Seeking Help with My 2Yrs Boy Sleeping in His Own Room!

ok, I went through this too. twice with the same child. My son is very stuborn so with us things have to be very cut and dry.... When it was bed time we put him in his bed, tucked him in read a few books till he was cozy, and then just walked away. we shut the door and he had to stay in there. I won't tell you he didn't scream for a long time at first, but I knew that his room was safe, he had a night light so he wasn't scared and we just had to let him get used to the idea that bed time was bed time... Also I know a lot of people are against it but if I caught him with a book or a toy in his bed up playing as long as he ws being quite that was ok... I figured it let him adjust to just being in his room alone, when he was tired he would put the down down and fall asleep.

If listening to him cry is something that makes you crazy, I suggest first making sure his room is totaly tantrum safe and that he can'e get hurt no matter what he does.. and then you can take this time to take a shower or step outside for a cup of coffee. What ever it takes and then just make sure you check on him with in 10 min. Alex usally took 7-8 minutes to calm down and get distracted.

something else we had done, was we did a dutch door on the kids room. where the bottom and top close seperatly. so we close and lock the bottom at night and the top stays open, so we can hear and they don't feel closed away from the family. Then as soon as they are asleep we unlock it so they can come to us at night or potty.

probabley not too orthodox but it works for us!!

I like the idea of a dutch door thus allowing you to lock him in but you still being able to moniter what is happening. I'd even suggest peeking in and say just a few reassuring words.

I'd ask does his crying when you leave sound more angry than sad? I think it's natural for him to want to stay in your room. Being with you is more cozy feeling than being alone. We have to learn how to be alone but I don't think being alone is natural for some of us, especially for babies and toddlers.

If he's angry I'd recommend the firm, "I know you'd like to sleep in my room but now it's time to get back into your room" approach and let him cry it out. If he's more sad and feeling the loss of closeness then I'd be cuddly and give him warm reassurances that you're still nearby. In both cases I think it's normal to cry. Crying is a way to express their feelings. And so it's OK to let them cry it out for 10 or 15 minutes. If it's longer than that then I think that a look at what else might be going on is in order.

I agree that hearing one's child cry is difficult to do. Crying is their way of letting us know something is wrong and we are programmed to take care of them. And that is why I don't let them cry for any longer than 10-15 minutes. It's too hard on me as well as too hard on them.

You've tried several good things. Have you had a routine that you were able to stick with consistently for a week? And does the routine include quiet time before bed time, perhaps a bath, reading a story, a hug, and then firm loving good nights before confidently leaving the room. I've found that my own hesitancy to leave is picked up by the child which leaves him with an insecure feeling. He may feel anxious because he doesn't understand your hesitancy. Or he may feel that you are vulnerable to his demand and will come back.

Change takes time. That is why I suggest a week of consistent routine. And I think that it's equally important for you to be confident as well as reassuring as you leave the room. That calm matter of fact demeanor is difficult. I'm still not always able to put it out there. And I fake it alot.

I would try to slowly remove him from the room. The first night put the little bed he likes to sleep on by the doorway of your bedroom. Then put it in the doorway the next night. Then out of the room, but close to the doorway. Then in the hallway. Slowly move him down the hall and into his room.

E.,
I understand what you are going through. My son had these problems when we moved. What I would suggest is putting him to get in his bed every night. When he wakes up, take him back to his bedroom tuck him in and tell him good night again. Do not let him go back to your room. However, I DISAGREE with some of the other moms. Your son may be frightened by his new room in the dark at night time. When my son did this, he would play during the day, but he was afraid of it at night. Locking your son into his room could create a horrible fear and truely upset him. Give him a nightlight or two. (my son has a very dim fish light and a lava lamp as his night light) and just keep taking him back in there and tucking him in. You can sit there with him until he goes back to sleep but I do not think you should start sleeping with him either. Then he has won and you have started a new trend. Good luck. If you have any questions let me know, I would love to help.

G.

I had the same problem with my 2..Did you try putting up a gate in the doorway? Is there a tv in his room? My 2 have a tv in their room and i send them in there 1/2 hour before bed to watch cartoons and it works but my son always ends up on the couch before the morning. As long as they are not in bed with me. My daughter is 6 and some nights she will come into the room and wake me up and ask if she can sleep with me. Hope this helps. thanks T.

I had a problem with my son about this same kind of thing. I finally just took an air matress into his room and laid on it while my son slept in his bed. The next night my husband took his turn sleeping in my sons room. We did this for about a week before my son would sleep in the room without us. When I remodeled my sons room it may have still been the same room to me but it was different to him. He was used to his old room, the old colors, and the old bedding but when I painted the room it was no longer his room. It took some convincing, but in the end my son accepted the room was still his and that he was a big boy and could sleep in his own room. If sleeping in his room does not work, amybe you can get him a walkie talkie or a baby monitor so when he needs you he can tell you.
M.