Seeking IVF Advice

Yes, I have a daughter through IVF. The only "different feelings" I have may be tremendous gratefulness and appreciation for her since it wasn't so easy to have her.

Hi L.. After 3 years trying to conceive, 6 inseminations, and 1 IVF, we finally got pregnant - diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We now have a 9 week old miracle baby girl, who is perfectly fine. I had the same dilemmas and thoughts, but once she was here it didn't make a difference, and I was so glad I had the opportunity. Good luck.

Even with IVF you wouldn't be able to conceive without the "approval" of a higher power. No getting around the higher power thing once you buy into the premise.

I think it's wonderful that you so want to be parents. There are many babies in this world who desperately need parents. I've always wanted to adopt and can't wait. It seems so obvious - one wants to be a parent, there are children out there who need parents, how can one turn her back on them? Perhaps infertility IS a message from a "higher power." When you look at the world population as a whole, there is no fertility problem. There is a need for parents. And all these precious babies are equal, regardless of who bore them. People don't love their biological children because they carry on their DNA, right? They don't have to look like us for us to love them; we're not Nazis for crying out loud! You want a baby? There are plenty out there in the world who need you.

Just one question, did you use any birth control after the first child was born? I have only one suggestions, have you ever heard of iridology ( It's a of looking at your and telling what going on with your body. I had it done in Brooklyn , NY. It's a small price for the infomation . I f you interested let me know .

Hi L.,

Each person will feel different, but I had no thought at all that my son was any less mine. I could not have felt more connected to him from the moment of conception on. I feel nothing but lucky to have had a child! I had a harder time dealing with the fact that I had to have a C-section (breech), thinking that somehow my son would not be born, that I was not going to give birth. (I got over that pretty quick too!) This is not genetic engineering. I like to stay as close to nature as possible, but this was a time I felt grateful for modern medicine.

Have your baby!

All the best,
C.

Hi L.,

I had my twin boys via IVF. I love my boys very very much (they are about to turn 1 year) IVF worked for us the first time around, although I do know that in many cases it does take a few tries. You have to be committed to the process because it is a long and tidious one. I in no way felt like I was messing with a "higher power". God intended for us to have children. I have two children from a previous marriage that I conceived naturally and I do not feel any differently towards my twins. If the doctors are recommending that you try IVF, I say go for it, check out your insurance because part of the process is covered by most insurances. Good luck to you and feel free to contact me with any questions you have about IVF.

Before IVF, try detoxing your body. I would go on a strictly organic diet eating lots of fruits and veggies for one month. No dairy, no animal products, no pasta. There is a book called Toxic Relief and the author is Don Colbert-he is Christian. He will give you the specifics on how to detox. After the one month vegan diet, you can begin slowly incorporating your regular foods back into your diet (however, they must be organic). In about 6 months-maybe even sooner, you will notice a marked difference in your hormonal changes. You should not eat out in restuarants because their food is toxic (unless you find organic restaurants). I am a holistic health counselor specializing in women and children.

hi!
at 28 you are still young enough to try! especially since you had no problem conceiving your first child i would highly recommend to wait on ivf and see a holistic doctor and get acupuncture and herbs. i know that sounds so hippy, but two of my closest friends gotten pregnant that way. i was the makeup designer on "sex and the city" and we did a whole segment of "charlotte" doing that treatment because she couldn't get pregnant. it really does seem to work! unfprtunately western medicine rarely supports eastern or homeopathic alternatives. before you decide on ivf i think you should try everything else first. give yourself till 30, even that is young (i had my 3rd at 40 my first at 34 and i do not feel to old!). i see it happen so often that when you least expect it or you give up all hope that's when it happens! maybe you are trying too hard. relax and enjoy the time with your husband! and try acupuncture, it is absolutely noninvasive and has no side effects!
good luck!!
N.

Hey L.!
I just had my daughter in April and she was an IVF baby. My husband and I tried for almost 3 years to get pregnant. we had "unexplained infertlity". It seems to be pretty common. I don't think it is possible to feel any differently about a child just because you needed a little help to get pregnant. The actual procedure with all the drugs and injections is a lot to go through, but really worth it! If you have any other questions or just want to chat more about IVF I'm available. Good luck!

Hi L.
I have a 4 year old daughter and am currently 32wks pregnant with my 2nd - both the result of IVF. I couldn't have conceived without going through the "journey". The process itself is difficult, physically and emotionally - but the end result is well worth it. If anything it has made me more grateful for my daughter and this pregnancy and wouldn't change a thing. It has also made me a stronger person, as corny as that may sound.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
Good luck to you!

We didn't have IVF but I have been in your situation. I had no problem at all conceiving my first child - it was pretty much straight away. So I thought when we started trying for #2 it would be easy too. But we just did not get pregnant. We had loads of tests and there did not seem to be any clear reason why this was happening. But they suggested IVF to us, which I was happy to go ahead with as I would have done anything to have another baby. By this time we had been trying for nearly 3 years and were both still in our twenties so were really amazed that this was ahppening to us. But just as we had decided to go ahead with IVF I got pregnant naturally and we now have a second beautiful daughter.
So don't give up - sometimes it just takes longer the second time around, and if you conceived naturally the first time around then the chances are you will again, you just have to keep patient. One year of trying may seem like an eternity but it can be "normal" for it to take that long. But if IVF is what it takes, then go for it. Some people just need some extra help, so you should never feel bad or guilty if that it what it takes.
Very best of luck. I know the 3 years of secondary infertility we suffered were just about the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, so I do understand what you're going through.

My neice had problems conceiving her second child. She tried IVF and with each failure became more and more depressed and stressed out. In the process she was driving her husband nuts and her daughter wasn't getting the attention that was due her......
In a heart to heart talk with her I told her she's got to stop trying, stop thinking about it, stop driving herself nuts and get on with her life as it is effecting her relationship with her daughter and husband. I told her if a second child was meant to be, it will happen naturally when she least expects it and probably when the timing is bad. So she got on with her life...mended her relationship with her daughter and husband and moved on with starting her own home business... eight months later she called to tell me she was pregnant.... conceived naturally...She had a healthy boy and ended up having to put her home business on the back burner.

Everyone is different...no matter which road you decide to take, don't become obsessive with it as my neice did. Be good to yourself.

If you want a baby enough to go with IVF I'm sure you aren't going to feel differently about this child because of the way it was conceived.

Good luck...

hi, i have 3 wonderful children. my 2 oldest were conceived via IVF. My husband and i were very fortunate that our process worked pretty quickly and we had 2 healthy babies from this method. i don't have any weird or strange feelings about this method and it really doesn't cross my mind now that they are older. i personally feel that if the technology is available and can help families conceive children that they dearly want and can provide happy warm and caring relationships with than thank goodness! all the best and good luck

L.,

How you feel about IVF is your own personal opinion that nobody can or should influence or change. I personally did IVF one time resulting in me now being 7 months pregnant with healthy twins. I am a deeply religious and spiritual person,and in no way for even a second did I feel I was messing with a "higher power". On the contrary actually. I felt like God put me on this Earth to be a mother,and for me,if that meant getting some help from modern medical technology,then so be it. I have no negative feelings about my babies being conceived in a way that wasn't "natural".I'm sure you will get the same response from a lot of women who were told they were "infertile" and suffered the heartbreaks of trying to conceive for years.
Good luck with your decision. God bless.

Hi L.,

My husband and I have been through multiple (failed, unfortunately) attempts at IVF. I looked at it as a means to an end, the only way we could have biological children. It is exceedingly normal to have children this way; if you decide to talk to others about it, you will always find someone who has been through ART (assisted reproductive therapy, IUIs, IVF, donor cycles) or knows someone who has. Different religions have different takes on it; some do equate the procedure to "playing God". Only you and your partner (together with your clergy person if you so wish) can make the decision of whether to try, if it's within your ethical boundaries.

But please know one thing: there is nothing that you have done wrong or that most likely would have caused you to be unsuccessful. Infertility is an unfortunate, undiscriminating disease, not a punishment for a past action, not bad karma coming back, definitely not a way to weed out those who shouldn't have children. IVF is a miraculous way for those of us with problems (primary or secondary) to conceive our children, nothing more or less.

I can't speak of how I'd feel about my IVF-conceived child versus a "naturally" conceived one, but I, too, had this fear. I can say, though, that the reason our IVFs didn't work was so we could adopt our daughter, E. She was meant to be in our family, just as your next child will, no matter where conception takes place.

Big hugs- feel free to private message me if you need/want to chat.

-R.

L.,

Great name! :)

Personally I have always believed that sometimes doctors and various other "helpers" could be the very thing that God is working through and that without them, we make it harder for Him to achieve what He wants to. Think of the story of the guy on a deserted island who kept praying for God to save him. I think there are two versions. One has his hut burn down which infuriates the guy because it's his only shelter just to find out that very act served as a smoke signal and alerted his rescuers. The other version talks about various methods of rescue arriving at the island just to be turned away because the guy is looking for a more "Godlike" intervention when come to find out, God was in a sense working through the methods He sent.

I look at it this way. You can try IVF and if it is meant for you to have another baby, you will and maybe this was just the means you were supposed to take this time. It isn't guaranteed so you can always tell yourself that if it isn't meant to be, you won't get pregnant. Many of my friends will pray for things they are going through and even for the really great sounding things (a house, having a baby, a new job, etc.) they pray that God open the doors wide if it is His will and that He close them shut if it is not. I don't know of any of them that have found this didn't work well for them because usually if the door was closed, there was a reason and if it wasn't, it turned out to be a really wonderful thing in the end.

I wish you the best and pray for God's will.

L.

http://APerfectMoment.MyArbonne.com

Hi L.,
When my husband and I first started trying we got pregnant in 5 months. I lost the baby at 7 weeks and then we tried for 3 years with no luck. Every month was a disaster and during that time I went to 14 baby showers! Ultimately, we did IVF. I questioned myself also "should I be doing this?" But my thought was that if God didn't want me to have children, then I wouldn't be living in an age when IVF was an option for us. I noticed you live in Branford. We went to The Center at Uconn (Farmington). We were lucky, we got pregnant the first cycle and now we have an amazing 2 1/2yr old. We're actually going through IVF again next month with a facility that's closer to where we live. I couldn't love my son more, no matter how he was conceived. I actually felt lucky that this way of conception was an option for me. Best wishes to your family.

Hi L.,

I actually did both holistic/natural therapies and IVF to conceive my daughter. I would suggest going to a IVF center first (Reproductive Endocrinologist)and find out if there is something obviously wrong that your OB doesn't see. Do you have any other health problems? Go to a Naturopathic Doctor (ND)and/or MD to see if you've got any other problems or nutritional deficiencies. IVF did not work for me untill I solved some other unrelated health problems.

My ND said that often when other things are wrong your body shuts down it's fertility. It does this because your body is stressed in some way and a pregnancy is more stressfull and not necessary for the bodies survival.

I'm a conservative christain and believe God designed us to think and solve problems. He designed our bodies to react the best way it can when we are sick. I wouldn't have my daughter if it wasn't His will. I had to work a little harder to get her, that's ok. I'm very blessed.

Good luck and God bless,
G.

Hi, L.,

Just one thought about the "higher power" concern. It might help you to think about it this way: If someone had chemo to treat cancer, would you question if he or she were messing with a higher power? That's a fundamental life-and-death situation, too. Just like many illnesses, infertility is a medical condition and medical science has discovered highly advanced, technological ways to treat it.

Best of luck as you make your decisions and move forward.

Hi L.,
We didn't do IVF, we did Clomid and IUI and I had a REAL hard time coming to grips with doing it. It felt "unnatural." However, I can say that I don't have a moment's regret...and I didn't after we did it the first time. I'm not sure what the determined with your testing, but for me, they determined unexplained infertility. The only things they could find I was borderline for was elevated FSH (premature menopause), and low progesterone. However, again, it was borderline. After several months we gave in, along with dietary changes and seeing an acupuncturist..after 2 cycles I got pregnant. My daughter is the light of my life and I never think about "how" she came to be. She was every bit a part of me pregnant, and in every way a natural and normal child. One thing that did help was that we did it the old fashioned way at home the day of the IUI, and the day after. So, mentally, we could feel like who knows how it really happened! Maybe we did it ourselves?? You have to do what is comfortable for you. The way I thought of it was God has created a means through which I can overcome fertility challenges. What a wonderful gift to me!!

Hi L.,
I was an egg donor in college, and one of the reasons I did it was curiosity about my own fertility. I knew then that when it came time to have a child I would do whatever I possibly could to conceive. My husband and I got lucky and didn't need the IVF, we have a beautiful daughter about to turn 5. (I conceived right as we were looking into the possibility of fertility treatments with my dr)

My only advice is, if you commit to using science to conceive, commit all the way. By that I mean, either be willing to selectively reduce, or, only implant 3 embryos or less. You are having a baby not a litter and you want that child to have the best start from the beginning. High multiples have major health problems, not to mention the financial resources required to raise them.

No matter how you conceive, you are going to love that precious gift with all your heart. My best wishes to you.

I agree with the other responses... we've gone through so many fertility procedures and still nothing... that higher power still has to be involved and it will happen when/if it's meant to. We feel like that "higher power" may be telling us there is a beautiful baby going to be born that we need to adopt, but we'll see. And in my opinion, that "higher power" is the one who gave people the brains to come up with these wonderful procedures to get around this crappy problem of infertility.
As far as your feelings toward this child, i agree, this child will never have to question if it is wanted... and i'm sure you will love it no matter what once you carry it and see its beautiful face.

Hi L., I hope I can help. I had my baby girl 3 months ago via IVF using donor eggs because we failed 3 previous cycles using my own (due to age). We also have 2 boys besides her and I can tell you without a doubt that I love her so much with every ounce of me and my husband and I do not feel any differently with any 3 of our children. My baby girl wouldn't be here if it weren't for me taking care of via in utero and giving birth to her. When ours meet, we have that instant bond. So if I could do it using donor eggs, there is no reason you should feel any differently about conceiving this way. Believe me!! Very best of luck to you!! K.

I haven't been through this (I have friends who have)...but this is the simple way I see things....no matter how you get your baby it's your baby....natural, w/ a little help or adoption....and I don't see you feeling anything more than really thankful and blessed that you could have your baby....I wouldn't see you loving that child less or more because of how baby came to you...just maybe a little more grateful and less likely to take for granted what you have....and as far as messing with a higher power...well who gave us the ability to reason, think and discover how to do things? Are you against flying, driving or floating in a boat?...these are all things we created with his divine guidance...I guess it just depends on how you look at things but I see the medical world as wonderful as a whole...look at all the lives that have been saved because of vaccinations, transplants and medicine...Good luck on your decision.

Hi L.. I agree with many of the other responses.... I think that God often uses those in the field of medicine in the process, but ultimately, He is still the Creator of life (whether IVF is utilized or not). I personally have not walked through the road of IVF (I've had my own struggle with miscarriages but have not used IVF), but have four friends and family members who have been on that journey. Just one more thought to consider.... for them, the big ethical questions tended to arise about extra embryos. For one of my friends, she was very upfront with the doctors about the number of eggs she allowed to be fertilized in the first place, because she was unwilling to do "snowflake adoption" and also unwilling to donate to science. She knew that every egg that was fertilized and started to grow would be inplanted at some point to try for a successful pregnancy. Many doctors will not limit their numbers because they feel it affects their "success rate" percentages.... however, they are not the ones who have to live with the decisions. If you are concerned about this, I would encourage you to find a conservative doctor who will support your decision in this area.

Blessings to you as you continue this journey.

Just wondering about your diet...are you getting enough healthy fat? Protein? Minerals? Your body will not conceive if you are not getting enough of the right nutrients to support a baby. Some good artices at www.mercola.com, or in the book "Nourishing Traditions".

Don't worry about that. I do not think that God is trying to send you a personal message that you should not have another baby. Focus on the other good things about having a second child, like the fact that your son will have a sibling that will be there for the rest of his life.

That said, IVF is tramatic, and if you are young enough (as you are) my suggestion would be to seek alternative medicine for becoming pregnant first. IVF can be very expensive and evasive, and not result in a baby, or result in multiples that you may not be prepared for, especially when they start recommending selective abortion in increase the chances of having a successful pregancy carried to term.

There is a really good book on understanding your cycles and typical problems with fertility, called Alternative Medicine Guide to Women's Health 1 (Women's Health Series (Tiburon, Calif.), 1.) by Burton Goldberg and Keri Brenner (Paperback - Feb 1998). I bought it at Amazon. It is an indispensible resource in my opinion.

My own fertility specialist said that I should give acupunture a try first before going through IVF, and they had a very high success rate, but you should do your own research to make sure that you have a reliable provider. The book I recommended has several resources to check out.

A lot of times infertility is caused by simple underlying physical problems that, once resolved produce a pregancy.

Good luck to you and your efforts to have a baby.

hi L.! I have been trying to get pregnant since September. I was soooo stressed out the first few months that we decided to stop trying so hard!! I have heard by so many people that STRESS alone can prevent you from conceiving. Have you ever just stopped trying for a while??? Just live and enjoy your life with your family for the summer, without the stress, and see what happens!! I am 30 with an almost 2 1/2 year old and feel i am still so young and have plenty of time to conceive. You are only 28, so you have some time before going that next step. I feel there is nothing wrong with ivf or any other fertility treatment, because every woman deserves the gift of motherhood!! But, just try to relax and it will probably happen before you know it!! And, if it doesnt within another year or so, then do what you feel you need to! I hope to be pregnant by the fall, but if not, we will continue to try naturally, as i feel i am young and still have time. I would probably consider ivf in a few years if it doesn't happen but i am optimistic i will be pregnant by the fall(especially because we aren't trying as hard!!) Just RELAX and Good luck!!!

I never realized it could be looked at in that way. I have my son through IVF, and am extremely greatful to both God, and then the available technology that has allowed me to be a mother. I can't imagine life without my son, and have no shame about having had the IVF. I do however feel a lot more strongly about those not taking motherhood as seriously, and am always disappointed when I read postings that talk about disappointment with the child's gender and such. I get very upset when people don't realize the gift of pregnancy, and think it's their given right and complain about small stuff.

IVF gave my husband and I beautuful twins. The procedure is a distant memory and I thank God everyday that there are doctors out there to help those of us who could not conceive spontaneously. I never think about how my children were conceived and never would treat or look at them any differently. My children were conceived through love just like those who are conceived spontaneosly. I believe that this gift was given to me and the trouble I had conceiving showed me how truly special and miraculous life is. My son and daughter are truly a blessing. I wish you luck and hope you think about it and see if this is right for you because it is a long process.

I have 3 children. DD#1 was conceived via artificial insemination (my fertiltiy problem), DD#2 was conceived after 3 years of trying on our own and trying artificial ins., via IVF (same husband, but this time it was his issue), DD#3 was a surprise gift from God conceived on our own while I was still nursing DD#2 and had not gotten my 1st post baby period. (They are only 14 months apart). I love all of them equally and never even think of how they were conceived other than when I tell people the story. I don't think of messing with a higher power, because He put the desire in me to be a mom that was so strong that I could not help but try anything within reason at my disposal to become a mom. My urge to have #2 was even stronger than my urge to have #1. #3 was a real bonus as I never even entertained the idea of a third baby. Hope this helps.

Not that I've been through this, but if you want a child that badly does it matter how it was created. Tons of kids are created with IVF and it's very successful. You never know, once you start the process, maybe you'll relax enough to do it the old fashion way. Whats more important, where it came from or just that fact that you have it. Besides, no one will know if you don't want them too. Also, I know where I work they will not "insert" more then 3 embryos at a time, so your not having a whole litter in there either.

Wow, you got a lot of responses to this one! I have 11 month old b/g twins that were conceived via IVF. What a blessing. I have several medical conditions and was told my chances of ever being a mother were slim. Thank GOD for IVF!! I just turned 30 and my husband and I began trying to get pregnant at 27. Sometimes you just need a little help regardless of age or previous prgnancies. My twins are my only children so I can't say how I feel about them in camparison to anohter child. I can say that I love them more than I ever could have imagined. I am so grateful for them and it's rare that I even think about the IVF anymore. Many people have already said to you that it is a long, hard, emotional journey, but one well worth taking if you truly want another child. As far as messing with a higher power, I feel that this technology was provided for us through the talents and smarts of others that the "higher powers" put on this earth. The only time I feel we are messing with a higher power is when gender slection is involved, but that is my own personal feeling. You've gotten a lot of good advice and insight. Share it all with your husband and make the decision that feels right for you both. Whatever you decide good luck to you and your family.
Danielle

L.,

Based upon our infertility diagnosis, IVF is the only way for my husband and I to have children. We have completed 3 IVF courses and have had 2 successful pregnancies. I recommend the procedure. I do not have any uneasy feelings about my children, nor do I think there was anything wrong with the way they were conceived. Sure it would have been great if our transfer could have been a bit more intimate, but hey it is what it is and we were both there.
I also believe that a higher power gives us the ability to explore science and gives us tools to make the decision we think best.
Good luck finding a solution that works for you!

hi - after 1 year of my husband & my trying to concieve naturally, we were unsuccessful. we then began infertility treatments. after 10 artificial inseminations, lots of drugs, testing our bodies for everything, surgery for me, emotional highs & lows, two years of absolute hell - #11 insemination produced our beautiful baby boy and i would do it all over again wih no regrets if i am able to get a child of my husband & mine to bring into our family. i rarely think about how he was concieved and feel it was what we had to do to get what we waited our whole lives for. good luck & have strenght!

Hi L.,
My husband and I conceived our oldest daughter "naturally" although it took a year and a half. When we tried to have another child we tried another two years with clomid and the old fashioned way, but no luck. We eventually decided to do IVF and now have 2 1/2 year old twin girls. The fact of my childrens different conceptions has never been an issue and you won't feel any different about them. In the end they are still your children. God willing, you will carry your child, feel it growing inside you and you will give birth to your child; just the same as your first. And as many others have said, I don't think IVF is messing with a "higher power". He still has a lot to do with it! IVF is only a helping hand.
The whole process is a lot of work and takes tremendous commitment and time, but don't feel guilty or weird about thinking about it or doing it. It is one of many options that science has given us. Good luck to you and your husband with your decision and feel free to send me a message if you want to ask any other questions! M.

While I can't speak for myself, once my relative went through it, it seemed like it wasn't "TABOO" to talk about any longer. Everyone Iknow that has gone through it says it is a rough road but worth it. The injections, the waiting, the failure and, of course, the success!!
I don't know where you are out of but I know there is a reputable facility in Morristown.
The child is yours no matter how he/she arrives.
Good luck to you.

Both of my kids were concieved via IVF. Feelings no different towards kids from conceiving naturally or through IVF. Love kids any which way you get them.

Go for it!. We are in the same situation. We have a 3.5 year old and are currently in the 4th IVF attempt. You will not feel any differently toward a child conceived with IVF. You may want to visit Hannah's Prayer Forum to get a Christian perspective on the matter. Good luck!