Seeking Advice on Toddler Bedtime

we have used a start chart for over a year and it works like a charm. i use old calendar pages...she earns a star for various things: brushing teeth, getting ready for bed without a fight (getting out of the tub and putting on pj's nice), waking up dry, getting dressed in the morning with no fight, and periodically earns them for just having a super attitude. once she fills up the week with stars she earns $.25 to buy gum, rides at the mall etc. at the end of the month, she gets to choose (or we choose) a special outing: chucky cheese, museum, mall of america, sleep over at grandmas etc.

we also take away if she is being naughty or sassy...she hates it! This really has worked for us!

I agree with the chart suggestion. Kids can be very visual and positive reinforcement has always worked better for my kids than threats and punishments. My oldest will be 4 next month and he too will often lay in his bed and talk and play for over an hour after he lays down in his bed. I can't force him to fall asleep, but I can be consistent in the bedtime routine so he understands whats expected of him. This doesn't mean he doesn't try every night to get me to let him stay up later. He's always going to try. But I try to remain calm and consistent, and if he decides to throw a tantrum, I tell him I'll wait for him in his room when he's decided to calm down. He always comes up. I'm lucky because he doesn't try to leave once he's in there, but I was completely prepared to put him in his bed, leave the room, and then hold the door shut so he couldn't get out. I heard a child behavior expert suggest that once and he said that it may result in the child throwing himself at the door and screaming and carrying on, but he'd fall asleep sooner or later and learn that you are serious about him staying in his room.

Good luck. Just remember that they don't stay young for long and before you know it, he'll be a teenager with a big "stay out" sign on his door and spending hours in his room.

I'm a single mom too and what I've found to be the easiest for me is that we both climb in my bed at 9pm, turn on the news and fall asleep or she'll climb in my bed and read books while I'm on the computer right by her and she'll fall asleep on her own. I know alot of people will say how horrible that is but that is what works for me and I never have bedtime fights or struggles.Sometimes after she falls asleep I will go downstairs and get some things done or watch tv so I still get my ME time in. My day is hectic and stressful enough so that's just the battle I dodge. Sometimes she chooses to go in her own room and sleep in her own bed all her choice. I've noticed when she sleeps with me she sleeps sounder and longer.On the weekends we tend to both sleep in and wake up around the same time so we are both very well. I know sleeping with a parent is considered a bad habit but I like it and it makes my life easier. I put more effort in being strict in other areas of my daughters life. If you really want your son to go to bed and be in his room that is awesome. I've seen on nanny 911 that they just keep walking the child back to his/her bed and donot even say a word to them and they do this over and over and over until the child realizes hey mom's not playing I better just go to sleep. You don't say anything to them so that it's not a game and it's not getting a rise out of you. Don't act mad or anything just be completely relaxed and expressionless. It'll get old quick.Good Luck

I like little bits of everybody's responses. Like recognizing when they're tired and not trying to put them in bed an hour too early, being consistent, taking away priveledges like night lights or music, creating a routine, and not creating another habit- such as TV watching.

We use timers at our house for our 4 and 2 year old boys. Their bedtime varies each night, depending on if they had a nap, etc. But our routine is, we decide when their bedtime is and set a timer... when it goes off they get their jammies on, brush their teeth, and use the toilet. We tell them that we're setting another timer for 15 minutes. The 15 minute timer signifies how much time they get to spend laying in our bed with us. In the meantime, if they're taking too much time brushing their teeth and messing around in the bathroom, that just eats away at their time that they get to spend in bed with us. It's a win-win situation for all of us. We all cherish the time we spend in bed together, but when that timer goes off, they know they need to go to their bed and go to sleep. They get a night light on, and if they decide to goof off and talk in bed, then they're warned that their night light gets taken away. On the second strike, it's out. This rarely happens though as just the talk of turning it off scares them straight.

As the parent, there is no right or wrong to bedtime- it's just what works for you. If something is disruptive to you then you need to make a change and it's all about being consistent and following through with your words. Usually acting out is a desperate attempt at attention. We find that spending that cuddly time together right before bed, gives them the attention they crave and creates loving feelings before going to sleep.

What time is your bedtime? I'm wondering because maybe it's a little early for him. When my son was 3, he went to bed at 8-8:30, and got up at 5:30-6. My neighbor always tried to put her kids down at 7, and most days - that's still daylight which I really think is weird.
One good trick is to limit his afternoon nap time down to 1 1/2 hrs. Some day cares will let the kids sleep 2-3, so discuss it with them to see how long they're letting him sleep, and ask that it be shortened.
When it's bedtime, keep to the same ritual, at the same time. This puts blame onto the clock, not you. My son is still a little arguer, but then I point to the clock - "look, it's 8:00, time to brush your teeth and get pj's on..." The clock is what rules the house at bedtime. I'm just the mom that has to abide by the mommy rules. If he continues to get up and out of bed, don't laugh or smile or yell or even make a face, just put him back to bed and tell him that it's bedtime. This may take a few days, but keep at it. He'll get the hint that this is a rule, and this is what has to be done.
Good luck! It does get easier.

N.,
I have a couple thoughts that might help. First, be sure that the amount of sleep your child needs is what he gets. Assuming he's not going to bed too early for his needs then my best advice is this: Make pre-bedtime very routine. PJs on, teeth brushed, sits on your lap for a story, etc. Kids that age NEED routine since they don't have a great concept of time. He should recognize these activites as getting ready for bed. Take him to bed with a very pleasant attitude. Talking, smiling. Remind him nicely that he must stay in bed (not in a 'you better or else' voice - kids pick up on your challenge and may take you up on it) Say good night and leave. This is your time to do mundane chores (wash dishes, etc). No TV, no music, no reading, nothing that would seem appealing. Then when he comes out of your room, you simply pick him up, take him to his room, lay him down, and leave. Don't talk, don't threaten, don't smile, don't make it fun whatsoever. This is what we did with our 4 kids and it always worked (as long as you stay consistent). When they realize that there is nothing fun about getting up and it only means being put right back in bed (in a not-so-tender way), they choose to stay put. And one more thought, NEVER allow things now that will become another habit to break in the future. For example, letting them fall asleep with the TV on or on your lap or in your bed. You're just setting yourself up for a new battle in the future. -K.

I'm in the same boat. Tough love is just not working and I just think that it should be an easier process. My daughter goes down at 8-8:30, but will sometimes laythere (bless her heart) until 10:30 when check on her before I turn in for the night, she'll STILL be awake. I've come to realise that some kids just don't require as much sleep as some. She's a happy kid, easy to wake up and is ahead in development so I try not to worry. It's hard though because sleep (and time to myself) is so important for everyone. The only tricks that I've gotten to work is I threaten her a bit. "If you get out of bed, I'm going to...turn off your fan, turn off your night light, shut your door, etc...you get the point. The threats usually get alittle more extreme and I go right down the list...eventually shutting the door and crying ensues. But, she knows I'm serious and because of that...it works. Once in a while, I have to actually do it, but most times, she doesn't press the issue and will stay in bed. I sometimes will let her cry for 10 minutes or so, and then I give her an ultimatum...I'll give her a 2nd chance but she had better stay in bed. She's also 3. Good luck finding things that work. I'll be watching other responses looking for tips myself. Thanks for inquiring about this topic. :)

My DD did that when we were getting her used to her toddler bed. The only thing that worked was shutting her in the room and locking the door.

Ah, memories... We went through this with our daughter. We ended up telling her we would take away her favorite thing (which was her stereo) if she didn't stay in bed. That worked most of the time. Then if that didn't work we would put a door knob thingy on her door knob. You know, the ones that make you pinch the door knob in order to open it!! LOL. That worked pretty good, too. It is a game to them, I think. You just have to stand ground and let them know who's boss. Best of luck. It's frustrating, I know! :)

no tricks------just lots of consistency-----no well ok this time----just very nite at the same time and something----if they get up you just put them back-----dont say a word to them---they will get the idel---if they see you up-set they won---just nice and sweet put them in bed walk away time after time---only after and this is after they are sleep (like the little angle we love) may you cry (hehe) it work for us about 2 month consistency

I'm sorry if this may be a repeat of someone else but I don't have time to read them and respond.
Consistancy will solve your problem. Same time every night, same routine, everything. At 7:15 my kids get pj's on, potty break, brush teeth and a story. They are in bed by 7:30. They have a dim lamp and music on and if they get out of bed for something dumb they lose their lamp and if they are in there yappin they lose their music. Makes bedtime the easiest time of the day.
Good luck,
J.

Hi...we have the same trouble with our two year old. we just keep putting him to bed without saying anything and after awhile he gets tired of it and will stay in bed. feel free to call if you have any questions or want to talk about it...

Watch SuperNanny if it's in your area. This problem comes up a LOT, and she helps parents work it out every time. No communication, just putting the child back in bed each time they get up, is the main jist of her program. After a couple nights the kid realizes they're not getting attention and give up the battle. If he's still napping then bedtime may be too early, or naptime may be too long/late.