition to many other skills coming VERY early. His 5th birthday was a few days before the cutoff- BIGGEST decision of my life- but we decided to do "pre-K" and send him the next year. So far, GREAT decision- he is still getting challenged with a bit of extra work from the teacher and the "guided reading program" and we will look into getting him tested for the gifted program next year. More importantly- he has friends and is socially-emotionally happy. We did this b/c we knew his social emotional skills were normal- but needed a bit of support (just from things we saw at preschool and home.) If it was my daughter however- I would have just sent her and she would have been just fine as the youngest in the class- but her birthday is mid January- so no choice to be made lol. Point is- you know your child best- but it seems like early Kindergarten isn't really a choice unless they have a birthday close to the cut-off. I have also heard some nice things about Montessori schools- so that may be a great option also- even if only for the first few years! And this way- you won't need to worry about having the twins in different grades.

I agree that you shouldn't separate your kids. I was a very smart little girl. When I started kindergarten, my teacher recommended that I skip kindergarten & go straight into first grade. My parents relented and put me into first grade. I was always academically at the very top of my class - even after being put up a grade, but I really suffered socially. I was a good kid - I didn't disturb the class or make any problems for my teachers - but I really struggled with my peers. My daughter is now in kindergarten and reading way above her level - but I am so aware of the valuable social lessons she is learning and I wouldn't dream of putting her ahead in school. School is about way more that book smarts and having her happy & well-adjusted is too important for me to jeopardize those lessons by being too anxious to get her moved along academically. She's going to do well whether she learns new things this year or next. I think we've all bought into a myth that all bright kids are going to languish or be bored if we're not throwing everything they can possibly grasp in their face as soon as they are ready. In my experience, the risk of burn-out by doing that is much higher than of boredom. The truly brightest kids do well even when their peers are not as advanced. They study on their own and a good teacher will allow them opportunities to move ahead at their own pace.

I haven't read all of the posts yet, so this might be redundant. If I were in your situation I would talk to the school and find out if they can modify her learning program for her learning needs and then do the same for him. Do whatever you can to keep them in the same grade. learning curves can be challenging and create serious damage to the self image, try to work with the school, if they don't want to work with you, it's possible that you'll need to find a school that will.
Good luck!

I have twins - My questions would be, How close are they to each other? & Can you give her reading material & things at home to help her & him excel rather than move her up? What happens if you you move her up the grade and she begins to not excel in other subjects, will that then make her feel dumb also. The nice part about it is you get to weigh all of the options and do what is best and encourage to the max when you've made your choices. As a general rule most boys excel at a slower rate, since they would rather be outside then in a school room. BUT you also have to see that your daughters must have some kind of closeness that the older one is teaching the younger. During this time where is your son? It is hard when there are 3 or 5 siblings, because usually 1 gets left out. I hope this helps.

We have one kid a grade ahead (2, if you consider some of his friends started a year later than usual). It definitely has its disadvantages. He was/is very much like your daughter. Even though it's going well, we are not doing the same for his brother, who is even more ahead than the older one. I think the idea of the separate classes is a good one. Also, you could always consider the gifted program for your daughter. Even if there isn't a separate class offered, you can get her identified, and they will offer extra things for her, similar to an IEP for a struggling child. This is our plan for our younger son. Next year, I'm going to teach him kindergarten, with the plan of testing him at the end in the hopes of getting him identified, and then let him do kindergarten with the extra challenges, but with kids his own age. Douglas County uses the CogAT for identification. I haven't gotten as far as finding out where to get it done, though, but I do know that the test can be done as young as 3. You'll have to get your daughter tested anyway, and the paperwork in by April 1, if you're trying to do early admittance for next year. Your local school can help you with this. Our school was great, for both our boys, and we just moved here. Here's the link for the info, if you need it.
http://www.dcsdk12.org/portal/page/portal/DCSD/Learning_S... Hope this helps.

Wow. That's a tough one. I'm guessing your twins turn 5 before the state cutoff? or maybe you're doing private school? anyway, I would NOT want to be the boy if my sister was a grade ahead of me. I'm not sure how you can overcome that stigma. Perhaps consider sending both of them now or hold them both back. Unless your son has some sort of learning disability, but it sounds like your girl is just really smart/gifted. What about maturity levels? That is highly important when considering starting Kindy. Oh, and it sounds like your daughter will probably be bored in kindy anyhow if she is already reading so you may consider a gifted school or private school that will cater to her specific needs more than a public school can do. Can you send them to different schools? Maybe your son is ready for kindy too? Most public school kinders are NOT reading - just should know their letters, maybe sounding out some letters, etc.

I have triplets and have considered similar issues. I would agree that it is hard for kids to start school early (or to skip a grade). They always seem to struggle to fit in with their older peers. As for the comparison between the twins, I have found a very effective way around that. I make sure that all three of my little boys are in different classes. One is an advanced reader, one is average, one is seriously struggling. But because they have different teachers, assignments, homework, etc, they never have to be graded or judged against each other. They all have friends in their own classes and their own teacher, but they get to eat lunch together and play at recess (if they choose). It's worked out great.

good luck!

www.thosecrazybeans.blogspot.com

Just hearing your story, and having very good friends who are twins, I can tell you that they would say do not separate them by grade level. Your son will always feel like he's the "dumb one." Girls mature so much faster than boys. That might be why she's doing better in reading right now. But reading isn't the only thing you do in school. It's so much better to be the oldest in your class rather than the youngest, even if you are extra smart. It helps socially and emotionally as well. Most school districts won't let you start kindergarten unless you're 5 so I'm not sure you even have that option.

Even if they weren't twins I would tell you not to do it. I know 5 adults who either started school early or skipped a grade and every one of them said it made it hard for them socially. They were always in line academically when they moved ahead but never felt like they fit in as well.

I also have another friend that put both of her kids in kindergarten early (they are 10 and 7 now). These kids were certainly very smart but were so timid and shy at school. I always wondered if it was because of the maturity difference with their peers.

Given that you do have twins, I think it very well could send your son the wrong message. Of course, as parents is it up to us to help them with it, kids will usually react like their parents would.

The good news is, the schools today really focus on pushing kids ahead when they display extra academic skills. I am quite sure your daughter will flourish starting kindergarten when she is supposed to.

Good luck!

I thought of putting my child up a grade but then thought it would be better for her to be advanced academically so she can deal with the social and emotional issues. I am SO glad I didn't push her as I have many friends that wish they wouldn't have put their child up a grade when they can't get along with kids in that grade because of their social skills. I just figure they can't drive or date until 16 by my rules, why make them wait until 11th grade for all that? Especially with the twins, I would NOT separate them unless your son is super behind and needs to be held back. good luck

To be honest I don't think you have the option of starting them early, no matter what your reasoning. School districts have very strick rules about how old kids have to be to start Kindergarten, they must be 5 years old, period. If you have a valid concern then the school district could offer different options to your daughter, such as gifted classes, but those don't start in my area until the children are much older. Kids are supposed to be in Kindergarten when they are 5 and turn 6 then they are 17 in their Senior year and graduate at 18.

It's too bad they didn't start this year in Pre-K, it might have been a good opportunity for him to have some time in a classroom to see how he reacts.

I have a smarty pants, too, and it's a difficult decision without throwing the twin question into the mix!
In my education classes in college, we learned the true definition of "fair." Fair means that everyone gets what they need. It does not mean that everyone gets the same thing.
With my 6 yr old who is reading 5th grade books, I refuse to let anyone or anything hold him back. It's not fair to him! I think if you decide to let your daughter move at her own pace, you're going to have to talk with your son very carefully. We've taught our son that he isn't better than anyone else just because he has a "good brain," but that it just lets him learn easier than other people. He really seems to understand that.
I wish we could have started him in kindergarten last year, but his birthday is 1 month too late for us to have had him tested to start earlier. He's so far ahead of his class, even though his teacher says the entire class is advanced. He's struggled to fit in because he's the only one who can read, and because the curriculum is so far beneath him. They're learning to count large amounts of objects, and he's putting them into equal-sized groups so he can multiply to find the answer!
My point in telling you that is to tell you that holding your daughter back from her potential isn't going to solve anything. Your son might end up feeling inferior if they were in the same class, directly "competing" with each other academically, and meanwhile, your daughter wouldn't be getting what she needs, either.
Another fact that might help is that siblings are usually within 10 IQ points of each other. So your son is likely just as smart as your daughter. He just might not be interested in academic things yet. let him progress at his own pace and your daughter at hers. Don't go into specifics with him. Just tell him that they'll be in different classes next year and leave it at that. You don't need to tell him that she's moving up and he isn't!

I hope that helps.

my twins are b/g twins and the girl is naturally smarter than the boy...DON'T Separate Them!! You can do extra things to challenge your girl and you can work with your boy but don't separate them into different grade levels.

As an educator and parent I would not start ANY child early in kindergarten (regardless of ability) a good teacher always levels their class, she will still get what she needs, if you are on top of whose room you want her placed in. I would recommend they have different classes so they don't compare themselves and are able to be independent. Especially that they are twins they will always know and you want them both to be strong.. Socially younger students are always be behind their peers. Schooling is not a race, she will not benefit by graduating earlier and it just might send the wrong message to your son. Often developmentally boys develop cognitively at a slower rate, meaning it is not necessarily and IQ difference. This reminds me of my father and his twin brother, my father was the smarter of the two and one year they put my fathers' twin in the half grade class (catch up school it was old fashion) and forever he thought he was stupid (he still talks about this)... None-the-less I have worked with many students who started early and I would not suggest it...

I have B/G twins and had the dilemma of when to have them start kindergarten. They were June 2nd birthdays and my daughter was ready for kindergarten, but my son was not. Having been a 1st grade teacher, I could tell which boys had waited to start K. Older boys always did better and were more confident. My daughter is very tall (off the charts) and I am tall and had been teased into my teens. If I held her back, she would have looked like a freak.

I did not consider starting them different years as an option. I had heard from 2 sets of adult twins that this had been the case for them and it was a mistake. It was bad for their relationship and their esteem. If my daughter had not been so tall, I would have had her wait a year in a heart beat.

Family and friends who are not twins, did not see the problem in separating my kids and accused me of not treating them as individuals and doing what was best for their individual needs. Yes, they are individuals, but they are also twins and that is a big part of who they are. That relationship deserves respect and it impacts their sense of self.

Fortunately, we were able to solve our problem by putting them in a private school that had mixed age classrooms. So when they were 5, they were with kids who were late 4s, 5s, and young 6s. They will be in these mixed age groups (now 2 grades per class) until jr. high. Then we will have to address the issue again.

These are very difficult choices for parents to make. I hope yours works out the best for your kids.

My daughter is in Kindergarten and is also very advanced. She is reading at a second grade level, so every day she goes into their class for reading time. Do they have the ALPS (accelerated learning program for students) program where you are? In Utah they don't do ALPS for Kindergarten but start in 1st grade. You could have your daughter tested and then she would probably have to go to a different school. Remember that boys are usually a little slower but catch up fairly quickly once they are in school, give you son the same opportunity you would your girl.