Seeking Help with Three Year Old Daughter

HI , perhaps you should sit down with your daughter and write down 4-5 house rules. Post the rules up and let her know what will happen if she breaks them. I have a six year old son and I've been using a schedule with him (visual / pictures or words). The schedule lets him know what's expected and what he should be doing. Consistency in anything you try is KEY! Also try catching her being good and praising her. For example state exactly what you see ("I like the way you came to mommy as soon as I called you" or "I like the way you picked all your toys up").
Good Luck!

My son is 5 and a half years old and he is the middle child he was and is the same way he was just diagnosed with adhd and it seems like the medicane has worked i am not saying that your daughter is adhd at all it sounds like she might want more attention my twin 3 year olds are the same way i suggest that when she starts to misbehave distract her with an activity alone with you like maybe reading a book or painting always works in my house. Another suggestion is change your daily routine maybe she is bored and needs more stimulation try doing things diffrently during the day like eating a later breakfast and watching a movie instead of playing maybe a change in routine will calm her down. My twins love to do puzzles and when i give them one to do just one of those 25 peice board puzzles they behave for hours doing it taking it apart and they love to be prasied about how well they are doing during it and it seems they behave better when the routine is changed and they have more simulation. How old is your youngest child maybe havign your three year old play mommy for the day might help calm her down to cause little girls love to play mommy and this will give your 2 youngest children a chance to bond with you and togther. I hope this was some kind of help to you. Let me know how things turn out.

N.

I know it sounds crazy, but I am a huge fan of the show Supernanny (Channel 7). I have followed her suggestions since my daughter was an infant and am happy to say I have a very well behaved 5 year old (most of the time :).

I think these are some key points:
Always speak in a calm, firm voice and get down to their level (eye to eye) when you are asking your child to do something or diciplining your child. I used to get down on my knees and tell my daughter to look at my eyes.

Staying calm and consistent is so important. I think children have the capacity to realize when you are at wits end and take the opportunity to put you over the edge whenever they get a chance! Also, when she does something I don't like, I say "No Thank You". She has come to know if she continues after that, she will end up in timeout.

Consistent dicipline ( I use the timeout spot and put her in timeout for the same number of minutes as her age). I would not recommend using her room or an area near toys. Also, I always give a warning before timeout and then explain why she is going into timeout (again eye to eye). After her time is up, I ask her to explain to me why she went into timeout and to give an appology. Then I tell her I love her and give a hug so she knows it's okay now and it's over.

Believe me when I tell you that it is not in my daugter's nature to be calm and compliant, so we have had to work pretty hard at this, but the more consistent I am, the better the result. At the end of the day, we just all try to do the best we can do, - so GOOD LUCK!

there are some books out there about the second child, the middle child etc go to the library and type in those topics and see what you find...the idea that she could be frustrated from some sort of communication inability is valid. There is also another book called 'nurture by nature' it is a book that helps you to determine your child's temperament and identifies their preferences, their natural tendencies and therefore enlightens you as to the uniqueness of the child and helps in how YOU speak to them, engage them etc...

Hi A.. I also have a 3 year old who is a middle child. I find that although she also gets a lot of attention, there are times when she acts out. When she has tantrums, I ignore them. When she is misbehaving, I discipline. When she behaves, I praise. The best thing you can do is be consistant. Children know what the boundries are. It sounds like she is testing those boundries. My daughter probably gets the most attention out of all of my children simply because her brother is in school all day, and the baby sleeps all day. When all of the children are home and awake, she acts out more. Even though she is in the middle, she is used to being the center of attention. When families grow, everyone assumes new and sometimes different roles. She may just be trying to figure out how she fits in. I think it's normal. Be patient. It won't last forever. I'm not sure if I have helped you, but I hope that I have. If you need anything else, let me know. :)

How is her speech at this point? Many times these behaviors exhibit themeselves in conjunction with speech/communication issues.... My daughter had MAJOR tantrums and big behavior problems.. she was dxd with moderate speech delays , adhd etc
She was hitting all the normal milestones up until about .. at that point i realized her sister (16 mos younger ) was speaking much better than she was and i also noticed the tantrums were brought on by sheer frustration of not having the words to express herself. She could say all words but she couldnt find words when she needed them .. like "hey gimme my ball back".. instead shed just melt down...
talk to your pediatrician & see if an evaluation is necessary... but dont let the dr blow you off(as they often will) if you have REAL concerns..

i'm sorry tht i have no advise - as your just described my middle daughter who is also 3. We just found out she does have issues enough to qualify her for special education for preschooler with disability (some of it behavorial due to her behavior in headstart). I have noticed that she does have a high need for routine and structure - and does better in a very predictable environment, with small number of people. Have you considered some kind of chart for her... perhaps in pictuers for rewards and rule breaking?

good luck - i hope things get better!