My daughter is an only child age 5. My daughter does great in the car when it is just her and no other kids. When my 5 year old nephew is in the backseat with her it is terrible! I thought it was just their chemistry together but yesterday she was arguing with my friends daughter, who is also 5, in the back seat. She is very emotional and when she gets frustrated or angry she can act out by scratching herself or some other behavior towards me or someone else that is unacceptable. The girls were both trying to read to themselves but chaos arose when they both wanted to read to themselves out loud and it culminated with my daughter spitting on the other girl!!! She has not spit on a friend before although when she gets mad at me she acts like she is going to spit and makes a gesture towards doing it. I was so embarassed and had her apologize and we had a talk when we got home. I feel I am doing something or alot wrong with raising her if she is acting out in this way. I take full responsibility for her behavior. Any feedback would be welcome!
No books or toys in the car until she can behave for a week or two. She's old enough to act civilized and use her vocabulary when she's mad instead of acting out.
If you're in a van, I'd separate the kids.
I would set the car rules. I would tell her what you want her to say if she's upset, and practice some senerios. Then if she does something inappropriate, just pull over and get out of the car. Leave her in the car for a few minutes by herself with you standing outside the car. Then calmly get back in and say that behavior is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it. Ask if she is ready to go now and act apropriately. It might shock her enough, and make an impact. Try to do this first when you are going somewhere she wants to go, and then being late is a natural consequence. But do this consistently for a week, and see what happens. It will be hard, but may nip this issue for you. Maybe at first you would give her one reminder of the proper behavior, or maybe not - it's up to your parenting style. But decide which way to go (reminder or not) and stick with it consistently.
You can't wait until you get home to discipline her. Pull the car over and do it then! Once you miss the moment, you loose the whole thing. Take whatever you have to until she learns to share and play nice. Is she in school yet? Get her there and they can help. Ask the teacher for help. They know how to control the child not vice versa.
When your daughter gets mad and "acts like she is going to spit", what you do at that point? It sounds like, for whatever reason, your daughter is under the impression that that is okay and therefore actually spitting on someone else is just fine as well. Talking to children is fine for most things - but many times it's just not enough. For some things (like spitting on others) a hard and swift is called for. Today is her playmates, tomorrow it'll be her teacher. Then what?
I would plan a fun time with her to wherever she would like to go with your nephew.
Then sit down with her daughter when you are at home before you leave the house and tell her that there is a new rule. If she starts to argue with whomever is in the car, then you are turning the car around and going home and the fun time is over. When she gets home tell her she is going to have to have a time out, no TV, computer, etc
And you have to stick to your word.
Or 1st you can do a technique that I use to do.
Pull the car over to the side of the street. Stop the car and tell her that you are going to stay here until she stops arguing. Tell her in advance, at home, that this is going to happen.
The goal for you is to be consistent and stick to the boundaries that you set.
Wow C.!! it sounds like you have a strong willed child on your hands!! I have one of those too!! I find that if you give them what they want they are ok...but you need to get what you want FIRST!!! Treats are great "bribes"...healthy treats of course. If you behave in the car you can have a treat...or ask her on a 5yr old level what is bothering her. Are the older kids tormenting her without you knowing? Or give her the job to entertain that way she feels in control. Sing songs, bring her own toys...it sounds like she does not like to share her time with you with other kids since she only acts out when there are other children present...if there is anyway you can center the attention around her she may be just fine!! Hope this helps...My husband and I own Organic Market in Schererville, IN and we have organic treats!!! Have a Happy day!!! ~J.
Isn't that the strangest thing? I work at a school and we hem and haw all the time over how it is that kndergardeners are so sweet until the moment they get on the bus and then all hell breaks loose. Maybe it's some form of clostraphobia (sp?) or the fact that if one does something to the other they simply can't get away and there's no diversion, maybe they know you're in the front seat and can't do much. It's horrible and it happens with everybody. You're not doing anything wrong; it's normal and rotten.
What we have done is review rules before getting into the car and everyone picks what they wanna do in hte car before we get in-- whether they're gonna look at a book or color or snack or whatever. Then they all know to respect each other's choice. At the very first sign of nonsense (which is usually right away if ever) we pull the car over. We threaten to make the kid walk! Only once have we had to follow through on this threat and there was another adult in the car who walked with the kid. But that's not even necessary in the cold winter when you just get the kid outside and talk about their behavior and they're so darn cold they want to leap back into the car and be good for hte rest of the trip! Try also an awards system; he who's best in the car gets a lollipop or something.
Hope this helped at all...
We have a 5 year old daughter as well.... I'm wondering if she just acts like this in the car or if you see it at other times? Is she in school? What do her teachers say? I think you've got to get a handle on this as it is disrespectful (both to her friends and more importantly to you). Let her know this behavior can not happen & if it does there are consequences. Start taking things away. Start limiting things she likes to do or have. Our daughter loves her stuffed Zebra (prized possession). If she did anything like that - it would be gone (24 hours). She would have to earn it back. If that wasn't enough - we'd take her favorite blanket, etc... You have to learn her commodity. If you're just starting this type of punishment - you're going to need to be ready to follow through time & time again. We've been doing this for years & it really works. She gets really upset when she loses something she loves. You could take away tv (keep reminding her why she lost it - each time she asks to watch something)... You just have to figure out what she wants/likes & use that. Good Luck. Just remember - it might not seem awful at 5 - but it will be a nightmare at 13 (if you don't get control of it now). Let her know she can not treat you or anyone else this way.
I think 5 year old girls just like their space in the car because my daughter is happier in the car when it is just me and her. but when her brother is with us she likes to argue and bug him
C.
I had issues with my daughter as this age as well, yes she has a temper, but mostly she didn't know how to express her feelings. She once bit her own lip and dug her teeth into her chin so hard she bruised it! What I had to do was teach her to take a time out and find the words to use. I would have her take a deep breath and hold it then let it out slowly (you know this trick...you teach yoga!) then she had to very calmly explain to me what was wrong. IF she started screaming I would tell her....I'm not listening until you can explain calmly....it takes awhile but she would finally do it herself.
I also as far as discipline, used a wooden spoon. One flick of my wrist and it didn't hurt too bad but they got the point. I would take the spoon with me and stick it up in my visor where they could see it...just a reminder.
One other thing as far as the car....my kids cut their teeth on classical music and to this day, if we have a long car ride I play classical. It immediately helps them relax and quiet down
First, you should give each child a turn to read out loud. Spitting on someone is not only gross, but, it should be considered unacceptable! When this happens, I would take away one of her favorite toys, until she learns better behavior. When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence! Bad behavior needs a consequence, not just a talk. That is strictly my opinion, especially since she is an only child. I have an only child too.
C.,
personally I think she just needs to learn how to handle her emotions. she is letting her anger get the best of her, give her a punishment (whatever you choose) and tell her that she will be punished every single time she cannot control herself and then show her how she can be nicer to people when they are doing something she doesn't like. she can say 'would you mind reading to yourself? I am also trying to read' or ask her if scratching her face helped her feel better? and 'does it feel good to hurt yourself? i really wish you would use your words instead of doing that bcause now i have to punish you for your behavior and i don't like having to do that'
i dont think you are doing anything wrong - i think its just in some kids personalities to let their emotions control them - heck... some adults i know are still like this! :)
