Seeking Mom's Married to Partners Who Travel

I can kind of understand what you are going through my husband is in the miltary where he is gone away from me sometimes for months at a time or weeks. When he has been gone i put the phone on speaker and let him talk to the kids but it is so hard. i know this, b/c i have 5 little ones and they are a full days work. My twins were preemies. they came home when they were only 5 pounds. I had no family or really friends where i lived b/c i didn't really know anyone yet and my husband was some help at the time but when you need a break from getting up in the middle of the night for weeks at a time. it sucks big time.
I don't know if you had to bring home a monitor or anything but i did and that sucks. it would go off on both of them so much and it scared me to death that i sometimes didn't go to bed at night and i pretty much didn't sleep for the first two months they were home. unless the hubby was home and gave me some sleep but still i didn't really get good sleep that was very hard.
i understand somewhat where you are coming from. I hope you have family where you live b/c i would of loved that. to just get a break. looking back i can't believe i made it through it all. but i did and i am still making it everyday. they are now almost 3 but man it still is hard being a mom. take care if anything to let off some stem emial me at ____@____.com or go to myspace.com/ckhump20 and this is who i am take care

When my husband traveled a lot, I would take a picture of our daughter every morning and email it to him. I would also take video of her doing whatever and email that. When she got older and was talking, I would call his cell phone and have her leave little messages.

not sure what advice I can give you but I look forward to reading the responses as I'm married to an over the road trucker

This can be tough. My husband traveled when my first daughter was born. He would leave on Sunday night and be home Friday. It was trying to say the least, and he hated it. Thankfully he eventually found a new job with travel only on occassion. Now in his current job he is gone once a month for a few days at a time.

But I can say one good thing. It has made me stronger. I can handle 3 kids, work f/t, as well as a traveling husband. Gets stressful sometimes, but I do it.

Good luck.

My husband doesn't travel as much as he used to, but he still works late frequently. The best thing I have found for my mental state is to accept that he isn't going to be home and make plans. I take my kids to the Little Gym for classes, go shopping, do the grocery shop, do special crafts, etc. I find that if I am not busy and just sit around I will be just waiting for hime to come home and getting grouchy. Do you have friends or fmaily you could plan to see regularly? You son is a little young for little Gym, etc but soon he will be old enough. You could even go to a mall or bookstore and hang out. He will probably enjoy looking around and you can relax and get out a bit.

As for keeping your husband involves, I think just making sure he is involved when he is home is great. Maybe even plan a morning/day out for yourself so your DH can get the hang of taking care of the baby alone. That will give him more confidence and allow him to help you out.

I also think husbands tend to get more involved as kids get older. My husband is deinitely the one to chase and climb on and play while I am the hug, snuggle, and get food one. It is kind of a funny transition to being a parent and probably harder for him to make it since he is not around all the time like you are. Congrats and good luck.

My husband worked out of town too five days a week after I had my preemie (two months early). He was in Northwestern ICU also for a few weeks. My biggest issue was lack of sleep. I commend you for not mentioning how tired you must be and just trying to keep your husband connected to your home life. I made a sticker picture of our cutie and stuck it to my husbands computer. He still really treasures this. I know you already got plenty of great answers to your question. I just wanted to tell you how nice you are to concentrate on keeping your husband in the loop despite your challenges at home.

My husband is gone about 3 days a week for a sales job. When he is home, he is with our daughter, who's about to turn 2, as much as he can be. When he's gone, he'll try to talk to her on the phone and I talk to her about him. I don't know what else to tell you except I know how tough it is, especially in your situation with a preemie. You are one strong woman!

Hi. Congradulations on your new baby and getting through the NICU stage. I have 3 boys. 2 twins that were preemies and were in the NICU for a month. Plus a husband who was never home due to work. He either traveled or works late. Its very rough. There isn't too much you can do about him being away. When he is home I would try to do as much as you can as a family and take lots of pictures. Put his picture up by his crib so he can see him every morning when he wakes up. And even though he's little put him on the phone when he's away so he knows his voice and that he's there. Also it helps if you have another person who can help you while he's away. Being a 1/2 single parent (as I like to call it) is hard and can feel draining. You can start to resent your husband for missing so much and not having an equal part in your childs life. MAke the most of your time when he's there and make sure he spends quality alone time with your son. Take a day to yourself. You'll need it! Hope this helps. My twins are now 2 and their dad has just started being home more in the last few months. It makes a big difference. Hope everything works out for you.

My husband travels too, but not as much as yours (he's gone 1-2 nights/week usually). When he's gone he almost always tries to call before my son goes to bed so that they can talk on the phone. It took my son a while before he "got" it, but he's 18 months old now and he really enjoys it. He also likes to look at pictures of his dad.

My parents live far away (NH) and for Christmas last year they got us a webcam and have a webcam set up at their house too. Now, probably every week or so, we have "video conferences" with Mimi and Papa. He has a great time with these and I know for sure that it's helped him remember who they are when he sees them.

These are, of course, more suggestsions on how to keep your husband engaged with your son, rather than home life in general. As far as being engaged with home life in general, I think it's really important that the two of you take time to talk every evening if he can possibly spare the time. I know the whole consulting culture is one that values work above all other things, but I believe most of the burden is on HIM to make sure he sets aside time each evening to catch up with you. Congrats on your new baby!

T.,
Let me first say congratulations on surviving the NICU and bringing your sweet, precious son home. I am a mom of a preemie (29 weeker who is now 4!) and I think that I found that the "transition to home" was sometimes just as difficult as being in the NICU. If you need an ear, please feel free to send me a message. I actually do a lot of outreach with families of preemies.

Having said that, my husband did not travel once my son came home from the NICU, but he did work lonnngggg hours and it was hard. He sometimes travels now. The big thing was that we got a web cam, so he could see us and have the kids see him when he is gone.

As your son hits more milestones, take lots and lots of video and share that with him when he is home to capture his "1sts" and just other cute things that he does.

Its never easy when your partner isn't home much. You need to be pampered too. Take care of yourself!

B.

Hi T.,
Congratulations on your baby. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go home without your baby for months.
Some of the things I save for my hubby - which you can also do as your son grows up is save special things for when he's there.
For instance, I couldn't control when our daughter took her first step BUT -
We waited for him for her first swing experience. A moment he will forever cherish to see her face and hear her laugh.
Her first time to eat a solid food.
Her first time to see certain toys.
Her first time to touch snow.
You get the point.

It was hard for me sometimes to wait but so well worth it as it made the bond between them more special for daddy to be there. I mention him to both of my kids DAILY, point to his car, his picture, say daddy loves u etc etc just to remind them. Now my daughter at 16 months, wakes up, points to the window to look for daddy's car and says "daddy?"So I say he's working or he's downstairs etc...
Hope that helps some... I knw its hard. I try not to be resentful for I understand the circumstances but I do get lonely and feel that the kids don't get enough of him.