Hello to all of you wonderful Mom's out there!
I finally have a question to ask :) I have a 4YO son who is, as of late, been going to the potty in his pants. He knows how to go to the potty (he's been going successfully for the past 1.5yr) and knows where the bathrooms are (we have 3) and how to use the bathroom. Lately however, he's been going into the bathroom but urinating in his underwear. If he has a BM, he does that in the toilet. What I don't understand is WHY he's doing this all of a sudden?
I've tried going with him every time but that's not practical with a 16MO. I've tried praising him on a regular basis hwne he does make it to the potty before he pees in his pants. I've tried taking away his TV time. I've tried giving him time-outs after he's had his 'accident'. He even calls it an 'accident'...he'll come up to me after it happens and tell me that he's had an accident. What happens is that whenever we don't go with him to the potty, then he does his business in his shorts. Very frustrating. I feel like my next step is a Psycho-therapist! Ugh. Help!
Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks so much in advance!
Sid the Kid successfully potty trained. I think after letting the issue go and approaching 'going potty in the potty' in a relaxed mode, he was able to regain composure and potty 'like all the other big boys'. Now....if only my 3 year old would start going potty. Oy. That's a whole other issue.
Thanks again to everyone who commented. I found them all to be VERY useful.
My 4 year old does this occasionally, too. He is just too busy playing, "reading", chasing his brother, etc. to take the time. I think it's just a phase. It helped when I told him he could pee on the tree in the backyard.
I agree with the "too involved with other things to go potty" response - all three of my kids had/have the same issue.
It is VERY frustrating to me, but the kids don't seem to mind. They would rather keep playing, watching their show, etc. The only thing that's working w/ my 3 year old right now is telling her to take a "time out potty break" every two hours or so. She never wants to, but if I make it a positive [you can come right back to what you're doing!] then she'll go and not have an accident.
Just stick with having him go to the bathroom regularly and he'll get over it, eventually.
And try not to get upset/mad at him. That is the toughest part for me, because I know they know better. But even my pedi says some kids just don't feel "the urge" until it's too late. Add an involved activity, and you've already lost!
Good luck with this... it will pass... and know you're not the only one.
Oh, I just remembered something - my older daughter had a few accidents at school (how embarrassing, right?!) because she couldn't undo her jeans button. She finally told me about it when I asked her why she was having problems. If your son is going by himself, make sure he's wearing pants/shorts he can easily pull down in a hurry. :)
I have a four year old daughter and she went through this recently. She was just too busy and/or having too much fun to stop what she was doing to go potty. By the time she rushed to the bathroom, the need was so urgent that she just couldn't hold it in anymore. I think she started to relax once she got to the bathroom and got her pants down, so then everything would just 'let loose.' She would come to me at least once a day with wet panties (and there was usually a puddle on the floor in front of the toilet). I started watching her a little more closely and saw that she was doing a 'potty dance' before this would happen, so now when I see the potty dance I say 'Hurry, go potty, before you have an accident in your panties!' and she will rush off. She has been doing much better the last few weeks. I think they sometimes don't recognize the need to go until it becomes urgent, and then it may already be too late. I really think your son is okay, just give him some time and perhaps have the pediatrician talk to him about it (sometimes hearing something from an authority figure is all it takes to change a behavior). Good luck!
Try putting him on a schedule. Every hour on the hour go to the rr with him and make him try to go, see if that helps.
It's very common for children who are toilet-trained very early (your son is included in that as it seems from your letter that he was trained at 2.5) to "regress" at about age 4-5. I don't know the reason for this although proponents of later toilet training say that it is an indication that the child was trained prematurely. I don't know the circumstances of your sons training but if, in fact, he was trained on your schedule and not on his, he may not have been quite ready...I've worked for 25 years in the field of early development and education and have seen this over and over again. It usually only lasts a short time and reducing anxiety about toileting seems to help, i.e. not making a huge deal of it when there's an accident....be compassionate, as if he must be as confused and distressed by this behavior as you are.
Good Luck,
L.
sounds like attention getting. Is he upset by his "accidents"? Does the same thing happen at school? When did it start? Is he wetting the bed?
Do you go help him clean up? Or does he do that on his own?
Is he going more often? Infection?
Unless you see some other symptoms, I would try to focus on his successes and let him find other ways to get attention. This seems like competition with the baby.
Hard to be the middle kid.
K.
I agree with Kathy's comments... At 16 months, the baby is probably more active; perhaps getting more attention as it gets more mobile. Sounds like classic regression due to baby rivalry.
Mine has too! Please help!!
The timer is a great idea. I have a 4 yr old too and she goes through phases, sometimes I discover she's gotten pretty wet in her pants before she finally decides to go pee in the toilet. So frustrating because she's been potty trained for a year and a half as well. But what I have read is this is a very common thing developmentally for 4 year olds because they get so absorbed in what they are playing or doing that they forget. I know it's frustrating and feels like a step backwards, but I'm discovering it doesn't help to make them feel bad about it, just have to start enforcing deadlines for a while again of when it's time for a potty break.
All I can think of is that he is doing this for attention. He wants you to accompany him to the bathroom so he has more time with you. Maybe you could start a sticker chart? Everytime he makes it to the potty on his own, without having an accident then he receives a sticker on the chart. After so many stickers he can recieve a little reward? I know it is hard to keep up with everything with three kids!
Set a timer. Tell him that when the timer goes off he has to try and go to the bathroom no matter what he's doing. Set for how often you think will work best - every hour is what I did and also 15 minutes after drinking something. Works like a charm.
HI, I'm thinking your son is just acting out and seeking the attention that he feels is being taking away from him, with the 16mos infant in the house. My son is 3.5 years old and potty train etc.. This month, he has been acting out with where he'll just be in broad daylight and awake sitting or laying on the couch or bed and just start peeing on his himself and furniture too! He'll come to tell me after to say he has an accident. I kindly tell him is not the right thing to do without disciplining him with the time out... Oh, he also did this while waiting at the airport, while he is playing his Nintendo DS. But so far it seems, he has not been doing it. He did wet the bed once when he was still semi awake and asleep. Woke up to tell me that he wet the bed because he is mad and daddy is not nice, daddy needs to be nice. I think since he has been a busy dense the menace as of late and we've been on a lot of trips visiting familys, he has been having to much fun and misbehave a lot. So, My husband and I have been giving him too much disciplining and also I am very busy with my little 7months girl, I haven't have time for him much and daddy is always working very late. But now that we've been home and settling back to our norms life, he has not been acting out with the "accidents" :) Be patient and understanding and not too harshly with the disciplining, or give it a little slack. He'll come around, hopefully!
Good luck,
Julie
