Seeking Counseling

Hi Arianna,
I have a couple of counselors that you might like to work with...the first one is in McKinney and she is an awesome lady...I highly recommend her...her name is Glinda Digiacinto, she can be reached at ###-###-#### and her website is www.mckinneymariageworks.com and the second one is Dr Richard Bush ###-###-#### he is equally as good. Good luck I hope everything works out...I too have a partner that is complete opposite and it can be very challenging to have a relationship..K. O'Connor

Oh Arianna, run don't walk to the phone and call Mark Felber at ###-###-####. Do you know what a rarity it is for a man to suggest counseling? (Okay, I don't really know but from what I've read on this site and heard from others I've talked to it seems pretty unusual to me.) Mark is EXCELLENT and he can and will help you. His website is www.marriagecpr.com so logon and get more information regarding his credentials, special areas of expertise, etc. He literally saved my life and important relationships (even though he says I did the work, he knew exactly how best to help me which is a HUGE success factor in and of itself). Mark's office is in Richardson off Arapaho so hopefully it is closer rather than farther for you. Arianna, I can't recommend this therapist highly enough! Please give him a call and check him out for yourself. I wish you the very best!

Please try counseling as a last resort. I went to counseling for years and then went to a training check it out at www.discovery-training.com. It changed my life, my marriage and my relationships with friends and family.

Get the book Speaking of Love and do the Kendall's life language profile. It isn't like the other profiles. The Kendall's give you a 10 to 15 page print out to help you understand how you are. Then you let your husband read your profile and you read your husband's profile. Their website is http://www.lifelanguages.com/ The profile will explain to your husband that you aren't upset and will help him to see you the way you are. It will also help you to see your husband the way he is and maybe give you insight to why he thinks the way he does about you.

Carolyn Lohman 9/437-3677
Cynthia Hutchins 9/235-9205

Both are great! I am seeing Cynthia and my husband is seeing Carolyn. We have done couples counseling with Carolyn as well. They take a lot of insurance plans and I would encourage you to find someone who does, since one office visit isn't the only time you'll go.

Also, be patient with yourself and the process. You may/may not 'gel' with a counselor and thats ok. If that happens, don't give up, just try another one.

I hope all goes well. Take care of yourself,
J.

Arianna,
There is this fantastic class at Watermark Community Church called Re-Engage. They have free childcare and everything. It's every Wednesday, on-going. So you can start anytime, I believe. It's kind of like group counseling but BETTER! I highly recommend it. Here's a link... click on Re-Engage.
http://www.watermark.org/newsevents/

Arianna,

Please be careful ... Don't take on all the blame that he is passing to you. I agree with the other two ladies that it would be best to do couple's counseling. You can even go the first time and then tell him that your counselor recommend that he also attend if he is hesitant to go.

I was just where you are several years ago ... I was SO confused as to how I could be making him unhappy, because I didn't think of myself as being unhappy. But he said the same thing ... almost exactly. Not to scare you ... but in my case it turned out that he was having an affair and instead of being a man and owning up to it ... he said I was making him unhappy. That I needed counseling. That I was the problem. In reality he just didn't want to feel guilty that he was the one doing the damage to our marriage.

Since divorce has been mentioned ... I don't know if you are a SAHM or working, but either way make sure you have some finances available to only you should that happen. You will need to be able to have money for a lawyer. I know this is a horrible thing to prepare for, but trust me it is better to be prepared then not to be.

I wish the counselor that helped me SO much was still here locally, but she moved. I hope you can find someone good to talk to. It will help no matter what happens.

Good Luck to you!
T.

Oh these guys of ours.... they'll just never get us. Hee, hee... Guy Chandler...Family Counseling Center.. he's a guys guy AND he's to the point and is AMAZING... you won't regret going, I promise! ###-###-#### 17103 Preston Rd (almost at Frankfurt) Good luck!!

Good morning, Arianna,
Linda Alexander ###-###-#### in Richardson is excellent. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist.
It would be best if you & your husband both went, but go by yourself, even if he won't go with you. It will help you have a better perspective on your relationship. We do not exist in a vacuum. Everything and everyone is connected.
Good luck!
B. G. (mother of 8, grandmother of 4)

I see a counselor in Allen who is AMAZING! I've done therapy many times before with little success until I met Katrena she is really wonderful. There are two other counselors who work with her as well. My husband and I go to see her partner Stacye who is also great. Here is her website
http://www.katrenahart.com/
Good Luck!

The Road Adventure saved my marriage. I highly recommend it for anyone. www.theroadadventure.org

I am very proud of you for seeking help. I pray your marriage will be healed and healthy. I wish I knew of a counselor, but I don't. NewLife.com is a great resource and will tell you about reputable counselors in your area.

However, Last night I went to see the movie Fireproof at the dollar theatre with my husband. It sounds exactly like your description of your marriage. They have self-help resources at fireproofmymarriage.com I loved watching how bad it really was and how it was transformed into a glorious marriage. yes, movies are make-believe, but there is hope for your marriage as long as one of you is willing to work at it.

Be encouraged, all is not hopeless, there are a lot of resources and support out there.

~A.

Hi Ariann,
First I would suggest couples counseling....it is not only 'your' problem. There are many things that come out in couples counseling that cannot be addressed when only one person goes, and sometimes the cause of the problem is something totally different than what you think it is.

You can find a listing for Bellamy & Associates on the web, they are right here in Plano. Best Wishes.

I second the couples counseling, if he is willing to go.
Have you always been this way since he has known you or has your mood changed recently? If you've always been this way, then you both need to go to counseling because there is something that is bothering him about you all of the sudden. If it's a recent mood change then maybe you going on your own in addition to couples counseling would help.
Good Luck!

I would recommend Nancy Umphres - ###-###-####) She is far for you - (Midway and LBJ area) but she SAVED my marriage - and my husband really likes her -

She is NOT one of those to sit there and just listen and ask how does that make you feel !!

She gets in there and tells it like it is!!

She's GREAT !

A.

I have a very good, very experienced male counselor on Preston Rd near the intersect of 635. He was recommended by my Internist at Medical City. We have been to ones before in other States so I do have a little experience in this. What has been my observation is that my husband responds better to a male (apparently this is quite common). Send me a private message if you want his contact.

I agree with the people who said to be sure not to take on all the responsibility. But I admire your willingness to look at yourself because even if the problems in the marriage go two ways (which they always do, of course!) YOU are the only one you have the power to change. And you deserve to be happy personally no matter what happens in your marriage or with your husband!

I am a big advocate of counseling and would never discourage anyone from seeking it. Unfortunately I don't have a referral. One option I would strongly, strongly suggest you also take a look at is a program called Pathways (www.gopathways.org). It is not counseling, but a new way to look at life and it can be absolutely life-changing.

Good luck!

Arianna, You have received a lot of great advice. There are some "between the lines" that I'm wondering about. What has changed since you married? Is it to the point he has put all of the responsibility for his feelings/moods on you? From what you have said - he is expecting you to get counseling to change your personality and that will change him. He's in for a big surprise. Wonder what he would say if a counseler asked him why he has given you complete control over his emotional state?

Sweetie, I don't believe you are the problem! It's not up to you alone to save the marriage. Happiness is a choice - you don't depend on your spouse for your happiness (oh how I can attest to do that!). If he leaves your marriage because YOU bring HIM down - well, no doubt, he will find that "wherever he goes - there he is".

Sara T's advice on taking the Kendall's Life Languages was excellent advice. Did you know that opposites can have the very strongest of marriages? They don't have the same strengths and weaknesses. Opposites can have a very balanced marriage if they understand one another. The Life Languages will tell you exactly where your strengths and weaknesses are. Of course, it would be great if your hubby would take them, too so you can compare and pull together.

On of the other ladies recommeded Fireproof. Excellent suggestion! If you can't get him to go see it at the movies, it will be out on DVD Jan 27th - get it! We had "Fireproofing Your Marriage" class at our church for a few weeks and will probably be having it again. If you are interested, let me know - I will check on it for you.

The advice I'm giving you is based on a total of 34 years of marriage experience (that I could write a book on!!)

I am believing God's BEST for you!