Seeking Advise on How to Support a Friend

6 months of trying is not unusual. When she starts getting into "years" then start feeling bad and she should probably be seen by her Dr. It took my hubby and I 6 1/2 years to conceive our first even with IVF help and then we still did it on our own. Coming off birth control can sometime hold you up,
If she wants someplace to hang out online to have "Cycle buddies" and other things, she can start at American Pregnancy Association's website/forums. Once she has been trying awhile if she runs into more snags I can recommend a great "infertility" site for support.
For now though, just be there for her and try to be understanding if she gets upset over other peoples children and her lack thereof.
C.

All I can say is be there for her. Give her a hug when she needs it. Don't tell her it will happen next month, quit dwelling on it and it will happen, you are so stressed that you need to not think about it and it will happen when you least expect it. I tried to get pregnant for two years before I finally got pregnant with my triplets WITH the help of a fertiltiy dr for about a year and a half of that. Every month I would find out I wasnt pregnant upset me more and more and I use to get so mad cause everyone would be giving me advise and it is not what I wanted, you tend to get sick of hearing it. Just be there for her to cry to and for support. :) You are a good friend.

M.

I completely understand how you are feeling. Friends of ours have been trying to conceive for years and have never even gotten close. It has been very hard on her, she didn’t come to my baby shower b/c it was too much for her (which I totally understood). And when I had my son 16 months ago, I felt horrible. I was so happy about Jacob, but would feel guilt talking to her about all of the little things he was starting to do, or even bringing him over. She has always said that she is happy for us, and wants to know all the new things that are happening, but I still feel bad.
The only thing I can say is that she is your friend, and although she is struggling with her own issues she is very happy for you. Just try to be there for her as a friend the best way that you know how.

First of all, don't feel horrible that you and your husband are blessed with the ability to have children. I'm sure your friend is happy for you. It took my sister 6 months to conceive and it barely took me two months. Everyone is different. I have a friend who has been trying for over a year. She's on fertility drugs and has been disappointed more than once. I keep telling her that I'm sending "baby vibes" her way and I'm always thinking about her. I agree with the other mom's posting...don't tell her "it will happen" because it may not. Just be there for her and listen to her frustrations and continue to be supportive. Maybe take her out for some relaxing girl time at the spa or the pool!

Hi T.,
I agree with Michelle T, don't tell her to relax, or give her advice on how to deal with it. That always just made me mad, coming from people that already had children. Just be there for her to talk to her about other things. However, if she is over 30, I suggest you let her know that she can ask her OB/GYN to recommend a fertility specialist. I was always told I had to wait a year of trying first, but my fertility specialist said that is only if you are in your twenties. If you are over 30, you should only wait 6 months, because it can be a long process of determining the problem. I hope this helps, and I wish you and your friend the best of luck. I know that it can be very hard to deal with.
Best wishes,
M. R.

Well try not to feel bad for your own blessings...I think the best advice you can give her is to relax and try to keep her mind focused on something else..See about four years ago I found out I was pregnant along with two of my best friends and my sister, wow yeah all of us were preggers at the same time and I ended up having a miscarriage...I was completely devastated and it was so difficult to see them but this started what was about to be the hardest three years of my life because of course I wanted a baby even more..I went on to have 6 more miscarriages and the doctors could not find any reason why...I can say that after that seventh miscarriage I finally decided to just let it happen when it was gonna happen and try to focus of other things. So for me I started going to the gym on a regular basis and after a couple of months I had totally forgotten about trying to have a baby between working out home life and work life I didnt have time to stress about it and next thing you know I was at work and when my co-workers and I sat down for lunch I said "God I'm hot will someone open a window" now this coming from me, someone who is ALWAYS COLD, my friend looked at me and said you are pregnant...I said no. On my way home I checked my calendar and sure enough I was late. And boom there I was living stress free and preggers...I believe that stress was probably the reason I couldnt keep my babys...because I was never able to carry them very long...so please make sure your friend knows that stress does awful things to our bodies and to try to minimize it by allowing herself to relieve her stress in some way either by exercise or journaling or painting whatever her little heart desires...Good luck....

Hi T.

I would just "be there" for her however you think she'd like it. I would reassure her that it totally stinks and it's unfair.

My husband and I have two boys through In Vitro Fertilization. We had to try 4 procedures to get our two boys. We're in the process of undergoing our 5th procedure as we have 12 embryos frozen. I've been on the other end that your friend is on and it stinks.

I liked it when my friends just laid "it" on the table saying things like "this is so not fair" - "you're going to be the best parents" - things like that. Tell her to hang in there. Six months really isn't a lot of time to "try"...everyone thinks that once you decide to have a baby - it just happens. For many many many women, it's not that easy. Let her know you love her and care and that whatever she needs - just say the word.

CONGRATS on your son and new little girl on the way!!!