Seeking Help with 17 Yr Old Stepdaughter

You and Dad need to be on the same page.

When she's working - she's an employee.
As an employee - she should have a job description of what her duties are.
If you get lip when you are asking her to do what's described as her job - she gets a disciplinary action like any other employee would.
Ultimately - she should be able to be fired like anyone else too.

Sometimes working for family is a bad idea.
She might NEED the experience of working for a real boss who won't give a darn if she's asked to do anything she doesn't like to do.
There's nothing like a boss from hell to make you appreciate just about every other job you've ever had.
Sounds like SD needs a transfer out of the family firm for awhile.

Maybe she needs a job outside of the family business.

Talk with him, and maybe consider firing her if she can not do her job.

What would you do if she weren't a family member? Just an employee. Do that.

If the first step in dealing with a disrespectul or unprofessional employee would be to write them up, write her up. If the next step would be to send her home for the day and not pay her, send her home. And if the final step is to let her go, fire her.

Talk with your husband. Get on the same team. The right thing to do isn't to engage in nepotism. The fact is, allowing a family member to walk all over the boss in a business is not smart business. The right thing to do is to teach her what happens in a real work environment. You aren't mom and dad, you're the boss. Act like it.

If you cannot have a conversation with your own husband about the business that supports him, you AND this girl, there is a much bigger problem here than the girl. The problem is with him and his allowing her to do this (if he realizes it's happening) and also with your fear of discussing this with him like two businesspeople. She goes and blabs to daddy. You need to go and talk to your business partner. Surely her behavior is costing the business customer goodwill if not actual dollars.

Try telling him that he alone is now her supervisor and she reports directly and only to him. Tell him you will not issue her a single request or order (if that's doable). I wonder how long dad will let her slack off and whine if he has to supervise her entirely on his own?

Bigger picture: Does he generally let her have her way, manipulate him, and get what she wants by complaining to him? In matters outside the business? Does she ever play the "poor me" card in other aspects of life -- in school, with her mom's family if they are in the picture, etc., to whine away problems with grades or to get things done her way? If so, there were too many years of poor parenting already gone by and it's her pattern. Daddy may never choose to see it if she is the boss of him.

I agree with the others. If she keeps up the attitude, she's fired. She needs to learn proper work behavior, no matter whether she's working for her parents or strangers.

if her dad is allowing this to happen, the issue is far more with him than with the child. you need to start in the right place, and that is getting you and your husband on the same page.
good luck.
khairete
S.

You talk to her father about the business you run and how she either works or she doesn't work there. Who hired her?

You either treat her as an employee, over whom you have authority as her employer. Your husband backs you up on this.

Or you treat her a family member, which means her father makes the decision (vs. you as the stepmother).

This is an annoyance, to be sure. But the huge red flag in your post is that she is trying to tear you apart by "making him take sides." Why is is that your husband is choosing sides over you? This is a joint business, #1. You are married, #2. His allegiance is to YOU. If he is letting a 17 year old manipulate him and make you look foolish, honestly, the problem is in your marriage.

You have a serious sit-down with him about respect and about business decisions. She is not entitled to a job there; it is a privilege. She works or she gets fired, and she does not have permission to play one business owner off against the other.

A lot of business owners have their children seek employment elsewhere, before allowing them to work in the family business. Maybe that is what she needs to do.

Until then, you probably will need to walk away from her and ignore her immaturity.

ADD: It occurred to me that she's just "working" there, but doesn't have a position/job description, etc.

Who handles HR duties? What is her JOB? Does she have a title? If no, she needs both. It needs to be real and not just a "do whatever we think of" kind of thing. And if her father intends for her to be part of the business, he needs to find out if she's interested and start training her NOW. She needs to start at the bottom and learn everything, and she needs to understand why.

ORIGINAL: You can't. Your husband needs to deal with this. He needs to see her as an employee. If you can get him to see that, then that's the first step. Come from a place of teaching her to follow in the footsteps. He needs her to do things right, so try to approach it from a positive/getting her going in the right direction way.

Good luck.

Have you talked to him about this? Does he automatically believe her? For your own sanity you can try to ignore her, but you can also point to the McDonald's across the street and they don't provide a bedroom after age eighteen like you will.

We are a blended family 2 his 3 mine- I get it. The reality is, if it were not your business it would be attitude at home and probably is. But I can honestly say that at any given time I deal with attitude from mine and his. The honest truth is, I forgive it a little more when my children act up, conversely Dad does the same for his. Once I realized this - I learned that Dad and I needed to define acceptable and unacceptable behavior between us first and share with them with no gray area.

Both of my boys (his and mine) have worked for my husband's business. When it was time to work they were an employee. My husband was careful to have both of them report to a 3rd party. It was much easier to keep these things separate. When one son thought he was "treated more harshly than his peers because he is related" we told him he has options. He found another job.....we are all much happier.

I know it's a lot of words, but step children and blended families are near and dear to my heart.

I guess you're going to have to stop talking to her at all. Simply go to your husband and mention what you saw. He should be the one to address this with her. It is tearing you apart because you're taking his authority over her away.

I do understand this is a business and she should do what you tell her to but she's his daughter and he's her authority even at work because it "is" a family business.

I'd stop telling her what to do at all.

Can you make a work chart for all the employees? Then give each one set things to do? When her work is continuously unfinished the whole thing will shut down and he'll find her out.

Better yet if you went out of town for a few days and left her work for only her to do then he'd find her not doing anything and realize, on his own, that she's hurting the business.

If you want to stay married and get past this you'll have to take a less authoritarian role towards her.

the day she turns 18, tell her..you are now an employee just like everyone else, dont want to work, dont bother to show up, and domt expect to be paid if you arent gonna work..K. h.