Good advice from a divorce attorny
C.,
You might want to try counselling for you before seeing a divorce attorney. It might help you find what you really need/want to make you feel better. A divorce won't fill the need. And a new partner may or may not fill the need.
Sixteen years is a long time and unless he's doing something awful to you, you might want to reconsider.
Feeling empty and lost is bad. I hope you can find a way to feel better soon.
C.,
I don't presume to know the particulars of your relationship, however after 20 years of marriage to a military man I have learned for me a few really important lessons.
1. I don't rely on my husband for my self worth or involvement in life. We each have our own interests and that gives us something to share.
2. Even when I am so mad I can just shake him I ask myself is it worth the fight. If so I go ahead and tell him whats on my mind. If not I just let it go.
3. (Most Importantly) I have discovered when I look at my husband and remember all of the things I love about him on a daily basis he really responds to me with love. (just from thinking about it not telling him) This also renews our bonds. No one is perfect, especially not us, we just keep trying to be genuine with each other.
4. If something is going to go wrong, it always does when you are alone to cope with it. That is an old military lesson from when my husband was on a tour. Guess what, the world didn't fall apart and I felt better for being able to handle it. My husband didn't always agree with what I did but he was proud of me for trying.
5. Communicate your feelings with your partner, he may not even be aware. I remember once my husband telling me during a fight "look I don't beat you, gamble, chase women, drink or spend my paycheck, what else do you want? This is just life."
I don't know if this is a help or not, but think about it before you waste a 16 year relationship. I think we just get itchy feet sometimes and try counseling before you do something you will regret. Then if divorce is the right thing for you, you will know you gave it every effort.
Good Luck to you.
K. @ The Nestingplace
The worst attorney I have ever had is Dale Burrows. I also thought this woman attorney in Denton could help me as she did well for men. But she gave me someone in her office. He was also a dud. I believe my ex paid his way to my devastation. They put a gag order on me and I did nothing wrong. His lies and cheating lead us to divorce and he remarried two months later. He was still writing 15 women while married to that gal and 4 months later did not want her any more. He is with someone else now and moving out of the country for three years. Great husband but cheats on me, first wife third wife and is on number 4.
I can understand that your feelings have faded away. The other girl had a great question, "do you need to get a divorce in order to find yourself?" My suggestions would be that I have been there just recently...God has restored my feelings through lots of prayer. It didn't happen as fast as I would have liked it to, but I'm not in charge. Have you prayed about this? If so, for how long?
Do you have to get a divorce to rediscover yourself? I'm not trying to be funny--it's an honest question that I've asked myself more than once. You really need to seek counseling before you make any major decisions. As easy as divorce seems to be to obtain, it does have lasting consequences. If you get the counseling and find that divorce really is the only answer, then like one of the other Mommas said, you will feel better knowing you did everything you could.
I'm not an attorney but have been a family law paralegal forever (before being a SAHM)... if there's somethign I can help you with, please feel free to e-mail me off list
____@____.com
Hello,
I'm am so sorry you are having these feelings.
I also want to say that I won't pretend to know your situation perfectly, but I want to encourage you in love to seek counseling. Does your hubby know you are considering divorce? There are many good counselors, and you should give it a shot! Show him you're strong in your character and dedication. Seek counsel, What's to loose?
Call me; I'm a Mom & Attorney. My office # is ###-###-####
S.
