you could be writing my story. for years i really listened to my ex's rantings and ravings, went through periods where he didn't see the kids at all, then periods where he insisted they go to his house on all regularly scheduled visits, no matter what was going on in their lives. he has reported me to dept of human services for neglect, marietta city police department for 'wellness checks', and everything else you can think of. in the past we've been in screaming matches on the phone, and my current husband has chased him down the street, literally ready to beat the crap out of him. fast forward 8 years later. this is what i've learned 'on the job'
1. pray for him, for his heart to change, for his life to be less miserable, and for him to find Jesus, or become closer to him.
2. emotionally remove yourself from his words. if you have a parenting plan, see if you can get email communication only. written words still sting...but you can click off of them
3. keep track of EVERYTHING!! record and journal his activity and interaction wtih you and your son every day. hotheads love to try to accuse you of things. especially when you quit giving their abusive words power in your life.
4. don't say bad things about your spouse to your little boy, even if he comes home with some real gems that dad and the new woman have said about you. when those do come out, just tell your little boy that you will pray for dad to be happier so he doesn't use such naughty words.
5. my kids are now 13 and almost10. they have survived and thrived. stand your ground, be the best mom you can to him, and take NO threats of 'taking your son away' if they come. it is extremely difficult to have child custody changed in a family court system. judges are there for the children, and nothing is more devastating to a child than having their home lives disrupted and/or removed. it just won't happen unless a mom is truly abusive or neglectful. (neglectful does not mean a dirty shirt one day, or a forgotten dose of medicine, which were the basis of the charges brought against me. despite all his attempts, my ex has been threatened by most agencies with arrest if he attempts these feeble accusations again with no basis whatsoever)
hope this helps. hang in there. remember...
PRAY
REMOVE
two powerful words.
lots of luck..my heart goes out to you
C.