Seeking Other Stepmoms for Support

Hi A..

I'm not a step-mom, but I have the same situation with one of my own sons. I'm divorced and have home schooled my two boys all along until this year. My oldest son sounds like your step-son. He is very disrespectful, angry, and even causes problems for his younger brother. Because of this I've made the decision to stop home schooling just because there was no peace in our house. I work full-time and was not able to get work done and teach him at the same time only due to his disruptions. I opted for sending them both to school so I could have some peace during work hours. We go to a Christian counselor that I highly recommend. He is at the Christian Counseling Center in Campbell on Bascom Ave. His name is Brian McIntire and he is young and can really relate to young boys, who by the way, seem to get this way at about age 9. You can leave a message for Brian at ###-###-####. Tell him Deb Barlow referred you. I have sent many people over to him. My son is 11 and really likes Brian. He's up on all the latest talk and computer games, so he can identify with them. I hope this helps. Don't feel like you are adnormal for wanting some peace. The other thing is that when a new baby comes along, the older one feels very left out, even when you are giving them attention. Hopefully you can make some time to spend alone with him and show him that he still matters to you. Hope this helps. God bless you and your family.

You are doing a wonderful job and I agree with getting the counseling from the Christian Church. You can also get him involved in sports as well.
Cathedral of Faith has a Basketball league in January that is non-competitive and everyone plays, it is only one day a week for practice and the games are every Saturday and they don't last very long and it is all Christian based very positive etc. I am sure there are other programs like this at other places as well.
Even Soccer etc. will help him just run like a 9 year old should.
Remember that even though you welcomed him with open arms and vice versa we never really know how they are handling the change inside. If you work on it now it will help both of you and especially him deal with the new situation. Good luck, you are wonderful to accept him into your family and I wish you and your family the best!! I will keep you in my prayers!

Hello A., I am a step-mom of three yes 3 children (well almost adults now) 19, 17, 15 and my daughter is 6. Things have had there ups and downs, the 17 and 15 are boys and have lived with me and their dad since we got home from the wedding. (7 years ago). I have always made it clear to them that I love them and will help them no matter what. I made them very involved with my pregnancy and often treated them as my friend (someone they could talk to if needed) however I had to draw the line of when it was okay and not okay.

The 17 year old, starting getting into some trouble (nothing legal) but started being disrespectful and really fighting with both his parents and occasionally me (mother is still in the picture and her and I are friends)I finally took him for dinner just me and him and I told him "what is going on" talk to me, what is said right here stays here. I will not tell your mom or dad but you have got to straighten up. I can not handle your attitude and you are showing a bad example to your siblings. We talked for a good hour or so and he was able to just vent about everything and still to this day I kept my word. So every so often he will come to me and ask to talk, in fact last night I put my daughter to bed and we went for a walk he just needed to vent. I tend to talk with him too. He unfortunately at a young age has a lot of pressure from his dad and carries the name (jr). He lets me vent to the pressures of parenting and how I just want the best for them.

Try spending some one on one time, build the trust and tell him that you are there for him and want the very best, see if he opens up sometimes it can be things at school or emotional feelings of being unimportant now that the baby is here.

Best of Luck!
L. (31 and mother to 4)

Hi A.,

God bless you. The best advice I can give you is to be consistent. Make sure that when you say you and your husband are on the same page as far as disciplining is concerned. If you both say and do different things, you son will pick up on that and figure that he will be able to continue to do what he wants because his parents don't know what to do. I have a daughter who came to live with us when she was 10. She will graduate high school this year. We had a lot of struggles, but I know she does respect us. The best thing my husband did was sit her down from the very beginning to let her know that I was in charge when he wasn't home and there was no discussion about that. There is a big age difference between her and our son, who is 7 and our girl who is 4, but they all know the family rules and know that they are expected to follow them. Though defiant right now, he has to know that you won't give up. Stand ts\all and strong even on the days you want to run and hide. As I tell our kids, mommy has seen or done some of the very same things you are going to try, so I'm on to you. It's in your best interest not to try it.

I wish you well.