Seeking Someone for My Daughter to Talk To.

Have you talked to a school counsler?? I know that they may not be the best, but at least that is a start. Maybe look into some group activities around you that she can get into. If you have recently moveed to this area, do you think that might have something to do with it?? I am sorry that you are having a hard time. I hope it all resolves quickly.
Do you think that volunteering at a childnres shelter might help her to see a little bit of reality? Make her realize that things aren't as bad as they could be??
Good Luck

Outside looking in it's easy to tell you her problem.She's at that age that her peers have similar feelings to belong and kids tend to rebel at that age.All kids go through it,and a way to help it is to get her involved into an all girls group maybe at your family Y or a dance class either after school or on weekends.Give her upbeat positive girls to be around.Girls and sometimes boys tend to mimic how their peers are acting,they take on their behavior.Kinda like toddler do with their parents.Fitting in means you have to agree with your peers at her age,and after a while she begins to think her life sucks and everyone hates her,and its her against the world,like most teens do.The best thing you can do is to try being a little more understanding but explain to her that maybe you both need to sit down together or go shopping and have a talk about what you both expect from each other.She may have some issues with how she thinks you treat her.But do not blame yourself,school is grat for an education but school is a ball of yarn unraveling parents hard work they put into good parenting by kids who aren't as well behaved.And for some reason instead of the good rubbing off on the bad,the bad rubs off on the good.But ask her if there's something like dance or karate or a sport she might be interested in getting into and enroll her into it.She may not want to do it at firt,and she may put up a fight.But as long as she's not 18,she goes whee you tell her to go and w/e it is, she will gain new friends and gain self respect for herself and it will change her overall look on things.Kids are so modeable at this age so you have to push against what bad things she picking up from her peers at school.She may even be experiencing some grief from other girls.Ask her if someone is saying mean things to her,encourage ger by letting her know if it's something about her looks,that maybe you 2 could go out and see what you can do about making her feel better.Like if the girls pick on her shoes (buy her new shoes). I know you cant go out and buy things left and right but this time in her life her peers will shape her personality and it's a sad truth that kids can be harsh,sometimes for no reason at all.So anything that you can do to make her experience better will help her in the long run.Kids who are bullied or picked on in school grow up to hold resentment and hatred and unfortantely sometimes that leads to children killing others in schools or them committing suicide.Personally, if it took me buying my son gold shoes for him to have a good outlook on school and his education,Id go broke making that happen.Kids can focus on their education more when their not so worried about being picked on or fitting in.It could also help if you let her meet someone in the same field of career she might be interested in...sometimes that gives them a boost into wanting to work harder to get their,sometimes we need a reminder of what are ultimate goal is.Gl

Sorry this is so late. All I can say is don't give up fighting. Especially if she gets into a rebellion stage. When I was a little older I started the same thing--making lower grades and being mean to everyone--what my parents didn't know at the time was that i was hanging out with the wrong group of kids at school and only at school. it tooks my parents putting me on lockdown and spending every minute with me to remind me how much they mean to me. if they wouldn't have been so persistent or had given up and just turned their backs to me i would not be where i am at today which is in a great marriage, good job, and the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world. Good Luck!! Also maybe try getting her involved in community activities. I know contributing time to the soup kitchen and the ladies shelter really put things in perspective for me.

Talk with your daughter one on one during some quality bonding time. If your schedule is very busy, even if it is not, mark your one on one time is on your family calendar to make sure you really have it.

Don't just stop with this though. Your school has professionals who care about your daughter, her teachers and the school counselor. You said this change was during this 9 weeks of school (1st quarter). Check with her current teacher to see who she is hanging out with at school and ask for any observations. Teachers are great allies in helping parents with children. You might even check with her teacher from last year who might be observing your daughters changes.

Every school has a counselor, make an appointment for you alone to see the counselor to discuss concerns and observations. Then, possibly, a follow-up appointment that includes both you and your daughter. Or even just your daughter alone (she is of an age that she might talk to the counselor alone about what may be the root problem.)

Don't forget the family doctor. They can be a great resource too. A phone consult with a possible follow up appointment might be needed. She may have developed a medical problem that you are not aware of. Two of my nieces developed some medical problems at around that age.

Good luck!!

I think you should call her school counselor and tell them what is going on. The counselor can call her in without your daughter knowing you had any thing to do with it; they can say it is because of the drop in grades and they just want to see what is going on. I don't know how much they can in turn tell you, I don't know how the privacy laws work when your own child is involved but at least maybe they can figure out what is going on and can help. I can think of several reasons she is acting this way, all of which you have probably already thought of and several of which are not pleasant but hopefully she is just trying out her own wings and the school counselor can talk her back into her old routine study and grade habits. Another option is if your church has someone who can counsel her. Of course it would need to be a female church staff person, not male. The sooner you get a handle on why she has suddenly started acting this way the sooner you can help her. I'll say a prayer for your family.
P.S. We moved here a year ago from S. Florida and we love it also!

It sounds like you and your daughter could use some professional counseling and coaching to help and support you. I can help you find someone in your area of town and I may be able to help you myself as I am a counselor who works with children and parents on the north and west side of Atlanta. You can look at my website and get my phone number and email address and I'll be happy to point you in the right direction. www.lynnlouisewonders.com I wish you and your daughter easier and more joyful times ahead.

You mentioned that you just moved to this area. Did the problems with your daughter start before or after the move? If they started after she may be having difficulty adjusting, especially if she is going to a new school. Maybe help her find a way to make new friends by getting involved in sports or other activities that interest her.

my children are younger than yours but I have a niece that is that age. she is probably entering the teens where is it going to be a non stop struggle. i just wouldnt give up. establish rules, like she must make a's and b's, must clean up, whatever. if she breaks the rules, punish her. dont worry about getting to severe or upsetting her. if you give in to letting her do what she wants the further she will test your parenting. the last thing you want her doing is drugs, smoking, sex, etc. just because she thinks you wont be strong on her. as an adult, i know what i did as a teenager. some not so great, but i never smoked or did drugs, because i honestly feared my mother and what she would do or take away from me (car, softball,etc). looking back i know that i was allowed to do a lot of things eventhough at the time i thought she was being strict. when she passed i knew that she was proud of me. I knew that she didnt feel bad about the choices i had made, i knew that she was proud that i grad. high school, college, got married and had kids and in that order...the right order. i actually think i am more strict on my kids but i think with today's society and a lot of parents out there that arent being strict and establishing moral rules and practices that you can just let kids hang out there. good luck. remember 12 is still a kid. make sure she knows it.

I think you are doing as good a job as you can and I can understand the frustration. I think talking with (not to) her about whatever is bothering her is a great place to start. If she won't talk, keep asking her questions (calmly) until she does. Eventually, she'll get tired of you asking her questions and she'll naturally answer them.

It's easy to get frustrated with attitude hitting you like a brick at every turn. That happened between me and my son. He was old enough to go into the Army and he's better for it. Believe me, no matter how old a child gets, if they feel they have no purpose other than being a big sister or brother or carrying a lot of responsibilities (or maybe not carrying enough), they lash out. Our son was 28 before he left our home the 2nd time and he acted worse than your daughter before he walked out the door. The key for us was to remain consistent in our rules and regulations, not get too upset and keep lines of communication very much open. We butted into his business a lot and gave a lot of advice because he would get sidetracked very easily from his goals.

Speaking of goals, have your daughter write 5 things she wants to do in the next week and see where that leads. Try to turn anything negative that she writes into something positive but let her get the negative out of her system by writing it down. If she sees it in words that she's written herself, then maybe it will open her eyes to what she's going through.

sounds to me like you've got a..teenager. Unfortunally, parents and school and not number one priority in their lives. Be supportive when she asks for it, and allow her her space when she needs it. Unless you think something happened to her that changed her, it's just hormones and she will grow out of it. And let her know how smart you think she is without even mentioning school.

hello D.. First of all I want to give you an award for still being sane with 4 girls. I temprorarily raised my sisters three girls for 15 months, missing a lot od myhair! Calling someone for help is not wrong, your daughter may be experiencing problems at school that only an outsider can help with. Doing so now will save worse problems later like drugs, drinking or even cutting which is the new thing for teens.

Good Luck and let me know how it goes.

T. J

I think the mom before me did a great job on the advice. I would say the same thing. Try to spend time with your daughter, one on one time. I am a step mom of 3 kids, 15, 13 and 11. My daughter is the 13 year old. She is going through that phase now. She is loving to us and home, but she can be coniving with her two brothers. I try to spend time with her and give her attention, since a lot of the attention does to the boys. Maybe that may be the case with you. I don't know if your 12 1/2 year old is the oldest, but it seems that she is trying to get attention, or feels like because she may be lost in the shuffle of things and the other girls, she does negative things because she is not getting the attention. You have to be very careful with that and find the balance for her, your faily and yourself. Do not run yourself ragged trying to make her happy. Be a loving understanding mother that you are and pray about it. Getting her into extracurricular activities is a great idea or something that just you two can share. When she does cause a scene or act up, do not be lenient on the consequences. Once she realizes that things get worse when she acts out, she will stop. when you ignore her bad attitude, she will figure out that more praise and attention is given to those who do things right. Don't be ahard on yorself either. She is your flesh and blood. You will see a lot of yourself in her, that is normal. So because it is normal, be a bit more understanding. Think of what your parents did and modify it to your family.

I hope things work out!! I know they will...

Hello D.,
I hate to say this but, has she been phyically hurt by anyone at school. I mean against her wishes. It sounds typical of such a thing happening. She definetly needs to be seen by a professional who can draw this info out of her. Does she like/trust her pediatrician? If so I suggest you take her to have a talk. If she trusts and likes you still I think taking her away from home to a quiet place that you both can talk is also a very good idea. Kids don't switch gears over night without a darn good reason. I'm no expert, just a Mom who is concerned for yours. I hope this helped some. Keep in touch if you are interested in talking.
L.