Separation Anxiety or Temper Tantrum?

What similar lives we lead....without daddy so much of the time. I have a 14 month old son and a 3 1/2 year old daughter. Since my daughter was 1 my husband has had a job that makes him work way too many hours, plus, this year he started going back to school for nursing. You know how much of his time we get...not much. Since this has been going on for a while, my daughter is very much a mommy's girl. She's a bit older so that makes a difference and we've been working on daddy time. But she has been use to having me around all the time for everything. I think your sister is right. It's nothing you've done really. Your daughter is just use to having you as her primary care giver, comforter, playmate, companion, etc, etc, etc. So of course, she wants that! I so understand about the joy and freedom that shopping solo brings! lol. Encourage your husband to take your daughter somewhere else while you go to the store. Or just let her stay home with him(cause if she melts down, he's better off at home). If he has to run errands, make it a special daddy/daughter errand. If she cries let him comfort her (might take some crying cause she wants mommy, but she has to learn that Daddy can comfort). Let him put her to bed if he's home. This is all pending he is home and available obviously. She just has to learn that daddy can do all the things mommy can do. With his schedule, it will take time, but if he can put every effort and spare minute into spending time with her she'll learn.

Another thing that I've done to teach my kids that being alone is okay is that they have playtime by themselves for a few minutes everyday. By now my daughter can play or "read" books, etc by herself with no problems for over an hour in her room or some special spot. I put my 14 month old in a playpen with some toys and books for 30-45 minutes everyday too. He learns to play quietly without me, to concentrate on his things, and to manipulate and discover new toys. If you were to start this at 22 months, you'd have to work your way up in time. You could also try a blanket instead of a playpen if you think she'll learn to stay on it and play without coming to find you. It's a great way to get stuff done and teach them to play alone. The blanket method teaches self-control also.

Anyway, that's my 5 cents. I feel for you. And I hope things get better!

Awww. Sounds like she just needs some reassurance. I have a friend who's dd has major seperation anxiety, she carries a 5x7 picture of her Mom with her (close up of her face). Just seeing her Mom's face brings her comfort, and eases the anxiety.

She will grow out of this.

Wow, your situation would cause me major anxiety. I wish I had the solution (which I don't)but, I just wanted to respond to empathize with you. I do know how great it is to even go to the grocery store alone (especially someplace like Meijer's where they have more than just groceries. The problem is (according to my husband) I always take too long. I'm like hey this is my only time alone and I don't think I should be timed. When he goes out I certainly don't expect him home at a certain time, I let him enjoy his evening and go for it. It can drive you crazy. And then all I'm doing is grocery shopping (whippy)! Anyway, about the seperation anxiety, I know of an agency called Oakland Family Services in Pontiac, MI which has several programs for parents with children birth-5yrs old that may be able to help. One is called the fussy baby program (don't let the name scare you). I think it deals with these types of issues plus there are several other programs and resources that may help you. Many of the programs will come to your house which may be nice. My daughter and I began participating in the Ready Lets Grow program which was center-based and dealt with seperation issues. The parents and children would start the morning together, usually doing a craft or just letting the children play and then the moms would go off to a seperate room for some parenting education and open discussion. Most moms had to go back in with thier child week after week but eventually it would get easier to leave for that period of time. Somehow it worked. I had trouble for about the first 3 weeks and then as long as my daughter had her doodle doo (blanket) she started to go with the flow. She is in her second year of Preschool and she still clings to me when I walk her in, always asking me to stay or saying she does not want to go or stay at school. I asked the teacher when would my daughter start to look forward to school and the teacher simply stated that may never happen (UGH). Well good luck.
Sincerely,
T.

We went through this for a long time too. When my dh and I finally got our schedules situated so that our daughter could be home with us most of the time rather than in daycare or with me, she had a really HARD time adjusting to Daddy time. He said she'd scream and cry for me for hour at first. Daycare had the same problem for the first month. Eventually the child will adjust, try giving her something to hold on to or to put in her pocket that she can associate with you, for us it was her elley (a stuffed animal we picked out together) and it worked wonders. Also, when both of you (the parents) are home and available, have him try to comfort her first before allowing her to come to you when she needs comforting, and he can try to distract her with a new activity or make a game out of "let Mommy be", to help her adjust to Daddy comfort.