Seeking Mom's of 9 Year Old Boys

Hi M.,

Research has shown that kids allergic to color dyes have some of the symptoms that you are describing. My own son was similar. We took him off color dyes and put him on fish oil, which helps calm people and enhance brain fundtions. It completely changed him! He is no longer a problem at school, in fact he is a model student now. I highly recommend it!

K. Loidolt
Author, Shopper's Guide to Healthy Living

My son is now grown but I remember experiencing the same thing when he was 9. I opted to home school and it was great for us. He still has friends from home school days. My daughter who experienced the same things, we choose private school (Colorado Springs School) and she now works in DC as a US Trade Rep.

Have you had him tested for ADHD? I'm not saying that is what is wrong but he sounds like my oldest son. Once I got my son on meds school became less of a problem. He gets all B's and C's. He does have other factors that make it hard for him, too. I hope this helps. Good luck!!!!

Hi M.,

I have a brilliant 9 year old as well, and depending where you are in the states, (I am in Canada but lived in Idaho for the last 3 years)I found that there was ALOT of homework, I had the same trouble with my son, smart kid, but HATED homework. I had to go in and ask the teacher if there was a way that we could condense the homework because I did find that we were doing the same type of math sheet over and over again, the same language sheets over and over again. So instead of doing a page every night he would more or less just challenge it at the end of the week or unit, if he did well then she knew he could do the work and move on to the next unit. Same with Language and other areas. There are some subjects that that doesn't work but most of the homework I found was in Math and Spelling. If tests are an issue for him, (getting distracted) then see if he can have oral testing instead of written, it really helps kids who can't focus. Remember that not everyone learns in the same manner and he probably is bored but between the school and supportive parents like yourself, I am sure that you can find a resolution to these issues. As for behavior, I bet that you will find that with less pressure on him, it will improve. My son was diagnosed bi-polar in the states (a diagnosis that they don't hand out in Canada until early adulthood) and has been since diagnosed in Canada with Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD. He is on a low dose mood stabilizer and it has done a world of good. I had a really hard time with that but it was explained to me this way, if you have high blood pressure you take medication, if you have heart disease you take medication, or any other medical illness you take medicine, so why not give it to your children to make them better as well. If there is medically a diagnosis, then meds really do help. Keep him in school because these kids need the socialization skills more than anyone else. I think a trip to the doctor may calm alot of anxiety and help a great deal.

Feel free to contact me for any info as I too have been dealing with this for many years. Hang in there, you have a wonderful child who will become a great leader with the right guidance and support. Kids like him and my son often do become great leaders.

A little about me: SAHM of 4 sons, ages 11,9,7,and 2. We lived in the states while my husband of 12 years went to university in Idaho. I too juggle soccer, baseball, scouts, PTA, and church, it can be a challenge but so worth it.

My son is 12. He is still the same since kindergarten. My son has been diagnoised with ADHD and bi-polar. He is adopted since birth. His bio-mom has the same. My son sees a psychiatrist weekly. The last 2 weeks we have him seeing a doctor to find out what will help him with school.... how he learns best. She told me that children with ADHD find it very hard to sit and focus and get work done.
His psychritrist told me not to be surprized if my son drops out of school and gets a GED. (What?!)My son, as well, is twice-exceptionally gifted He is a very smart kid but his grades just don't reflect it. Good Luck.
*****90% of children that truly have ADHD have something else.... OCD, bi-polar..

M.,
Have you had your son tested for AD/HD? He sounds so much like my middle son. My son does have other issues also but is also AD/HD. You are discribing classic examples of it. I am not pushing medication or anything like that. I do know from experience medication can help with that. I also know from experience that if they are taught the right tools they can also help themselves. My husband is also AD/HD and hasn't taken a single med for it. Our son hasn't been medicated for it for years. He still makes impulsive bad choices at school and home at times. He has learned to pay attention in class though. Take your son to his doctor and see what they have to say.

I home schooled for a year. It was wonderful but a lot of hard work. It also won't solve his problems it might make them worse since he needs socialization skills. It also takes a lot of time and it sounds like your trying to lighten your load so you can finish your schooling. I hope you find the right answers for your family and you.

Hi M.,

Most districts have several options for the types of schools you can enroll your son at. I am in Douglas County and we have gifted and talented schools, Montessori, and several charters. Maybe looking into a school that could better meet his learning style would be beneficial for him. I wish you the best of luck!

Dear M.,
I am so sympathetic to your issues! What worked for us (my son is 7 - a young second grader) was first to find a good child psychologist, one who could talk to my son about his choices and his other issues (anxiety, mild OCD, anger). The second thing I would highly recommend is to search for other school choices. We took our son out of public school and enrolled him in a private school where whole child education is the focus. There are 20 second graders in his class and two full time adults. They learn in small groups and aren't bombarded with worksheets. My son is thriving in this environment, his teacher is very soft spoken and so patient and helpful. When there is a problem the support staff at the school are also extremely helpful. There are school choices, private schools have deep scholarship pockets that I don't think many people dare ask about. Good luck.

I just went to a class on Brain Gym...you can get the book (I would suggest getting the teacher edition)It's about $20 on line...it is by Paul E Dennison, PhD & Gail E Dennison
Brain Gym is a series of simple and enjoyable movements that they use in Educational Kinesiology to enhance the experience of whole-brain learing.
It may be worth your while to spend a few minutes every morning before he goes off to school to do some of the activies with him to get his body moving and insync with his brain...
They say that 5-10 minutes a day have an amazing impact on children...that it helps with their focus, attention span and learning in general.
It may be worth a shot..
My son is 10 and in 3rd grade...he is high functioning Autisim-Asberger Spectrum..
I am going to start working with him on a few of these activities to see how it will support him.
They are easy and fun and a bit relaxing...so I am looking forward to doing it with him...
You could make it a morning ritual with all of your children...
Just a suggestion..
If you decide to go with it...I would like to hear about your results.

Hope this was helpful.
T. :0)

Dear M.,
My 8 year old sat off and on for almost 8 hours yesterday dinking around not doing his schoolwork! I was so frustrated with him. I had things to do and I expect him to do his work. He too is very bright. I have him doing third grade work and that is easy for him.
I finally got out the timer and gave him 30minutes. He completed all his math- a whole page and only missed two answers! He then proceeded to do his English in a flash.
I told my husband that I was considering putting him in public school, but then I couldn't stand the thought of how ridiculed he would be and bored!
After he finished his work he was cheerful, helpful and very happy. It was an exceptional day and a real pain until he decided to do his work. We discussed the advantages of completing his work in a timely manner and he seemed to get it- finally!

I resolved to introduce more complex math, writing, reading even though he is ahead of the children his age already.
I have homeschooled all of my children except for the first few years with my oldest. I have found that it is very difficult to challenge those children that are very bright within the public arena. Then, if they are advanced, it's hard for them to assimilate because their intellect exceeds their maturity. That means that the children they are in class with are more mature and so you child just feels out of place.
My youngest is one of those, so I will continue homeschooling and "up" the challenges again. I am grateful for the opportunity to homeschool my children. I have had other children, again very bright, but challenged with dyslexia. They were advanced intellectually, but behind in their ability to read and write- so again, I have been very pleased to educate them at home.
Five of my children have completed their GED at 16, one at 17. Four are grown and married. The oldest daughter is finishing up premed,(she switched from engineering)- two others are attending to their general studies in college. One daughter has supported her husband while he finished college- she is hoping to return to college. One son is getting ready for his mission, and four more at home. Of those at home, I have a 16 year old that just finished her GED and is working on her ACT to enter college.
If you are able, I would greatly encourage you to homeschool. Not only will he probably do wonderfully well, but there are many homeschool families in every community that you can network with. They are a wonderful support and they can become like an extended social network as well. There is a wealth of educational materials available to you, as well as support in your community and on line. (My children are very social, through church activities, community and homeschool involvements)

I am very grateful to have a very supportive husband-we have made homeschooling a matter of prayer. He helps so much in areas where I am weak.
Best to you and your family!
H. B.

I am a teacher and a mom. I don't think that taking him out of school would solve the problem. Homeschooling would create more work for you. Plus, you are not an expert (no offense). I imagine someone is going to tell you to test him for ADHD and medicate him. I think ADHD is overdiagnosed and our kids are overdrugged. So, instead I would suggest you have your son meet with a teacher to learn study skills. Study skills are not inate skills. Sometimes teachers forget to teach these skills. Also, there is a lot of literature out there about how boys learn. Unfortunately, the traditional school setting or traditional teacher is not set up to complement how boys learn. Boys are expected to sit still all day, and they simply can't do that. So get the literature and read it and then share it with your son's teacher. It sounds like your son is already getting punished. He's unwittingly punishing himself. The work he doesn't do in school is waiting for him at home. He misses out on play time. Talk to him about this. His reward for getting work done in school is free time at home. Negotiate a deal with him. If he gets A,B, & C done at school --- he gets to do X,Y, & Z at home. Talk to him. Find something he is passionate about. Relate it to school. For example, my son is passionate about cars. I told him that if he wants to be able to drive when he's 16, he's got to do well in school. Give him lots of love, support, and encouragement at home. Visit his classroom to see if something is going on there.

My son had similar issues. He was diagnosed with ADHD, however we did not feel like he needed to be medicated. I am not sure if every school district offers it, I am in Cherry Creek School district, however we were able to work with the school and the district therapist to develop different ways for my son to focus and express himself. It did not work overnight, but with the teamwork between us and the school we did see improvement. In fact, by the end of the school year the teachers and I were in tears over how much he had improved. He still has little problems with focusing, but now it's more like a normal 10 year old instead of the outrageous behavior he used to have. I couldn't be more proud of him.

I am sure you CAN homeschool! And there is lots of support in Colorado for that. I work full time and am homeschooling my children. It isn't easy, but it can be done, and it is SO worth it! I am happy to talk with you off-line and see how I can support you or connect you with other support groups!

M.

Hi M.,

I have this same problem with my son. If we tell him "go do your homework" he'll sit and work for a few minutes, then stare off in to space for 5 minutes, and back to work, and stare off. Before you know it one assignment takes 1.5 hours! He was doing homework from 4pm until bed time, minus dinner and bath time. SO, what we did is set a reasonable time limit for each assignment. We know what he is capable of producing. So say for math, which he excels at; he gets 20 minutes to complete a worksheet. If its Language Arts (which he isn't as strong in) he gets 30 minutes. We set a timer for five minutes before his time is up so he knows to finish up. Of course if he's having a really difficult time with something we sit down together and work on it. Good luck!

You might check out www.interactivemetronome.com It is great for fixing concentration. We love what it has done for our family! We're anxious for our little guy to get old enough as it's also helpful with tempers. It just has a whole lot of benefits!

M. I didn't read all the responses as there are a bunch, so I'm sorry if I'm duplicating too much.
I have a strong family history of ADHD - mom, brother, etc - and this sounds like it could very easily be the issue. I would suggest talking to your pediatrician and/or school councelor right away to get him assessed (part of this involves having a teacher fill out a questionaire about his behavior, so it would be more valuable to do it with a teacher who has seen him all year).
As a teacher, I've tuaght students with ADHD, and I find that they have trouble focusing, poor impulse control (read - inappropriate behavior), and often a high level of creativity and intelligence. This sounds like what you described.
As far as pulling him out of school...I am a teacher so I have some biases. That said, I don't think it would be good to home school him if you have any concerns about being able to deal with is behavior. You need to be the safe haven, can you do that and teach him everything he needs to know too? I do know that public schools should have resources to help children with challenges of many kinds. You may have to go to the district to find out what is available (this will be much easier after you get an official diagnosis of whatever this is). If you opt for private school, make sure that they have resources to help your son. Some are great for this kind of need, others are more strictly regimented. So research any option and then choose what YOU believe is best for your child.

M.,
Have you had your son tested for ADHD? I was having similar problems with my 8 year old. He was not "hyperactive" but forgetful, unfocused, disorganized, and constantly having to finish school work at home along with regular homework. Per his teachers "hints" we had him evaluated by his Pediatrician and a PhD psychologist who diagnosed him with ADHD. Since taking "Concerta" he hasn't had ONE unfinished assignment brought home. He's not perfectly organized but certainly more focused and less forgetful. I know some people are very against meds for their kids and to me it was a last resort. However, they are extremely effective vs. behavioral modification which, without their ability to focus, is very difficult. Nipping it in the bud early helps with their self image long term. They need to know they are capable of succeeding or will "give up".
One helpful way to think of ADHD is that it's a God Given personality type that led to success in areas we don't use so much anymore. A "unique" example would be the distractable personality was great for herding sheep when some would get away. Unfortunately, this "talent" isn't needed much in the 20th century and is a detriment in modern day forced focus situations such as school. If not acknowledged, they will think they are not capable of school which can lead to problems in our modern world. I would recommend getting him an evaluation and using meds if necessary. He will have a new teacher next year and hopefully a "clean slate" to rebuild that "I can do it!" attitude. Please feel free to email me with questions. I feel for you! ____@____.com

I'm not an expert but I'm planning on homeschooling next year for my oldest for Kindergarten. We are using the Sonlight curriculum. They have extensive forums with advice on homeschooling as well as parenting. Their website can give you lots on info and encouragement. There will be a transition period but I think (hope) it would be worth it.

My two cents are. . . your children are only young once. And parenting them, guiding them & ENJOYING them is your job.

http://www.sonlight.com/

If it seems that your son is not concentrating because he is bored, have you considered having him placed in a "gifted" program. I had to fight to get my oldest daughter tested (her teacher was great and let her read to the class during story time when she was in 1st grade) and when they finally did, she was placed in a more challenging program. You might also check out some of the different charter schools around. There are quite a few now, each with their own specialty and it can help if you find a program that fits your son's interests - regular public school just doesn't have that option. There can be quite a waiting list for gradeschool ages, but it might be worth checking out.

Good luck!

Please, please PLEASE do NOT take him out of school. That will NOT help him in the end. I have seen over and over and over again children struggle, parents take them out...the child suffers more in the end. It is VERY rare to find someone that it actually benefits. Later in life he is not going to have the option to "just stay home" and be a useful member of society. He needs to learn...which is HARD!

My advice is give it some time! Practice and repractice what is and is not acceptable. Help him to find fun things in it. Also, if he is really smart, it could be a boredom issue. Let him know that he can ge more intresting homework if he will just get this done and do really well.

My advice may take more work right now, but in the long run should pay off. Just taking him completely out of the situation and keeping him home will not teach him he has to work hard and do what he needs to. That will not work when he is an adult!! You are teaching him the things right now that he can and can not do as an adult! I have yet to see a boss say, "you are failing every subject cause you aren't working fast enough, but I will let you take the work home and you can do it there". The person just gets fired! Yes he is 9...but before you know it, he will be 19, 20, 21...then what?

M.,
we did have such a very similar topic for the conversation recently:

here is the link to responses, including mine as well

http://www.mamasource.com/request/10296339526620020737

I wish You well!

HI M.

Have you had your son tested for ADD or ADHD? There seems to be some pretty classic signs there. I have a 10 year old who is ADD and after the diagonis came in I fought the medicating issue for about year. My son is now medicated slightly and has had to re do the 3rd grade but he has went from a distraction and nearly failing to almost straight A's it's not just the meds that have helped but constant structure at home also.
Before meds homework was always a fight and even if he knew it he would fight us on doing it. Now I have a happy easy going little guy who is learning to live with his pills and without them. He is able to tell the difference on when he has taken his pills to when he goes without. His way of explaining it is that without his pills his brain goes to fast and he can't think, but with his meds it slows it down and he is able to think again.

You might want to get him tested and then figure out what the best route is to take with in your family.
Good Luck

Is his teacher organized at school? My son's 3rd grade teacher was very unorganized at school,and the classroom was always a "caous" feeling. She was a wonderful teacher and always did amazing things. But, he had soooooo much makeup work! So much! The next year, he got a teacher who was VERY organized, and he did incredibly well--she was his hardest teacher I think in Elementary school. And guess what?? No Makeup Work! Check out his teacher's room. Go and visit his class and just get a feel for the atmosphere. And that may tell you a lot! About your schedule....I feel for you because that is how my life is! But I have learned to "choose between good things" and number one being family---the important things. You have to ask yourself, are you able to sit down as a family and have meals, or practice your religion in your home? If not, something may need to go. Good Luck!

This may not be the most popular advice you'll receive but....
First, if you read the blogs this is not so unusual so take some comfort in that fact.
However, it just may be that your plate is too full. What I mean is that school is great and important but it is not the most important thing in a yours or your child's life. I know that's not a popular opinion in todays culture but I have always gone against the grain I guess.
Perhaps, and I could be wrong, he just needs a little more down time with the family and you. I am currently working on a degree myself, work part time and have a 4 year old son.
We sometimes take on too much ourselves and create unnecessary burdens for us and our families. I took the Spring semester off and at first was cringing at how the delay was going to effect and prolong my goals. But I have not regreted it for a moment. It is one the best decisions I have made.
Even if he is just going through a "phase" it is never wasted time when spent with your child(ren). The trick is not get things out of balance. Don't stop your life and everyone elses or he'll come to expect that everytime he wants or doesn't want something. Rather try slowing down a bit for the benefit of everyone including him. Maybe a mother/son date is in the works who knows...

M.,
I would like to suggest that I meet with your son to see if I could help him. My tutoring office is located in Littleton;I am a licensed teacher who has chosen to work one on one with children, helping them in school subjects that they are either behind in at school or if they can use the advancement (I do not want children to be bored!). Many times it seems that the individual attention is of the greatest help, often times giving the children ways to focus and get their attention on tasks at hand.Please call me if I could meet with you and your son. It would be great to start now and take advantange of the time summer affords. My programs are in Reading, Math, Spelling, Spanish, and Writing. I offer classes five days a week, and Saturdays if that is best for the family. Please call ###-###-#### if I can help. J. Paez Crow

Dear M.,
I agree with a lot of the other moms who have written to you on two major issues - one, the school is handling your son poorly and a better placement is needed, and two, you should consider having him evaluated - not necessarily for ADHD, but for a learning issue that interferes with his ability to complete his work. NO third grader should be given school work to complete at home that takes hours. Immediately request a meeting with the teacher, principal and special education coordinator to discuss an evaluation. Include a gifted and talented coordinator if one is available at your school. The school must take steps to address these issues and not just expect you to pick up the slack.

take care, S.

I have a 10-year-old son who almost perfectly fits the description you just posted. We had him tested for ADD about 4 months ago based on his teacher's suggestion. I was pretty irritated that she asked we do this because I think this is something that is extremely over-diagnosed especially in Utah. However, his wise and kind teacher suggested it purely out of genuine concern for my child, so I decided to pursue it half-heartedly. Before I took him to the pediatrician, I read up on ADD and treatment options. You can even find the test that is administered on the web. (It's a series of questions.) As I read through the diagnostic questions I was totally shocked...it felt like someone had been spying on my home and my son and designed a series of questions based on his behavior. We had him tested, and he was diagnosed with ADD. He has been taking medicine for several months now, and although we are still adjusting the dosage to find the right fit for him, I have noticed a definite behavioral change. I had MANY qualms about medicating him, but my pediatrician answered all my questions and helped find the right balance between medication and helping to structure his life in a way to make him more successful. He has not missed a single class assignment in 3 months, and he has only had to bring work home 3 or 4 times. He brought home his report card two weeks ago with straight A's. I still don't want to over-medicate my child, and I want him to learn how to cope and develop techniques to stay focused, but I feel like his teacher's call was heaven-sent. If for nothing else, it has helped me to feel more empathy for him and to set realistic expectations for him instead of being angry and frustrated with him all the time.

I won't go into alot of detail about my own 9 yr old boy, but I can promise you, HOME SCHOOLING, is NOT what you want to do. I have my own difficult son and I felt the same way you do right now, about school, him being bored, not getting the right attention, all of it. So, I tried to home school last school year, 2nd grade, HUGE mistake. Not only was I frustrated to the max, but it seemed to make things 10 times worse with him, he got very behind where when he went back to public school this year, he is in a 2nd grade - 3rd grade combo class now. I (after YEARS of research/studying/reading/websites, you name it I did it) had him tested and come to find out he is TRULY, ADHD combined, O.D.D. and has Mood disorderS and with proper treatment, all the way around, things have improved dramatically.
But, you are in school with other little ones and having a hard time with him, Home schooling may end up making things WAY WAY worse, not only for him, but for you and the rest of your family.
Just REALLY think about it first, and Good Luck!!

M.,
Have you had him tested for ADHD? ADHD is much harder for kids with high intelligence because they know there's something wrong and they have so much trouble controlling it (I've had ADHD my whole life, so I know how it feels to be smart, bored, and seeking stimulus). There are tactics you can use to help him with his homework such as 15 minutes of homework, 5-10 minutes of play time. Continue the cycle until he's finished. Also, find something that you can use a reward for completing homework that doesn't break easily into increments (math breaks easily, English homework not as easily). Look into Parent to Parent classes (www.chadd.org) for parents of children with ADHD. There's much that can be done and your son doesn't need to feel like a brilliant failure (like Einstein) because he has trouble staying focused in school.

I don't have a 9-year-old son, but my daughter is 8. She has a hard time staying focused on her work as well. I used to get emails all the time from her teacher that she had not completed or turned in her work. I don't how much your child's teacher is willing to work with you, but the best thing my daughter's teacher did was to wipe the slate clean and allow her to start fresh with homework (so she wouldn't be bogged down by makeup homework). I'm not sure how he figured grades, etc., but just knowing she was all caught up made a big difference. Honestly, it's depressing to be in that position - we've all been there - when there's just so much work to do and you don't know where to start. All you want to do is avoid it and not start in the first place. From that point, we set aside some time each evening to work on homework and complete it. The only problem is, you have to be absolutely clear that this will NOT be an option in the future. Otherwise, he'll think he can slack off again and just wipe it out. You have to weigh that risk for yourself. Talk to his teacher and see what your options are.
When I was young, I had a VERY hard time concentrating and staying focused at school. My parents had me tested as well, and discovered I was reading well over my grade level (by about 5 grades) and already knew everything I was being taught. I was so bored doing things over and over that I already knew how to do, that I just stopped doing them. With their determination and patience, they were able to convince the school that I should be skipped up a grade. Being challeneged with new work did wonders for my concentration. It became interesting and I actually wanted to learn it. Again, this will be up to how you feel your child will react to the change. I'll admit, I hated it at first. I was the "baby" in the class, etc. After awhile, though, nobody knew I was younger until my birthday rolled around (always met with surprise that I was full year younger than everyone else). If you feel that your son is just bored and needs a challenge, this might be the way to go. It's tough to jump right into a higher level, but it was just the kick I needed.

Time to start getting serious. Time to reward but have consequences for him losing focus. He needs to find out what is his motivator. Obviously getting positive feedback isn't working so I would really start coming down hard on him when he doesn't complete his work. If he has been ruled out with any learning disability and is just dinking around, time for you to lay down the law. Every grade he goes up in school will be harder on him if he doesn't figure out how to stay focused and buckle down.
I would say when he goofs off or gets into trouble in school take his favorite priviledges away until he EARNS them back. Teach him the benefit of hard work but also teach him consequences.
I tell my daughter daily, "you are a great kid, smart and funny, HOWEVER you make bad decisions sometimes, you have control over how your day goes". Each day it is a CHOICE on how their day goes. So he needs to learn he has control over that.
Maybe getting him a tutor to help as sometimes parents helping just doesn't do the trick.
I think parents teaching that kids are in control over their lives, the outcome, the daily routine and how they feel is something they can do themselves is a huge benefit to them later in life. Empower him with choices, if he makes the wrong ones, then consequences. Do a chart for a visual of his progress so he can get the feeling of success each week.

I think our school system has forgotten that kids, ecspecially boys have tons of energy and need more ways to get rid of it! It sounds like you have been working with his teacher but I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have a close working relationship with your sons teachers. Also, I hate to say it but you have slow your life down. You are trapped in what I like to call the activity trap. I have been there many times. I have 4 kids ages ranging from 15-5yrs old. Your son and his education is #1 right now and in order to do what's best for him you must focus on him. I don't know if you could put off school for a year or cut out some extra curriculars but you have to realize that for boys 9yrs old is a turning point. If you want him to learn at his best and be happy you have to get him to a point where school isn't changing him negatively. It will only get harder from here on out if school is a constant fight. So do some research about alternative learning situations for him. Be a constant presence in his school so you know what's going on. Have a meeting with his teacher, any learning aids, the guidance counselor and the principal. Make a plan and stick to it, give it time and see if it changes things. Also, if your life is so busy he may just be overwhelmed. So my advice, slow down, we don't always have to be super mom! I don't know where you stand with God but He can move mountains so pray, pray and pray some more! God Bless!

Does your son have A.D.D? I have a son who has it and I swear by the fact that he can't think correctly at times no matter how hard he tries. I personally haven't chosen medication, but rather behavioral theropy I work with him at home with. Also I had to remove almost ALL needless sugars. He doens't drink anything but water, candy rarely and if he is good and gets treats I stick with icecream as much as possible. I keep him very active and stay away from anything that involves sitting until around bedtime. This makes school much better and he had learned how to play hard and work hard.

Hi M. - I have 8 children one of which is a nine year old boy. Your son is a great kid in a bad situation. Public school does not work for everyone. I have homeschooled - right now my children are in school. Most of my children have been mostly homeschooled. I know it may seem difficult and it has its challenges as well as any education program. However - I hope you will try to give it a chance. There are other options besides homeschooling, though. There are charter schools here in Idaho. A lot of what is available in Idaho is are homebased programs where you get assignments, etc. online. We did Idaho Virtual Academy. Wonderful program - (in fact my children are ahead of others). In Rigby,there is a charter school - where you actually take your child to them. It would be worth looking into. Another possibility is that the focus problems could be a sign of a learning disability. I have a couple of children with a learning disability. They are not dumb or incapable of learning. They just learn outside the "box" that the public school system puts everyone in. They just learn differently and sometimes it takes longer for them. They are very bright and capable people. The other possibility is that he could just be bored -which is another reason for considering charter or homeschooling because of the capabilities of working at their own speed through the curriculum and studying things more interesting to them. Can I mention a pet peeve of mine??? What is up with a 9 year old having homework. That is ridiculous. I can see him having to bring home what he is unable to finish in class - that to me is a natural consequence. Homework for a 9 year old - bah humbug. If you would like to contact me - please email me and I would be happy to share and give you info on some of the alternatives to a "brick and mortar" school. You can contact me at ____@____.com or ____@____.com Sincerely, Debbie

Hi M.,

I have the same problem. It all started with my oldest child when he was in 4th grade. Now in 7th and he is failing. Not because he is dumb but because he just flat out does not do his ____@____.com brings it home than we our the bad parents because we make him do it. From the time he comes home to bedtime. I'm only his Stepmom, so when he goes to his mom's house it's okay that he doesn't do his work to spend time with them. When he comes back, of course, we have him do his work. He has so much work he can't even catch up. He doesn't care and the school system, well lets just say. When President Bush passed the Leave No Kid behind, It was all thrown out of proportion. My son is failing... We our taking him out of public school and putting him in a private school. This way he will wear uniform and get the help he needs. He will learn not only his education to pass but have more structure. If you can't afford it their is help. I hope this helps. I understand.

She

Please make sure that his teacher is punishing him by taking away recess at school. When he gets home make sure he gets down time before attacking the stack. We had similar issues with our oldest son when he was about this age. He out grew it and is "graduating" elementary school in 3 weeks and has been really really motivated by the schools gifted program. I hope that your son has been tested into that. It really helped with motivation AND attention, as that work kept his attention!

M.,

I am suggesting you read "The mislabeled child : how understanding your child's unique learning style can open the door to success". It sounds like you might have what is called a "twice exceptional" child like mine where they are extremely intelligent but also have a learning disability (or two in my son's case) that is hard to diagnose without psychoeducational testing. When they are really smart they learn to compensate but as they get older these skills aren't enough. Take time to read this book and ask his school to test him (make sure they do complete tests - I suggest the WISC-IV and the Woodcock Johnson III) to get a full learning profile. I will bet that they will show that he has at least one area that he is weak in and that is why he is frustrated and acting up. Good luck.

So my response is coming not as a parent (I am as well) but as an educator. Where is he sitting in the classroom? A seat in the front row works well for a student exhibiting signs or behaviors associated with ADD (not ADHD) which is what you described? Can he write on the lines or leave spaces between his words? Sometimes this is another indicator. But honestly I would reccomend asking for a move to the front row it will help keep him on task. Well take care, being young is stressfull and not always as stress-fress as adults like to recall.

C.

Have you thought about maybe doing a "buddy" homework session with another classmate? My oldest son is just how you descirbe your son and i had to start doing that with him and it really got him to start focusing on his work because they would try and beat each other.

M.,

I am the mom of an 8 1/2 year old boy and a teacher. You may have a couple of different things going on here. 1. Is the work too easy for him? Is he bored at school and considers the tasks a waste of his time? (my 6 year old is like that - he's in kindergarten and is reading at a second grade level). If he has been tested and scored high enough then he should be on an ALP - Advanced Learning Plan. Then the teacher could give him some more challenging work and projects that might be more interesting to him. Does he qualify for a gifted & talented school? Does your district have one?
2. Is the setting of the school not appropriate for him? Meaning, do the students sit at their desks a lot? Would he be better off in a setting that allowed more movement? OR is there too much movement/freedom and would he be better off in a more structured learning environment? Parents often send their children to the "best" school in the area, but that is not always the best school for their child. My boys are in a more traditional school and it works very well for them. They have both always loved to learn. If they came home unmotivated or unenthused about school I would consider changing the environment.
3. Have you gone into his classroom to observe what is going on? Have you talked to his teacher to get his/her assessment of the problem?
4. Can you and the teacher find a child in your son's class that might be a good buddy and a good influence on your child?
5. Have you tried setting some time limits and introducing positive awards for work completed at home/school and good behavior?
6. Once you have tried all of the above, talk to your doctor. Your son may have ADD or ADHD. Or something else entirely different. I don't like how many kids are overdiagnosed with this problem nor how many are readily handed a prescription. BUT I have seen a number of textbook cases of ADD and ADHD and medication can make all the difference for these children. I think too many parents run to the doctor before exhausting all the other factors that might be at play - some of these are what I described above.
Good luck!