Selective Mute

The child needs to be invloved in play therapy with a therapist who specializes in children's anxiety disorders. Selective Mutism (now referred to as Elective Mutism) can be overcome, but it takes time and a lot of patience.

When I was working as a school psychologist, I had three students with this condition. It is incredibly frustrating to work with these children b/c your first "thought" is that they are playing a control game. On some level they are, but it's really about a form of anxiety. There are some children who will refuse to speak as a method of controlling their environment, but again it typically goes back to anxiety.

For children, there are very few things that they can actually "control". In this child's situation, he literally has no "control" over his living situation or what is happening to him and that anxiety must be overwhelming. He is finding control where he can. For some children it is refusing to speak for others it's control over what they eat/eliminate.

Really good therapy and lots of love and support at school- the therapist should have consent to work with the school psychologist b/c you need to have everyone on the same page to make this work!

My bil was like that with her twin. he would tell his twin sister what he wanted and then his sister would tell mom/dad/whoever. They finally broke through that around age 3.

This HAS to Have treatment this late in the game.

I suggest that grandma and grandpa be the childrens child care while dad is at work as this will help the kids adjust.

I know you say you're not trying to treat his issue and you're "mostly curious" but he does need professional intervention and very soon or there will be huge difficulties. Listen to what Krista P. has to say in her post. It's going to be difficult for you to help him since he seems to be shoved around to different adults; it's too bad he's no longer with the adults he knows best and trusts most (the grandparents, it seems). I really do fear that if his dad does not understand that the child has a treatable condition, and if the dad thinks the boy is just being "stubborn," "willful," etc., dad will punish him for this rather than getting him treatment. And punishment could make this much, much worse. See how you can get the real information to someone who can help and to whom the dad will listen, since dad now has custody.

This is a real condition. A classmate of my daughter's had selective or elective mutism and has come out of it, but it takes someone who knows what the condition is and exactly how to deal with it. Only professional help is going to work, especially with a child who has been handed around and has just lost the only adults with whom he is willing to speak. If the dad has an OK relationship with the grandparents that would be beneficial because at least they could explain somewhat to the dad about the child's behavior.

This is a situatioin with a lot of possibility for total lack of treatment and a child who will grow up very damaged. If the boy were in a stable home it would be different but the changing home situation will undermine any treatment. I guess I'd start by seeing if the grandparents are involved in his life now that he is with dad.

My friend has a boy who I guess could be labeled as a selective mute. At home he is Mr. Talkative. The "problem" was at Pre-K (4 years) last year (he is now home-schooled K, and will attend "regular" first grade next year...).

I remember my friend telling me after a few weeks went by in school she was asking his teacher how he was doing. The teacher said "Oh, he's doing well, except for the fact that he doesn't talk". She was shocked, she had no idea that he wasn't talking... apparently though, he LOVED to sing at school during music time. He never got around to talking in class the whole year... til the last month or so.

His mom has parties with parents and kids sometimes and I have seen him not talk to people in those situations. He just looks at them when they talk, and walks away...
I babysit her son sometimes. He will be 6 soon. He's a really cool kid, and you can tell he's very bright (i don't see a connection with the selective mute-ness and intelligence at all). He's talks a "normal" amount when I babysit him, but some days he does get really quiet- usually if something is bothering him. And just FYI- when he does talk, he speaks very well and has a huge vocabulary.

He is "different"... he's very internal, has a knack for building things, and definitely a thinker. He's got the best sense of humor, and he's the cutest thing... and three of my four girls have crushes on him. LOL!

I do wonder about his selective quietness though. But I don't think there's anything "wrong"... Kinda reminds me of some older men that tend to be quiet either when they are unhappy with something or in deep thought- then , when they do say something it's usually important and memorable. The boy has an "old-soul" thing to him, too:)

I don't THINK that my friend has tried to "fix" his "problem". (I put the quotations around this because I know this kid well, and I don't think there's anything wrong with him) I imagine this would be a HUGE issue if he chooses not to talk in first grade, though!