Well I just had a birthday last week and also the same week I caught my boyfriend talking to another girl sexually. He's honestly the best boyfriend I've ever had so I believe him when he tells me he won't do it again and he even wrote to the girl saying to delete his number and everything else I told him to write her. So I'm already feeling pretty bummed about that and to top it off the day of my father's passing is tmrw (8 years). I was wondering a few weeks ago why i felt like just crying all day. I've been feeling like this for a while now, you know, overly emotional. & I'm pretty sure it has everything to do with tmrw. To me it feels like every year that goes by i hurt more and more and want to cry more &more bt i try not to. Honestly i think since this year will be the first year of me living in the same apartment building(just different floor) of where he passed away, it will be the hardest. bt I feel like I live where he wants us to live.... sounds wierd but what are the odds of us having to move and that place being the only vacant place around town at the time and in our price range...So now i'm at work in a quiet office and don't wana do anything but curl up in a ball and cry about how much i miss my father and wish he was here..... can someone please help, what do you do when you dont know what to do anymore? Sincerely HeartBreakAfterHeartBreak <|3
Seek therapy. Grief this intense so long after a loss is not normal.
Dump the boyfriend. You're a fool to believe it'll never happen again and/or that it'll end w/ just talking.
Grief comes in waves and the fact that it's been 8 yrs means nothing. At times you feel like it was just yesterday. Other times it feels like forever ago. Does your work have EAP? A lot of time just making a call to EAP gives you a gentle ear to listen to your issues and sooth your soul.
As far as the boyfriend? Good guys don't treat good women that way. You need to know that you are worth more than that. Only you can decide if you stay together or separate but please know that he might be a good guy who made a mistake or he might be a player who just got caught by you. Let your head make your decision not your heart.
Hello lovely. First I want to say that I am very sorry for your loss. I agree that if you can find one, you may benefit from joining a support group, or having a few sessions with a therapist so that they can help you work through your grief. I resisted therapy for a very long time, but now that I'm older it's one of the first things I turn to in any kind of mental slump or when facing emotional turmoil. Take it one day at at time.
As far as your relationship, please take it from someone like me that knows. If your boyfriend was willing to cheat once (and I do consider sexting cheating), he will be willing to do it again, whether he gets bored or whenever you guys have a bad fight. There is NOTHING you can do to stop it, because it's not your fault that he did it in the first place. Another warning sign if that you are having to dictate to him how to treat you well. He should have known better, and later on he will resent you for "making" him do things. Just because you made him send the message to back off, doesn't mean she will magically disappear. I would also recommend waiting to deal with it until you are at an emotionally stable place with your grief process. The relationship is already over, it's just a matter of how long you endure the haunting thoughts of "is there still another girl? I need to check his phone/e-mail. When he says he's going out or working late, is he really with her?". It took me five years to overcome my love for my ex, and accept letting him go. He cheated on me the entire time.
Hang in there, hun. Please message me any time if you ever need someone to talk to.
Anniversaries like the passing of a loved one are hard. Allow yourself to cry if you want to. People grieve in their own ways. Some need to talk to others, while other find solace in other ways. For me, it's music. I can go a while being ok with my brother being gone, then out of nowhere, it hits again like a ton of bricks. Just go with it.
As for that boyfriend.... Eventually you'll get tired of his mess (cause there's a high chance it will happen again). Until then, just keep on keeping on.
B.:
Welcome to mamapedia!
I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I would suggest that you find a counselor to talk with so that you can learn how to compartmentalize your feelings so that you can go on to live your life and keep your father's memory alive.
As to your boyfriend? I don't know how on earth he could be considered the best boyfriend if he's talking sex with another girl. I would broom him to the curb and not allow him back into my life.
Please see your doctor. Make an appointment TODAY and get help for your grief!
You need to seek some professional grief counseling. Possible join a grief support group.
As for your boyfriend...... there is no relationship there if you are "telling" him what to do. You are not his mother. You are either a partnership or you're not. From what I gather in your post, you are not... you no longer trust him and there no sense in maintaining a relationship not based on mutual trust and respect for each other. There is no relationship if you are snooping through his phone to see if he did what you told him to do.
Take small steps, don't make huge decisions until you have the root of your grief under control so that you can make good decisions based on factual information vs emotion.
Best of luck to you.
If that's the best boyfriend you ever had, then it doesn't say much for your taste in men.
What gets me is that you said he told HER to delete his number and put the responsibility on the other girl. No. Sorry. You're with a cheater. If he's the best you ever had up until now that doesn't mean you believe him. That means you need to make better choices in men. Especially if you have children. Do you want to raise your children thinking this is how to treat women? Do you want your sons treating women like this? Do you want your daughters growing up to let men do this type of thing to them?
The men you choose to share your life with and sleep with can't be replacements for your dad. I'm so sorry you lost him, but please don't let this loser of a guy fill up the hole your dad left. He won't live up to your dad.
Talk to your doctor about depression.
Grief that has gone on this long can get you stuck in a bio-chemical trap and it might take an anti-depressant to help get you out of it.
As for the boyfriend......
You could use someone who is supportive and he does not sound like he has that in him.
Instead of being a source of emotional support and consolation, he's out there looking for a quickie.
Toss him out - you don't need him.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you.
Someone who values you and needs you.
If you have to beg someone to stay - he's not worth it.
Since his lack of respect and consideration is hurting you - ditch him.
You are better off without him.
