Seeking Help for the "Don't Want to Go to Sleep Struggle"

If he goes to sleep at 11 and you let him sleep til he wakes up.. when does he wake up:?

Use that as your gauge....

some kids just don't take naps anymore at a certain point.. I had one quit by the time she was two.

he is old enough to understand needing quiet time though. Tell him he must sit quietly on is bed, look at books or do a quiet activity for 1/2 an hour. tell him he doesn't have to sleep but must be quiet.. the "reverse psychology might actually encourage a nap!

So let's pretend he wakes up at 8 after going to bed at 10. He needs 10 hours of sleep.

Start by establishing a routine. Same thing in the same order every night. Bath (try lavender baby bath and lotion), warm milk and a bowl of oatmeal, quiet story time, white noise in his room (fan/humidifier), warm his blankets and pajamas in the dryer. Tuck him into bed at 7:30. If he gets up - gently put him back to bed. If he cries - leave the room and set the time for 5 minutes. Go back after 5 and tuck him back in. Set the timer for 10. After 10 minutes if he is still up. tuck him back in and set it for 15. Do it again for 20 if he has not fallen asleep yet. If he is still awake.. change is diaper or make him go to the bathroom, give him a small drink, rub his back for a bit. Then do that all over again. The idea is he can cry himself to sleep (it won't hurt him) or learn that you will come back and fall asleep waiting. You can do this for 3 or 4 nights... so be prepared. He will eventually get it.. and you have to be firm. Each night it should take less time until he has learned the routine.

He must may not need naps.. and need less sleep. If you need the break.. consider saving TV time if he will sit through a show.. for a time when you need it. Or consider asking a neighborhood 11 or 12 year old if they would like to come over and play with him.. take him outside for fresh air.. or on a walk around the block or nearby park. Most young girls this age LOVE toddlers and many will do this for free.. it will give them experience for a reference for future babysitting jobs.. or if you can afford it hire someone to come for an hour each day. Consider enrolling him in a preschool to help burn some of that extra energy.... and give you a break too.

best wishes..

Boy, this is really a common problem with a lot of kids. We had a similar situation when our son turned 3 yrs. It seems that some kids really struggle at that time to let go of their nap and that's when we run into problems with their night time sleeping. We just let our son always stay in his room for at least an hour so that he could get some rest. Since it was summer time we would let him nap as late as 4:30 p.m. when he was very tired and then put him to bed at around 10 p.m. Some nights it was a struggle but we tried the same routine, reading and then letting him stay in his room until eventually he fell asleep on his own. A couple of months later, he let us know that he was really not up to napping anymore but he could stay up until 8 or 8:30 p.m.. That's when we changed his routine altogether and he now sleeps from about 8:30-8:00 a.m. We believe that once he saw at his pre-school that other kids would not nap, he decided it was not cool for him either. Maybe there have been some changes in your child's daily routine that you need to examine. I would take this situation as temporary and recommend that you stick to the usual routine of trying to get him to nap but not insisting if he's definitely not up to it. Some rest and quiet time can come in handy to help him make it through the evening hours.

Good Luck

Based on what you've said, I would suspect that 8:30 is too late of a bedtime. It's so weird how if you put them down when they're overtired they don't sleep!! Sounds like it might be time to let go of naps- I know, it's so sad! If you're reluctant to give up naps because of the break it gives you and/or you believe in down time for kids, go to "quiet time." My 4 1/2 year old still gets quiet time (started at 3 years) for an hour every day. She has to stay on her bed, which I load down with books, and just recently, a few quiet toys.

Perhaps you should eliminate naps and move bedtime to a much earlier time. I have friend who used to put their kids down at 6:30, which seemed crazy- but it worked.

Good luck!

J. W.

The easiest way in the long run is to wake him up. Wake him up in the morning. If he naps, put him down after a walk and lunch after 12 and make sure he doesn't sleep past 3pm. Dinner after 6 (figure out what works for him), no excitement after that, warm bath, soothing aromatic soap/lotion, warm pj's, low lights, one book read all snuggled up and open his window a crack. As he relaxes and his body temperature starts to drop from the bath he'll fall asleep. Once he's in the habit you're home free. (You can close his window later just before four hours of sleep when they come out of their original sleep cycle.)
Does he have a cuddly toy who sleeps with him? I wouldn't want to leave the party and be the only one going to bed either but if he had someone to 'put to bed' or be with it might ease the feelings of being left out.
Sleep balm from the makers of badger balm can sooth them. A little under their noses, soft voice,soft light, cosy and safe in a cool room.
One note, a bedroom should be his safe place where he goes to relax and get cuddles and talk to his toys, so try not to use it as the place he goes for time outs or exclusion.
It will take discipline and patience on your part for one week but it'll be worth it.

I agree with the earlier bedtime and give up naps. And since you work full time, whomever is his caregiver should be convinced either to not force him to nap or to only allow him to nap for a short time. My oldest daughter gave up napping at home by 18 months, but she went to bed at 7pm. At daycare she was only allowed to sleep for an hours. You'll need to check with your caregiver, some are responsive to this request, some are not :( yet they say they work as a partner to the parent.

I sometimes have this trouble with my two oldest girls now. They are 8 and almost 5 and share a room. At bedtime, we go through our routine and say goodnights. They are then allowed to quietly talk to each other for a few minutes. After that if they can't fall asleep they are allowed flashlights to read or look at books but must stay in their beds. Usually they drift off on their own at this point. Occasionally, mostly with the older one, I have to demand lights out and she falls asleep.

Good luck.

A routine is most important! The "get ready for bed" stuff should be consistant each night. There needs to be a nap routine as well. For instance; dinner, bath, jammies, brush your teeth, read a story, lights out! The sleeping part will come eventualy so long as it is clear when it is time to go to bed. I have always let my kids "read" 1 book in bed. My youngest would read that same book for several hours, but she stayed in bed quietly and later learned to sleep easier. Sound bothered her as well and we later found out she needed soft music that would muffel the sounds of the household.

Hi J., I wonder what kind of a work schedule you have or how long you are home from work before it's time to put your little guy to bed? Sometimes kids with full time working moms just really want some mommy time - and they may be willing to do whatever it takes to get it (ie refusing to go to bed, so mom keeps coming in to check). Maybe try tweaking your schedule for a couple weeks so that he has more time with you in the evenings. My little guy really settled into a routine when I was able to start coming home earlier in the day.