Seeking Breastfeeding Advice

I am encountering the same issues with my 10 month old. It seems like his sleep has just gotten worse the older he gets. We have resorted to putting him in his swing at night - he seems to sleep longer sitting up some and with the movement. Although I do really like the co-sleeping suggestions. It makes sense to me. However, we are trying the swing route for now. Don't think that will last very long because he has just about outgrown it, but we do what we can each day to get through. Hang in there...it can be so frustrating when you aren't getting a good night's sleep! Let me know if you want to start a support group! :)

HAH! My twenty month old (Who bedshares) breastfeeds all night londg. Drink lots of water and get used to it!

Hi, N.,

One thing to consider is that comfort is absolutely a legitimate baby need. We often say, "he's just doing it for comfort" like comfort's not important. Babies don't have many needs, just food and clean diapers and warmth and love and, yes, comfort...

I am a big advocate of co-sleeping. I get lots of sleep at night, the baby nurses whenever she wants to, and we're both happy. She's warm and comfy, full, secure...it's all they really want. It's a big decision, but we have successfully co-slept with all three of our children and they are sleeping champs! We never had a problem with getting them out of the bed later (granted, we waited a while--4.5 years old and 2.5 years old and our 18 month old is still with us). It's an option that might make all the difference for your sleeping. What better way to "teach" our babies to sleep than to sleep with them?

If you think about our development from a hunter-gatherer society, we are pre-programmed to sleep with our babies. It's worth a look, anyway!

Mothering.com has some amazing, life-changing articles about co-sleeping if you're interested. It's a beautiful solution for getting all that rest you're missing.

Good luck! I hope you find a good solution. Please think twice about any advice that includes leaving a baby to cry...it's their only means of letting us know what their needs are, and if we ignore them it sends a pretty powerful message. I know you'll find a great solution!

You need to put that baby on a feeding scheudle, which in turn will put him on a good sleeping schedule. Get the book "Babywise." It will teach you how to do that. I used their method for both of my kids and my son slept thru the night at 10 weeks and my daughter at 8 weeks. They both are now great eaters also and they are now six and three years old. Good luck.

Hi N.,
A 5 month old baby doesn't need to be nursed at all in the night, so yes it is mainly comfort he is seeking. Also he might not be getting much breastmilk because you are exhausted. Try giving him more solids during the day and only breastfeed as supplement and in the morning and evening before the night. Maybe having him sleep with you for a couple of weeks might make the comfort transition easier.
Don't give him the breast all night long, that is not good for you and consequently not good for him.
Take care, you need your sleep with two small children,
G.

Hi N.,

Allthough I think breastfeeding is wonderful and am not suggesting you give it up, remember that having your sanity and rest is improtant too! If you aren't getting enough sleep it will effect not only you but your whole family! Been there done that. I am here to tell you, make sure you do what is best for you and don't worry about being the perfect textbook mom! There isn't one.... I now have a 15 year old and 11 year old son and we can't always be perfect, if ever just ask my kids they'll tell you! Maybe trying to give your baby a bottle at night might hold him off a bit longer and help him sleep through the night. I breastfed my daughter for part of the time and had the same issues and ended up falling apart. I learned through plenty of struggles and wasn't able to do it with my son and was much more at ease and able to function better. Do what works for you and don't stress out about feeling like there is only one way. We all have to do what works for us as individuals and not worry so much about what others think! Go with your gut and allthough our heart tends to make us feel guilty at times push that aside a bit. A happy well rested mom is better than an exausted depressed mom! Good luck to you and hang in there you are doing great! Don't be so hard on yourself and it is okay to make addustments and remember you can only do what you can do not what everyone expects you to do!

I'm sorry you aren't getting much sleep! Hopefully this is just a phase or "growth spurt" he is going through. The only thing I can think of is using a pacifier for those times when he just needs some comfort and maybe try putting him in a baby swing when he wakes up at night to help get him to go back to sleep. I hope things get easier for you soon. Good luck!

Co-sleep. It's how I am getting enough sleep to survive law school.

I, too, agree with Laura W. What a beautiful and well written response. Babies DO need comfort, and what better source is out there than mom? I have nursed all three of my children, and we have also co-slept. As for the claim that co-sleeping is "dangerous," most of the studies that "prove" its danger don't take into account the number of deaths from co-sleeping with drunk parents or those who are high on drugs. If you are co-sleeping properly (not drunk or high, not on a waterbed, using well fitted sheets, etc.) then your baby is extremely safe (and quite comfy) right next to you. I will admit that it took longer than I had anticipated to reclaim our bed (my oldest was five before he left our room), but it has been well worth it. My children have no doubt that they are loved and that their needs will be met promptly, even if that need is "just" comfort. I urge you to not follow the advice of "nurse only to supplement and give more solids during the day." I'm sure you know that a baby's primary source of nutrition should be from breast milk or formula for the first year of life.

As for the constant nursing, it does get to be draining at times. My firstborn woke CONSTANTLY throughout the night. Because I had an extremely low milk supply, I wanted him to get every drop he needed, so I fed whenever he wanted it, morning, noon, or night. One trick I read was to NOT look at the clock when he woke up and to try NOT to count the number of times he woke. It sounds silly to think that it could make a difference, but it honestly did. I was still tired, but I didn't find myself dwelling on the fact that he woke up at 12:30, 1:30, 3:35, 4:10, 5:45, etc. I knew he woke up, but once I stopped counting the hours and minutes, it really did help. Maybe that's something to try.

My lactation consulant told me years ago that the biggest misconception is that babies wake up frequently because they are "hungry" and that feeding them solids before bed will help them sleep longer. She said that anytime solids are fed and baby sleeps longer it's just a coincidence. Like everything else in life, babies literally have to eventually learn to sleep through the night. In the meantime, what better way to fall back to sleep than to be comforted by dear old (and tired!) mom? With that said, I will confess that by the time my third child was 18 months old, I was tired of being the night time binky. I did actually consult my pediatrician, and he said it was a "classic case of 'trained night waking.'" I thought he was nuts, and I was sure he'd advise me to let her cry it out. Honestly, he didn't. He did advise that I cut the night nursings completely but give her the comfort she needed in other ways. It was rough for the first few nights. She literally cried, "WHY??????" when I told her no, but I just held her and rocked her until she fell back to sleep. After a few days, she went from sleeping for 2 hours at a time to sleeping from 10-6. WOW--what a difference it has made!

Sorry, I'm getting long winded here, but I just want to wish you the best of luck. I pray that you will follow your heart and do what YOU find is best for you and your family.

Sincerely,
A.

P.S. The medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is sleeping for five hours or longer. Not a mother's dream definition, but maybe it's something to strive for.

Looks like you got some great advice, esp. from Laura and Shannon. I just wanted to re-iterate the point that you do not want to give solids and cut back nursing during the day as someone suggested. You actually want to increase nursing during the day to discourage the night nursing. It takes a while, but eventually will help. They are now saying to wait at least 6 months for solids to avoid food allergies and because babies digestive systems are still immature so breastmilk is the best thing for them to handle, consequently it doesn't fill them for as long. Actually a good thing, although may not help you much in the sleep department. I think the only way I can say I've survived the sleep deprivation is co-sleeping. If anything, you don't have to completely get up in the middle of the night, just literally roll over and get back to sleep. Also, your situation sounds like what I went though when my daughter was teething. It is a comfort thing and I decided that I was going to do what I could to comfort her from the horrible pain of cutting teeth by nursing. It feels really good for them and your baby knows he can count on you to ease his pain. I can't even begin to imagine how painful cutting teeth must be for babies! At every night waking when I nursed I would think about how horrible that must feel and my lack of sleep feels more bearable in comparison. Sometimes nursing for just a few minutes took care of the problem and I could roll back over and go to bed. When you are certain that it's teeth (you'll see the little white bumps coming through), I suggest the hyland's teething tablets which are all natural. Take care, good luck.

I have not read all the responses, but my initial thoughts are to nurse him more during the day. He might be compensating for the decrease in nursing now that he is easily distracted. I also suggest reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, as she gives some advice to decrease the night nursing. He is still too young to night wean. He still needs to nurse at night. But you need more sleep and he can decrease his feedings a little, it sounds like.

That book, along with others, are available at the lending library here:
http://inspiredabq.com
They also have an occasional class on family sleep that might help you.

Wow, I absolutely LOVE everything Laura said. You can tell she put a lot of love & thought into the answer =)
Its how I feel 100%..
Babies never slept in cribs until just recently. They are cold & dont smell like mom =( I know that wasnt a "technical" answer, but when I finally gave up fighting to get my daughter to sleep longer than an hour or two in her crib & brought her into our bed, thats when we all started sleeping thru the night! Comfort IS important & I no longer believe in CIO. It DOES send a powerful message that we are ignoring them & they are not important in my opinion. All they can do at this age is cry. Thats how they communicate. We now sleep ALL night & my 12 mo old nurses when she wants & I sleep right thru it. When I do awaken a bit, its the most wonderful sight to see my sweet girl nursing happily in her sleep. I dont understand the reasoning that its "hurting" the baby as one mom pointed out as this is how society was for 1,000's of years.
Co-sleeping may not be for all, but it MAY work for you if you want to give it a try. I was a whole new person & my baby was overwhelmingly HAPPY! Her crankiness went away during the day too with a great night of sleep!
also, they now recommend waiting until 6 mo to start solids (w/ great reasoning) so adding more solids in during the day wouldnt be the answer (to me) as one person stated. All a baby technically "needs" the 1st year is breastmilk & food is just for practice ;)
good luck hun with whatever you decide.

I think a pacifier would help. Goodluck

I'd try feeding him as much as he wants, whenever he wants it, during the day. That way he gets super full. I read The No Cry SLeep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly (it's really cheap on Amazon.com) and it was an AMAZING resource. I used just a few things from the book and my son went from sleeping 1 or 2 hour stretches to more like 5 or 6, then gradually longer. Some kids just take longer too. Since babies grow at night, they need "fuel" to assist them, which isn't so fun for mom, but just necessary for many babies. Here are some links that have good information that might help:

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct05p204a.html
http://www.fix.net/%7Erprewett/evidence.html
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

I don't think he needs to feed all night long either. Try comforting him with giving him the breast. I know it is difficult. That is one of the reason I chose to feed with a bottle at night. My youngest son drained me because he was so fussy at night. I slept with him on my chest in the recliner, so a way to get rest. I also used a binky since he just wanted to suck for comfort and not for food. But I at your babies age, I don't know if he would go for it.

I can relate...my daughter, now almost 3 would do the same thing. Now looking back I wish I would have been a little firmer and not given in everytime she "woke" and wanted to nurse. Half the time she was still sleeping and wanting to nurse just for comfort. Maybe try getting him used to nursing more frequently during the day and he might not want to nurse as much at night.

N.,
You've gotten alot of advice, but I have to put my 2 cents in.

You need sleep and your baby needs to learn to sleep throught the night- which would make your days a whole lot easier.

Co-sleeping will not accomplish your long-term goal...and despite how many people do it, it's proven at some level to be dangerous for the baby, and why would you want to take a risk of suffocation, or other risks? If you are reading this, and you co-sleep, I understand that's a personal choice, I just never wanted to take any chances like that.

I put my three sons on a schedule... and flexed it as needed. I didn't feed by the clock, but by a routine, and it proved beneficial for all three of them. ( I nursed all 3).

My oldest son was sleeping 6-8 hrs. a night within 6 wks... the other two boys took a little longer (8, and 11 wks) It's more effort during the day, but in the long run, way worth it when you can finally sleep through the night.

If you'd like, I'd be glad to share with you the basic schedule and how it worked for us. Just send me a note.

In the meantime, I pray you can get the rest you need and start feeling better. I know this stage is hard. I had 3 under 4 and it was a lot of work. I think many, many moms can relate to you.

My prayers are with you.

Toni

He could be teething and want to suck. Have you tried a pacifier? My breast babies loved the MAM pacifier. I know alot of people are against pacifiers but babies need to suck. At his age he should be able to keep it in his mouth. Younger babies "spit it out" bc they can't hold it in. Its not they don't like it, its just that they can't keep them n. Good Luck! C., Nanny, CNA

You've got yourself into a pickle! With a baby that LOVES his mommy. My Dr. says that food is a reward and by feeding them you are rewarding them for waking up. I do it too, don't feel bad. It's a terrible habit to break!! Terrible. I usually stick a binky in his mouth and try to get him back to sleep OR just let him eat for a 5 minutes one night and every night cut it back...gradually weaning him off night feedings and forcing him to eat more during the day. he isn't hungry really, it's just a bad habit. Good luck!! I'm right there with you with my 7 1/2 mo. old!! We're working on it. I'm not much on letting my kids cry yet!!

N.,

Welcome. Maybe you could try nursing him more frequently throughout the day. He may not be getting enough during the day which is causing him to wake more at night.
Could he be teething? That could be causing him to wake up more often.
I feed my 4mo old every 2 1/2 to 3 hours throughout the day. We co-sleep though and he wakes up in the night about every three hours to eat. This is normal with breastfeeding though because it doesn't hold too long in their little bellies.
If feeding him more frequently doesn't help, there may be another cause. You said you just moved here? Is his room a good temperature, maybe he is waking up cold or hot? Depending on where you moved from, maybe it is too dry here for him? There are so many reasons he could be waking up.
I hope this gives you some ideas and you get some rest soon.
S.

WOW! I feel a lot like I'm reading about me right now! I have 9 month old who wants to nurse all night long and I have a 3 year old who is trying to give up naps! My 9 mos old is so distracted during the day that he nurses maybe 3 times during the day and it's not for very long. I put him in bed with me at night to nurse and end up falling asleep with him there. He sleeps really well with us but it's not really what I want to start! If I'm awake enough, I try to stay awake and move him to his crib as soon as he dozes off enough. If he wakes up again and I know he's eaten enough then I try to give him the pacifier and let him cry it out! It's really hard in the beginning but it does work. After a couple of nights of that he started sleeping better. There are still some nights when he ends up sleeping with us most of the night, but a lot of that is because I fall asleep and don't move him! I also bought a thing that plays music and projects lighted pictures on the ceiling (I think it's by Fisher Price- I got it at Target for $20)and if he starts to fuss sometimes I can turn that on and leave the room. A few minutes later he's out! I don't know if any of this will help you, but know that you're not alone and that this will pass! They're only little for a short time and to keep your sanity you have to tell yourself that they will grow up and out of this phase! Good luck!

Hi N.!! I have an almost 9 month old and we just had this same issue this week...for four nights I got no sleep because he was just fussy and uncomfortable all night and the only thing that would soothe him was the breast. My son typically wakes every 3 hours throughout the night to eat (which according to his GI doc this is annoying but perfectly acceptable). What I finally discovered is that he has a tooth coming in. Last night I was so exhausted that I laid in bed to nurse him for his final meal and we both fell asleep.....and he slept all night. Don't misunderstand... he didn't sleep THROUGH the night he just didn't wake over and over and over. He woke maybe 2 times to nurse. If your son is actually nursing (you can hear him swallowing milk) then you might want to consider increasing foods during the day. If he's just doing it for comfort then I would check for new teeth and also consider letting him fall asleep on you or stay in your room (or you in his room) so he can continue to adjust to his new surroundings. I hope you get some rest! Good luck!

Oh I feel your pain. My boy is 9 months and that is exactly what we went through (and at times, still going through). I went to a classical homeopath, Deborah Noah, who's office is at the homeopathic college in Phoenix. It has helped a lot. She determined that is was a type of digestive issue. He feels full when he's not and so he wakes up hungry, nurses a bit and goes back to sleep feeling full, but not really. My boy is finally on track except for being sick or teething. If you need her number, let me know.

Also, I know about having a 3 year old and having a short fuse. It feels good to know I'm not the only one! Sleep depravation is so strange. It can change your basic personality.
B.
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