Seeking Advise About over Eating Child

Updated on May 12, 2008
E.H. asks from Holyoke, MA
17 answers

My 9 year old daughter is "starving" 1/2 hour to 1 hour after meals. In addition to this, she is "hungry" every time I ask her to do something that she doesn't want to do. The increase in her weight gain over the past few years has accelerated. When she was 6 she wore size 6. When she was 7 she wore an 8. When she was 8 she went to a 10 and then to a 12 before she turned 9. All of her pants are tight and too long. Her pediatrician has not been concerned, but all of my family and myself are. She calls herself fat. Once she didn't want to wear a leotard to gymnastics because she thought that she looked fat. She is not obese at this point, but definately overweight. One person who talked with my mother suggested that she may have diabetes. I am also aware that she may not be producing enough Leptin. I am very concerned that it could be psychological. I am hoping that anyone who has experienced any of these issues will have some insight. I do plan on checking for diabetes and Leptin levels. We, my family & I, do not ever call her fat.

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So What Happened?

I really appreciated all of the great advise and support! Thank you, everyone! The dietitian suggested that we cut back 100 calories per day. That has worked pretty well. She slimed down a lot over the summer and even more since she started school. She was previously homeschooled. She was way more active while homeschooling, but she also ate a lot more. Thank you again!
E.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi E. - I would try one simple thing before I rushed out for tests... We often mistake thirst for hunger. So when she is hungry, have her drink a nice glass of water (whatever temp she like it... I know I don't like ice water.)

Try that. See if it helps.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Sounds like there are several issues going on - her hunger, her reluctance to do things, and her body image. You might want to address them separately. There are books, and therapy re body image. There are perhaps medical tests for obvious and not-so-obvious causes. Diabetes is just one of them. Then try to be sure that what she is eating is whole grains and other foods that don't make her sugar go haywire. I make my son super-protein French toast - soy milk, added protein powder, eggs and egg whites (in the little carton), and use whole wheat bread - I like Nature's Promise Flax and Grain from Stop & SHop. It has lots of holes in it which soak up the batter! Put cinnamon in it and it makes it look like white bread with cinnamon! I make whole grain pancakes too - add flax seed and berries or bananas. I make a batch and then freeze or refrigerate with wax paper between layers.

My son also takes Reliv nutritional supplement - it stabilizes the blood sugars and the desire for junk food and "bad carbs" goes way down, energy level goes way up, and focus is much better. He is involved in sports, and the track team has learned a lot about wellness, calories, metabolism, and so on. He is making healthier choices at every turn - takes very healthy lunches, never wants fast food, etc. Reliv has a delicious kids product in both vanilla and chocolate, plus a hydrator (orange, lemon or punch flavors) that has all the essential nutrients IN THE RIGHT BALANCE. I can't say enough about the fabulous results parents have had with this - a friend of mine is head of health and phys ed for a large school system, and his whole family is on Reliv with fabulous results for nutrition, reduction in allergies, virtually no illness, and much more. Great results for diabetics too. And I've talked to hundreds in similar situations. I would love to give you more info and have you talk to him.

Getting out of the house and away from the foods is essential. Exercise - getting the endorphins going would be important - make it fun, not a chore. That is KEY!

I don't understand why the doctor is not concerned. With record rates of diabetes and childhood obesity, and so many medical conditions that are based on diet - I think additional opinions are indicated. Could be medical, nutritional or psychological. You don't want to overdo this because she'll obsess about being abnormal if she has too many appointments. But I would not just continue to talk about it or worry - it's time for action as this will NOT get easier as she enters her teen years.

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A.C.

answers from Boston on

Hi E. -

I would have your daughter tested for diabetes just to be on the safe side - it is an easy blood test. Just request it from her pedi.

For foods - I would purchase some cookbooks that have meals that have larger amounts of fiber (helps to fill you up) and maybe a little lower fat/calories.

When she is hungry after meals - first see if she is actually thirsty - have her drink a glass or two of water first and then give her something healthy such as an apple or carrot sticks.

Most of the time when you are hungry soon after you eat it is because what you ate has too many carbs that spiked your sugar levels. Your sugar levels then rapidly plunge down and you feel hungry. High fiber foods/complex carbohydraytes keep your sugars more constant so that you don't feel hungry.

My advice about activities is don't make her do things that make her feel uncomfortable (i.e. swimming, ballet, gymnastics) All of these activities require you to wear tight-fitting clothes. Try doing exercises as a family (like going for a family walk every night after dinner). Or if there is some activity such as soccer or softball that she likes sign her up for that.

When you are 9 and a bit overweight kids may pick on you which can make you a little depressed and then as a result you eat more to make you feel better (a bad cycle)

Educate your daughter on healthy foods - explain calories/ empty calories and try to set a good example. Have her drink lots of water. Make exercise a part of her life and your family life. Now that it is almost summer she can probably get back into shape before the next school year and feel better about herself.

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R.H.

answers from Boston on

Hunger/thirst/frequent urination are the three symptoms you typically see together with diabetes. If she is just hungry it is probably something else.

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E.N.

answers from Hartford on

HI E.,

You sound like a great Mom. Follow your gut instinct, and if you think something is amiss keep at it until you feel satisfied. Mothers always know.

I would take her to a naturopathic doctor for a very in-depth blood test. They look more closely at blood results than MDs and can help you treat any imbalences in hormones, etc, with herbs and other remedies. Our daughter was found this way to have too much estrogen and Vit D deficiency. Now is on Vitamin D supplements and this has helped her weight and fitness.

Make sure you discuss the weight issue when your daughter cannot hear as much as you can, and suggest it only along with a general concern for health when she can hear. Good luck!

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N.L.

answers from Boston on

I came across your questions about your daughter this am. One place I would urge you to go is Cushings-help.com. My daughter was finally diagnosed with Cushings disease several years ago. She had been a high school athlete who was successful in gymnastics and cross country. She continued to experience weight gain for many years and we had sought the advice of countless so called experts. We were told that she was a closet eater and there was no way she could gain weight like this without the caloric input. Well, they were all dead wrong and now she is doing very well after medical intervention, that caused us to travel across the country to find someone who was able to address the issue in the correct manner. She went from 100 lbs to over 180 lbs in a few years, despite rigourous exercise and diets. She has now dropped to her previous weight and her ability to perform well in school has greatly improved.
Everyone will give you all sorts of advice and we did it all for many years. Please be aware that the advice is not always very productive in these situations. Cushings is a very unknown malady that most doctors have very little knowledge of. When we had zeroed in on this diagnosis as being very plausible, we were subjected to many endrocrinologists that were very dishearteneing and discouraging.
The cushings website has all sorts of info about this disease and those that have gone through the frustations with diagnosis. It covers information about what to look for and many other valuable insights. Please check it out and see if your daughter has any or some of the indications. It will save you countless hours of going down dead end roads and it will also empower you to seek out medical advice that is helpful and patient oriented, rather than being aimed at their own experiences. Please let me know how you make out and keep your eyes open and don't get discouraged when they tell you everything is fine when you know as her mom that it is not so. N.

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J.G.

answers from Boston on

Hi E.,
I would definitely have her checked by an endocrinologist. Even if her pedi doesn't seem concerned, I would push for a referral (if you need one) to see that kind of specialist. They can check for all kinds of things like diabetes, thyroid issues, amoung other things.
It sounds like you're trying to keep her active (gymnastics), but now that the weather is getting nicer how about a daily brisk walk with her? Excersice does wonders, both for the phsical and mental aspects of the body. Get her endorphins going and she just might like the effects of excercise.
Also, how about talking to a counselor. If she has any psychological issues causing her to overeat, she might feel more comfortable talking to an impartial person.
Last suggestion, perhaps a visit with a dietician could help her make some better food choices.
Good luck and it sounds like you're doing the right thing by not making her feel any worse than she already does. Be supportive and loving, try to engage her in fun physical activities with you, and good luck!
J. G.

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M.E.

answers from Springfield on

Hi, My advice to you would be first, not to make her feel fat so all negative comments about her wieght need to be stopped if any. Then, get her invovled in excersise. Everyday after dinner go with her for a walk or ride bikes together. The point here is to increase her activity level. Helping her eat healthy is also great!! pick up cook book for kids that encourage healthy eating, let her choose meals from the book and get her invovled in cooking them with you. I would recommend that u speak to her pedi. and let her no that her wieght is effecting herself esteem and insist that the pedi. give u a referral to a nutritionist. If she is hungery after eating then give her a fruit or some veggies, a yogurt(lite), and at dinner time fill her plate with veggies or make a salad. Let her pick the veggies she would like. I hope this helps I have been going through this with my now 12yr. old who is becoming overwieght. So hang in there.

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J.R.

answers from Boston on

Hi E.,
You just described my daughter!! She is about to turn 10 - and wears a size misses 12. And yes - all her pant are too long for her too although she is quite tall! I found buying jeans - to buy the 'short' lengths and it works. I have an older daughter that was like this too! She is now 16 and has gone down to a size 6 and is 5'10"!! I was like this also growing up too. I remember my mom threatening to have to buy clothes in the 'big girls' section. Anyway, my younger ones' Dr is not too concerned because of her height/weight ratio - she is above the charts equally on both. I am guessing your daughter must be pretty equal too or else the Dr would be more concerned. I realize kids go through growth spurts even up into their teens - and my daughter too goes through these phases where she will just eat and eat - but then it levels out again. Just try ot make sure there's apples, grapes and carrot sticks - things like that are always available. Chances are she will grow taller adn slim down as she gets older. It is tough thou - they think they are 'fat' and nothing fits right. Just keep up with encouragements and better food choices. I don't know where you live, but I also joined a local gym that also has a kids gym. The three of us go a couple times a week and this has seemed to help too! But all in all, if your Dr isn't too concerned - relax - just keep an eye on that height/weight ratio they doo at each check up. Good luck and chin up!!

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

E.,

I was so pleased to see your question. My 7 year old sounds so similar to your daughter. She has always been off the charts, 90 percentile height and weight but jsut recently her BMI is high and of concern. She eats very well, will try anything, loves fruits and vegetables as well as sweets and not such good stuff which I try to limit. She does not seem to have any "controls"...eats when I do not believe she is hungry, overeats when I think she must be full and she seems to have this constant worry that there will not be enough food for her....always worrying that someone else will get the last bite. It is especially tough because my 2 boys are so thin and can eat anything they want, they are small and in the lower percentiles for height and weight. It is so hard to parent my daughter, I try not to panic but I do not want her to have to struggle with her weight her whole life. My pediatrician recommended seeing a nutritionist that specializes in working with children, I sort of dismissed it but since I am not seeing much change in her physique since we made some minor dietary changes (less chocolate milk, more water) and thinking this may be what we have to do. THe weight issue is so touchy.....I sympathize with you...I wish I could offer more but am at a loss myself

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S.R.

answers from Boston on

Dear E.,

Reading your note, I remember a friend from elementary school. By today's standards, she was pudgy. But as she neared Junior High, the baby fat wore off and she has been a nice, normal size ever since. Ironically, I was slim as a bean pole until I hit Junior High when the weight caught up to my height. Bad eating habits were the death of my slim figure, something I still have to work hard at reining in.

I tend to also worry about underlying health issues and have struggled with my doctor's seeming indifference to worrisome issues. You might also want to test for Lyme Disease-- this can manifest itself in diabetic-like symptoms, a feeling of hunger despite eating a lot, and inflammation of body tissue which can make the victim appear fat.

Yet, having said all this, our society is so focused on weight-- to the point of paranoia. The fact is that some children seem pudgier than others. It seems their build and make-up. Certainly, in today's anxiety over weight, this will create issues at school. Children love to tease other children, and this can hurt a lot at times. But don't feed into that fear. Talk to her about her weight in affirming, but not denial-ridden ways.

Ask her why she feels fat? Ask her if other children make remarks or act in some way that makes her feel fat. Ask if she feels any attitude towards her at home about the weight issue. Then explore those issues-- what might she say or do in response to teasing that might help the situation? What kinds of activities might she get involved in (like dance or gymnastics or swimming...) which might help her body slim down and firm up a bit?

How are her eating habits other than being hungry a lot? what kinds of foods is she eating? If she's eating a lot of processed foods or foods rich in sugars and carbs then she probably is hungry an hour later. Try adding in foods which stick to one's stomach like peanut butter on a banana, or cream cheese on celergy between meals. Make finger foods available that are healthy, like cut up vegetables, lots of different fruits, grapes, cherry tomatoes. Limit deserts until after meals or something. Add in heart foods like kidney beans, lentils, soups and fiber rich foods like shredded wheat cereals which are nutritious and filling.

Honestly, you sound like a nice family. Trust yourselves to raise a good, healthy daughter. Stop worrying about if she is fat or not, do the medical tests and research possible activities, but also allow yourself to simply love her as she is. She will grow up all too fast and then this time will seem just a phase in the memory book. Whatever happens-- don't let society make you see your daughter as anything less than your special child and the love of your life.

God Bless,
S.

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M.H.

answers from Springfield on

Hi-

What kinds of food is your daughter eating. If she is eating a lot of refined carbs, like bread, cereal, pretzels and such, she could be hungry after and hour or so because she could be metabolizing those food very quickly. You may want to try to include protein or fat with every snack or meal. She will burn through these types of food more slowly and should therefore keep her blood sugar levels more constant. In general, you may want to restrict the amount of carbs she eats and see if her appetite normalizes a bit on a higher protein and fat diet. I know this may be very different that what the media and health professionals recommend, but it is really true. If you want to know more, I can direct you to books and other resources that may help you get the truth.

I am a certified holistic lifestyle and wellness coach and have studied alot about nutrition. I have a 2.5 year old son and we eat this way in our home.

Best of luck to you.

Mara

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

E.-
First off - take a deep breath and relax. I would suggest you again speak with your pediatrician about your concerns without your daughter in the room - or perhaps over the phone, but again out of earshot of your daughter - but share how deeply concerned you are. Our son was a bit heavy as he came through 6, 7, 8 - 11 years old, and I was extremely concerned. Being overweight myself, the last thing I wanted was for him to carry around the pain and discomfort that I have experienced. But hormones are an incredible thing - and my son is now 12, taller than me at 5'6" and thinning out completely. I do think you should get some tests done, if you feel something is wrong. Look into female hormones - my guess is that they can make her pretty hungry if she's growing rapidly as kids do from ages 8/9 - 15. Beyond that, the best you can do is make her feel beautiful and perfect the way she is (which it sounds like you already do!). Good luck.

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G.E.

answers from Boston on

There is some an increasing body of knowledge about Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and Metabolic Disorder that indicate girls as young as 8 may begin to show signs. Her hunger may be an indicator of the increase in estrogen her body is getting due to hormonal increases even at such a young age.

Myself an my oldest daughter (now age 18) both experienced this. Check out the books by Dr. Elizabeth Vliet for more information on this issue....it could definately help your daughter. I know Dr. Vliet has treated girls as young as 9 for these exact symptoms and could give you much more information....start with the book called PCOS, you can get it online at Half.com

Blessings,

G.~~~

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T.G.

answers from Boston on

Hi E.! It sounds as though you are doing a great job with your daughter, so I hope you feel good about that. My three recommendations are:
--Get a doctor to rule out any metabolic problems such as diabetes, etc, if you're concerned - have her/him do some tests and whatnot, because there is no sense in wondering and worrying about things you can find out!!!
--try the book "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" by Jane R. Hirschmann (author of "overcoming overeating") - it is a fantastic approach that seems to work well with children as well as adults.
--try a nutritionist, such as Stacey Nelson at MGH. She specializes in weight management, and she's a wonderful person! I've been seeing her throughout my pregnancy, as did my sister for both of hers, and she could not be more helpful or supportive. Very knowledgeable too.
--perhaps your daughter should see a therapist to get at the underlying issues involved - it seems the eating is a symptom of a deeper distress or need. Anyway, it couldn't hurt.

Like I said, it sounds as though you are doing a great job, so I hope you can work this out to your satisfaction - best of luck!
T.

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D.C.

answers from Boston on

If her doctor is not concerned than it might be that the best thing you can do is refuse to allow your family to discuss it.
That could very well cause psy problems. If she fits into a size 12--is it the waist that fit--the length or all?

She is also developing and girls often gain wait at this time.

Just be sure that she has a healthy diet. An apple or banana before a meal is not going to hurt anything.

It appears that people mean well but it really is inappropriate for your mother to be discussing this with her friends etc and tellinng you what other say. As children get older, it is common for their clothing size to increase. Many 8 yr olds wear size 10.

You don't say her height or her weight not that of yourself or her father etc.

Be concerned but be aware that while you don't call her fat, she most likely knows that her weight is the conversation for many. Why not talk about the things she does well or help her create a hobby that can be talked about. Kids are very sensitive.

defenndthechildren.org

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L.S.

answers from Boston on

E.,

Hello. Having dealt with eating issues in our family~not with children, but adults, I would highly recommend seeking the advice of both an MD to rule out physical issues as well as a psychologist so that you can address any emotional/psycolgoical issues that she may be developing around food and her body. This way you can address it is a holistic manner and help your daugther heal both physically and emotionally from whatever it is that she is struggling with. I hope that this is helpful.

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