Seeking Advice on the Baby Wise Feed/Wake/Nap Routine

T.,
It's been a long time since I had a little one, but my daughter is expecting any day. Have you tried putting a small radio in their bed or close by? The constant noise helped mine go to sleep, perhaps they feel they are not alone.

Hope this helps.
P.

I found Baby Wise to be rigid. Although I do think it has some valuable information! I also read The Baby Whisperer which is similar but I liked it better (I got it at the library). 3 Weeks is a little young. It is good to get them into a sleeping routine but I really wouldn't expect it to be consistent until about the age of 4 months.
Good luck!

I completely disagree with the BabyWise method. Newborns need tender loving care, not a strict schedule. Many older toddlers benefit from a loose schedule, but it is not appropriate for a baby under the age of about 6 months.

If you search online, you will find many people whose children were diagnosed as Failure to Thrive because parents were using the BabyWise method. As a mother of a child whose firstborn had to be re-admitted to the hospital at one week of age for dehydration, speaking from experience, you don't want to go down the road of denying your child milk/sleep/interation/cuddling when they need it. I have Lupus and Sjogren's Syndrome, which is a fluid imbalance. I didn't produce enough milk with either of my children, even after they put me on that medication that increases milk supply. I had to pump 24 hours to get 4 ounces. We thought my daughter was getting enough milk, but she was just exhausted, and so were we, after my labor of 34 hours ended in a c-section. With my second, I just pumped for about a month and that was it. I couldn't do it anymore. I am only able to talk about (type) this without tearing up, and my daughter was born 5 years ago!!!!

Finally, a baby cannot manipulate you. They just can't. But a toddler is a different story! LOL!!!

Good luck and blessings to your family!
J.

PS- Based on the statement of the American Academy of Pediatrics regarding BabyWise, I think if my children's pediatrician endorsed or recommended it, especially for a young baby, I would RUN THE OTHER WAY AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER PEDIATRICIAN. I can't emphasize that enough.

Trying to put a 3 week old on a trained schedule is extremely dangerous! The American Academy of Pediatrics (which your pediatrician should be very familiar with) has stated very clearly that they do not recommend following the guidelines in the Babywise book. Trying to train infants has been linked to dehydration and failure to thrive. If you feel strongly about continuing to try to train your baby, at the very least, never let your newborn sleep through the night without feeding. Newborn babies need to feed at least every 2 hours to thrive. Look at askdrsears.com for an alternative (and safer) view on how to get your baby to sleep.

Please read this website article before continuing to use the babywise method...
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1998/08/cov_06feature.html

...and this excerpt is from a website called keepkidshealthy.com :

"On Becoming Babywise is another controversial book that has been described as 'dangerous' and that it could lead to 'poor weight gain' in babies. The AAP News magazine said that Babywise has been linked to 'dehydration, failure to thrive' and many Pediaricians and lactation consultants have come out against the book."

Please talk to your pediatrician about the dangers of this type of "baby training". Don't always trust everything your pediatrician tells you. It's okay to question their advice, and if you feel you can't, then it's time to see a different pediatrician.

Good luck with everything!!!

Hi T., this may be bad advice, but I have 3 children and only tried the baby wise thing for a short time with my first. In my opinion, babies at this age are not ready to be scheduled. I learned with my second and third that when youre not trying too hard, they actually schedule themselves. She will sleep until she is hungry (and I agree with the advice of not waking her up) and you will find it will be 3-4 hrs. The best advice I can give you is to RELAX and enjoy that baby girl. They grow up so fast and you'll look back on this time and wonder way you stressed about it. Love her, hold her, rock her---you cannot spoil a baby at this age, I dont care what "Baby Wise" says. I have seen that book do a lot more stress than good to new moms!!!

Congratulations on your new baby! I've never used Baby Wise, but I've heard mixed reviews on it. A friend of mine used it for her first baby and it worked well, but seemed to be having a harder time with her 6 week old. When I brought my little one home I tried to give him somewhat of a schedule for the first couple of weeks and it didn't work so well at all. The hardest part was trying to keep him awake for any length of time. I then decided to just tend to his needs and do things on demand - sleep whenever he's tired and feed him when he shows signs of hunger. I never let him cry it out (they need security at that age) and I cuddled with him a lot, but once he was sleepy I put him in his crib. He worked himself into a schedule based around what I was doing as a routine (at least at night and in the mornings.) By 7 weeks he was sleeping through the night on his own (from 10pm to 6:30am!) He's now 4 months old and still sleeps through the night. I keep him on a schedule, but it's a loose one. He's very happy, healthy, and growing well. All babies are different and some need more of a schedule than others. She'll let you know what she needs. As her mother, you know what's best for her so try not to stress about what a book says if it doesn't work for your baby. Good luck!

You're bound to get some very passionate answers to your question!

I'll add this link to your "homework" reading:
http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aapnews.pdf

I gave myself ulcers worrying over parenting correctly, esp. over sleep, with my first born. So let me say this: YOU are the only living expert on YOUR baby. The people who write the books have never met your daughter. So take all their advice with a shakerfull of salt. And trust your instincts. If your heart says, Pick up that baby, then pick her up. You can't go wrong loving your child.

I am so sorry that you are having trouble. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I have never used a book to do sleep schedules and routines. I am shocked a little for letting a baby cry for 20 minutes. A baby at 3 weeks needs comfort and they do know when you are not there. I personally do not think that a baby that young can possibly understand that this is what we are doing and you need to do it exactly this way. Even on the food I think a baby will eat when they are hungry. They have a natural alarm clock like adults do. You know when you get up at 6 every morning and on a weekend without a clock you will wake up at that time. Babies that age still have nights and days confused and they don't generally adhere to our set schedule. Maybe I should read the book but both my kids did all of the "scheduling" in their own time. Normally my magic number was 3 months. Good luck and if you can make it work... well that's wonderful.

I do not believe Baby Wise should be used with children under 6 mos of age!!! I am a mother of 4 ranging in ages from 15 yrs -7 wks. Newborns need to be held and comforted, not left to "cry it out". My new daughter eats every 2 1/2 - 3 hours (breastfed) then stays awake for about 1 - 1 1/2 hrs. She will then take a 1-2 hr nap.
Do you swaddle your daughter good before you lay her down? They need to feel the same closeness as they did in your womb. :):)

My advice is throw that book out! I tried that with my 1st and it nearly drove me crazy. Baby's eat and sleep on a routine all their own until 5 months.
Follow your heart not a book. :)

throw that book out! a 3 week old should not have to "cry it out" b.c at 3 weeks old a baby is not able to self soothe. are you breastfeeding? if so you should still be nuring on demand right now. also never wake a sleeping baby to eat, babys need lots of sleep and if you wake her as soon as she finally went down, all you're gonna do is stress her out and make it even harder for her to sleep.

T.,

Throw that book out and go get Dr. Sears, " The Nighttime Parenting Book". I am not an advocate of the cry method. Babies are not physiologically designed to sleep for long periods of time and they are certainly not designed to be far away from a warm body they can see, hear and smell.

Crying is a baby's only way of communicating with the world. When a baby learns to quit crying, he has learned to give up in defeat. Baby's who cry when alone are smart. A baby left uder a tree would starve to death or some animal would eat them, the only baby who would have a chance at survival would be the baby who cries. It is a proven fact that babies who are carried more, cry less and you cannot possibly spoil an infant unless you ignore his needs. A sling can be indispensable in being able to accomodate baby and get things done. You will see how much easier and pleasant life will become.

T., when I read your post my heart went out to you. One of my girls, my 25 yr old who is now M. to little Emily, 4 months, had sent me the Mamasource site and a flower, so I have gotten a couple of the newsletters. Hon, I am mother to 5 who range from 42 down to my 18 yr. old freshman in college. I also have 8 grandchildren and two step-grandkids. Sooo pretty much any baby or child rearing issue I have dealt with one way or another.. haha. T., I dont know anything about that book, truly, but if that is the tone of it, I would be in favor of BURNING it. Leaving a newborn to cry for that length of time is destructive and painful. If you continue that way, the message the baby gets is that her needs will not be met and she will be come more unsure of you and herself. The most common trait you will see in babies who are left to cry is a fearfull attitude, NOT confidence. All they know those early months is what WE teach them by giving them a safe, warm, secure environment. Look at it as building a huge steady platform from which to leap into life. The more solid that base, the easier it is for them to leap. With this in mind I have 5 people who went into life with a good degree of self confidence that began to appear by the time they were school age. They are all confident loving parents (well,except the college girl!) and I am thankful. Listen to your own heart and instincts, usually your best guide, and please please shy away from ANYONE who tries to tell you "Put that child down and let her work it out!" They are WRONG.. just flat wrong. Now go and cuddle and love and laugh and cry with that precious person you will share the rest of your life with!
In all love and prayer,
Sammie

Twenty minutes is a long time to let a newborn cry.

My suggestion is to throw that book in the trash. I have seen 3 SILs use it, and hated it every single time. Oh, it might work, but so many women have lost their ability to breastfeed because their babies aren't eating enough, and some babies have indeed suffered from not eating enough due to the rigid scheduling. One size does *not* fit all. It goes completely against a mother's nature not to hold and comfort her baby. Think of it this way--you have held your child constantly for the last 9 months. She is used to being carried, cuddled, and comforted constantly. To go from the womb environment to the crib for extended periods of time alone is undoubtedly quite a shock to say the least. I would nearly say that my SILs' treatment of their children was borderline cruelty. My bro's wife (who was geographically closest when they did this method) had the same thing happen to her and her son--he would be screaming (and everybody else in the room could tell that he was needing comfort and/or food), but she refused to tend to his needs, and he would finally fall asleep exhausted, only to be awakened so that the scheduled feeding could be kept. I'd google this book and see what some of the detractors say. The proponents are many; but the detractors are much more. I believe that there is a reason why mothers' breasts are so close to their arms--so they can hold and comfort and feed their babies. It's only natural. This book is unnatural, and while I'm pretty sure the guy who wrote it is a Christian and quotes the Bible (if this is the book I'm thinking of, that I read excerpts of some time ago online--I sure hope there aren't two such books like this!), the quotes are out of context, and one that I can remember I would put as being blasphemous. I am a Christian, and I know that one of the verses in the Bible says, "As a mother comforts her baby, so I [God] will comfort you." That shows to me that God endorses it when a mother comforts her baby, and it is the best human example of how God treats us when we need things.

I hated the "cry" method. I attended to my baby whenever he cried and now he never cries. If he does get upset he just fusses, he almost neer cries almost like he doesnt know how. But different babies have differnt temperments. I read the Baby Wise book and it has some good ideas but alot of it is bunk in my opinion. You are teaching your baby to cry and get hysterical. If you only come with hysterical crying then the baby learns to do that to get you to come.

My advice is to dump that book. A 3 week old is way to young to be teaching to cry it out, more like 3-4 months or older. The two books I liked best were Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I read lots of books and then had to take what worked for me and leave the rest.If its not working try something else.

Good luck-

I've always used a similar method at 3 MONTHS never 3 weeks, infact, I'd always been told not to use it before 2 1/2 - 3mths. 3wks is VERY small to let cry for 20mins, and I'm definitely one to put my babies down and let cry, but never that young. All of mine (except #4 because of crazy circumstances) were sleeping through the night right at 2 1/2 - 3 mths (They say 2 1/2 mths AND 10lbs at least), and this was when they learned to sleep on their own. Just a word of caution, When you let them cry that much at such a very young age, it can VERY easily backfire and make her Not trust you, which will make her cry even more, then you'll be stuck with a screaming baby on your hands who's still not sleeping at 9mths. The main thing is to just not lay your baby down when she's fallen asleep from eating, and it's best to do it when she's awake if you can. That age is also really young to have on an actual nap schedule. I don't usually get my kids on an actual schedule for naps until around 6mths, and it's always worked out great with no problems. Before that, they're going through too many changes all of the time. About 6mths is when they're starting to get consistent with things and wanting and needing a schedule.

Just treat her like a baby for the first few months. Know that babies can not be spoiled that little, no matter what anyone says. The first few months is all about building trusts with them. Try this method instead. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Baby-Can-Sleep-practical/dp/09...

It's a video, and it's absolutely amazing. It worked with ALL 4 of ours, and every single person I've recommended it to has tried it and has been very successful with it. I've only been able to find it on VHS, though. We rented it from our local library w/ #1, then we rented it again with each baby after just to remind us of exactly what we were supposed to be doing. With this method, you do it when you're ready (at least around 3mths), and it WILL work if you have the strength. It took my 1st (who was waking up every 1 1/2hrs up until the point when we decided to do this at 2 1/2mos) 2 nights until he was sleeping through the night. It took #2 3 nights, #3 a week (because he was in our room, and it's a LOT harder when they're in the same room as you), and #4 2 nights once we finally moved her to her own room.

HTH
K.

Mom of 4, 3 boys and a baby princess (7 1/2mos, 2, 4, & 5)

p.s. My baby is STILL eating every 2hrs like she's done since the day she was born. Not all babies are the same, so that can't possibly work for them all.

Hi T., Congratulations on your newborn! I feel that 3 weeks is too young to start "sleep training." At that age, she just needs to be nurtured and cuddled when she cries. Try a swing or a bouncy seat when she can't get settled for a nap. Crying it out will only wake her up more. I hope this helps.

please quit reading the book to let a newborn, which to me she still is ,"cry it out" is ridiculous

Hi T.,
Congratulations on your new baby girl! First, let me just say that almost no baby will follow exactly what any one book says. Also, 3 weeks is still so young, and the absolutely most important thing at this point is that she eats whenever she wants, not according to someone else's schedule. I know you have decided to use BabyWise, but make sure you do some research on it (maybe you already have). If followed too strictly it can lead to some serious health problems, such as failure to thrive. Many infant development specialists will steer clear of it. Usually infants don't start to settle into any sort of routine until 6 weeks or so. It's really hard when everyone tells you your baby is "supposed to sleep x amount of hours by now". Sleeping through the night is only 5 hours for an infant, and your daughter will still be a ways away from this, so don't worry that you're doing anything wrong right now. Good luck, and hang in there!

p.s.- I noticed a lot of people said not to wake her up to feed her. In most cases, you probably shouldn't, but if she has slept longer than about 4 hours (maybe 5 at night), then definitely wake her. Infants that young should not sleep that long without food.

I have a love-hate relationship with Baby Wise! When the child responds well, it's a fantastic system. When the child doesn't, it can make you feel like you're doing something wrong - some days I felt like my children would never recover from my "bad" parenting! First of all, please be encouraged! Of my three children (6, 4, and 18 mos), the oldest was a great Baby Wise baby and the other two were horrid on the sleeping part! But now all three of them have excellent sleeping patterns and get plenty of rest. Sometimes it takes an infant getting to a point of maturity. It's exhausting for Mommy, but I guarantee you that if you stay persistent in working to establish good sleeping habits, they will respond as they mature. As for things to try, I tried all sorts of things. The thing that was most consistently effective was backing up naptime. Sometimes, even when they were as old as 3-5 months, the only wake-time would be the time spent feeding and changing my baby! I learned to stop waiting for sleep cues - by that time it was too late for my babies. I tried putting them down while they were still happy, and they typically responded better to being put down. Also keep in mind that most babies have a cranky time when nothing works. But if you can reduce that to a predictable once a day (it was late night for my oldest and late afternoon for my other two) you'll have a lot more sanity! Another suggestion - I know Baby Wise is pretty adamant about not rocking your baby to sleep. But, my second child desperately needed that. She COULD NOT calm herself down, and there were times she cried for over an hour and STILL could not calm herself down. She just wasn't capable of it until she was 5-6 months old. I finally gave in and rocked her to a deep sleep and then put her down, and she slept much better. The best part was that she actually outgrew it on her own around ten months. By that time she had finally established good sleeping patterns and was ready to put herself to sleep. My youngest also could not calm himself down, but he had the added difficulty of having extreme congestion. So, he could not lie flat. I know it reduces sleep quality, but in order to breathe, my son spent many naptimes in his swing - reduced quality sleep is better than no sleep. I also let him sleep in his bouncy seat a great deal, just to give him that elevation. He, too, eventually matured to the point of being able to lie in his crib without a problem. Keep in mind that Baby Wise tries to get you to do it all at once, but if your baby doesn't respond to that just approach it in stages. If you can find anything that will teach your baby to actually sleep, even if it means committing a few so-called "no-no's", then do it! When your baby matures a little more then you can work on teaching her to calm herself down and put herself to sleep. And, remember, BE ENCOURAGED!!! Just remind yourself that this is a season of adjustment, you have a precious jewel in your care, and your diligence WILL pay off in the end. Don't discard Baby Wise because it has a lot of good stuff in it, but don't let it make you feel like a bad mommy because you're not. Use what works for you, but most of all, listen to your baby. She might just be telling you that she needs something a little different, and if you listen to her more than the book, you'll find that she's just telling you how SHE needs you to use the guidelines to meet her needs! Babies are brilliant - we've just got to learn their language! :)

I have 'used' babywise with all 4 of my children(5,4,2 and 1), and have a few suggestions: Don't follow it too rigidly!! Your baby is unique with unique needs. Esp. at 3 weeks, she will not be able to self-soothe to sleep, if she falls asleep with you holding her, fine! Her first 6 weeks are just getting used to the world, and you can hold her all you want and not spoil her or ruin her sleep habits. When she is older, probably 4-5 months, you can try to let her self-soothe to sleep, maybe try a pacifier.

As far as waking up again before the next feeding: babies are not very sound sleepers, and they have a 30 minute sleep cycle. Every 30 minutes or so they go through a very light sleep period where they can wake up very easily. For these first weeks don't worry about it, you could try picking her up and rocking her back to sleep when she stirs, give her a pacifier, etc. Remember: first 6 weeks are the hardest. It just gets easier after that.

I fully endorse the feed/wake/sleep routine, but DON'T stick to the 3 hour schedule like glue, you can use any time period from 2-4 hours, depending on the day. Once she is 3 months or so, you can start to train her to stick to a 3ish hour scedule.

The important thing to remember about Baby-Wise is that YOU, as the parent, are in control, not the book. Take the principles (babies need a routine), and make them your own. Feel free to msg me if you have any more questions!
Good luck,
-M.

I read Babywise before my now 2 yr old was born and tried to enforce it too early. I think you are expecting way too much from your 3 week old. I did too, so don't feel bad but looking back I wouldn't of been so hard in the first 2 months as far as the crying goes. I almost threw the book away when the success wasn't immediate by one month! I went by my "instincts" for 2 weeks after and went insane. I then went back to the Babywise method when she was almost 2 months old and that was the magic time for her. It worked the first nap I put her down for with no problems. So, in short my advice to you is that you need to calm down with the whole schedule for another 2 weeks or so and mostly work on full feedings and cylces of eat/wake/sleep. I wouldn't let her cry for more than 20 minutes because that's not how it works. Trust me! When your baby is ready they will fuss for no more than 15 minutes and that crying before they sleep phase only lasts a month tops.

That being said, I do love Babywise however The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau is far superior. It has the same principles, excepting the religious aspect. It focuses on routines too, except it helps you to decode your baby's cries and take your child's individual temperament into account. It's awesome and a much more thoughtful approach to early parenting! Good Luck momma!

Ditto what prev. posters wrote. I dont believe in letting a newborn or infant cry it out. They are crying becasue they need something and that need might just be that they need you to be close. The first 4 months of my daughters life were the hardest thing I have ever done with nursing and no sleep. She is now 14 months and still not sleeping through the night but now is down to 1 squeak lasting a minute in the middle of the night. I would not do it any other way. When she needs comfort or to be held I am right there for her.

I also used babywise with my first child. My advice is the same as a previous posters. Try not to be too rigid with it. You don't have to do everything exactly the way the book says. Try some of your own ideas, soothing techniques, etc. I found that with my daughter it was VERY easy. But, she was a great sleeper. When my son came around, I had to toss the book out the window. Nothing worked for that kid except lots and lots of soothing (even still and he's 18 mths!) There is no one size fits all for books on sleep.

As for accomplishing things, have you tried using a sling? Those are so great for letting the baby soothe/sleep and still ebing able to get thigns done.

I know many moms love Babywise, but it's important to realize that every baby is unique and not all fit into their "cookbook" approach to baby-raising. I loved "Healthy Sleep Habits" by Weisbluth. It was much better. It talks about many different ways to help your baby sleep and lets you decide which fits your child. It also says that you should not let your baby cry to sleep before around 4-5 months of age because they are not ready. What helped me was to actually take a sheet of paper and make a log of a whole day...when he slept, ate, played, etc. It helped me realize that my infant's routine was eat, play, nap 45 mins. (only after I rocked and held the pacifier in his mouth), and repeat all day. The only thing you're doing wrong is expecting your baby to follow a book that she can't read!!!! If you let her follow her instincts, she'll find her own schedule.

Bless your heart, you sound exhausted! I am a Christian stay at home mom with 4 children, ages 6,4,3,& 2, and I have used the babywise method. While the Ezzos have some great advice concerning scheduling, I have learned the hard way, that all advice does not work for all children. Firstly, your baby is only 3 weeks old. At this age, particularly, they are still adjusting to their new world. For 9 months she's had your presence 24/7. So it stands to reason that she's needing your reassurance. I know the Ezzos don't teach this, but after 4 children, my opinion is that babies need to know that you're there to respond to their needs, and crying is their only form of communication. Not only that, but your waking her just as she's in a deep sleep to feed again, is going to leave you both exhausted and stressed. I believe that every mom knows her baby best, and your baby is trying to tell you exactly what she needs. So my advice, for what it's worth, is just RELAX! Sleep when she sleeps, let her feel your closeness. When she's hungry, she'll let you know. Same as when she's tired. There is definately a time and place for the scheduling. Usually around 3-4 months with mine, but there will be plenty of time for that later. Right now, treasure this cuddle time. Believe me it doesn't last nearly long enough. Good luck!

I've used BabyWise and recommended it many times -- it's great, but you have to be a bit flexible and not hold to it too rigidly. Try some slight modifications. For example, rock your baby to sleep a few times and see if that helps and lets her sleep better. Or just hold her without rocking, or stay in the same room with her (with her in her bed) & talk or sing to her Also, do you have a mobile over her bed? My children LOVED watching that and would do so for long periods of time. They cried when it stopped, so I actually motorized it myself!! I think you can buy motorized instead of wind-up ones these days. Does she use a pacifier? That can be a huge help!
Try some of these things and see. You can stick to the program without being too rigid and it will still work. Children are individuals, so, even though the principles hold true, some variation may be needed.

I'm a big believer in routines but both of my girls got to decide their routine up until 4 months than I just stuck to their natural routine... constantly tweaking of course! Both of my girls also slept with us for about 2 months. I just think newborns need lots of cuddling. They were used to a warm, tight, & noisy envirnment not to long ago! I remember- vividly- the chaotic days of a newborn but try to enjoy every minute of it! Before you know it, you'll be running around with your 14-month-old like me and wondering where those sweet infant days went! Blessings to you & your family :)

I read Babywise as well and after 2 kids found that it all looks great on paper, but real life is different. I think that all the circumstances must be perfect. I tried to follow the strict guidelines and was driving myself crazy with schedules and sleep deprivation. At some point someone told me "Do not wake that baby up". My daughter slept 5 hours straight at night two days after we got home from the hospital. It's fine to shoot for a schedule, but you must do what works for you. Once I quit waking her up, things got easier. I don't think you should demand too much of a schedule for atleast the first 6-8 weeks. She was apart of you and lived inside the safety and warmth of your body for 9 MONTHS. Now after a few short weeks you're asking her to forget all that and do it alone.
Let it go for a few weeks and then pick up the schedule again if you want. I found that while Babywise had some great ideas, you must listen to your heart. I thought some of it was a little too strict for my taste.
Both of my kids slept through the night(for the most part) by about 8-12 weeks.
Trust yourself and your listen to her cues.

Congratulations on your precious baby! The eating and sleeping cycle is a tricky one, for sure. However, three weeks is a bit young for anything other than responding to whatever the baby needs, whenever she needs it. My son didn't sleep through the night or take regular good naps until he was about 13 months old. He just wasn't a sleeper.
My best advice to you is to let up on the pressure you're putting on yourself to do things the way a book tells you to do them. If your daughter wants to sleep at this young age, let her sleep. Feed and comfort on demand. This will let her know that she can count on you and will build her trust and confidence. She needs you at this point and her cries are just her way of letttin her know that all she wants is Mommy. The schedule thing will come, and she'll lead the way there as well.
I'd try the sleeping alone thing much later - maybe at around 4 - 6 months. For now, just try to enjoy the fact that she wants you so desperately. As you know, they grow up too quickly. Try to catch a wink here and there as your daughter sleeps ( my son only napped for 15 minutes at a time for FOREVER and it was quite frustrating).

I nursed, too, and it seemed like all I did was feed him. But they know what they need and they know when they need it, and every one is sooo different. The books are great - I read tons - but think of them as sugggestion. You know instinctively what is right for your baby. Maybe you just have a hungry little cat napper!

But again, she's a bit too young to let her cry it out. She wants you :). Make her feel safe and let her know that you'll always be there. Best of luck - enjoy your little angel!

I had the same problem with my little girl the first few months and I found that the baby swing worng WONDERFULLY. When she wouldn't lay in her bed to go to sleep I would put her in their and she would fall asleep almost instantly. We had the papason swing for babies, they have them at baby stores, like Babies-R-Us. Good luck

I used BabyWise twice and loved it. However, I must tell you that my second daughter is a terrible sleeper, had reflux, was collicky, and did not fall into the schedule the way that my first child did. My second had a hard time getting to sleep, too, so I fudged it... I stretched out the feedings a bit (she was never underweight) if she had just fallen asleep, and if she cried the entire sleep period, which she often did, then I fed her on schedule. I saw gradual progress at about 6 weeks when my doctor agreed to put her on reflux meds, which she went off of at 9 months. My oldest, I trained one time, and maybe reinforced the rules after an illness or a vacation. She still goes to sleep the minute she lays down. But with my youngest, now 22 months, the more i break the schedule, the more difficult she is, so bed and meal times are sacred! Hang in there, and take care of yourself... my own postpartum blues made dealing with the ever-crying baby very trying. I was 33 when she was born, by the way. I think I hormones in my system than I did with the first... makes it harder to cope.

I am a mother of two kids and I must say that my children settled into their own routine and both started sleeping all night at 6 weeks old without the book. All babies are people and very different. The book may need some tweaking for it to work for you. Also, I think that a 3 week old crying for 20 minutes could be harmful. The doctors will tell you that during the first couple of months they are learning that when they cry their needs are being met by mommy or daddy or whoever. It lets them know that they are loved. I would try rocking her to sleep and then lay her down. When she is older try the other. I still rock my son to sleep otherwise he won't (he is only a few months old
Good luck

I've used the BabyWise book on all of my kids (5). They were all a little different. My oldest was sleeping and doing everything right on schedule according to the book by 3 weeks...my others, not so much! My littlest (7 mo) has taken a little longer. I usually didn't start being strict with the book methods until they were a little more stabilized and a little older...I would start getting them on a basic schedule and then work on the naps, etc (usually by 8 weeks, they're pretty settled in) so give it a little more time. I will say though, you may have to give it a little longer than 10 minutes! Try edging it up to 12, then 15, then 18 until 20. Mine were usually settling in around 20-25 and the crying only usually lasts about 3-5 days, max.
Good luck!!

I've only heard really bad reviews on that method. If you MUST use a book, try the Baby Whisperer. It's much more realistic and much less cruel! Your baby is so young- I doubt you will have much of a schedule before 8 weeks. Good luck.

Hi T., Congratulations on your new arrival! I'm a mom of 6, from 21 to one year old. I used Baby Wise, VERY modified, of course, for one of mine... out of ALL of them, the Eat-Play-Sleep (or whatever it was) only worked well for one of them.

A couple of things: Do you have the most current edition? I used it some years back, but had to tweak it a LOT. The Ezzos have given different advice from edition to edition. In the early 1990s, it was to go 4 hours in between feeds. Now, I'm not sure what it is.

Order and Routine -- I'm all over order in the home. As many kids as I have, it would be chaos without a routine. That said, I am not sure a baby's feeding schedule makes or breaks household order. I take that back -- it doesn't.

I used a swaddler to swaddle mine, and swear by it. If you are nursing, get lots of support from La Leche League, or your hospital IBCLC. Feed that baby bunches, and enjoy this time because it is so finite and will be gone before you know it.

Crying -- 3 weeks is way too tiny to let her cry this much. Just love on her. She will mature into sleeping and eating. This time is much too precious to be worrying with this. Just love your baby, toss the book, the other stuff will come later.

I am a mom of 6, ages 21-1 and I promise it will.

I would try different approaches to getting her to sleep, besides letting her cry it out by herself. At 3 weeks, she needs your comfort and is too young to be spoiled. Both of you will be less stressed if you say rock her to sleep and then put her in her crib for the remainder of the nap. All babies (and people in general) are different, so don't feel like you have to raise your baby by a book. Take what it says into consideration, but you decide what kind of routine is ultimately best for you and your family. What's best for one, may be torture for another. GOOD LUCK

Hi T.,
My husband and I used the Babywise book as well, but we weren't "hardcore" with it all of the time. Your little one may be having gas pains and that is why she is not sleeping well during her naps. Sometimes you just have to throw the book out of the window and go with your maternal instincts. Also, have you tried swaddling her when she is down for a nap? We found this to be very helpful during the first few weeks. Often times when a newborn is sleeping, they have the startle reflex which wakes them up. If her arms are swaddled up next to her, then she won't wake herself when she startles and possibly sleep better. HTH.

I must first tell you that I have not read that book, but I do have a 3month old daughter, so I can only speak from experience. I have not tried to put her on any kind of schedule and she is doing great. I let her eat whenever she wants and sleep whenever she wants. She basically has worked out her own schedule. She will eat every two to three hours. She will nap for about two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon with short 30 minute naps throughout the day. I feel like she is happier getting what she needs when she needs it. You must remember that every baby is differant and needs differant things. I personally feel that an infant is too young to start putting on a schedule and they shouldnt have to cry for twenty minutes. Maybe you should try to let her sleep and eat when she wants for just a few days. Im sure she will cry less and you wont feel so stressed out either. good luck!

Hi T.,

Congratulations on your new baby girl. I am the mother of a 14 mo old Baby Wise baby that has been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old. In the beginning, I found this challenging. I started her on Baby Wise at 2 weeks old. I discovered that with a baby this young Baby Wise can't be strict. She did fine with feeding/wake time, but I had to decrease my wake time in the beginning because she would become overstimulated and scream for 45minutes sometimes. I also found that 3 hours was too long between feedings for her. I would feed her every 2 to 2 1/2 hours. She would take longer naps and sleep better doing this. Sometimes, she would need feeding at 1 1/2 hours and I would feed her because she was hungry. Do what is best for you and your baby. That's what I had to figure out with Baby Wise and my daughter is a great eater and sleeper. Hang in there, you may also be dealing with a growth spurt and she may need extra cuddling time or she may be hungry. For me, I would hold my daughter and sing to her in a recliner in her room until she became very drowsy, but not asleep, and put her in her crib. I would have to swaddle her like they did at the hospital or she would not sleep well at all. I kept her room dark and I purchased a "Sound Sleeper" from Babies R Us. It is a sound box of nature sounds and helps to keep outside noises from disturbing her, it is great!

I hope this is helpful to you!

A. D.

I read Baby Wise before my first child (I have 3 daughters) and she could have almost been the "poster child" for Baby Wise. She was very easy to get on a schedule - although I did tweak things to meet our needs. She ate every 2 1/2 hours for the first 4 months of her life and I could basically tell you the exact times that she would eat. I expirimented with her "natural" schedule and discovered that if she ate 8 times in a day, she would sleep through the night. If she ate 7 times, she would wake up for #8. I did occasionally wake her for feedings in order to keep her on that schedule because it was good for my sanity. It was worth it for me to feed her so often in order to sleep at night. By three weeks, she was sleeping 6 - 7 1/2 hours every night and sleeping 9 hours by 6 weeks old. If she cried when I put her down, she would never cry for more than 7 minutes unless something else was wrong. She usually cried less than one minute. If I was stressed (and she could sense that), I would put her in bed and take a hot shower. When I got out, I was relaxed and (almost always) she was asleep.
That said, my next two children were very different. They had ear issues and could not sleep well. They needed to be upright often to help relieve the pain. They both had tubes at 10 months and started sleeping through the night within two weeks of the tubes. Every child is different. Do what you can do that works for you without adding extra stress. If the schedule thing is causing too much stress, step back a bit and try again when you are ready. I suggest using Baby Wise as a guide and not a "Bible". Your child can get plenty of holding and nurturing without being held to go to sleep. Good Luck!

Hi T., If you will let her fall deep asleep at the breast, while she is still nursing, and then put her down, you should have good success. I remember this for my own two little ones, and it worked well. Usually though they wake more like ever two hours to hurse because breast milk is so easily digestible. B. S. RN.CCM.

Hi from a mom of a 12 yr.old and 9 yr old who loved the Babywise books! Congratulations on trying to do the best with your new little girl. Good luck! The biggest thing I think with this book is knowing the difference between routine and schedule. The routine is an order of doing things. From the routine you have to develop you and your childs' constantly changing schedule. the deep sleep cycle is very important I think. Very early on babies need that (and so do their moms!)If she is sleeping well, don't wake her up, especially at night. During the day she might eat more often though to make up for it. Once you get that routine established where it is a relaxing thing to sleep, you can start to nudge it around to fit your schedule. (Waking her during the daytime to eat more often and letting her sleep longer at night if her long sleep time is off) Listen to your child and learn her. You will be able to tell if she is just mad and you might want to let her cry for a little, or if she is upset and you need to pick her up and comfort her. My personal opinion is that at three weeks most babies need that comfort. You're trying to establish the fact that her needs are being met, not a battle of wills. Rocking her to sleep or singing or reading or listening to fun childrens' cds or whatever works - whatever you and she like that makes both of you happy. Sometimes she will play for just a few minutes, then sleep. Others she will be awake for longer and longer periods. Stick with something calm and soothing at night when you want her to sleep and more stimulating to her during the day play times. But i think it's working against you to let her overstimulate by crying at night. It's a learning process for both of you. Also, let her sleep sometimes! It won't hurt her to let her go longer between some feedings. Just keep up with what she does during a 24 hr. period. You may have to wake her up at some times to get her to eat a little more, but not every 3 hrs. round the clock.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that your little girl brings you as much joy as mine do.

I wouldn't wake her up just to feed her. If she goes to sleep then let her sleep. Just feed when she wakes up. Not every baby is going to be on the nose 3 hours. Just go with the flow and allow the baby to tell you what time is feeding.
About the going to sleep and the crying. I went through that. I had to get frustrated enough from being so tired. I put her in the bed and then went outside and sat on the porch so I couldn't hear her. Once she learned that she was going to bed, I have never had a minutes trouble out of her but I sure did in the beginning. Sometimes I find that the less sleep they have the less they want to sleep and the more they sleep the more they want to sleep.
Good luck......

This may be horrible advice, but here it is. Dont wake your child up if she is sleeping. She will wake up when she is ready and eat. But you really dont have to follow the book word for word... Good luck though!

Hello there T., I have a question are you nursing or bottle feeding her? I have a 3 year old little girl that I nursed as a baby, and she never fell asleep on her own she always fell asleep nursing. So you can't go by the books just try different things, sometimes a swing or rock her to sleep, or play some soft lululby music...or sing to her...you will find what works with time...good luck
P.

Hi T.. Congratulations on your new baby girl. I have a boy that is 3 1/2 and a girl that is almost 15 months. I have had wonderful success using the book Good Night,Sleep Tight, by Kim West. I really think that it is a much gentler approach and gives more detailed and long-term advice than Baby Wise. I used it with my daughter who is a very reluctant sleeper, but a sleeper nonetheless. I did not use it with my son and he is NOT a good sleeper. I should use the advice she has for his age group but my children's rooms are separated by a thin wall and I don't want him to cry in protest and wake her up! I still lay down with him to go to sleep! Your daughter is still young enough to shape her sleep habits. The key is putting her down drowsy but awake. You can soothe her instead on leaving her alone to cry at such a small age. My personal opinion is that Baby Wise is too rigid, but some people have been very successful with it. I nursed and rocked my daughter to sleep and things were fine until about 4 or 5 months when she became more aware and would not sleep without being nursed. My final straw was the night before Mother's Day. I got up to nurse her every hour just so she would sleep. That is when I started following the book. My daugher is very strong willed so it took longer than the average baby to "sleep train" but the program worked and I refer back to the book all of the time. There is another book and video called The Happiest Baby on the Block. It gives you soothing techniques(swaddling tightly, shushing, side-lying, swinging, sucking) for newborns that really really work. Kim West refers to them in her book. She also provides suggested schedules for children which really helped me. She has a website, www.thesleeplady.com. I think you can even download the book. One more thing. My daughter went from sleeping 1 to 2, sometimes 3 hours at a time at night, and 2 to 3 30 minutes naps during the day to sleeping 10 hours at night and 2 to 3 naps of at least 1 hour during the day when she was 7 months old. She was in the less than 1 percentile for weight and height and nursed off one breast only--no solid food, and she made it 10 hours without eating, which the book said she could do. So I am a big supporter of Kim West! My daughter is now almost 15 months old and sleeps 11 hours at night and is transitioning from two naps to one nap of 2 plus hours. She is still less than 1% on weight and height. She doesn't WANT to sleep but she DOES sleep.
I know I'm rambling, but sleep was a big issue for me because my son never slept.
I hope this helps.
Good Luck.
E.