Seeking Support for Weaning 14 Month Old

I found that having dad take over bed time duties for a while really helped. Best wishes, this too shall pass.

Hello L.

With three and one on the way you certainly are a working mom. I have four children and breast fed all. When my third daughter was born I had to have surgery and had to stop "cold" also. And what made it worse was I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. The best advise I can give is to first of all get over the guilt. You had no choice and you can't allow guilt to interfer with taking care of your precious children. I always tell people that I put God first, myself second and my children third, because if I don't take care of my self I can't take care of my children. Your son will get over the abrupt method of feeding and he will eventually eat. The best advise my doctor gave me was when she is hungry she will eat! They won't starve themselves. It just takes patience. Little ones go to bed earlier than older ones. Perhaps you and your husband can take turns taking the other children out for ice cream while mom or dad puts the baby to sleep. This will do two things, it will give both mom and dad and the family some quiet time together and a much needed break and it will give the baby a quiet environment in which to settle down. It may take awhile but developing a routine is the best thing for all.
Good luck,
G. L.

Hang in there, I weaned my daughter at 14 months.... and I just think it is a tough age. They are aware of what they want and are very stubborn. I would cry when I heard my daughter crying,, after a few nights (probably a week) it happened,,, she was weaned,,,, it was like she forgot all about it! (but i didn't... so stay strong) and just know this is the best for your baby on the way! Congratulations!
; )

he will be fine & so will you - this will pass like everything else - it's just hard now b/c you are in the thick of it. how about a sippy cup or bottle with warm milk in it? if he's not ready for the milk taste(a lot less sweet than breastmilk)..then try yobaby organic drinkable yogurt. i used it to transition my 13 month old to whole milk. i mixed it with the whole milk alot at first & then slowly took it away & after a few weeks, he was then used to the whole milk taste and he loves it now, in a sippy cup. if your boy is so used to breastmilk before bed then try that, he'll get the sweet taste he needs, just feed him close to you, so it's like he's nursing, go slow, no hurry, just be consistant so he gets the idea that this is what he needs to drink now.

I just weaneded my son a couple of months ago, he was 16months and nursing was how he comforted himself and how he fell asleep...He's my 5th and I think I miss it more than he does, anyway...stop one feeding a day til you're down to nothing and as miserable as it will be for a couple of days if you don't give in he'll stop trying...I would also move him out of your bed for 2 reasons once you start to get bigger he could accidently hurt you or baby...not to mention comfort in a couple of months but most importantly I doubt you will share your bed with him once baby is here and you don't want him connecting baby with him getting kicked out of your bed...best of luck...

Maybe you could try pumping and putting your breast milk in a bottle, mixed w/ 2 ounces of milk than 2 nites later mix w/ 3 ounces of regular milk. That's how I weaned my daughter from formula to regular milk because at first she hated milk. Also, maybe at bed-time when u are giving him the bottle try to incorparate a favorite lovey...so he gets used to the lovey being there at bedtime instead of u.

L. you have to start him on the bottle and he might cry a lot now but gradually he'll come to adapt after a while, how long can he go without staying hungry but don't give in to him. Whenever he cries when you are feeding him from the bottle don't breast feed him let him cry, after a while he'll get tired and feels hungry and that's when you give him the bottle. If he keep pushing it away still do not breast feed him.

I thanks god I never had a problem with my son, I breast fed him until he reaches 8 months and started pushing it away because he didn't want it anymore. But in your situation you need not to give into him easily.

Good luck.

R. M.

I am so sorry! How awful for everybody. I don't know what your medical issue is but you may want to double check that you do actually have to wean. Many physicians have some real misinformation regarding breasfeeding and tell women they have to wean due to medications or other reasons when they don't have to. I would contact La Leche League and Dr. Jack Newman (another breastfeeding expert) for second and third opinions.

www.drjacknewman.com

The first thing I would do is look online and contact the nearest Le Lache League leader in your area. Also, you really shouldn't go "cold turkey". It isn't good for you (engoregment) or him (missing that closeness with you). Also, I would really look into whether you really have to wean or not. A lot of doctors are misinformed about breastfeeding. An LLL leader will beable to help you the most. Good luck!!!!

I understand. My first one weaned herself naturally at about 1 year, but my second one was happily still nursing at 15 months (although I was really ready for her to wean). Anyway, try putting a little strawberry quick into the bottle of milk, just to sweeten it a bit. I know it seems gross & so unnatural/unpure compaired to breastmilk, but the truth is, just a little bit will help both of you transition & get your whole family sleeping again. Good luck!

I think you should talk to your doctor. It seems to me that quiting nursing cold turkey might be more stressful on you then the nursing. Of course you didn't say what your complication is, so I could be wrong. If your doctor thinks it's because it could bring on labor I highly doubt that. Usually it won't cause problems if you've already been nursing for as long as you have. Talk to your doctor again, and contact your local LLL. If all else fails, I hate to say it, but you might have to take him out of your bed. He's going to end up nursing during the night whether you want him to or not. Good luck!

Hello L.,

My son was that age when I had to wean suddenly for medical reasons. Unfortunately, it's just one of those things that will be tough for a little while. I'd suggest keeping whatever else is familiar in the bedtime routine and let daddy take care of putting him to bed - leave the house and let him see you leave. During the day, I'd suggest wearing clothes that are not conducive to breastfeeding and to give him lots of snuggle time and closeness especially soon before the times where he would normally breastfeed.

Hugs and good luck.

Dear L.
I hope and pray that you'll find strength to endure this. I nursed both of our daughters until they were 13 months and 13 1/2 months old. Then I let them have a bottle and at bedtime I'd cuddle them and rock them to sleep most nights. That way they were still close to me and they didn't feel left behind.

So my advice is . . . be patient and loving, which I know you will be, and if need be give him a bottle of milk and hold him. May God bless you and your family.
Best Wishes,
L.
www.youngliving.org/LENAWOLFE

hi L.;

what is your medical complication? please be advised that many doctors, even good ones who really care, are very misinformed about nursing; i never heard of a complication that really, actually indicated a need to stop nursing. i would urge you to go immediately online and find your local La Leche League International chapter and call the chapter leader and try to go to a meeting right away. they really have the most accurate and up to date information on maternal health and nursing. they can also direct you to a board certified lactation consultant who can help you and provide a second opinion and more information than your doctor probably has.

find out if it's a matter of medication; in other words, if you're taking something that will transfer to your son through the breast milk, that's very serious, and you should find out if it could also have a negative effect on the baby inside; you must ask all these questions.

if you and your son are not ready, i would really try to do everything possible not to wean. if you have no other choice, that's even more reason to see a lactation consultant right away, who can help you figure out how to wean as peacefully as possible.

good luck,
J.

Hi L.,

I just weened my 3 year old. It took about 7 days for it to be pretty smooth, but he is still not happy about it after 7 weeks, altho he did say he's getting over it today. I have found that he is angry and resents me. He's old enough to realize that cuddling makes him want to nurse, so we have a strange distance that we are just beginning to bridge. I made the mistake of attaching it to his 3rd birthday. He didn't want to turn 3, he didn't want cake. It was really awful, hard, but I had to stick with it, or else I'm convinced he'd nurse to 15!

I asked our doula/lactation consultant and she said that you (I) just need to be strong, stick with it and don't feel guilty. She shared that her daughter tried to negotiate with her. She also suggested using art, drawing pictures, but your little guy may be a bit young? I have been experiencing the tears and frustration. What has helped us was joining the local play groups, keeping busy, and drinking lots of juice- and another favorite is Kefir. Try the plain, unflavored first b/c the others I find a bit sweet, but I mix 1 plain with 2 flavored. Water also is a good one, our son asks for it all the time. Also... you could introduce toothbrushing as something new to do... I just try to think of distractions. I also leaned heavily on my husband. It was heart wrenching in the beginning... maybe your eldest and friends can step in to help. Also... getting out of the house was a big help... running off energy for naps and bedtime. Visiting farms, friends, playgrounds. Even shopping at fun places for little kids. Spring is coming! Maybe asking your little guy to help you pick out new foods, fruits, to sit in the shopping cart and see what looks yummy now that he's a big boy! Best of luck and my heart goes out to you. It's so hard, but he will be fine and you are the best mommy in the world for nursing your child! Hope some of this helps! Oh... and I put a crib mattress on the floor next to us and for a long time we would be together in the morning... but now he is happy in his own bed. Love, R.

i know this must be difficult for you both, esp since it a necessity vs a choice. like other posters said, try to wean him to something else whether it be a cup, bottle, or pacifier. i really have no advice as its going to be hard so suddenly with no transition, and he is just too young to understand whats going on. but what i wouldnt do- i personally would not let him fall asleep with a bottle to avoid tooth decay(but a bottle of water is fine to keep in bed). i also would not sweeten milk for dental reasons as well, along with not wanting the additional sugar in his diet or the thought that everything must be sweet. i also WOULD NOT have him leave your bed. since you are taking away his comfort of nursing, keep everything else the same. that closeness from cosleeping should continue so you dont take everything at once away. that would just be too much kwim. but IF you plan on him not being in your bed when the new baby arrives, i would start to transition before the baby comes after the nursing is no longer an issue, so he is already out before the arrival to not feel replaced. i know this must be hard, but im sure you will both get thru it. good luck!!!

It's too bad that you have to stop immediately, otherwise you could wean him slowly. I would suggest that you still allow the closeness and cuddling, just no nursing. My daughter was just over 2 when I started weaning her because I was pregnant as well. She slept with us as well and did cry and fuss because she couldn't nurse. What helped her was holding my breast in her hand. We would snuggle and she'd hold on and that calmed her down enough to sleep. And then she grew out of that. When the baby came along it was like she didn't even remember nursing, so she wasn't jealous that the baby was doing something that she wasn't allowed to do. That was a relief! So I would suggest you allow some type of physical contact. Let him lay his head on your breast or his hand, whatever works. That may reassure him. I would tell my girl that the "titty" (what we call it) was going to be for the new baby and she was too big for it. She denied it for the first while but she's fine with it now. He will get used to it but it will probably take a while. Good luck with that and with your new pregnancy. Hope all goes well.

On a different note, how do you feel with another one coming? I was going on 36 with my last baby and felt like I was the oldest mom on the planet! Definately in the hospital! And physically I felt/feel so much different (I had my first at 24...what a difference!). I'd like to hear your comments. Believe it or not, most mom's with young babies in my circle of acquaintances are all younger than I. Take care.

Hello L.- My son is 12 months old and I breast fed him until he was 9 months. I had to also stop cold turkey because I had to go on meds ( I have lupus and had to start taking meds b/c of a flair up) Anyway when I told my doctor how upset I was to stop Breast feeding ( I was crying in his office) He looked me straight in the eye and said "what you have given your son, is something very special. No body else could have done it and the benefits that he has received from you breastfeeding him is amazing. You've done it for 9 months and that is more than a lot of woman can say. Now it's time for you to take care of yourself" All I can say is the fact that you have BF him this long is a testament to what amazing mother you are. You should feel PROUD not guilty. I know it's difficult and this period is going to be hard of both of you, but feeling guilty is going to make it harder for you and your son. Take pride in the fact that you had that closeness with him and that you have given him something nobody else could have. You will find other ways to connect and feel close to your baby and you will both make it through this!

J.

I feel for you, and the reason you feel guilty is because you are such a good mom! We had a problem weaning, although my son was 2 1/2, so I'm not sure if this will work for you. I felt so guilty that I kept giving in until one night when he fell asleep with my boobie in his mouth. The problem was, when he woke up he bit down reflexively and lacerated my nipple. We put band-aids (he picked Thomas ones himself) to put on them and we talked about how they were sore and sad. We talked about it during the day when he was more receptive to the idea, and we looked at the band-aids frequently so that he had a good understanding that the boobies were "broken". Although he fussed in the night, it was not the hysterical crying he had been doing when I had tried just telling him "no". I kept the band-aids on for about a week and they were just enough of a reminder that he seemed to get it. He still wanted to hold them, but he did stop asking to nurse. Good luck!

I also had to stop nursing my son because I was pregnant and it was awful. He was heart broken. He was almost 18 months old but very attached to me and always wanted to be nursed to sleep. I totally understand how you feel. It was a while ago but I remember giving him a sippy cup with juice (he did not like milk at first) and reading a story book while holding him close , and rocking and rubbing his back to put him to sleep. It took a little while but I kept telling him how much I loved him ,and that he was my special boy ,but he was big now and had to use a cup and soon there would be a little baby that mama would need to feed too. I dont know how much he understood ,but I felt better and he liked this special together. I hope this helps you, I know its hard.

Part of your problem with nursing is that he's in your bed! Children belong in their own bed, not yours. He will adjust; have special cuddle time prior to bed instead; start a new routine - maybe one he helps decide.