One of my best friend's daughter was recommended for adenoid surgery. My friend didn't believe it was altogether necessary until she went into her room and just sat and listened to her daughter try to breath while sleeping. She said she had never been so scared... The sound of her 3 year old gasping and wheezing, stop breathing then restart throughout the night... After that she said she herself couldn't sleep (too haunted with worry) until after her daughter's surgery.
If this little boy has adnoids so large or problematic that they interfere with his breathing or quality of sleep, why would any mother choose to wait? Especially if he also has asthma or other breathing issues...?! (Oi vey!)
As for eartubes, my child had them at 15 months. Its a 5 minute procedure. They fall out as the child grows older; the "holes" heal. I have no doubt that they have saved her from suffering through multiple ear infections, pain and fevers. After the 2nd trip to children's hospital due to allergic reactions to antibiotics, I swore I'd consider all options to keep her off antibiotics... Her eartubes have worked (along with dietry changes). Otherwise, what is the alternative? Having a child build up resistence to medication and be slated for more and more powerful antibiotics is not a good path.
Please ask your neighbor to reconsider.