Seeking Imput...6 Y/o Dislikes School :(

I have no experience with this with my own children (they aren't in school yet)..but I can tell you that I was EXACTLY the same way in school. I did well in school, I had many friends and was not bullied. I had no reason for hating school but I still did. I still have no idea why I hated school so much - I wasn't missing my family, wasn't bored with my classes...and I played many sports which I loved. I just did not want to go to school. I felt that way all through grade school, it did get a little better in high school. And when I went to college I started to enjoy school - I can't give any other explanation for the reason why I didn't like it. I hope that you can find the reason for her not liking school but know that sometimes there really may not be a concrete reason...

She sounds bored. Does she finish her work early as well? What expectations are on her once she has completed her assignments? Is she expected to sit quietly and do NOTHING or is she allowed to pull out a book for enjoyment while she waits on everyone else to finish?

Get her to be as specific as you can about her teacher being "mean". I'd bet she is not mean, but strict, and is not lenient about letting your daughter entertain herself when she is finished with her work.

Added:
After thinking about it some more, the other mom who mentioned the possibility of giftedness and sensitivity really struck a note with me. My daughter is in a gifted program. She is VERY upset when she feels like she was chastised wrongly. And "fairness" and "justice" are really heightened with this type of child. The year my daughter started the challenge program (one day per week pull-out, where she attends a totally different school for one day each week), she was fine with it. Made all the adjustments, had friends, etc... then one day, out of the blue (seemed to be) asks me the night before her "challenge day"... "Do I have to go to challenge tomorrow?" She ended up crying and getting very upset. She went anyway. I spoke with the teacher, etc. Everything seemed fine. The next week, same thing. The night before, right at bedtime, she gets herself all worked up and crying... still asking me in the car the next morning... PLEASE can I not go?? It took some real investigative work and brainstorming to figure it out: One of the ladies in the drop-off line had said something to her about getting out of the wrong door of the car! Told her she should get out of the other side of the car. That was all it took.
When I thought I had it figure out, I told my daughter: Look. You didn't do ANYTHING wrong. She thinks you would be safer getting out one side, but I have told you to use that side. Don't worry about it. IF she should ever say anything about it again - which I doubt she will- but IF she does... tell her that she needs to talk to ME (Mom). That's it. You are not in any trouble, but if she says anything, just tell her she should talk to your mom.

Do you know, after I told my daughter that, she has NEVER had another issue with going to her challenge class. It had nothing to do with going to the class, but EVERYTHING to do with thinking she was breaking some rule that didn't exist when she was getting out of the car, and worried she was going to get "corrected" about it again. Your daughter might very well have something similar going on. Something about the process of her day might be making her feel like she is being bad, and she may not know that she ISN'T being bad! Simple misunderstandings can really affect some kids.
And my all means, ask the teacher (or go directly to the guidance office and ask them, one of my daughter's teachers was very slow to get on board because it was her last year before retirement I think, and just didn't want to deal with it) and ask about getting your daughter evaluated for giftedness.

I would keep asking your daughter what is it that she doesn't like about school. Does she miss you or dad? or a sibiling? I know when mine say they hate school it is because they are needing some one on one time with one parent or another. They also know that if they say they are sick they get to stay home with Mom or Dad.

At 6 y.o she should be able to explain how she is feeling and why she hates it other than the teacher is mean. Have her give examples of how the teacher is mean. Good luck.

I was the same way. It was because I was HORRIBLY BORED in school. Especially if she's at the top of her class, she may be having some similar issues. Try some enriching activities to fuel her mind at home, and perhaps she'll have more fun at school. She just needs her mind nourished a little bit more than school is providing right now.

Or... you could consider homeschooling her so she can work at her level and provide lots of social outlets for her so she can still socialize with other kids her age.

Good luck!

Sounds like she is a homebody and would just rather stay home. Maybe
she just does not like the structure and rules that go with school.

I've had 4 daughters and we homeschooled the first 3 until they all started school at the same time. They were in 5th, 8th, and 10th grade at the time.

We now have our 10 year old here with us and she's still homeschooling. She thinks she wants to go to school. She does want to, but we are not convinced that it's what we want. The problem with a lot of kids is that they get bored too easily.

All of my kids have gone through it and all of them are bright students. We constantly changed curriculums, often mid-year to try and keep them interested. We've pieced together curriculums from a wide variety of sources in an effort to challenge them.

One of our daughters wanted to homeschool and decided to do it again after being in public school for a couple of years. But then she decided she wanted to go back.

Your daughter sounds like she's going to be similar to my children. I WISH I knew the answer. But I can tell you that my sympathy has gone way out the window. I'm just getting to the point of telling my 10 year old that she needs to deal with this personality flaw of getting so bored so easily!

I also agree with the parent below that said teachers sound so much different when parents are not around. I'm guilty of it myself. I don't go into full fledged strict disciplinarian when I'm talking with a daycare parent. But give me a house full of kids that decide they are going to challenge my authority and my pitch drops and my voice raises just enough to get my point across. When I first start a new daycare child they look at me like they are afraid the first couple of times. When they see that I'm all bark and no bite they are fine. Maybe this teacher does it way too often? Whatever is going on, you should get to the bottom of it so that you know.

Sounds like maybe she just wants to spend more time with you or other family members. I know my daughter wasn't happy about going back to school after spring break. She is bright as well, but she is not a morning person. She doesn't like getting up early and wearing boring uniforms or having to pack her lunch. It really has nothing to do with school itself.

If your daughter has been crying nearly every day for the past 2 years though, there is something else going on there. She is old enough to be able to express her feeling to you. Ask her what it is she hates.

I am sorry to hear your story. My first grade daughter sound exactly like your's, but she doens't say she hates school. However, she wants to stay home all the time and says she misses me and wants more playtime. I actually dislike hearing her say she wants to be home because I loved going to school and I am afraid she won't. However, with perspective I realize tha tI loved school because my home family life was terrible. I should be glad she wants to be home more :)

Maybe it is as simple as she is craving more home time and attention from you and her family. Not that you aren't giving it, but maybe she needs an extra half hour at night to play? Maybe she needs you to have lunch with her ever couple of weeks? Maybe she feels over-scheduled and feels busy with activities and errands (whether it is objectively true or not)? She may not be good at expressing this, but it may be less about school and more about home, as it is with my child. I would look at switching her routine to make her feel like she has a little more control over her time? Make sure she is making some decisions for her self over her routine - maybe the routines should change.

Is there a counselor at school she could talk to? My daughter's school has a guidance program. She was worried about making friends for awhile in the fall and we had her do the "buddies" guidance program to help her feel a little more confident. The kids love the special attention and it gives an outsider a chance to feel her out a bit. Good luck, I am sure this is very painful.

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I agree with those who have said that your daughter might be bored. I know with my son, who's in first grade, this is the case. His teacher has even commented that many times he'll have a worksheet finished before she's done giving the instructions. What happens next is critical - is he expected to sit and wait how ever long it takes the rest of his class to finish? Or is he allowed to read, draw, etc - as long as he's not disrupting others? She lets him read as long as his work is done, and since he's so far ahead, he gets extra projects to work on every week so that he stays challenged. Trust me... He's not a child that you want to have around when he's bored!

Another option would be to volunteer in her classroom. It doesn't have to be much... I only go one hour, once a week. Whatever would fit into your schedule. It would give you the opportunity to see you daughter, her teacher and her classmates in action. In that "regularized" setting, defenses drop, habits shine and you can see how everyone interacts in the classroom. It might be that you'd notice what could be making your daughter "hate school" that the teacher wouldn't see as a problem.

Good luck, it's a tough row to hoe.

Is it possible she's bored? If she's bright, she may just be bored silly with what's happening academically, even if she's doing just fine with friendships and behavior etc. Does your school system have testing for "advanced academics" students (also known as "gifted and talented" in some areas)? Does the teacher think your daughter's bored, and if so, what can you and the teacher work out to challenge her more?

And as someone else posted, she may still be wanting mom and dad a bit. I wonder if she tells the teachers she hates school? If she is cheerful and participating and listening in class, it's possible that the "I hate school" with no specific reasons given is a way she is getting your attention. She might need some reassurance that all's well at home while she's away at school.

If that's not what you think's going on, try to find a very calm time to talk with her. Not when she's just done homework and wants to relax, not when she's tired, and not when she's involved in something else; maybe try over a weekend when she has not even been at school for a day or so. If you ask a huge, general question like "Why do you say you hate school" she may just come up with "I don't know, I just do" and variations on that, which doesn't help you much.

See if you can talk cheerfully to her about specifics without sounding like you're grilling her -- for instance, "Hey, you did great on that spelling test. What would you say is your favorite thing about school? Spelling? Or something else? What's your one least favorite thing?" "Your class seems really big this year. Do you get a chance to answer questions?" Take an "I really like to hear about your day" approach but be specific; if you say "What did you do this week, " she might answer, "We learned stuff, I guess." So don't give her that opening. It's tough, but you may draw her out into talking about what parts of her day are not working for her.

Cyber schools have made a lot of progress for kids, try that or see if a local homeschooling mom would accept your daughter as a student.

Just a thought-do you think she's not being mentally challenged enough? Maybe since she's above grade level in reading and math, might it be too easy? Do you think she may be gifted? Might not hurt to have her tested?

First, Teachers are very different to the students in their classroom then they are to the parents. Second, the teacher may be scolding the class generally, not meaning your daughter, but your daughter may still be taking it personnally. That can be very upsetting.

This is going on 2 years (Kindergarten and first grade) of crying most days on the way to school? Is she prone to crying? Does she tend to carry on this long about something?

If not then something is wrong --- even if you cannot figure it out. If it were my daughter she wouldn't go to that school any more.

Lastly, gifted kids tend to be more sensitive. I would think about having her tested and getting advice about what type of educational setting she needs.

Good Luck!