"Seeking Advise for Gifted 5Th Grader"

Here is a practical idea to try: when it's time for him to focus on something, say "It's time to do *blank* or listen to *blank*" Then have him take a minute to write down all the other things that are on his mind on pieces of paper, and put them in a box or an envelope, then put it away out of sight as a visual/spatial cue to focus on the task at hand. Then when the work/lesson is done, he can have the box or envelope back to work on or think about whatever he wants.

You didn't say if he is involved in any sports activities. One great one is martial arts. It requires the kids to focus on the teacher and instruction and really gives them direction. My youngest was somewhat hyperactive when he was little and martial arts gave him direction, discipline and focus. You didn't say where you were from, but a great school in the Walnut Creek/Alamo/Danville/San Ramon area is Richard Lee's East West Kung Fu in Alamo (soon to have a San Ramon location too). My boys have been attending for 11 and 9 years, respectively. I believe it has made them into wonderful, respectful young men (and they get great grades too). Try finding a martial arts school that doesn't focus on sparring at a young age. East West focuses on training the body before any sparring comes into play (you have to be a certain belt level and certain age).

As parent of a gift children and a 4th grader teacher in a school for only gifted children, I get him. I think he was in my class last year or any of the last four years. Your son's mind is very busy with other things, things that sometimes seem more important or have greater draw for him. Talk to the teachers! We can help him. Working together as a team is what it is all about. When he gets the same consistent message from home and school, it will connect....eventually.

Talk to him about what is going on before you do anything. Get him to articulate what is happening when he is working on something and heads off in a different direction. Help him find the words for what happens to him and his plans. Help him have some ownership of who he is and understand he can take control.

I had one little guy who I gave a small note book and small pencil to carry around. When he has a brain storm of an idea or question he isn't sure relates to anything the class is discussing (his goal was on-topic discussion comments/questions), he wrote it down and checked in with me at the next opportunity. His great ideas weren't lost and he had a change to share them, feel they were valuable. Sometimes he shared them with class. He learned to say, "When we were discussing (a point of discussion fits here), I had this idea. (Share idea here.)... This often led to other great discussions in class and the other students could see he was engaged to the discussion (not just trying to throw the class off topic...something they believed he did.), so they were more eager to listen to his tangental thoughts and discuss them.

Think seriously about what you want and how to accomplish it. Small goals that are attainable and will generate success. Help him put systems in place that make him successful. For example, if he does his school work, but it gets lost from place he did it to school, give him a consistent place to do school work and a method for storing his work, folder or binder. Help him generate a check list of things to accomplish with each assignment....name, date, assignment name (list were they go on the paper), complete work, check work, put work in Homework Folder, put folder in backpack, etc. Give him a sheet to look at, post it in his work place.

At school, I have used a chart to help the child (my students and my own child) focus on key tasks, behaviors we want changed in the classroom. For example, if I want him to listen to the directions the first time, I have him repeat the directions back to a me or my TA. If I want him to get started on his work, I put a goal of getting started with out a reminder and watch to see that he does it. I set a time limit on getting started and if he isn't started in that time, he gets a reminder. If there is a desire for him to finish work on time, I say complete work assigned by teacher and I don't give him the entire assignment (I give him many smaller assignments, eventually building to the full assignment). He could earn many points/checks here with each assignment.

Each time he does these things correctly, he gets a check, which in our home translates into marbles and marbles by fun stuff...sleepovers, trip to park, playdate, watch a movie outside, new art supplies, trip to Littlest Petshop aisle in store for one toy. (each point is worth $0.25 and 1/3 of total marbles may be spent at store...1/3 for future/rainy day and 1/3 for college..these are turned into cash and put in bank.)

As school, I start out assessing these behaviors and quickly move to child assessing and conferencing with me. He puts his marks down and I put mine. I confirm places where we agree and then we discuss places where we disagree. We come to a common understanding about those. The sheet goes home.

At home we use the same system. I don't nag on the neg. I just praise the positive. When my daughter gets her work done, she gets to enjoy lots of fun things. Yesterday she was invited to go to the park to shoot off these loud balloons, the pool, and Jungle Island, but her work wasn't done (toys EVERYWHERE in the house and finish a thank you letter) so I said,"She can't come now. When she gets her work done she can go." She made it to Jungle Island for an hour and a half. She did her work and then she could go.

Communication is the key,
Stephanie

Hi A.,

I just read an article about gifted children in this month's Wonder Times magazine. I believe it listed resources for parents who are blessed with this challenge. You might want to pick up the magazine or go online to see if you can get a copy.

Good luck!

Your little angel sounds very much like my soon to be 21 year old baby. My gifted son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a bit younger than your son is now. Together with his doctor we decided to forgo the miracle meds, and realize there would be an uphill battle. Attention deficit does not mean that his attention span is too short to learn. Quite the opposite. His attention seems to wander because he is picking up and processing information quickly. Faster than most of his peer group. The uphill battle will be the constant watch to see when he seems to be going off task, and making him aware of it. Take joy in the fact that you have a very intelligent little man in your life, and help him become self aware. ADHD does not go away, and I still feel we made the correct decision in not trying to medicate my son into submission. He is now a well adjusted, married man, serving in the United States Air Force. Good luck, and god bless you further - he has already blessed you with your little man!

Dear A.:

You've recieved some great advice so far. What a blessing to have so many concerned and involved parents. My back ground is in education, I taught all grades from K-12, was a public school administrator, and home schooled our three daughters through high school. Believe me...I love the process of helping our children be their best selves. I have retired and changed careers, finding my background and sincere love for children and the family to be of tremendous help in my new business. Give me a call, I have something that may be of assistance. Barb ###-###-#### cell

Talk to his teacher or the head of the gifted program. They should have plenty of experience and advice for how to motivate and stimulate your child, plus they know him personally and can probably offer more effective advise.

The only thing that I would add to Senglehaupt's suggestions is take him somewhere to explore books! Whether it is the library or somewhere like my mecca HalfPriced Books, take him and let him explore. He will find some of the answers he has been looking for or find focus on a subject. Give him time in his book section to relax and cruise around. Ah....don't you just LOVE that smell?? BOOKS! =)

He might be bored with the current school work and it's not challenging. If you think focusing is the problem then you could have him checked for ADD or a learning disability. Sometimes these things have no effect on grades or achievement until they are older.

Hi A.,
My brain sounds just like your son's. My brain needs to be engaged on something most of the time. I jump from topic to topic, etc. I too can go from something important like saving the planet to the more mundane like video games. It's not boredom or adhd - we just have active brains. This causes my husband and family some frustration.

Your concern was about your son listening, specifically to you. I have two thoughts: (when dozens really, but most off topic...)

First, your son is in the 5th grade, a time where parent/child and teacher/child relationships change. He may not be listening because of his age.

Second, I recommend the book The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard. It's a business book and really a quick read (about three hours). The basic premise is that as managers(parents) we talk too much. We should give one minute praises, one minute reprimands and have one minute goals.

About having things in his hands... "while the hands are busy, the mind is free..."

Recognize and embrace how his mind works. Talk to him in terms of the thing that is the most important right now so he'll have time for all of the other projects/thoughts later. This is what my husband does with me...

Good luck.

Hi A.!

I have a soon-to-6th grader.....My son has always been "the top student in the class", and I have chosen to NOT fore-go the GATE program year-after-year. The teacher has been able to keep challenging him in the classroom, and it works for us and our "expectations" of his academic performance.

I noticed that his 5th grade year was.......weird, to say the least. Distant, distracted, then acne, then puberty started a little earlier for him than others....anyway, all those things all mixed together creates a worried mother :o)

This summer I focused HARD on "bringing him back" to normal, if it's even possible. I found that the more hugs & kisses (even when he fights them) and the more one-on-one game playing, he's finally responding much better.

I would try to NOT worry about your son, but keep your eye on him. Boys at this age are going through LOTS of hormonal and weird "phases" :o) He's just trying to figure it all out inside of himself, and he's probably hoping that nobody is noticing his changes :o)

It sounds like yo're so "in-tune" with him. That's an awesome mother :o)

:o) N.

Hi A.,

If you are interested in a child's wellness Expo this Sat in Sunnyvale let me know and I will send you a flier and put you on the guest list. There will be 13 doctors from around the country sharing natural ways for us to keep our children healthy.

If this is something that interests you please email me and I will send you the flier.

N. Marie
____@____.com

Oh A.,

My son (now 16) sounds exactly like yours. My choice was to never do the drug route, although alot of people are going to use that word ADHD. I think throughout history, there have been several genius' that were raised without drug thereapy. Someone raised Einstein (can you imagine!) I opted to endure and relish in my son's brilliance. Interestingly enough four things made a huge difference in Henry.

1) silly puddy. I know it sounds weird, but during stories, or studying, or classtime, Henry could focus better if he could manipulate something in his hand. I cleared it with his teachers and for him...... it helped. Your son's mind is faster than most peoples and he needs to do something mindless to hear others.

2) Baths. Every morning (to this day) Henry takes a quite hot bath. He lays back and thinks... sometimes for an hour and it seems to be "defragging" he says. It slows his mind and helps him plan

3) Mommy-Henry time and Daddy-Henry time. We have lots of kids and find that when he gets one on one time with one parent, it brings equilibrium to him. Whatever you do together, like cooking or building a fuel cell, your guy will probably remember every detail. When there are lots of people around, the distraction is too difficult for him.

4) Capoera. A dancy martial arts practice. Look it up!

Am I on track at all?

Oh one other thing. Things will change as he grows into himself. Jr High Teachers and High school teachers will force him into focus. I bet he'll be an awesome high schooler.....

Best of love,

R.

A.,

Have you considered homeschooling him? Even at a young age children will start to show the God given abilities that will shape who they will become later in life. You could let him develop those talents and abilities now rather than stiffling it in an institutionalized setting. Learing is a natural instinct. Although you can guide it, it is self determination guided by desire, Desire from doing what you love.

Check out the website for the California Association for the Gifted. I find their magazine "Gifted Education Communicator" to be very informative. (well worth the money)
www.CAGifted.org

I have found that boys go into a blurr in school about 5th grade throgh 8th at least. Don't worry just tell him he has to do his best and since his best is really good that is what is expected.

That which is a problem now may truly be a gift in the future! I and many professionals suffer from this problem. Sometimes it's hard to stay on track, and as a child this presented in ways that infuriated my parents.

The only one in the next generation in my family who is blessed with this gift is my niece, who is 8. We make time (about an hour a day 2-3 days a week) when we sit down and play. She makes notes when I'm not there (mom and dad put a notepad in the kitchen and one in her bedroom) about the things she wants to talk about or do. Sometimes just the process of writing it down (it can be two words!) is enough to get it out of her head and she moves on to other things.

Some of her thoughts are profound! I'm saving up a lot of these things along with my notes from our conversations and projects because I think that in the future they could make a fascinating book from the mind of a creative child. Making the structured time has really taken a load off the household and she's better able to focus on the projects she's given at home.

Hope it helps!

Waldorf or Montessori. My son is the same way. Also I highly recommend this book:

Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to help the child... by Lucy Jo Palladino Phd. Ignore the title and check it out at your local library. It had some wonderful insight to gifted kids like this, and also some ideas to help them focus and harness their abilities. Good luck!

T.
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

Have you considered a Waldorf school or other private school that can work with your child to maximize his abilities?
http://www.members.awsna.org/Public/SchoolListPage.aspx
http://www.whywaldorfworks.org/07_Community/articles.asp

You can also consider a therapist who works with gifted children to give them many tools for life.