Hello,
I'll try and make this simple. We've been married for 5 years. We have a beautiful 3 year old girl and a 4.5 month old son. Our marriage has been rocky for a few years. If you asked my husband, he wouldn't think so. Our problems are across the board...financial, lying, stealing, no motivation to work. I am by no means perfect, but my husband has totally lost it. I truly believe there is something wrong mentally. He has lost all ambition to work. He owns his own business. With the economy, it hasn't been what it used to. When we first met, I never saw him. He worked all the time. As busines slowed, he slowed. He was waiting for everything to turn around. He is STILL waiting. I work FT and travel 35 miles one way to get to work. He offers nothing financially. We have moved twice because we couldn't afford the rent. I sold his car because he couldn't afford the payments. He has gone through all of his money. He has stole from my daughter's piggy bank to by the newspaper. There was actually over $200 in it. It's all gone. He has taken money from my purse and not told me. He has treid calling the bank to see how far he can go without making the car payment which is inmy name before I get reported to the credit agency. He has collectors calling him all the time. STILL does nothing to fix it. He has been evicted from 2 lease spaces for not paying the rent. He has the old land lords chasing him done. With them, he owes roughly $35,000 in bad rent. He has writtenme checks knowing very well they will bounce. Needless to say all of this is strain on our marriage. My life with rather is an open book. He waits for me to get paid and come home with groceries. He has taken our kids out of daycare. It was cheap. We were paying $7 an hour for both of them. He told my mom he was taking a mini vacation this week, so he was keeping the kids home. We have two cars. One I am not letting him use. We lease it and he drove it way over the miles allowed. We are at the 2.5 year mark already in miles and we haven't even had it 2 years. The way this is going, I will have to write a check for $7,000 (40 cents a mile) and walk away in May 2011. His parents have quite a bit of money. Some of which they home him from an inheritance (so I was told). He will not call and ask for a down payment loan. He will not borrow their car either.
There is way more. I could write forever. I am at wits end.
We file taxes separately and do not have any joint accounts. He signed one of the rental property leases before we met. One of my attorney colleagues told me they cannot come after me for the money since it was done before we met. The second rental he signed in November 2008. I REALLY question whether or not he pays his taxes. He showed me last year's return. He has creditors calling him for credit cards and utilities. He does pay our monthly home rent...barely.
Question: Am I liable for paying any of these debts since I am married to him? I will be filing for a legal separation, but not until I get myself on both of my feet.
That doesn't sound like a good situation at all. You will need to get the advice of a lawyer. The sooner the better.
Get a good tax person and attorney because you may be liable for some of it, especially if you cosigned or things have your name on them. I use Obbligato in Oswego for taxes and love them ###-###-#### or ____@____.com. I've also used James White, attorney, but don't know if he does tax law or divorce stuff. Worth calling - if he doesn't, he'll know someone that does. James F. White ###-###-#### or e-mail at ____@____.com
If the business was set up as a business and depending on how it was set up, the debt of the business would be the businesses. If it was inappropriately set up then it would be part of the marital debt/asset. You could always tell him, of course before going for any sort of mention of separation or divorce, to go to his parents and ask for a loan for the full amount of his debts. This way if it is his parent and they are their grandchildren that may suffer they will wisk away the publicly owned debt for a private deal with him. This way it would not be entered into the public arena of divorce and therefore possibly not include you in the debt chase. If not then seek out a lawyer who will advise you to get a place of your own, then file so you have the credit ability to obtain an apartment. Definitely seek out legal council so you are saddled with as little of this mans debt as possible. I believe loss of consortiam(sp?) would fall under one of the reasons for divorce, inclusive of depression. There are many good attorney's around make sure you talk to a few who have gone through divorce with them and make sure they did their job and they felt satisfied.
I got a divorce over fifteen years ago. One of the first things I did was to write the IRS and ask them those questions. At the time Il was fifty/fifty so yes and I believe it still is, but the law changes daily. I explained what was going on to the IRS People in my letter. Now I am not sure what will happen in your case but they were very reasonable with me. We worked out a way for this to be resolved. My ex husband would not release money, information, etc. Of course none of it was ideal and I am not going to say it was nice but it worked out. The attorney should be correct as far as the rental property before marriage. I am sorry you and your little ones have to go through this and in this case husband/he sounds like he is severely in need of help with his mental and physical help. Sometimes people who get depressed get so low they do start doing things that are unusual and detrimental to their families. You are unfortunately forced to leave him. He needs to know however that he is not alone and should let go of all the physical things and learn to adjust to a different life. While you may not want to call his parents for financial assistance you might want to let them know how emotionally out of whack he is. He is severely depressed and making horribly bad choices. The only thing you can do is to save yourself and children until he pulls it together. I would also urge you to contact people (keep writing us, too) but see people who can help you. To pray with you, be with you and help you through this. Check out the bankruptcy laws also. In this day and age there are so many people with financial problems. You are not alone. And hubby is not seeing that he seems to also have too much time on his hands and maybe he could try to get involved with something/anything that would detour his mind from all these problems. Money or lack of it can be such a marriage killer at times. It is sad. Remind him of what he could possibly lose if he does not change his priorities. He has the three most important things in his life-something that money really cant buy.
L.,
like the other responses have said, you need an attorney! If money is a factor, there are many legal aid services in IL. You did not ask about your spouse but please consider that you may also be dealing with an addict. If this is the case, you will definitely need to work with his family and friends to get him the help he needs. You are not alone and you are not the first one to go through this type of situation. Know that nothing will change until you take a stance either way. Good luck!
this is a tough situation. it does sound like he needs some help in dealing with his issues. i know you didn't ask for advice regarding your relationship, but i guess the door is sorta open when posting in forums like this =) sorry if i offend. sound like you guys are really living separate lives. his money, his car, his problems, etc. i can't even imagine how hard this is for you, but do you care for him and want him to get better and improve his life, or are you totally done with him and want nothing to do with him and same for his relationship with his kids. sounds like the latter, but even if you leave him, he will still (hopefully) have a relationship with his kids so it would be great if he improves how he lives. why is he not motivated? depression? ever go to counseling? i know you said you could have gone on and that is the stuff that is probably floating around your head.
i feel bad for your marriage and your kids. i wish you the best! definitely talk with an attorney to see what liability is yours. good luck!
This is anything but simple. With everything separate in your finances , it seems this union was doomed from the start. Most couples pool their resources and go from there. To keep them separate, there must have been some doubt of solvency from the beginning. The sad part is when you marry, you are sharing debt. In the state of Illinois, you would be jointly liable for any debts accruing after the date of your marriage, and until the date of legal intervention. good luck
I am not sure on your responsibilty on the debts but I do believe whatever was done since you were married, you might be responsible for.
I did want to let you know that on a leased vehicle, if you trade it in at the end of a lease for another car, you don't have to pay if you went over in miles. So your best bet is to trade it in for whatever new car you plan on getting. It can be at ANY dealership also. I hope that helps a little with your worries on that end.
I am sorry for what you are going through. You sound like you know what needs to be done and you sound like a strong woman.
If you stay with him, it might take awhile to get on your feet then if you were to leave now.
Wishing you lots of luck!
K.
L.,
Wow. I'm sorry you are in a mess. I think you should talk to a lawyer in your state. Things vary so much from state to state. In Texas, you could be held responsible for some of his debt. However, you could request through the court for the judge to designate specific debts to your husband. It might work, and it might not. However, if you can show that YOU are working, and responsibly paying YOUR debts, in addition to supporting your children, I find it doubtful that a judge would not grant your request. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.
In the state of Illinois spouses are definitely responsible for each others debts. There may be some nuances that I am unaware of and I am not a lawyer, but I have been divorced here and went through some similar issues. You don't get absolved of debts you incurred while married just because you get divorced either. You should consult a lawyer.
I agree with some of what Chris O. said. It seems like you two are not really in a marriage now. You have "separate" bills and financial responsibilities the way you view it, however, you are in this together. So if you intend to sever the ties, fine. But you will still have to deal with him as the father of your kids. You don't want to live with this animosity the rest of your/their lives do you? So you need to see a marriage counselor too, preferably together. I would stop with the blaming and try to get to the root of the problems and get advice about the financial stuff. I understand this is a big mess and you are ticked off and I don't blame you. But you need to see the big picture too. Best of luck in all of this.
I am not sure about the laws in IL but in TX the answer is YES you are absolutely responsible.
