"Seeking Moms" - Bakersfield,CA

I would make it clear that he can only stay there until he graduates high school. If he drops out, he is out, and once school is over he needs to get a job to support HIS family. The military is always a good option, I know several young men in his situation who have been able to provide a good life for their families in the military.

Do you KNOW this boy? At all?
What about his Family????

If not, I would Not have him move in.
AND... this is their kid, even if kicking him out. Sure he will be 18 soon. But so what. If anything happens to him, while in your residence, they could sue you or blame you, or harass you etc.
Do you KNOW them?

Your daughter is 16.
How old was she when she became pregnant?
What are the legal age of consent, in your State?

Do you have a Husband?
What does he say to all of this?

You have other kids in your home. How old are they?
How will this impact THEM?

You should treat him as you would your own children. Saying that, you should treat him the way you would treat your 18 year old child - not your younger children. He is not a child nor is your daughter. To expect an 18 yr old to go to bed at 10pm is nothing but ludicrous - shoot, it was after 10 that I did my studying! It was the only time in the house to do it when it was quiet. Should they be quiet in their rooms, absolutely. But that quiet will only last for the next 2 months :)

I don't understand why some are saying they shouldn't share a room. They are now parents and they need to present themselves as such for so many reasons and on so many levels. You can't ask them to half a$$ it - either they are parents all the way or not. It's too late to get on a soapbox now. But get your daughter on BC ASAP after the birth.

You have a lot of adjustments to make. Be open. Be flexible. Be adaptable. And discuss these same issues w/ them - they also need to be open, flexible and adaptable. Whatever you decide to do - one thing I have learned - is to make (as much as possible) it seem like the arrangements are either their idea or they had an equal say. If they are 'told' what to do, well, I think we all know how that typically ends.

Good luck and congratulations on your grand baby!

What are you thinking?????

Why do you have to be responsible to this boy who is turning 18? Is it because he got your daughter pregnant? Is your daughter asking you to let him stay so they "play house"? And why is he being kicked out of his home?

Your responsibility is to YOUR family, not anyone else's.

You ask what the house rules should be. There shouldn't be any house rules for him because HE SHOULD NOT BE MOVING IN! His presence is bound to cause a disruption in your family. And it might even break the bond between you and your daughter. She, most likely, will start siding with him when it comes to certain things. Arguments and tension are soon to follow. Will he leave if things get bad? Or is it possible that he will throw the "I'm not leaving without my child" in your face.

Before you truly agree to this and ALLOW it to happen, really think of ALL the possiblities that can arise and not just the "live as one big happy family" one.

Seriously reconsider your offer.
M.

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Same rules as other kids. If they are living under your roof, you make the rules mama-whether he is 18 or not. If he doesn't like it, he can move into his own place!

M

Your house means your rules! If and only if he has a job that makes him stay out later does he get a pass, but he must come in and go to bed; no watching tv until dawn. I would really really give this situation some deep thought and find out from his parents why they're kicking him out.

Regardless of what you decide in terms of a curfew, I think that before he moves in, you need to address why his parents are kicking him out. Make sure that whatever he's doing there that they won't put up with anymore he does not start doing at your house.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

I think - before I let him move in with our family - I would rent the cheapest apartment possible for the two of them (or at least contribute to the rent). That may be too much financially for you guys though (understandable).

If you have younger kids in the house, I'm not sure him moving in is a good example to set unless the two of them are prepared to marry (boy that doesn't sound like a good option either).

I agree with Grandma T - once you've got him under your roof it could be very hard to get him out.

I would think long and hard before I went ahead with this . . .

Wow, I'm not sure this is a very good idea at all. Why are his parents kicking him out? If they can't get any respect or control him what makes you think you will be able to?
If in fact you do let him come stay with you the rules need to be what you can live with without being stressed or disturbed.
Just due to the mere fact that they are under your roof there should be the 10:00 curfew plain and simple... maybe even earlier since they are still in school. I didnt let my kids out after dark except for Friday and Saturday night when they were 16+.
Remember that once he becomes a tenant in your home you wont be able to get rid of him easily either... you have to do it legally or it can become a nightmare.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope both of them realize what you are doing for them and are grateful.

I would treat him like one of your children. You have to be maybe even more strict since he got your daughter pregnant. You and your daughter and him need to get some ground rules set before he moves in. This is temporary and yes I think he does need to stay in school and keep his job. He also needs to give you some money for you to put away for the unborn child for use at a later date. I think that is what you should do.

I agree with what Momma11 wrote.

Do you ALL go to bed at 10:00? Even you and your husband? If so, then I'd expect him to be quiet, but not expect him to be in bed that early, I certInly wasn't when I was 18.

I'm assuming your daughter wants her boyfriend to live with her? They are planning to stay together as a couple and raise the baby as a family? That's great. It will be tricky if you treat them as children but expect them to act as parents. I think you will have to be more flexible with them.

Good luck and congratulations on your grandchild!

I think the house rules should be the same. Obviously, you may have to modify them is his job keeps him out late, but then I think establishing a time for him to be in that factors that in is fine.

I am assuming that his parents are kicking him out because of the pregnancy? Or because hes' 18? (where I grew up, I remember some parents putting their sons' things on the front lawn when they turned 18 - nevermind that they were still in HS).

You'll also need to clearly establish if he and your daughter are to be treated like an adult couple...or like 2 kids in your home attempting to co-parent. I think I'd go for the latter, but have NO IDEA how well it would work

It's wonderful that you are giving them a chance to make this work. I hope you all stay strong & that they appreciate it!

Well if he's moving into your house, he is in YOUR house. He needs somewhere to live so he probably will do anything. If he doesn't follow your rules, kick him out. How do you feel about your 16 year old pregnant?

D., I have asked my friends who have been in this situation what they wish they had done different. They all said the same thing" I would not have let the guy move in" once they set that as the rule and example the other children saw a double standard and went withit. It was now do as I do not as I say. The extra pain of having to raise a grandchild is doubled by having an unmarried couple and other children watching all in the same place. He must have oter friends or relatives to turn to.He is not your responsibility but his families.
Yourfirst obligation is to your own children. You will have many odd and painful moments I am told and as one friend said
"I know I saw her make many mistakes but I held my own standards and thatmadeit bearable so the others didn't see I justified it". My only question has to be if he is 18 and man enough to create a child then why should he be treated as one and not given the chance to prove he can be responsible for himself and his child so his child does not have to be raised p on the welfare system as many young children in this situation do.
Good Luck

goes to bed at ten like everyone else. make sure that he knows that he is not to be in your daughters room (if that is how you choose to want it) and that he is to be home at a certain time and all that

Oh wow, that is a difficult situation. I agree that I would try and keep him to the same rules as the rest of the house (unless he is at work). He needs to stick to the same rules for the sake of your other children as well. If he complains that he is 18 so legally a man then I would gently remind him that when he is ready to be a man he may do so in his own home. Oh my, there are so many things I would like to think I would do in your situation but when reality strikes it's often more difficult that one would expect.

I second what Andra said. Absolutely treat him just like one of your children, but ground rules must be set for this young man, especially about sleeping arrangements because clearly they will try to share a bed - and probably when you are not home or sleeping.
I like the idea of him paying you as well, since you will be carrying most of the financial burden of a newborn soon. Call it 'rent' or whatever, and if you prefer, only you need to know it will be for caring for the new baby.