Seeking Advice on Sibiling Rivalry

what helped with us is I started asking my daughter for help with the baby. ie, can you get his diaper? do you want to feed the baby? etc. Also I did what the books say and it worked also, meaning if I was playing with her and the baby cried (and hubby was home to tend to him) I would say, 'wait a minute J, I am playing with M' so she felt special too.

Part of it is probably her age, she doesn't realize what she is doing is too rough for the little one, and part of it is entering the "terrible two's" which mine lasted until they were 4 or 5 (depending on which one you're talking about). My first two are 20 months apart. I always made sure the oldest was doing something when it came time to take care of his younger brother. Eventually he helped me with getting diapers, holding the bottle, rocking his little brother in his seat, etc. but it took a little bit of time to get him to that stage. It also helped that we had a dog in the house for him to play with while I was busy, too. The dog protected my youngest from the oldest quite often by distracting him. All you can do is be consistent. Put your oldest in a time out for negative behavior. If that doesn't work then take your daughter to her room and tell her she will have to play in there until you are done with your son or whatever else it is you need to do. A seat that rocks helped me as I was able to take the youngest around the house with me and consistently keep an eye on things. Before you know it they will be playing together and getting along great.

Good luck - S.

i think that is what comes along with children being so close in age, when a baby becomes a sibling. when my daughter was about that age i couldn't even hold other babies because she would be jelous. good luck. i guess you just have to keep telling her to be gentle, she will understand eventually, if not your baby will be a tough child.

This is why the first borns are the way they are. The second child commonly gets this reactions. Mine were the same age difference and then 2 and 3rd ones did the same. Part of it is the age of your oldest child and part sibling rivalry. It starts early. There always has to be a consequence for hitting. Always. Set an expectation and stick to it.

If you are back to work do your children go to a childcare facility where they can interact throughout the day? The best way for kids to learn how to interact together is from spending lots of time together. If you haven't already "show" your daughter how to touch the baby gentle by touching your daughter and the baby in the appropriate manner. Have her practice on you and if she is still rough, help guide her hand and praise her as soon as she is doing it the right way. She will get it. My kids are 21 mths apart and they are best friends!

The very best thing you can do is to supervise constantly and never leave them together. Take one or the other into the bathroom with you, down to throw in the laundry etc. Continue to be sure both get the attention they need and keep talking and reassuring and making the boundaries very firm. This happens sometimes and it will be OK down the road. Don't take any chances. You can try rewards for your toddler being gentle and kind, maybe a chart. Phrase it in very positive terms. Tell her you are so pleased when she's sweet to her baby sister. Try to get away fromt he negative aspects of this but watch her like a hawk!

If sounds like your daughter is entering the terrible two's, brace yourself! She is testing you to see what she can get away with. I don't know if this is sibling rivalry, if you give her enough attention, then it may not be jealousy., just a toddler. You mentioned that you show her what to do, but she is choosing to do other things, so have you tried discipline? She needs a consequence for her actions to know that it is wrong. Her mind is quite simple now, so try not to overthink it. When she does it, put her in a time out and say we touch nicely or don't touch at all. Make sure the message is clear with the action (time out or whatever method you choose). She will get it
quickly if you are consistent, clear, and firm.

Hi A.! I remember when we brought our daughter home and our son was so happy to have a baby sister. That lasted all of about 4 days. Then, he wanted to know when she was going back to the hospital. (He was about 2 1/2 at the time.) My family brought us dinner and was spending too much time looking at her. He got a big cardboard box (from his stuffies) and brought it into the kitchen and was about to cover her with the box. You are very correct in your instinct to not leave a toddler alone with a baby (or pets) because they don't know their own strength or that there are consequences to their actions. All you can do is monitor and correct as needed. My kids are now 7 1/2 and almost 5. Soon enough they learn new tricks - like covering for each other and sneaking what they shouldn't have. By the way, you're doing great, mom! And, on very little sleep! Whoo hoo! D.