Seeking Help with 15 Month Old Throwing Tantrums

Updated on July 08, 2009
N.A. asks from Walker, LA
7 answers

My son is 15 months old and has become quite the handfull. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants which consist of him throwing himself on the floor and screaming or pulling at his face or hair. He also has begun hitting, he slaps whoever is holding him when he mad and he slaps you right in the face! He has gone so far as to pull my sister's glasses off her face after slapping her because he was mad, he is really getting out of hand. I don't know how to handle this, he doesn't understand time out b/c he is too young and slapping his hand hasn't helped either! His temper is horrible! Please help, I don't want my son to be a bully or be the child nobody wants to be around!

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J.B.

answers from Florence on

I think all kids go through the tantrum stage at one point, and what they're wanting is attention. I just ignored my son whenever he would throw a tantrum b/c I didn't want him to think that it was a good way to get my attention. Of course, when you're out somewhere and they do it, you can't really ignore it, so take them to the bathroom or something. The worst thing to do is to give in and give them what they're crying about b/c then they'll think they can do it whenever. And time out is hard for that age, but if you send him to his room and shut the door for a couple of minutes, he'll understand. I just always make sure that when he comes out, I give him a hug so he knows I still love him.

Tantrums are no fun! Good luck!

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A.D.

answers from Pine Bluff on

Lots of advice! Question - does he see other people acting out and throwing tantrums? Has he been encouraged to misbehave through people laughing/etc. when he does something that isn't nice? My SIL's oldest son acted up a lot because they thought it was funny to see him misbehave, and would even encourage it. They also saw/heard her act up, yell, curse, flip people off, etc.

Strangely...when he started doing and saying unacceptable things, HE suddenly became "bad" and an uncontrollable nuisance.

My point is, make sure that EVERYONE in the house acts appropriately and is held accountable, if they are not already. :)

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L.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

Aw! Sounds like he's really overwhelmed! It's a really tough time for kids that age. Don't worry. I think probably flipping through a good discipline book will be a big help.

There are some very positive, sensitive books out there that really open parents' eyes up to what's going on in their little heads. Happiest Toddler on the Block is great. So is the Sears Discipline Book, and I've also found Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey to be an absolute Godsend.

Believe it or not, you might also benefit greatly from BabyTalk, a language program for babies at any stage of language development. They found, along the way, that babies' frustration was greatly eased when parents did the babytalk program with them, for two reasons: for 1/2 hr each day, one parent spends 1-on-1 time Letting the Baby Guide the Focus of Attention. This is huge for a baby, who's just leanring to stretch that attention span. Having it directed all the time is very difficult on a child: look at the ball! Look at the doggie! Can you say "apple?" Let's do this! Dont' touch!" Their already-fragmented attention can't handle it, and it's overload. Let him do whatever he wants with his toys, etc., and play with him, but just do a running commentary, voicing what you think he might be thinking, for 1/2-hour a day. You will see immediate improvement.

The other reason is, learning how to talk is so empowering. Over *time*, as your son gains in vocabulary, he won't be so frustrated all of the time.

Meanwhile, you might also consider learning baby sign language together, for the same reasons.

Knowing great tips on how to prevent, how to nip in the bud, how to get through, and how to recover/provide guidance and/or some punishment after temper tantrums is GOLDGOLDGOLD. Don't just ask friends' and family members' advice. I've found all too often that, as well-meaning as it is, it's just a case of the blind leading the blind.

I can't go too far into it, but to tide you over till you can get one or more of these books: when he just *begins* to get upset about something, show empathy. Use very short, very simple sentences that show you understand what he feels: No diaper! No diaper, no!, etc. Express concern when you reflect back his feelings, instead of sounding angry, yourself.

WHen he is hitting, lovingly but firmly hold him in a way that prevents him from doing harm. TEll him you love him but he may not hit.

He might not be too young to be taught to carry around a little stuffed animal or a soft ball that he can throw as hard as he likes at the ground when he's mad. Show him this when he's in a good mood :) So he has the patience and wherewithal to understand.

Make sure not to make too many demands on him later in the afternoon/day when he's likely to be tired and overwhelmed by all that he's taken in that day. Shopping, visits with friends, errands, etc. can wreak havoc on him, and of course you and everyone else, after 2-3 in the afternoon.

Make sure he's well-rested in general. No-Cry Sleep Solution has charts for optimal amounts of sleep and when, and great techniques for maximizing babies' rest - and parents' too ;)

Note whether he is eating/drinking more than just a few, light, very small amounts of sugary foods/drinks per week. Sugar really can completely overstress little ones.

But really, I think the best thing is to do a little research on discipline. There isn't a whole lot out there for such little ones, but I've found the three that I mentioned, above, to be really great.

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S.J.

answers from Tulsa on

Definately don't slap his hand, that just teaches him that it is okay to hit people, and then it confuses him when he gets in trouble for hitting someone When he slaps or hits, tell him "no" firmly and redirect him (but don't yell "no" angrily, he might enjoy seeing the reaction, so remain calm and don't make a big deal out of it). Sometimes I also tell mine to be gentle or touch softly. If he does it again, tell him "no", pick him up facing away from you, put him in a playpen in another room with no toys or blankies in it, and leave him there for a couple of minutes. Go back and get him once he has stopped crying, or after a few minutes. Do this every time. Same thing for tantrums, except there is no need to say "no", just silently pick him up facing away from you and put him in the playpen. This eventually teaches him that tantrums get him nowhere and you will not give him your attention or toys when he has tantrums.

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E.B.

answers from New Orleans on

Read anything by John Rosamond. He has written many articles in newspapers about this very subject. He has a sense of humor and yet is very firm and reasonable. I am not sure if I spelled his name correctly, but if you google him or go to the library I am sure you will find his works.

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W.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Oh, I remember those days! When my daughter was that age, I would basically ignore her and walk away when she threw tantrums, that way she knew that the tantrum wasn't getting her anywhere, but she could get her frustration out. And if she slapped me, I would look her in the eye and say, "No!" very firmly and set her down to let her know that she had to be nice if she wanted to be held. It worked, more often than not, I would say. But every child is different.
Good luck!

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S.J.

answers from Tulsa on

Give him choices choices and more choices. Kids like this do not like not being in control. By giving them choices, they feel that they are in control, when in reality you are only offering choices that you are happy with.

Example:
You sons wants a drink...
Ask (or show) him whether he wants the blue cup or the green one?
Ask (or show) him whether he wants a lid or a straw?
Ask (or show) him whether he wants juice or milk?
Ask (or show) him whether he wants to drink it on the kitchen floor or at the table?

Your goal should be to give him 2 choices with each question and to ask as many questions as possible. Since he is getting to choose, he feels like he's in control.

You also need to give him choices in discipline, you have to get more creative with this, but it's possible.

I would also suggest getting his hearing checked, if there is an impairment in his hearing, this can be very frustrating for kids and they don't know how to show it other than through negative behavior.

I have a daughter who was very stubborn and defiant when she was this age. We struggled for a long time with how to handle her. I was a stay at home mom and would hand her to mu husband when he walked in from work and tell him that she was his responsibility for the rest of the evening because I couldn't handle it anymore...then I would go to my room and just cry. If I spanked her she would laugh, if I put her in time out, she would just get up, if I put her nose in a corner, she would turn around. She literally wore me out everyday. I learned this method when she was 2 and it worked amazingly with her. I might also add that we found out that she had a hearing impairment when she was 19 months, so there was the communication issue. I would just hold up 2 fingers, point to one while offering her the choice (I might have to physically show her so that she understood) and then point to the other one while offering the second choice.

At first this method is hard to stick to because they may not want to choose one of the options that you give them, however, when this happens you simply choose for them and STICK WITH IT. It won't take very long before they understand that if they don't choose from the options given then control gets taken away (and that's the part they don't like).

My daughter is now almost 18 and a very well behaved young lady. Once we started this method we were all a much happier family.

Good Luck!!

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