Seeking Moms Who Have Reently Put a Family Member in a Nusing Home for Dementia

Hi, I had to put both my parents in separate nursing homes. But, to keep it short, my dad was in a very nice lock-down because of dementia. Does you cousin try to breastfeed the babies in "public"? If so, I could understand the staff not wanting her to expose herself to others. I would absolutely demand that they return her dolls!! Maybe you can persuade her to nurse "in private". I wouldn't really care what the reason is, but DEMAND, nicely at first, THAT THEY RETURN HER PRIVATE PROPERTY!! You can let me know if you have any trouble. ____@____.com P.S. I just read some of the other responses and I've dealt with this a lot and she needs no other help except to get her babies back!

Good Morning,

I don't have any experience or explanations to offer. But I do want to tell you that you are a very generous and kind person. There are children who won't even take care of there aging parents and here you are taking care of a cousin.

Best, best wishes for you and your family!

My gut says that these "babies" are very important to her and they also say how confused she is. I don't think I would allow the home to take them away. I encourage you to talk to the social worker at the home or the psychiatrist for some support - you can also ask about a "patient advocate". Seems like a small thing to let her keep them and I can't imagine the anxiety she must be feeling!!! You are a kind soul to take this on. God bless your efforts.

S.,

While Dementia is a tough one in itself, I am not sure if anyone is qualified to answer this one? Unless they are already an expert in the subject or a psychologist and understand it.

One thing I can say: Nursing Homes can sometimes be a cold environment. Not many are as warm and nurturing as they should be when everyone is of age to enter or needs the extra care and that is a darn shame! Nursing Staff enter this profession for a reason at one time, and pay rates are not what they expect, or the hours and other things factor in. Not everyone loves it anyone and can become mean. Not all nursing staff, but some.

I recommend a Physiologist, a Lawyer and then speak with the highest in the staff for your cousin's well-being.

(Because honestly- Does this seem harmful to you or me? Not really. But then again, I am not educated in Dementia and I do not know how to handle it. Kudos for what you are going through!)

My heart goes out to you. We cared for my grandmother for a number of years, finally putting her in a nursing home for the last 3. It's very tough. I found that, the more I was there and got to know the staff, the better she was treated. I don't know why they've taken the dolls. Sounds mean to me. Have you talked to someone higher up? Not sure how this became your responsibility, but that's life sometimes. You'll be blessed in the long run for having done this so lovingly. I know Arden Court (so. Macomb County) and some other places specialize in dementia, but finances may be an issue. I hope this works out somehow.

HI. What an awesome challenge you have undertaken for your loved one. As an occupational therapist with much experience with people with dementia as well as with my own grandmother with dementia, I can tell you that keeping things as consistent as possible is the best thing. I'm glad that you found a nursing home that is close by and that you are comfortable with. If it works for her to stay there that will be great. If she has to move, make sure that as much of her personal belongings go with her for the continuity. As for the dolls. DEMAND that the nursing home give them back immediately. Dementia is not curable and her reality is her reality, these dolls may as well be her children and if they give her comfort and companionship that is great. Is the issue that she is trying to breastfeed them in the public areas and making other residents uncomfortable? Then instruct the staff that they can gently redirect her to nurse her babies in her room and gently lead her back there if need be. They can go so far as to try to make her comfortable in her chair. I know with all your responsibilities, it is probably difficult to visit as often as you would like, but the more often you can get there to check in or at least call the staff, the better. Remember, you and your cousin are the customer of the nursing home. Blessings to you and best wishes.