Seeking Moms with Teens

Take away anything electronic-battery opperated or plugs in. If he gets allowance for chores, he doesn't get paid for them for that week. He gets extra chores with no pay. No friends over, no leaving the house unless it is with a parent. Go back old school and if it is a minor offence (talking back, begging, etc) put him in time out for 14 mins!! He can sit on his bed and do nothing for that time period!! Your 2yr old and especially your 5yr old could also benifit from that because they see the oldest one getting in trouble so it can be a learning lesson for them!!

Good luck!
S.

We also take away all "screens" i.e. TV, computer, cell, anything with a screen, depending on offense. Anything he hates doing can be a discipline, cleaning the house, helping with chores. If our son was fighting with our daughter, we make them sit on the couch and hold hands for a while. Nothing that really hurts them, just to make them stop and think. Hope this helps.
C. 40, mom of a 16 year old (boy) and a 13 year old (girl)

Taking away Video Games, Friend privileges, TV privileges, no Movies, no hanging out, as soon as school is over comes strait home does homework, strait into chores or some other hard labor you can come up with, ie the gutters need to be cleaned, weeds pulled.

Hi L.,

So, I know this may sound a bit crazy... but it works! I am a counselor, teacher, coach and mother - and I know teenagers! Empty his room out while he is at school.... then, when he comes home, his room will have nothing! He may EARN one piece of furniture, etc back based on good behavior, good grades, doing chores, etc. Living with NOTHING really makes you learn to respect your things and have responsibility. Try it. It works!

Good luck.

J.

My first son is now 23, but there is a big gap between him and his sister (6 years) and little brother (6 more years). The boys had to share a room, which ruffled his feathers.

I made sure that he knew he was important, and I depended on him to do some manly things for me. LIft, carry, clean, etc. I tried to get him jobs that were with good male role models to not be the one telling him everything. He lost some jobs because of foolishness, oversleeping, etc., but those were lessons he needed to learn.

I woudl take away things that were easy on my, but treat him more like an adult doing it, for ex., say you can't be on the computer the rest of the day, the next week, etc. Not lock up the computer, but remind him if he "forgot", oh, you're off the computer, remember? And the clock started ticking again.

EAsy on me, hard on him was my motto. But tell him, show him, feed him, in every way you can that you appreciate him, that he IS a man and that you understand it's hard. One night (I would go in at bedtime and he would sometimes start to just talk and talk about legos, cars, whatever until my mind was spinning, my eyes wanted to close) one time I said "You know, I wouldn't be 13 again for a million dollars." He was shocked, because hollywood makes the teens such an idealized period. But those times helped him realize I really am there for him. May not be able to buy him everything he wants, cannot solve his problems, but solidly in his corner.

Now he's 6'2, picks me up and says "you were the best mom". AT the time however, I was the evil mom homeschooling him and making him a geek.
S.
and what's wrong with taking away his cell phone? if it hurts, do it.

Does he have any other priveledges like internet, gamesystems, time with friends? Take a new priveledge away each time, but set a time frame for him to get it back with good behavior. Also, assign chores at the house. If it is a big incident, take it all away and assign chores. The important thing is to set a time frame for returning the item and do not return it early. Good Luck. I have a 15 year old daughter and 5 year old son and one on the way, so I know how you feel.

Hi L.,

Along with what the other mothers have said, I find it REALLY helps if I give them a chore at someone else's house... An older couple in the church or a widow that needs some work done. It not only gives them some extra work but they HAVE to do it cheerfully. It also gives them a perspective of how good they've got it! :)

God bless!
M.

At 14, kids especially young males seem to think that they are already men and know it all (my son is now 16, been there). We took away several priveledges and let him know who was still in charge until he was old enough to fend for himself. I chose work chores for him to do (things that I hated to do myself and gave him a time line in which they were to be completed)yard work,cleaning in the house,doing chores for his grandparents who lived close enough to walk to. We also would back up his bed time and MAKE him go to bed earlier than what he was used to. Just my suggestions and experience, good luck to you!!!

here are some other ideas - no internet access, no games, no TV, confined to home except for school, no phone period

We have a 14 almost 15 year old boy too (amoung the other 10) anyway they are challenging! We read a great book called How to Raise Children you want to Keep. Jerry Day
It has ideas for all ages but it has some great ones that work with the teens too. We have found the ones we have tried so far to be very helpful! Blessing on your quest to help your children!

Sincerely,
K. B

www.shaklee.net/takecontrol