Seeking Other Stepmothers of Daughters (Or Son) with ADD with Lying Issues.

S., Hi and I would first like to say that you are doing a really good thing trying to mother her and please don't stop! she is pushing you to see if you are going to back away and/or leave her! she is scared, you may not think so but I promise she is! sit down and talk to her...just you and her and see where that takes you and also you and your husband need to sit down with no one around and set some rules! He has to follow the rules just like the 2 girls and you do! just keep trying no matter because it will get better and she will love you so much for it. where is her birth mother? has she ever had contact with her? are you home all the time with the girls? how do the 2 of them get along, the girls I mean? there will also be jealousy with them even if you don't see it! remember she hasn't had what your daughter has had! do the girls share a room? what is the difference in the ages, by months?? I know I ask alot of questions but they all matter in how she is feeling and how she is reacting to everything! Please let me know whats going on,either on here or at ____@____.com and good luck but just remember she is worth every effort you put into being her mother!! D.

Well, I am no way in your situation, but I have a friend that's in a similar one. My advice is to have a sit-down with your husband and tell him that he chose to marry you and bring you into his home, make you a part of his daughters life and she HAS to respect you and your rules. He cannot expect for her to respect you if she doesn't have to follow a single rule that you set in place. He HAS to back you up on these things. If you were asking her to do more than she should at 13, it might be different, but asking a 13 year old to pick up after herself is in no way unreasonable. What kind of woman is she going to turn out to be if she doesn't learn those things early? You should try to make your husband understand that this is very important to you, as well as for her. I hope this helps!

S.,

Boy do I know what you are going through!!! I raised 2 of my 3 stepdaughters and your stepdaughter is doing exactly what both of mine did. Playing one dad against the new step mom. Firs things first. You need to be very strong and put your foot down with your husband. He won't see it your way at first but after a while when he is helping you to keep the rules, he will see that the rules are for the best. By the way, make sure that both girls are not around when you have this talk with him.

Next write out the rules that BOTH girls have to follow on a daily/weekly etc basis. Make everything extremely clear on how you expect both of the girls to behave and what they have to do. It will take a lot of time and patience but you will eventually get there.

I had to basically tell my husband that he backed me up or else!!! You have to come up with your own 'or else'. Mine exsisted on several planes so it worked for me. Now I have 3 married step daughters, two of which have 5 children between them and now understand what I drummed into their heads all those years.

The key is to get your husband to back you up. He may just not want to deal with this problem because he doesn't see it the same way you do. You have to make him see what you are trying to do first before anything else can work.

Good luck.

E.

Hello S., just thought i would drop you a line. Hope things are going better for your family. Think of you often and have been praying for you.write me if you would like to vent.
M.

Ohhhhhhhh my godddddddddddddd i know where u comeing frommmmmmmmmm but the adhd thing i have two with that and my step son does i wish i could tell how to do it but i have not work it all out yet there is few new things im working on but it alot ot time in it take alook at my page and it tells some but girl we need to be talking mabe we can help one a nother thou this pleas look over my spelling it badddddddddd but u are not along......at allll